Spacebee is triumphantly moving into my place this weekend, so my attention will likely be elsewhere. Cal: it’s good to know that you are no longer suffering from measles, mumps, and/or rubella. Arlo stayed over at my place on Wednesday night and on Thursday morning we went and had a good game of tennis. Cal, my shit is off the heezy, you can’t win. I joined Tennis-league.com (free local tennis ladders) but there’s only one other guy from Madison on there. I suppose we can have the world series of tennis, but I’d to find some more competition.
Come On Down!
Friday, July 27th, 2007
95 Comments
Comments Are Closed
Comments have been disabled for this post. Sorry!
Peanuts, by Charles Bukowski is really very funny.
It began as a mistake.
The first time that Charles Branaski met Lucy Van Pelt, she was holding a football. He didn’t care for the game, baseball was his thing. Still, she held out that old football.
“Just kick the fucking thing,” she said.
“Listen, babe. You just hold that thing steady and I’ll kick the shit out of it.”
She threw her head back and laughed. She laughed long and hard and propped up the football. Charlie took a running start and he reared back his leg and kicked as hard as he could. Lucy was laughing too hard to hold the ball steady and it slipped out of her hand. Charlie missed the ball and flew straight up in the air and landed flat on his back.
“AUUUGGGGHHH,” he said.
“You should have seen your face, Charlie Branaski,” she said. Then she laughed twice as hard.
“Listen, you crazy bitch. I think I broke my ass. Jesus Christ!”
in sd today, some guy stole a car… then at least 3 helicopters scrambled to follow the story and syndicate their footage for thousands in residuals. then 2 of the helicopters crashed. then the police said they are considering charging the car theif with 4 counts of manslaughter for the chopper victims.
justice? not in america.
big j and o’neil… do you think the american legal system is sustainable forever?
You heard it here first…Kanye’s new album is TITE.
oh shit, actually that accident was in phoenix… i recognized the newscasters so i thought it was local. the park where they crashed was where we took our dog many times. they have a man made lake they stock with fish and many latino families sit on the cement edge shore and fish for dinner. it’s a little surreal. give a man a fish… he eats for a day. pipe in water from colorado and reinforce a valley to pour it into full of fish eggs and that same man might eat for more than one day.
kanye sux cock…not that there is anything wrong w/ that. just don’t waste ur money. i’d rather listen to wwf’s rap album w/ wrestler’s theme music.
I’d rather listen to wwf’s rap album w/wrestler’s theme music than any sound ever made.
it only makes sense
I’d rather listen to wwf’s rap album w/wrestler’s theme music with dr. 4nyay and listen to wwf’s rap album w/wrester’s theme music than any sound ever made with w-whazz while those two made love doggystyle than listen to kanye’s new album. E-nuff said
sign me up!
I’m impressed that while at work I somehow made that last comment! But I guess since w-whazz is in I should be also. Thanks to the mystery “GMX”
spaceship is my unofficial theme music to the lucky lady… old kanye has been getting a lot of spins lately. the only new kanye i heard so far is “stronger”… pretty much he took samples from 3 different established techno songs and said something over them… and what he chose to say was that everyone else is fake and “do anybody make real shit anymore?”…. and i’m like… is this a joke? is kanye stealing beats and rapping shitty about other people doing the same just a statement self referencing statement, or is this what people like to hear? if it was both he would appeal to multiple markets. and that would probably add to his spins, which would probably add to his ends. then he says “act like you can’t tell who made this”… and i don’t know what to do. i really have no clue who made it.
perhaps kanye is taking the too short approach and releasing some songs to the stupid masses and others just to the streets. hopefully i can find some of kanyes street shit.
George Bush doesn’t care about black people (is all I meant).
the zack gallifinackis (sp?) video was certainly tite
http://www.kanyewest.com/?content=video_cant_tell_alt
I’m surprised the car thief is not charged with 4 counts of felony murder … maybe AZ doesn’t have that draconion prosecutor grandstanding charge?
Prosecutors are a**holes who just want to pad their resume in order to run for a judgeship someday. Is the American legal system sustainable forever? I don’t know. Do you mean the criminal system? What do you want to achieve by sustainable? As opposed to the “justice” system here where I mention the phrase “formal charges” to my boss and she laughs in my face?
People are shitty, it only follows that the criminal “justice” system they create would be equally as opportunistic, unfair and laughable.
Lawman? Are you out there?
a system that places value on previous judgements is weakened when those judgements are hypocritical and is exponentially weakened as the number of previous judgements grows… and now the executive branch doesn’t even pretend to not care anymore… so i just don’t see the next step. massive reform seems like the only option, but i can see your boss smirking now… “massive reform?!?! i got shit to do! leave me alone.” it’s seems really silly to me.
i guess the only thing you can do as a non-shitty person in a shitty world is try to convince the shitty people to fight a war they can’t win.
or learn to love shit… my dog loves shit… he seems ok.
cnbc is so sad… every single person on there is terrified the american economy is on the verge of crumbling. i agree with them, but that can’t happen, right?
right? RIGHT?!
Was bored and read the indictment against Michael Vick. Looks like dude is toast and to top it off, he sucked at dog fighting. Seems like he lost every major fight including one that had a $26,000 purse. I read on the internet that the purse for the UFC Sherk/Franca fight was 30K. Sheeet.
And the UFC dudes have to pay trainers and shit. The dogs get to keep the money.
Also, I got a box of Trix in the mail today from Pittsville. Inside was a Gorman Thomas bobble head that I ordered off ebay.
In other news, I got two new jobs: 1) teaching 101. 2) Barkeep.
Any bar tending tips from gmx or cla? I’m a little worried it. I’ll be like the hot girl bartender who doesnt know how to make anything except I’m not a hot girl.
since when do dogs have the right to choose to fight or not fight? who are we to assume they don’t want to fight? if the strongest tiger in the wild will get the best food, then the laws of evolution say the strongest tigers will thrive and the species as a whole will grow stronger. if they grow too strong, a stronger species may recognize their dominance and curb it in some way. if you want a dog to protect your things, you need a strong viral dog. if the dogs are not allowed to fight, then as a whole their effectiveness will weaken.
the people teaming against michael vick hate dogs, and wish to weaken the strength of a species.
does your bar have shufflepuck?
w-whazz is a hot girl in my eyes (fluttering my eyelids & looking off in the distance).
a hot little girl that sux at fantasy baseball, too. & i don’t mean sucking in a good way
free mike vick! (well i guess i mean free him AFTER they put him in jail. i’m just getting my shirts ready early, yo.)
i think those filipino trannies have been fucking with your head… or at least giving you some
Skeeze, read the indickmeat against vick. You learn a lot aboot dog fighting. I mean, I like letting my dog fight your dog, but their operation was pretty mean. They stole dogs to use as “practice” and they have this thing called the “rape bar” and dogs that were not panning out got a variety of mean shit done to them.
And 4ngina, I’m killing you in fantasy baseball, so what are you yappin aboot?
uh… i agree it was horrible. dude should get 8 years and serve 2-6. i was just trying to clown on the thought process of anyone who didn’t think it was horrible juxtaposed with the american legal process. if you have idiots make an idiot system that effects it’s creators, then that system can only make them more idiotic. so which came first… the idiot, or the idiot system? michael vick says the idiot.
affects? stupid idiot system.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070730/ap_on_en_ot/worst_writing
i saw the headline and immediately thought of some in-house whazz writers. not saying any of you can’t…i’m just sayin i thought of you
w-whazz…just cuz u’re a few points ahead of me doesn’t mean u don’t suck. it just means i have an injury plagued team and am in a rebuilding year.
madd, I think you want a virile dog and not a viral one, unless having rabies is what makes it tough
without rabies does not mean not tough, but tough AND rabies… man… that’s tough, and 26k says it tougher than what you leash. to the pain bride princess character main. kanye’s remixes lame. and can’t tell me nothing can’t tell me nothing. so, what.
BLOAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUU
In case you’ve been out of it for awhile, here’s some Grace-o action. Also, her first walk.
If you like 80′s/90′s baseball cards, macho man raps and punchout, this is a pretty ok website:
http://www.joesportsfan.com/
cal, how are your MN peeps? this bridge thing looks something awful. my peeps are all OK though my sister is in the hosptial with a pulmonary embolism. word to the wise, smoking BC pill takers–stop one or the other!
i went over that bridge a million times. that’s fucked up. a little too fucked up, but very timely. our investment in car based transportation infrastructure is due for inspection.
is your sister on the drugs or getting surgery?
wow rumthumb, a PE is nothing to mess with, I hope she is ok. And Cla is everything ok, such a crazy thing to happen. My sister just moved there on Monday, thank God she is ok and her BF Bobby. What an awful mess.
What about Mr. Quealy? Are you ok?
1. I second Belly’s sentiments. I hope your sister is doing okay Rumthumb.
2. I wish that box from pittsville had been from us.
3. Hadley tried on her Bill Hall Jersey/Dress and looked like a doll. We’ll take & send a picture.
4. I have to start reading the news.
i don’t understand how the death toll with the bridge is going down…makes me a bit skepical of this news coverage.
my cousin was on the bridge less than 1/2 hour before crash time. this cousin has siblings who were a) running from the falling twin towers and b) running from the tsunami in thailand. the family is a magnet for disaster.
it is bizarre to see wolf blitzer talking about my hometown. and bizarre to see something 5 minutes from my parents house that looks like a freaking bomb went off.
originally the news casters were giving missing numbers reports, and then they switched to bodies recovered, and now they are trying to make logical guesses.
today will be an inflection point in history.
i don’t understand how the death toll with the bridge is going down…makes me a bit skepical of this news coverage.
Invariably, death toll reporting starts extremely under-reported, and then is widely inflated, and finally settles down to the real number.
At the beginning, media reports only deaths they can verify (i.e., the reporter themselves saw a body being carried away). Last night I was watching Keith Olberman (not spelled right) and the were only talking about one fatality because they’d only seen one body.
Next, however, the media is able to calculate what the absolute maximum death could be, and being fucking wankers, they trumpet this to the heavens. Last night, for example, they were going on and on about how “200,000 cars per day cross the bridge” and “there was a SCHOOL BUS FULL OF KIDS” and “the bridge was packed with people on their way to a TWINS!~ game.” See also: 9/11, when the news channels would not shut the fuck up about how “experts are estimating that 50,000 people were in the building that morning!!!!!!11!”
Finally, after someone finally finds out the real number, we get the real number.
Long story short: I hate news channels.
yeah, scary. all my peeps are fine thank goodness. sorry to hear about your sister… rumthumbs remember the Lake Street Bridge before they built the new one? they used to stop busses and make you get on a little shuttle bus to go over then you’d get back on a city bus after the bridge… and there were big holes in the wooden slats that made up the walkway… i thought that one was gonna fall for sure. terrible it just collapsed like that
I got a book from cal today in the mail. The part on the back where it normally describes what the book is about has been marked over repeatedly with a black sharpie. Guess I’ll just have to read it, THANKS CAL!
no problem pal! get so annoyed with backs of books. the guy’s name is pronounced “mom” fyi
hey- speaking of books– remember how a long time ago i was all amped to read Steppenwolf bc i read The Glass Bead Game and liked it so much? Well i didn’t like Steppenwolf nearly as much… Big J what’s up with the Steppenwolf love? I don’t know I think i just didn’t get it. I mean, that ending is berserk. ha i used to have a atari video game called berzerk and ever since i’ve liked that word. berserk
check out all this stuff i learned about my old video game berzerk
Alan McNeil, an employee of Universal Research Laboratories (a division of Stern Electronics), had a dream one night involving a black-and-white video game in which he had to fight robots. This dream, with heavy borrowing from the BASIC game Robots (Daleks in the UK), was the basis for Berzerk, which was named for Fred Saberhagen’s Berserker series of science fiction novels. (“Evil Otto” was named for a disliked fellow-employee.) In 1986, Stern Electronics and Evil Otto were mentioned as an unwholesome influence on children during the “Suicide Solution” lawsuit against Ozzy Osbourne along with Dungeons and Dragons, marijuana, and Prince.
The idea for a black-and-white game was abandoned when the color game Defender was released earlier the same year to significant success. At that point Stern decided to use a color overlay board for Berzerk. A quick conversion was made, and all but the earliest versions of the game shipped with a color CRT display. The game was test-marketed successfully at a Chicago singles bar before general release.
cal, what skill sets do you think video games should challenge?
CLA–Here’s a word to the wise: if I had to do lawschool all over again, I would get a “Nutshell” and “Emmanuel’s Outlines” for each class (those are supplement series). What they don’t tell you in orientation is that law school is a total set up. OK, so go out and spend tons of money to learn all the stuff they aren’t teaching you in the classes you’re paying out the wah-zoo for.
I respectfully dissent. Cal, you shouldn’t spend any more money until you know how your classes are going to be taught. Those outlines are outlines of the generic way to teach a law school class. Your professors might be different, and those outlines won’t be helpful. I bought some for the classes I was having a hard time with my first year, and they just made me more confused.
Take good notes and outline the classes yourself, you will learn much more. I’m sure people will be passing around old outlines made by students who took the classes already, and those are a better start than commercial outlines, but don’t use them instead of making your own. And don’t wait until the end of the semester to start your outlines.
Save your money for booze, or at least look at the library copies before you spend the money to see if they would be helpful. If you really want them, you can probably steal them from some other person in your class.
–but don’t get caught, cuz then you’d hafta fight… THE LAW!
im scurred
i don’t want to go anymore
i have until august 24 to throw in the towel and pay nothing
of course i have no job but my pals at flippers would have me back i bet
i would save over 100K
i could live like a king! a king! i’m scurred. that is all
JINGER WELCOMES A NEW BABY!!!
on my other “whazzmaster.com,” a poker-and-sex-free blog (the family website) my cousin just posted a story about the Duggers. New baby came into the world! Total freaks.
I had to laugh that they make the news again.
don’t be scurred
a sex free blog announcing the birth of a baby is irresponsible.
cal, the legal game is full of hypocritical assholes. some are out for only themselves. others are out only to selflessly destroy everyone else. there are people out there that will trick you into giving them $100,000. that is the lesson you are paying to learn.
if you want a solid future, consider a job in a law school admissions office. you already know how they hooked you… now do the same to 5 other dudes at flippers and take your 20% cut and just coast.
law school is a joke.
throw some cheese on it
Cla, give skeezer 100K and sit him in the biggest Omaha hi/low game you can find. Then find the biggest cup in greg’s cupboard (like a collectible cup from an A’s game) and pour yourself a mega jameson on the rocks. Drink deeply and cross your nards. At least it will be shorter than two years.
Comment gone! Pray tell: add cheese to what?
re: wwhazz’s idea re: 100K omaha hi/lo game: i’m in like flynn.
or pay my way through law school, then after i pass the bar on my first try, drunk and tired, you can just pretend to be me and i’ll never complain. you’ll be fully accredited. then you can do whatever you needed a law degree for.
i seriously tear david benyamine up in omaha every single day and he’s constantly in the 1000-2000 game with over 50k. i just don’t know if he’s donking off benjis to feed the dogs, or if he really sucks. i certainly think i would make them sweat.
i just got a new chick. a chick with a sandwich. throw some cheese on it. throw some throw some cheese on it.
the day after tomorrow is one of the funniest movies i’ve seen in a while… every single scientific fact is as wrong as it could be, and every scene is littered with scientific facts.
my favorite was the inland northern states are at the most risk because of a hurricane forming over land due to fresh water dumped in the ocean which disturbed the salinization levels. hilarious.
david benyamine is sitting with 40k at 1000-2000 and 20k at 500-1000 and cal hasn’t wired the money yet.
rumthumbs, i got another project idea…
so a 20 something male finds a tshirt in a thrift store that says “cancer free since ’93!”. he takes it home and shows his friends and they speculate how the shirt got to the thrift store.
then we sell the tshirt online through cafepress in a joint marketing effort and make $1,000,0000.
On the irresponsible pet front, we accidentally shut aeden upstairs while we were gone for an entire weekend. FYI, if you need to get cat urine out of a down comforter, I advise two heavy duty washes with a detergent, bleach, and woolite “pet stain” enzymatic cleaner cocktail.
Actually, Mike, there’s a bartending recipe for you. I call it the piss-free cocktail.
i once woke up in the middle of the night with soaking feet–finny was on pred. and that fucking pill makes him pee like it’s his only job in life. anyway…we took the old down comforter into the dry cleaner. that was an expensive day, holy buckets. thanks, finny.
madddd, you have proposed enough projects to keep me in business until retirement.
You jerk! No way I’m serving enzymatic cleaner cocktails. But I am sorta nervous about starting. Drinks I know how to make: scotch, scotch and soda, beer (and usually it’s 1/2 foam). I guess, if pressed, I could pull off a rum and coke. Maybe. Cal caled me last night with some words of wisdom concerning old fashions (long story short, I need to learn how to make them). I start tomorrow on the day shift. I’ll let you all know how it goes.
Rum,
I caint watch your pooch this weekend. We will be out of town for a wedding.
Psssssssst! Mr. Government Official, want my vote? Promise to fix every bridge on earth.
dude. flying cars don’t need bridges. gov: promise ME a flying car.
are you nervous about looking silly or about upsetting a customer? i think a bartender can do no wrong. just bring me booze, a cup, and bring them together. if i’m complaining how it’s mixed or whatever, then i’m the one looking silly, so there is nothing to worry about.
cal, after you graduate, work on the flying car legislation. then we don’t have to continue supporting the concrete road union mafias. i can build a mean bridge out of toothpicks. shit held 50 pounds.
http://www.rawvegas.tv/watch.php?vID=29e6320d5fbc2944b3373a13c3e385
bar tending inspirado
wwhazz… you’ll be the best hot dude bartender ever. plus, serve those mofo’s some enzymes and they’ll be happy. really. You don’t have to worry about beer, wine, or anything on the rocks. stuff like disco lemonade or x-and-cranberry will be easy.
i want a full report on how it went!!!
the 5 hour energy boost commercials say it contains enzymes to help it act faster. i would like my booze to ace faster i suppose
At work, I go by the alias, Ace Faster. My best trick is underhand pitching cans of Schlitz.
http://www.nbcsandiego.com/mostpopular/13830164/detail.html
the first statue of ace faster
I think you should pitch them like they do in womens softball…
I think you should pitch them like they do in womens softball…
I start in a few hours. My plan is to keep it simple. I’m going to pretend that I’m a gas station attendant and the people are cars. Faster Ace on the job: fill’er up!
Shit. I forgot my name is Ace Faster, not Faster Ace.
Bartending is the easiest job on earth as long as you can carry on a conversation with a stranger. No one goes to a bar because they don’t know how to make themselves a cocktail or serve themselves a beer; they go for the atmosphere. As far as drinks go, you are always right as to how they’re made. If they don’t like it ask them how they’d make it for themselves (always pretend you added or didn’t add something different if they give you the same recipe you used because people just want to be right).
qqwerrty
more alcohol in the drinks is always the best answer. you’re not the one paying for the inventory, you’re the one trying to make tips
I’m glad Barry Bonds broke the record, not so much that I actually like him, but because Sportscenter can actually go back to covering sports, and ESPN can show games of teams that are contending again.
I agree to an extent, peterstiffly. Not that I want to see bonds and the giants, but because spoytscenter doesn’t show sports anyways. They’re too busy with some magical 32-man contest about who has the hottest girlfriend or the most endorsements. Oh yeah, and the people judging it are the guy who was married on tv to zack morris’ beach girlfriend and the guy who sang an acoustic guitar song about lunch food… and some radio guy. Thanks spoytscenter. You suck.