First off, while looking through Flickr I found this picture. Every time I look at it I laugh. Cuz it’s so funny.
So, the other night we threw a party in Mountain View at Anthony’s Pad. I got out of work at 4pm and Anthony and I headed straight for BevMo to take stock. We had a lot of requests for shit that was locked away behind glass, and the man helping us was silent right up until the point where I was grabbing fistfuls of cigars from the case and then turned around and asked him, “OK, can you open the Dom P cage for me?” His comment: “You guys should have some fun tonight.”
You should really click through to the Flickr set to see all the pictures, but long story short it was a fucking blast. Air Hockey was in full swing (and there are some sweet pictures of it in the set) and there were even bartender shot olympics. We played Guitar Hero early on and by then end I was wailing away in a desperate karaoke move. We had a 1/2 BBL of High Life for my homies, but I was Crown & Coke/Patron/Jager-Bombin it all night long. We also did the old “Everyone Drinks From The Dom Bottle” Trick that we pioneered at the bachelor party.
And CAL MADE IT! Awesome. He declared it Good and that it had an Old-school feel. I appreciates that.
Anyhoo, click through to see more pictures. There may even be a video of me singing a song floating around somewhere, but there was talk of “editing it down”. Maybe it’ll submitted to American Idol. Say Lah vee, California. It was fun.
ok ok, cal, you’re off the seat of heat. photo with champagne to your head is cool. you don’t have to do one with a floppy brown hat now.
rumsey is busy with humanitarian projects if you’d like me to sex and rock and roll up that video at all. i can do it.
Cal, you need to shave. You’ll never get a boyfriend with that dirt on your chin.
i can model 3d objects and animate them around a freespace camera. I AM HOV. also, i can add dj clue doubles. fade in/fade out. NTSC, but i’ll convert to PAL if you’re nasty. no rounding, homie. i demand perfection 30 frames per second. you fuck around with 29 and change and you’ll wake up with a backhand bruise on your EVERYWHERE. HOVA. HOVA. HOVA.
Way to go out in style! Dom P!
holy crap, love and i didn’t even notice! i was actually going to post about cal’s facial hair too but decided against it. i give that kid a lot of crap in jest… clowning on his face is just twisting the knife. cal, people shouldn’t be expected to have the time in their day to trim hair growth to the skin. it simply shouldn’t be expected. we have better things to do. i get it.
check the receipt al, dude went out with Dom Ps. plural, homie. HOLLLLLLLLLLLLLARIT
what was the 20 cash back for?! high stakes beer pong?
lurkers, i encourage you to learn a lesson from this picture. i’ve been studying it for years, actually it’s just sort of a bi-product of life. when you’re drinking booze out of a paper sack, and a clown interacts with you on camera, you have 2 choices. flash a smile or frump it up. i know which one of these guys probably had more fun tonight… do you?
HEEAT RAYYYYS (doot doot doot)
I’ll try harder not to frump it up… just don’t make me inbteract with too big a retard.
Also, hell of a photo set. Even Pennymonies camera got drunk. Jesus. Springer was easily the frumpiest of the bunch though he seems to be having a pretty good time in most of the pictures. Timmer seems to be having the best of times. Free bread, homie. Free bread. If anyone wants to do vegas, just gimme a call. I’ll road runner my ass across the desert.
jesus christ, that one is awesome. that is how vegas feels when it’s going RIGHT. also, i think somehow we ended up in goldy gold land!%@^#@^ oh no. life revolves around the drink, and the sparkles, and anything else that stays in focus, which of course becomes those things controlling the drink, and the sparkles.
actually, i thought the frumpy dude had more fun. i was trying to encourage more people to be frumpy. foiled again.
alright already we’ll all float on, oh don’t you worry we’ll all float onnnnnnnnnnnnn, into GOLDY gold land.
things are winding down, kiddies. feel free to take bets on the very first thing in wisconsin that enrages me. it may be the lack of quality mexican food.
This is something stupendous. Revolt of the lower upper class. hoom.
2 left in survivor football…
$5 says the first thing that will enrage you is the fact that you haven’t been enraged yet. that article screams DUH! to me with every sentance, but no one seems to care. do what you’re told. i get it.
i humbly applaud our 2 finalist. they both earned it. i’m completely captivated. finally those ESPN commercials make sense. ONLY 6 MORE DAYS UNTIL SUNDAY. good luck to you both. i can even find 100 reasons to appreciate this battle solely on the implications of their pick set names. this is what it comes down to. this is the magic. THIS IS THE PICK THAT COULD MAKE A CHAMPION. DID ANY OF YOU FORGET THAT DOM P IS ON THE LINE?!#^!?#^ BELLYGIRL! CRACKSMOKE! BELLYGIRL! CRACKSMOKE! BELLYGIRL! CRACKSMOKE! BELLYGIRL! CRACKSMOKE! BELLYGIRL! CRACKSMOKE! 6 MORE DAYS 6 MORE DAYS
i lost the suicide website…has there been any good shit talking there?
and why will you be arranged? because you just lost 5 bucks to me. OWNED. why $5? why not more? it is 5 bucks though… so arbitrary. this dude is fucking insance. WHY $5?!?!?!?!? FUCK!#^%!*)(&#^ i LOSE@!#!^&!@()#*^ i am ENRAAAAAAAAAGED!%(*&#^
enraged i mean. arranging things is like doing stuff.
genius bet. just pay me now.
which of the 3 data’s knew who he was in the space time flux? the fucking middle one, you idiots. bah. unwashed sheep.
Sometimes you pick the middle shell, and sometimes the bar eats you. Bah.
Tonight is a quirky dinner party at Neetha’s joint: fuddruckus, manders, grace-o, myself, T&L, and neetha herself. WINE! CHEESE! INDIAN DELICACIES! $5 entrance fee, or you can assure me that Studio 60 will continue to air and I’ll personally escort you to your seat. holllarit, whazzmaster.
studio 60 is a self proclaimed indicator show. when it dies, an idea dies. something within us all ceases energy transfer. it becomes still.
but season 3 of planet 90 is HI-larry appleton. haha, see, it’s a new way to say hilarious… instead of HI-larious, you say HI-larry appleton. trendy retro is so couture.
Madd, where we moving when pokerroom closes?
Deconstruction is awesome. Transporter beams rule. Fire forward phaser banks. All starboard batteries fire at will. Data, modify a photon torpedo and shoot it at the borg cube. Geordi, set shields to shift frequencies at random every 3 seconds.
i’m totally getting that $5 too. SHIPE IT!
cousin lah-rry! back on meepos we didn’t have planet 15, 60, or 90. we had Sheep Theater! don’t be ree-dick-you-lohs.
love.love.love
SHIPE IT!
full tilt
and pokerstars
the united states can not stop this without making free speech across our borders implied in the bill of rights. that is the problem. that is the problem that is allowing these other problems, and if you don’t stop it, there will always be these problems. are you serious about stopping it? well there is your answer. if you don’t stop it right there, you are a pussy that is admitting you can’t win, but that you’ll keep trying. you’ll waste all your energy on your back until you are dead broke. why? because you have AMERICAN PRIDE! way to go idiot. BOOM! HEAD BUTT! you’re done. as long as i am allowed to be an asshole on whazzmaster, nothing is REALLY done. MESSAGE. and THAT is american pride. HOLLLLLLA.
actually i might just quit and be a full time walk around looking for money that rich people leave on the sidewalks for people like me to find and make their day guy. i hear cal is making a fortune.
“bitch, SHOW ME! i’m that 7 figguh runnin cal, i ain’t your homie!”
OH SNAP! CAL IS PAID!
fer sheezy. cal’s off the rizzle for shizzle.
it is not implied in our bill of rights that we will always have the freedom to leave our borders.
no
response to rush by some bitch easy on the eyes with a logical sense of humor.
wait, no what? i want to be guaranteed the right to put fun dip powder in my toilet reserve tank. i refuse to live in a world where that right is not stated in clear english as part of the constitution. FUN DIP SHOULD BE PAID FOR BY LOCAL GOVERNMENT AND DISTRIBUTED BY TRAINED DOGS.
MJF, you talk to katie… she’ll let you say your peace.
PEOPLE. i am talking MTV in STUDY HALL! VOTE MADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!#!^$#^$^
oh, and if you didn’t figure it out, i’m bringing whiskey dogs back too! free roaming whiskey dogs. why would they stop by your house? you better give them a reason. if you want the whiskey that is.
whiskey dogs will have more rights than humans. killing a whiskey dog will not be a part of society. everyone that sees a whiskey dog die will offer their own existance so that this can remain true. whiskey dogs do not die. they multiply. now hit me with the snare…. yeah… double-time now…. yeah….. that’s the groove. HIT ME!
If my wife fucks up survivor football, there will be hell to pay. She knows that.
On nights like this, I miss the Landmark. I just want to chill out for an hour or two and then play cards. Where can I chill out? Oggies, Oggies, Oggies? No, no, no.
Get me a forty in a paper bag. Bah. Humbug.
on nights like these when i’m at work and my hobo hubbie is at home i start to feel real bad for him that he doesn’t have a place to chill out before cards.
just kiddin baby I love you. thanks for the nice shrimp dinner. zmoney the parteee looked swell, sorry we couldn’t be there. madd scziezer i will win survior football for you and you only- you are my motivation. i am thrilled that you said OH SNAP! a couple of posts ago- taht was my new favorite phrase.
that is my new favorite phrase
whats the deal with the big coffee push as of late, and since when is it part of the special k breakfast?! is coffee a healthy supplement we take to make ourselves better? i’m i out of touch with reality? i must be.
i love when i post on my stale whazzmaster screen negatively assuming no one said anything, then poof! WHAT IS THIS? NIIIIIIIIICE.
bg, as a fellow snap dropper, do you believe it ever inappropriate to say? if you’re feeling “OH SNAP” inside, i say, LET IT OUT! in fact, HOLLLLLLLLLLLLARIT!
when you assume borders, and you assume free speech, there is obviously a question raised, what if people are on either side of the border in ear shot of each other. what law governs the subject of their conversation? admitting their are borders is an admission that you are not able to not have borders. a show of weakness.
showing weakness encourages the terrorists. we MUST NOT show weakness. and purrrrrrrrrple mountains majeeessssstyyyyyyyyyy
is david cross’ production company really called liberal jewrun media productions? is this jewish self hate still a joke? david, you want to talk about anything man? is your life tough? yeah, it must be. yeah, and if you want to keep doing it, it only gets harder. yeah man. totally. well, cool. hey, while i got you…. uh… your production company… yeah man… neccessary? some people down at temple are confused. how about just david cross productions? i always like that named david cross…. you’re such a sweet boy.
Really, Belly owns survivor football. I went out the first game the last two years. She has made it too the final two. She has an evolving system that would blow your mind. BABY NEVER SHARE THE SYSTEM. Every week she asks me my advice and I say, no baby. Use the system. I suck. And she says… but… but. And I say. No buts. You are better than me at this. Do it. Ands she does. AND SHE DOES.
on the daily show, jon stewart put david cross on the spot… i’m not sure what he calls that, but it is no where near as clever as my seat of heat concept. anyways, he asked him what is message was. quite a simple question that should be asked eventually of all entertainers… it’s important… what are you trying to accomplish through your art? it’s a loaded question when the very concept of pop culture implies a changing state of the very definition of art. any answer has a possible defense and taking a stance like that sets you up for guaranteed failure. what was his response in this situation? “i own a gun”. right answer. and mr. show was funny sometimes too. in 1994 was it?? real edgy stuff. this one guy needed change for a dollar at a corporate chain convienience store, and they totally punked out the concept of unified supply chain with the currency centric problem of breaking bills and ignorance to a flawed system in the command chain when a man golfing was INTERRUPTED to ultimately decide the right move. the move? NO CHANGE! did the jews run the media back then too david? were they AS liberal? do you pluck your head, or are you a natural bald? stop lurking david cross…. just put your name (david cross) in the name box and some fake email in the mail box… it doesn’t even matter, but it’s required… i don’t get it either… no no, you don’t have to put in your website, but you can. do the same politically conscious ethnic groups run your internet media outlets as your television media outlets? really? all canadian? hmmm. anyways, you’re all set, just put something in the big box and hit submit comment. yup, just like doogie howser down there. HAVE FUN!
you’re such hot shit david cross… why don’t you go on fox sports net, and put those smarts up against some REAL men at a little game called STEEL TIP DARTS!
i glanced over the pick set, and any system used is non-obvious. and this is a do or die pick. situations where characters are defined. will she stand by the system, or bow to the pressure. is the system susecptible to the pressure? is it susecptible to lack of pressure? is she ever going to bet against houston? thanks again maz, you fuck.
can maz play darts?
7 spots left $20 30-man turbo…
It’s starting
have you seen lita’s tits lately? her looks have gone downhill since her ese rios days, but man o man. them tits keep getting bigger & falling out more & more errytime i see her. i don’t know have far behind i am in raw, but ‘last nite’ was no mercy. they get behind in k-town…what, with all the edits & all.
it’s like she’s goin j-lo green dress style or something.
they don’t show brutal shots. when they start to bleed, the black & white the specific area & sometimes blur it like nudity. oh dear.
i agree. they should show litas bare breasts bleeding from the nipple.
missed the tourney. shit. too busy tourney everything i touch into a roundtrip ticket to goldy gold land. you finish in 1 place you finish in 1 place BOOM BOOM 100 100 100, and who is the chip leader with 9 left in the 20 ploiter? SKILLS. and i wanted 3 movies ate a pizza and watched about 1000 internet videos. productive sunday night.
turning everything. not tourney everything… the everything is the tourneys though, so it’s obvious. my free writing psychoanalsis would be pretty simple… he seems to think about poker a lot. also jay z lyrics. it also seems a sizable portion of his brains subconscious is consumed with turning poker into jay z lyrics and turning jay z lyrics into poker. these idiots weren’t born losers… i was nursin em. check raise in the home of the terrepins cause i terrify, eagle claw with the matchin eye, my chips are in the middle. preflop. blind. HOLLLARIT!
i didn’t want the movies i watched them. weird. SLOW DOWN COWBOY! you’re fuckin words. qwerty done fucked up your head, boy. SLOW DOWN COWBOY!
Boo hoo. Chip leader with 6 left to 4th. Hollar that. A bad beat, a missed draw, a lost 60-40 as the 60, a lost 60-40 as the 40 and bee ba bee ba bee that’s all folks!!!!!!!!
Bedtime!
shit. tea. AHAHHAHAHAHA, like the drink. lemon and sugar increases the value of the experience! mmmmmm tea! SHIT TEA!
i hope kickboxer comes on tv again soon. haven’t seen it in a while. that pony tailed dude loses. i never thought THAT DUDE would lose.
i officially start a petition to the NBA to go to 12 foot rims. done and done.
bah. 2nd. see saw huge stack flip flop double take. he brought a mirror and was able to get a 3rd look on me. bastard. fucking set on the river. of dueces no less. vs my 2 pair. evil evil beat. 2nd money pays for SHIT. 1st money keeps HOV on time.
god damn it. right as i fell asleep, clickity clack… clickity clack… signed up for sit and gos and forgot about them. glad i didn’t shut the client or turn off my speakers. how many days do i do this and never know? is that what cal does for a living now?
exploits my self imposed stupidity? cal?
chip leader 4 left… 4 2 out TURNS in a row all in on the flop where i flopped the nuts and they obviously caught bigger sets and boats and gutshots and trips bullshit oh my. so silly. when luck choses to be weird, it goes all the way. know this.
it’s all the way lii-iiiiiiiiiiiive, it’s all the way live!
1. 80!
2. party was fun – still no shave, will shave tonight, world wide web are you glad to know this?
3. want to buy a good cd? go to itunes and buy:
Peter, Bjorn and Paul the album is called: Writer’s Block.
4. that floppy brown hatter excerpt sort of blows my mind.
5. good luck bellgirl. good show.
your friend,
cal
Why don’t you just send me that CD?
10 4
hate.hate.hate.hate.hate
will someone say something interesting please? tick tick tick tick i’m dying in my damn cubicle today
cal i’m conflicted… will my posts further bore you? i better not…
as cal laid himself to sleep and tremulously removed his tattered brown floppy hat, he paused. something was different. a new understanding. he needed a new hat. one less floppy and tattered, and maybe he should talk to a doctor about his tremulous nerves.
he leaves the hat on right up until he goes to sleep. cal fucking LOVES that hat. he ain’t changing shit. that 5er whazzmaster is GOING to owe me says that cal wakes up, not knowing anything of this new understanding, flops that same old hat on his head and trucks out the door looking for horse carriages in need of his assistance.
it’s all he knows, man. who the fuck are you to expect more?! it’s still a fucking hat! hole on one end, room for a head, you hater vision having ass. LEAVE CAL ALONE! his job bores him and pointing this out further bores him. it’s not healthy. cal, lets go hat shopping! HATS ON ME!
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