The weekend was uneventful, perhaps a calm before the impending WirksuStorm (being tracked in realtime by our Doppler9000 Storm Track team). On Saturday evening Spacebee and I did a late dinner at Tornado Room, and then hit the hookah at The Casbah for awhile before meeting Meg at The Main Depot. Curiously, the Depot was packed to the brim with older, alumni-looking folks. Also, Bret Bielama. That makes 4 times. It was one of those nights where I wish I had a camera in my house to capture myself at 2am. I’m pretty sure I was speaking fucking Sputnik.
Yesterday morning we had brunch at the Westside Businessmen’s Club with spacebee’s family, which prompted my over and over question of “Can Eastside Businessmen join this club, or what?” Later in the day, we drove down to Racine to have dinner with my family as well. Dad made a risotto with chicken stock, grated Parmesan cheese, asparagus tips, and julienned prosciutto. Holy moses it was good.
And that, as they say, is that. This week will be one spent in quiet seclusion leading up to Friday’s Brewer Game and The Weekend Where Wirkus Comes To Madison. Should be fun. Er, on a bun.
first. what was that, sir moneypenny? you eat asparagus now? did i read that correctly?
perhaps i can get “dad” to whip up a rhubarb delight and then you’ll miraculously like rhubarb too!
see email.
saw. saddened. was hoping for a change of heart : (
the pig story unfolds further…the head is now coming separated from the body. oh joy.
this sort of kills my dream of a parker, phineas, and piggie photo as the three farm friends.
Dear Brian Shouse and Derrick Turnbow–
You suck.
Sincerely,
Moneypenny
we’re living in escondido… that isn’t where the roughians are, is it? bellygirl, is it old perverts or young gunshot victims?
That’s where Stone Brewery is located. Your card room of choice will be Ocean’s 11. You will be sorta close to East County and all that comes with that (meth labs, mutants, rattle snakes, toothlessness).
ah mutants.
Oh, oh, oh: you also live close to the Wild Animal Park (part of the SD Zoo) and Temecula (soCal’s Napa). Some sushi chef told me that there are a lot of swingers in Temecula so you got that going for you.
Ocean’s 11 is known for soem really big woman only tournaments so slap on some drag and clean house.
robbing oceans 11 right before the premier of oceans 13 would be a great twist storyline for oceans 14. break the 4th wall clooney. it’s ok.
bah. 24 minutes from escondido proper to oceans 11. thats the drive i have now and can always find an excuse not to make it.
Barona?
i’ll figure something out. 3 card monty on the stoop is looking more and more likely though.
yo z, another unspam please? i’m not sure what it is about me. i really need to maddpower some shit up with members only post wide open.
embed a video. like i give 2 smelly fucks
until then, go here and imagine what i rant about
http://www.harrahs.com/casinos/harrahs-rincon-san-diego/casino-gambling/rincon-craps-detail.html
3 up was the missing one… at least it was… it might still be or not… we are in the inbetween time right now. exciting.
that rincon shit is fucking bullshit. dumbfucks.
PeeYourPantsForTheBrewers.com
No. No. Just no.
Whazzmaster lost a shit load of skrill playing card craps at Sycaun.
that’ll happen
You won’t pee your pants for the brewers? dot com?
time to let the glock go pop!
if you ever want a chicken little effect, tell neets something & she’ll telephone it to everybody. april foo’s was funny.
oh yeah…isn’t it funny that paris hilton is going to jail. i take pleasure out of that for some reason.
No way. I hope she gets off. The rich can murder for shits sake. Jail is for the poor.
hmmm…i think i will have to slice you next time i see you. i won’t kill you, just have stitches required
why can’t bitch just offer $100,000 instead of the jailtime? then instead of the public paying to feed the bitch for nearly 2 februarys, the community can have 100 large.
everyone is happy.
that would not make me happy at all. i hope you fuck her on accident & get a case of her herpes. u & jeff garcia can be herpe buddies forever
shut up! i got 8 in the dinger league today!
those pee guys are a tad premature wouldn’t you say? TAD PREMATURE PEE GUYS!
also do you know what i love? i love black liquorice. and i like it that most other fools are like “ewww black liquorice is gross” well it’s not gross, it’s delicious. fool! i do get a little afraid that since there are so few black liquorice lovers left that black liquorice factories may halt production some fateful day… the whistle will blow for the last time…. and the workers will leave the black liquorice line for jobs in customer service. no! save the liquorice!
fine, nobody wants to say hello to me, to cal, then i will go to bed. grandma’s in T Minus 31 Days 10 Hours. Achilies Tendon Be Damned!
hey lawman and big J. how do you pass law school?
that is all i am really going to bed. suckers
1. You like black liquorice? Then drink jager or absinth like a got damned adult. You belong in jail, not Paris Hilton.
2. It woulda been funnier if you said “peemature”.
3. The dinger league is a joke due to our commissioner’s lack of vision. Let 17 players in? Yes! Cut the bench? Why not. Make doubles count as dingers? I see no reason not to.
4. Only a jerk like cal would sign JJ Hardy to his fantasy team and then talk shit about the guy during the best fantasy run by a shortstop ever. Jerk!
And bedtime? It’s like 8:30 West Coast time. What the heck? Cheese and rice you’re an old man.
IM SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cheese and rice, DERRICK TURNBOW!
I SURE HOPE WE KNOW WHAT WE ARE DOING IN IRAQ!
not throwing sliders, probably.
In soviet russia, friends instant message you! wait.
The 10 day forecast covering our camping trip includes thunderstorms and hail. Tite. Too tite. Wwhazz, lawman and I have crafted a menu for Saturday that is the bee’s knees. We are going to rock your fucking socks off.
FAITH IS NOT AN INTELLECTUAL ISSUE
Boo ka ka CAL!!!!! Did he never wake up this morning? Somebody have greg go check on him. Skeezer, when is the big move? Whazzmaster I hope you saw the latest forcast: this weekend calls for snow, hail and a 80% chance of timmer meeting us in Madison.
faith IS an intellectual issue when a highly religious judge tips the sentancing to the max based solely on religious doctrine written before cars existed.
written. thought up by man, and written. jail is no joke. the mac n’ cheese will fuck your colon up for days.
motherfuckers be cutting up fat rubberbands too and mixing that shit in the mac n’ cheese talkin about they diced ham n’ shit.
100k.
i woke up refreshed due to my early and responsible bed time. ah it’s good to be cal!
guess what i’m eating now, for lunch? spinach salad! among other things. responsible lunch!
guess what kind of pretzles i’m eating? newman’s salt and peper kind. i like them. you should try them. then you should GO TO HELL!
ever read Jay McInerney’s novel Bright Lights Big City? written in the SECOND person like a choose your own adventure!
you are typing on your computer if you:
A) eat more pretzles go to page74837438
B) eat more spinach go to page 46973
unfortunately you chose law school, you go into debt and die unhappy…
i hope you held your finger in spot where you went awry homie– go back!
oh and in dinger league news wwwahzz is in LAST PLACE! AHDHAFKDHAKFHDALJFDALHFAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
what message did you take from the book? or do you just like answering multiple choice questions?
your companion beckons you to follow him into the dark cave, you feel unsure, but night is approaching and the forest is getting colder by the second. What will you do?
B) if you follow your companion turn to page 438743
A) if you go to law school turn to page 4638
You consider following Argrood into the cave but decide finally to let him go alone, as he bids you farewell he warns of the fast approaching darkness. As you watch Argrood disappear into the cave you sense you are being watched. You unsheathe your Sword of MoneyPenny but it is too late, a NightDragon of Doonbar swoops from the sky with razor talons.
Your mission ends here. You shouldn’t have gone to law school.
when runthumbs makes the movie, i think it should be called “greg’s dark cave”
is law school intended for those who would struggle through it? should it actively work in response to that populace? is “greg’s dark hole” funnier, or is the cave reference lost? should there be a subtitle about cal? what about in the sequel, “rita’s mounds” which will of course premier at the cave of the mounds where guest will be treated with lifesize recreations of smurf life.
that isn’t a typo. only one person showed up to see the movie. his name was guest, and he was a gentleman. seriously, his last name is gentleman. guest gentleman. nicest guy i know.
“this is a story about guest gentleman; the nicest guy i know.”
anny creative endeavor in any medium following that sentence is sure to be great.
christopher guest is a name. maybe it was him
i think thornton mellon is a hypocrit.
hi everyone. i’m bert guestleman. i plant flowers around the fire hydrants in my neighborhood. i ref youth hockey. i jog down to the waterfront as often as i can, and i never cash my tax refun check.
how are you doing? i hope everything is well.
i gotta go! it was great introducing myself to you!
that was quick.
that’s what she said. HAY-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
zing!
ZONG!
hong bong chong
comics used to say i just flew in and boy are my arms tired.
now they say i just flew in (pause) on a plane.
they used to say you’re smart, get dumber. now they say you’re dumb, get smarter.
why don’t concrete installers still stamp their company name and the year at the end of the sidewalk?
i think it’s because they’re scared they are going to be the ones with the shitty crumbling sidewalk in 20 years with their crumbling name on it.
“A professional clown jailed on sexual assault and domestic violence charges had child pornography…” = never a good start to a conversation
re: sidewalk makes, i agree dude.
yo joe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4FxbqwjAyo
cal’s turd hat is a statement.
cal, i need you to do something for me. i need you to watch in it’s entirety an episode of future weapons on the discovery channel, then describe your reaction in a post on this website.
thank god you’re here? more like, you’re not awesome just because you’re on an awesome show. please leave.
dude, cal will hate that show so much. but i guess i do want to hear his predictable outrage.
what is the status of the pig head? and body?
I have been told that the pig will be too big to fit in the roaster with its head attached, and therefore must be decapitated. I have also been told that we will be given the pig’s head, presumably as a gift for our storage of the pig. I plan on making head cheese, if anyone is interested.
ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!
on cal’s futureweapon… i’m not entirely sure what the reaction would be. it was polarized in my head and prompted a request.
it’s a well made show, and the information and implications of the weapons are presented in a way that makes it clear everyone understands…. it’s not like the redneck with the m16 shooting up his rusty old chevy truck in some field… they use the word tactical a lot too… and that has the word cal in it.
my umi says, shine your light on the world.
shine your light for the world to see.
they say i’m crazy.
but i don’t really care.
there is a $216 ploiter multi today with over 25k to the winner and still 8 hours of registrations before it starts. anyone want to stake me?
i don’t get that channel. is the gun show ever on the radio? in my poverty i huddle around my $10.00 Walgreens clock radio for entertainment. sometimes i dance to the music i hear until the hunger pains force me back down on the floor.
dude, you have a super advanced flat screen TV with digital cable. i’ve seen it with my own eyes.
1. cal, you lie. YOu can’t watch aqua teen or play dinger league with a clock radio.
2. Morel hunting news: I found my first mushroom and it’s a beauty. To make it even better, I was on the phone with cal when I found it.
3. Skeezer: YES. How do you want the money, what is the split, how do we get the money when we win, etc, etc, etc. Please call my cell phone. I have a small core of investors who want in on this. Only problem: you got to cover the $16. I will be in the woods hunting mushrooms for the next hour or two, but I will have my phone with me and I do take calls (see above).
LIAR, LIAR TENDONS ON FIRE
so you are NOT staking me i presume.
i’m in a $8 24 man satellite with 1 seat guaranteed (OVERLAY!) i have 20k vs 16k heads up!!!!
I WON!
I love my super advanced flat screen TV with digital cable! dude the cubs just blew a 5-1 lead. the mets scored 5 in the bottom of the 9th to win. poor cubs they stink!
what is a morel mushroom?
ok people…. this is FTOPS… Full Tilt Online Poker Series. it’s a big deal. all the top pros are going to be in this tournament, and i just won a tournament to get in. i’m pretty much guaranteed to win the single tables. i dominate the multis. today might be the defining moment in my career.
also, please don’t destroy the illusion of cal. cal is fun.
oh now i know what you are talking about… those dudes moved out and took their ultra-tv with them. that thing was way too complex anyway.
damn so close… no love
i’m gonna do the announcer for JJ Hardy’s next at bat. go to hell uker. man i have no idea how that is spelled. my true colors show. i can spell K-I-L-L-E-R-B-R-E-W however
ok! hardy is up…
following craig council’s single to left… hardy comes in hittin 330 and leading the majors in home runs…
strike one! 0 and 1
the game is tied one to one
oh well J.J. Hardy lined out to second.
the end
but he is right. don’t ruin the illuision of CAL. jerk
5% of my winnings will be donated to the whazzmaster collective. distribution will not be in dollars. there will be a party. you will be invited.
tourney starts in 4 hours 55 minutes. 326 in there right now. $25,000 for 1st. you think you have an idea about how i’m the best, but you are righter than you know or think. scieezer in the pink. that’s right, i fuck this game up. 1st place vs 300 chumps. cal is real. feel this.
Gabe Gross, who may or may not be gross, and who is definitely not batting his weight, has hit his second home run of the game to put the crew up 2-1. exciting!
cal knows how to run the commentary so shitty it’s good game. that is impressive.
seriously… it’s SO shitty that it’s good. so so shitty. ridiculously shitty. he is so good at that… and it’s so good. because of how shitty it is.
due up in the 3rd killerbrew, allen, and janet jackson. 15 for station identification on your brewers network
cal runs a tv network out of his teepee
due up in the ftops event #7 staring madd scientist:
Andy Bloch
Chip Jett
Layne Flack
Mike Matusow
today i will be king.
Nice dude. The liar liar tendons on fire was for c-a-l. Me and timmer really were going to stake you. But good luck anyway. I wish I could watch but I’m not allowed to download poker shit on the in-laws compewta. You more than earned a shot.. shit I’ve taken like 3 or 4 and there was no way I deserved those stakes even if I won my way in to them.
new pro:
David Chiu
i think that timmer + a few tourneys experience in this ploiter joke and he would dominate. all of the decisions are classic timmer decisions.
He’s too busy fishing. In mushroom news, wife and I found about 10. I fried them up with butter and garlic and mixed them with floppy brown rice. I ate the rest on a burger. Now I’m tripping my balls off.
morel orel mushrooms
Lee Watkinson just won a $50 9 man turbo where blinds start at 15-30 and everyone gets ONLY 100 CHIPS!
LEE WON! I WILL CRUSH HIM!
cal, now that you have left THE SAN FANCISCO PUBLIC LIBRARY where you make all your internet posts, i ask you to wish me luck. t minus 3 minutes. i’m about to be huge.
my dick just got big.
remember that shit? put it in the tip cup. I JUST MIGHT
what do you call it when you cut up the bouncer at cinnebar into really fine strips?
Churros?
update?
no change. all in with a dude with 500 + the blinds and we chopped.
you are incorrect. churros is not what you get.
it’s a clever riddle.
2500 at the break. i don’t think i played a hand. so shitty.
up to 6550. coasting.
i dedicate this tournament to the baby fish orphans resulting from timmers hobbiage.
i say……. swim strong little fish.
DO the damn thing. do it SWIMMIN.
if you get a chance give me a call for a live update. your shit aint on.
david chui… dead
chip jett…. dead
layne flack… dead
lee watkinson… short stack
andy bloch… short stack
huck seed…. 7k
mike matusow…. 11.5k
scientist…. 13.5k
people. i have a gift.
alice in chains rocks my balls off
245 left from 930 and i’m in 4th with 35k.
194 left. i’m 7th
2 rapings. floating at 21k. average is 17.777
wwhazz, good work on those mushrooms. find about 30 more and you can charge some schmuck in the city $24.99 for them. but why would you sell your hard found shrooms when they are so delicious? you wouldn’t.
i’m outta here…cuba calls again. see you all after memorial day. i spent my final hour in madison trying to blow through a roll of B&W film that i had just started. anticipating the 6 or so plane rides i will take in the next week and considering the high amt. of damage done to film with airport xrays, i needed to have an empty camera. decided that lawman, timmer, and fishies would be my subjects.
enjoy yourselves, whazzers. and, sorry to say, i’ll be rooting for the twins when ya’ll are enjoying the game.
new shirt for timmah
canadian exchange rate is .92 now.
is canada really 35% stronger than 5 years ago, or……
isn’t going to cuba very dangerous? does it worry you o’neil, or are you super into dangerous women?
i think jig-a-loob is racist.
good luck hitting against boof you brewers. unhittable. BOOF!
one of the funniest things i’ve ever seen. not funny laugh out loud funny… but deeply hysteriCAL.
uncle jesse behind a tree hidin
you ain’t survivin
kimmy gibs trys at the dive in
mouth full, now she jivin
full house all the time kid
rhymes like weight
thats how i’m survivin
degenerate morons americas supplyin
want to go to school but the letters keep denyin
big j did it so i’mma keep tryin
after the race.
celebrity stunt club.