So I got all my boxes out of storage today and heaped ‘em in a pile on my floor to figure out just how much I crap I’ve got to take back to Wisco with me. The good news: not a whole lot. The very good news: I found my Sega Dreamcast. (This is the great kinda day where there’s only good and better news!) So for the last hour I’ve been playing Streets of Rage 2 on the Sega SmashPack disc. I used to play Streets of Rage with Big Show all the time back in middle school, cuz he was just the sort of non-conformist that had a Sega Genesis instead of the Super Nintendo. He even bought the SegaCD add on (Night Trap! Yes!) Anyways, I used all my continues and got halfway through Stage 6 before being brought low by a simultaneous attack from a man on a jetpack and a guy that looked like a mechanized Blanka from Street Fighter 2. Streets of Rage 2 is 95% easy and 5% fucking impossible, and it’s that 5% that eats all your Continues. Next up: Golden Axe and maybe later on some Phantasy Star II.
I got back in the gym today and then was all, “What was I procrastinating for, this is great!” Hopefully tomorrow will also work out nicely.
The cold run of cards on pokerroom continues. I took a 2nd in a $10 Turbo SNG today, but that’s about it. Perchance PR is punishing me for doing a $500 cash out. I’ll beat you someday pokerroom.com.
For a while today my house was clean as a fiddle, but now I done gone and messed it up again tearing through boxes while I look for shit to throw away.
!
Man, I totally forgot to talk about going to the city on Friday night. Jordan and Adam (coworkers), and sundry friends-of-friends made it a very exciting night at the karaoke bar. A very exciting night at the karaoke bar– indeed. Afterwards I stayed at Cal’s house and then got up in the morning to have breakfast/lunch (wish there was a word for that) with Cal, his girlfriend Emily, and Emily’s sister. Along the way we got to see the public park where gay men flop their genitals out for passing trains, Noe Valley’s penchant for families with children (Only 11,000 in all of San Francisco according to Cal’s Made-Up Numbers Reference), and Cal’s Favoritest German Knick-Knack Store in all of San Francisco. A good day indeed, sir.
Back to the grindstone. Two weeks until San Diego (nee Tijuana).
Landmark used to have Golden Axe and Mat Mania, two of my all time favorite games… but they got rid of them.
I am also rather fond of Time Soldiers.
The Pub went downhill with their selection too… I think they had the perfect corner going with Ikari Warriors, Arkanoid and that bowling. I have very fond memories of bowling with lawman and shooting with Michigan Springer.
You know, it was also tragic when the Irish Pub took out whazz.
Fuck…fuck… video games have caused me a lot of pain.
And google “Tijuana and decapitations” for a preview of our fun time.
we should run a bar to fund the compound. w-whazz is in charge of “the corner”. you have 45 square feet. GO.
whazzmaster, you’re on entertainment. i’ll do lighting. calling all women with breasts (non-jacked up) you’re our waitress. calling all dudes with muscles (non-jacked up) you’re our muscle. now we just need suckers with cash.
One hundred and eleven thousand! Here’s the story whazzmaster… SF has more dogs than chilrens. There are 120,000 dogs in sf and only 111,000 peoples under 18. not 11,000… so the thing is all the parks get turned into dog parks. And the poor babies have nowhere to toddle it’s a feud between dog owners and baby owners what to do with the parks. it’s a boring feud. I have a giant claw-like sock-like cast on my arm! dogs babies casts german knick-knacks! oh my!
wait…. german knick knacks? cal are you on pain meds?
san francisco is a city to cal around in. anything more and they are out of their comfort zone. the babies and dogs should all be forcibly removed.
I ate my kinder-egg this morning over coffee. The surprise inside? An insidious Flower Monster that I had to assemble myself. Shades of Tiny Robot (the egg looked eggsactly the same! he shrieked!) my friends, shades of Tiny Roebit.
it’s just too damn slopey.
HOLD ON HOLD ON. You’re on lighting?! Eff that, Box Turtle Ben, you’re on liquor license duty. You’d better whine and dine the local liquor board or else this compound idea is dead in the water. Use brandy; the yokel locals love that shit in rural wisconsin.
love.love.love.love
i like that cal called ‘em ‘chilrens’. His hate.hate.hate of tiny humans knows no bounds. That’s what I’d expect from an elitist leftits like hisself. Man, none of that makes sense; I’m hopped up on the Q.
we run a compound… why do we need a license to do anything? if they front, we have MUSCLE. also, guns. we’re covered, sir. don’t worry about it. it’s taken care of. the first rule of bar whazzmaster is you don’t ask questions, sir. how about i’m in charge of the turtle box in the bar?
i bet we could get some real cheap tijuana muscle right now. slightly used, and in the end proved to be uneffective, but TRUST ME… they are motivated. trick is to get them with the heads still on.
we’d have a whole slew of kids ready to work for us if cal didn’t fucking shun them all day. what are we going to do now, cal?! what are we going to do now?!#%)(&
hold on again! the bar is on the compound?! tat makes no sense. i want to live on the compound, not have drunks in my flower beds. i expected the bar to be “in town” (whichever town is blessed enough to be where we decide to set up shop).
i don’t know if i like the fact that we’re calling it a compound. that’s a bit too black helicopter crazy libertarian for my tastes. why can’t it just be a commune like we originally talked about? THIS COMMUNE IS TEARING ITSELF APART!
i suppose we could build our own, private bar on the commune grounds. it’d have a ping-pong table, whazz, darts, jarts, k-marts, but NO FARTS ALLOWED!
remember M.U.S.C.L.E. Men? i loved those little guys! M.U.S.C.L.E.
Sure cal, let’s hire 11,000 M.U.S.C.L.E men to bounce at The Turtle Bog (the name of the bar). hopefully they’ll all arrive in KinderEggs and we can put them together. Imagine a drunk covered head-to-toe in squirming M.U.S.C.L.E men. Imagine his screams. Imagine them well.
By the way, thanks for keeping whazzmaster running while I was away hungover this weekend, madddddddddddddddddddd. I appreciates it.
OF COURSE the bar isn’t on the commune. fuck if i want those idiots near my house. i just want their money.
oh i see… i didn’t mean that if the cops came to the bar we’d have all our shit there… i just assumed a high speed data connection to the commune wired into the police bands such that if they were on the way, we’d have time to intercept and stop for coffee. we RUN shit. and if they hate… boom. there’s your head, bitch. club dredd style. HOLLLLLLLLLARIT
Are you guys going to make your own booze? If you are shutting yourself off from the world, you need to be as self-reliant as possible, and really, you’re just buying the federal gubmint’s booze at the store. Cal should be in charge of growing the corn, wheat etc. Someone with some knowledge of science should be in charge of the still though, so you don’t accidentally make wood alcohol and kill someone or go blind. Or cal can sample each batch before everyone else.
i’ll do it
Like I’ve said, I don’t necessarily want to make this a “let’s secede from the US” type of commune. I just want it to be “let’s all live near each other and play volleyball until dawn on our own freakin volleyball court” type of commune. Homemade booze is a-ok, though.
o’neil… everything is taking care of. the first rule of project turtle bog is we do not ask questions.
project turtle bog… ok, box turtle ben, you’ve got yerself a dealio.
assume volleyball court. assume residence near volleyball. assume desired use of volleyball court. now what is stopping non boggers from strolling in and disrupting your ability to fullfil that desire? if you let them in, and the commune truly is better, then you better be ready to scale that puppy up to millions of residents. it is in no ones best interest other than our own to be self reliant. it is in everyone’s best interest other than ourselves to exploit our potential to their benefit. and here we sit. communeless. and i got a brand new fucking volleyball too. did any of you meet jeremy in sunnyvale? dude had a drew carey microbrewery in his garage and showed me how it all worked… fucking trivial. beer, check. other stuff…. check. for food we eat kids, which has the side effect of motivating cal to do what he does twice as hard and only a quarter as fast, yielding a good return on productivity. i say we still import the acrylic material from taiwan to maintain good trade relations. and besides, that shit is TTITITITITITITITE
Kids are a trap that has closed, they are the enemy — you have to pay for them all your life — and they outlive you.
Houllebecq
huh kcar
closed trap huh
great. a kid.
Kids are a trap and bitches aint shit but hos and tricks, right cal? RIGHT CAL!?!?!?!??!?!?! RIGHT!?!?!?!?!? You have a goddamned kid and then Boom! No more money for German knick-knacks.
Looks, we build the compound on a hill, surround it with a moat of hobos, and instead of a volleyball court, we all practice LSATs on a bunch of picnic tables. We outlaw anything small like children, puppies, and M.U.S.C.L.E. men and when we cross the street in front of a car, we flip them off.
Cal you are mean, but I do remember M.U.S.C.L.E men… millions of unusual small creatures everywhere. Fuck the L, homie.
Before we moved out here, I went through my shit at my dads and I found a container of about 500 or so of them puppies. I tossed almost everything I found, but I could not part with the Muscle men… I had the ring too. Do you remember the ring? You hooked the guy into a little holder and bashed him into another guy. Whoever fell out lost. I used to run 400 man sinlge elimination tournaments to see which of my dudes was the best. That could kill a whole saturday.
Wait… did the L mean lurking?
i am wasting my monday trying to import all my old tv productions shit onto digital so i can throw the tape away… can’t just throw away genius like “revenge” the game show where you get revenge on the people that wronged you by blowing up their heads. in one scene joey aiello voices his concerns about our teacher in that class, then the teacher wore the exploding helmet, i added all the explosion effects and that shit got broadcast in the cafeteria. they don’t let kids do that shit anymore. that’s bs, and that is why i gotta save this shit. rumsey, what do you use for analog video capture? my ATI all in wonder 9600 pro is pretty crappy about it… in the preview it’s perfect, the capture file has audio sync issues and the video doesn’t run at the right speed. any freeware applications that do it good? HOLLLLLLLLARIT
Sorry Checkpoint Charlie, you’ll have to buy REAL SOFTWARE and REAL EQUIPMENT if you want to do fancy video shit but what do I know Doc Brown traveled through time using garbage and a DELOREAN. Just have a photon torpedo rigged with a short tachyon burst and fire it into the rift at the same time that Geordi fires the modified main deflector dish. Fucking POOMPH: time travel. Easy. Good analog transfers should be at least that simple.
“boogers”: now THERE’S a funny word.
RAHR!
hey yeah by the way –painkillers indeed! I can see how those suckers can hook you… They turn your usual trip to the German knick-knack store into a fantastic voyage to the German knick-knack store! hollarit! ich-luger bullets hollerit quince! wwhaz will you give me some MUSCLE men? i have none and you have so many…
dude! competition!
found the solution after i looked all day and found nothing… just had to ask then look again. virtualdub 1.6.16 made by a dude over the last 3 years and released for free just because he had the same problem i had. thanks buddy. if only everyone shared the same sense of community spirit maybe we wouldn’t end up in a world where one guy has all the M.U.S.C.L.E. men.
“shitwhistle”: NOW THERE’S a funny word.
great. a funny word.
Ha ha cal he made fun of you ha ha.
Also, our little fantasy match is living up tot the billing. Goiong into tonight it’s 105 (me) to 119, but cal is out of players and I have Javon Walker.
Look bro: get 15 points tonight and we’ll call it squarsies over the $5 you own me.
great. whazzmaster.com.
message to all lurkers (you know who you are) you better not ever post or I will say: “Great.” and then your name.
fuck you, cal. fucking hater.
great. the madd scientist.
sorry it had to come to that.
5 bye!
bye cal i love you.
I imagine cal saying that in a marge simpson-ish voice.
Guess everyone went home for the day. Bah, typical.
next time anyone is at my house i want to sample you saying anything you want…. you might say “YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” or “HOLLLLLLLLLLARIT!” or “YEAH!’ or “UGH!” or “COME ON!” or “i’m dmx”. then i will incorporate these barks into my musings. HOLLLLLLLlllARIT!
Dubious start to poker…
$6 turbo go out QQ to KK on a J high board
$20 turbo go out QQ to KK on a J high board
$20 turbo go out JJ to 88 and a set
$10 rebuy ( i’m in for $30) go out KK to AA and then rebuild and add on only to later go out QQ to A5 and a flop of 539.
I did win $35 in 2-4 limit , but even there I had QQ, KK and two sets busted includign one for a $98 pot to a runner runner flush.
At least I’m only down about $50 bucks.
I guess the good news is Mae Young is still alive…
that is exactly what i was thinking. at least mae young is still alive.
do the $5 turbo before the oil. i’m in like flynnn.
whats all the fuckin fussin for? because i’m grubbin, cal? and i pack heat like frenchy and big al?
put an edge on my dick and i’ll drill through steel. raytown for life, n*&^a, SAY I AIN’T REAL! takin all comers, if you want it you’s a fool. i’m hungry like a hippo… you white and round like a testic-ool. bookies say i got the best of you. $100,000 bets now the pressures on the chest of you. and i’m bangin on yo mamma stealin diamonds out her vestibule.
cal, you ain’t nothing. RAYTOWN.
go team cal!
I’m out of the turbo. I pushed on the turn with top pair and a flush draw and got called by a different flush draw (mine was spades his was hearts). His hit.
i tripled up first hand flopping trips
i don’t even know what a vestibule is… that shit is hilarious to me.
rivered out of ploiter, king booker in the turbo
i’m playing the stud 20. gotta round out my huge balls.
my balls are SO Fucking Big…
howwww biggg are theeeyyy?
fucking HUGE.
goes to show ya, vince, the guy with more hearts always wins.
i had AKQJ98 with 4 diamonds and dude had TT8642 for a huge pot and i missed and his fucking pair of Ts held up. fucking stud.
Hey wwhazz, you still up? It’s your wife.
How’s parker and poker?
i got 2nd in the ploiter and parker feels self conscious about his need to wear a manzier.
come on you SCUZZY DATA. BE IN THERE.
I was going to buy some furniture from some people who are living in the place I’m moving into in Madison. The have two bookshelves and a kitchen island that go well in the apartment and I said, “yeah, let me know before you leave and I’ll probably buy them”. Today I got a call from the rental company who passed along the following:
1. If I were interested in the furniture, there would be an eBay auction I could bid on them on.
2. The bookshelves would be $200 if I wanted them.
What the fuck, buffalo bob? $200 for bookshelves? Do they perform sexual favors? I don’t even want to ask about the kitchen island, it’d probably be five thousand or something. Anyways, does anyone else think its bullshit that they just didn’t say to me “look, if you want them, we’ll just sell them to you.” Instead, I have to go through Ebay Auction Hell. Eff that. I think I can find my own bookshelves.
time to make the donuts
Sorry about the beat-down wwaz. good luck picking up the pieces.
hAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHhA OWNED. by CAL. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHhA