The weekend flew by: Friday night at the casino, Saturday night with poker and UFC, and Sunday night with Big Dinner™. And thus we arrive, safe and sound, on the Monday of Thanksgiving week. It used to be Whazzgiving but history is writ by the victors, and that special alt-holiday has now fallen by the wayside. Spacebee and I will go on the Midwest World Tour starting on Wednesday, and we won’t be back until next Sunday so get yer fill.
Spacebee’s been having some frustrating work shifts, and I pissed her off by blowing out of town without telling her on Friday, so I endeavored to make it up to her last night by making an skrillion-course meal. I figured once she was incapacitated by food I could whisper sweet nothings in her ear, gaining her forgiveness. So I did appeteazers including the Mushroom Puffies (half order) and Pita Chips n’ Hummus, followed by an apple cider-brined, mesquite-smoked pork tenderloin, roasted butternut squarsh, and asparagus and prosciutto risotto. Finally, I made a homemade chocolate chip cookie pie with ice cream. I am happy to report that my girlfriend was rolling around on the floor due to her fullness by the end.
Wednesday = snow forecast = BOO!
Finally, I found a neat-o web site today called Walk Score where you can enter your address and find the ‘walkability’ of your neighborhood. The scale goes from 0 (need a car for everything) to 100 (you can easily live there without a car). My current address rates a 72 out of 100, which is classified as ‘Highly Walkable’. That sounds good to me, because I’m going to list my Tahoe on craigslist.com soon to get rid of it. It was the single worst decision of my entire life, and I am going to try to rectify it if I can. So, uh, anyone want a 2003 Tahoe for $10,000? Hit me up, I’m dealin’.
It’s been awhile since I seen a bunch of poker update posts; good. Good.
are you going to replace the tahoe? 10k seems cheap… what is the retail blue book?
i think the worst decision of your entire life was losing the swords. homie.
1. No replacement. I will live in Cal’s World: black toes, no car, lots of complaints about law school.
2. The blue book is roundabouts $12.5K, I just want to be rid of it. The loan balance is considerably less, so I’ll pay it off and drop the rest into an account I opened, along with .00001 cents.
3. I still have the swords. In a closet.
I hate law school so much, it’s soooooooooooo hard and I don’t have any idea of what I’ll do with a law degree! Big J, have you read Travon v. Ho-Chunk, where a man sued Ho-Chunk when he stepped on human feces that was deposited on the floor of the casino? He sued for $135 (the cost to replace his Timberlands) and Ho-Chunk won. Why? Just because another customer had deposited the feces there mere minutes earlier? Ho-Chunk is responsible for the poop that is on the floor of their joint. mmmmmmmmm AHHHHHHHHHHHHH poooooooooooop rayyyyyyyyyyyyyyys. it ain’t easy bein’ cal.
hey i can almost answer that! if Ho-Chunk knew of the poop on the floor and they left it there then they would be liable but if it was only deposited there a few minutes earlier then they have no duty homie. wow i’m such a smartie.
hey my house got a 94 on the walkability scale of justice. i think i got screwed out of the perfect score because the nearest library is 0.35 miles away. curses you distant library!
i figured cal’s address would make the site exploade with its walkability. 94? pfft, you live in a unwalkable shithole.
surely the floorspace where the poop was deposited was captured by a camera that was monitored by a paid ho-chunk employee. so either they are incompetent at surveillance or they did know about it. are they liable in any way for having incompetent surveillance? if so, you can’t lose. the cameras bite them back! fuck you casino cameras. watch me poop.
our place got a 52. i am directly adjacent to a university campus (with library) and 5 nice restaurants and 5 fast food places, 2 grocery stores (albertsons and trader joes), lots of specialty shops, a clinic, a recycling center, 3 banks, 2 gas stations, pretty much everything except bars or entertainment. they must rate those pretty high.
i’m doing lynn terrace
wow, wwhazz & bellgirl got a 75. but it includes Magic Mill, the now-defunct grocery store. that drops it down at least 3 slots in my opinion. i’m still the winner of madison!
yeah, that security camera argument is a good one. you might have won our boy some new kicks with that argument!
we went through a whole series of banana slipping cases… if a person slips and banana was black then the store/casino was shit out of luck (pun intended). see if the banana is black and gritty it means it’s been there long enought to get all dirty follow me brothers and sisters? ITS BEEN THERE FOR SO LONG IT GOT ALL BLACK AND GRITTY. you can’t just leave some damn slippery banana peel so long that it gets all black and gritty! someone will slip on it! so if the poop were of the older quality or if the casino knew or should have known that they had dangerous slippery poop on their floor then the boot man has himself a good case… but it was probably new poop and they hadn’t spotted it on camera yet.
i would appeal the shit out of that black banana logic… what if someone was making banana bread with already blackened bananas, and then chucked the peel the same as your theoretical fresh peel was chucked? what if my foot stepped down on the blackened banana in mid-air? it was never on the ground at all, but i slipped on it, and it was black. blackness is not sufficient to prove time of potential slippability. law school is dumb.
what if the casino put up a “caution – poop” sign, but didn’t pick up the poop, and then you stepped in the poop, but only because you were somewhat intoxicated from the alcoholic beverages that the casino served you? new tims? what if you tripped over the sign and then flopped on the poop? new everything? cleaning bills? can tims be cleaned? is it the casino’s responsibility if you choose to wear apparel likely to sustain wear but incapable of being cleaned? cal, will you help me sue a bunch of people until we’re rich from it?
The Tims in question were cleaned in the sink in the men’s bathroom. Can the plaintiff still secure reimbursement for the labor that went into cleaning them? Also, I sustain the objection vis a vis the pre-blackened banana peel; I do that shit all the damn time.
the caution poop sign will probably get you off. well done councellor
Friday went to Chunk with WM. He got in trouble with the lady for flying the coop; I saw a man step in human poop. More accurate: I saw the aftermath. I saw him rush in the bathroom and run his soiled timberland under the faucet. And I quote, “This some fucked up shit. I lose $600 and step in shit. This some fucked up shit.” I guess the turd tumbled down an old person’s leg and out the bottom of their baggy pants. Turd. Drop. Step. No brown grit or evidence of neglectful turd collection. It was fresh. The shoes were real clean, well cared for Tims. Poor guy.
I still haven’t told my wife I was at the casino and that I lost $200. I guess she can find out here. I can only hope WM feels bad enough to make me a special meal cuz I’m gonna be in big trouble.
Saturday had a squad over for cards and mini-kegs of Grolsch. Played an incredible 6-handed tournament that took 3 hours. Very boring. My fault. After that switched to a .50-1 limit cash game. Overall the poker stunk but it was fun.
After cards, taxied to Hooters for UFC. Sampled various wings and much Coors light. A pretty shitty card went with a shitty day of cards.
After that, bars. Very loud. Very crowded. Too old for bars. Too old.
Back at my place we started the drunken afterbar standard: $10 NL cash game. Funniest moment: Danny lost $10 and re bought into the game using the dealer button as a $10 marker. He lost that and bought in for another $10 using the BB button. After losing that, we were out of buttons and timmer would not accept a pencil as a marker. So danny took my bike and went off into the night. While he was gone, Timmer took a bad beat and went downstairs to beat on our punching dummy. While he was gone, we all cashed out, leaving timmer with two buttons and $3. Danny showed up 20 min later sans cash. He couldn’t find an ATM and was half frozen.
So timmer won $13 but lost $7. I didn’t let him take my buttons.
I thought that .50-1 game was fun onna bun.
I officially found out that my husband blew two hundred dollars that we don’t have at HoChunk here on whazzmaster. The only problem is that I shopped my balls off and went over MY budget as well. I was supposed to spend one hundo and probably spent 250. So I guess we’re fucked but at least we’re pretty evenly at fault. I was worried about it but now i feel better. I guess i’ll let him find out this way as well and we’ll probably be in the poor house for a little bit. Good thing we already booked our tickets to San Diego in January, otherwise we probably shouldn’t go.
awesome. the future of marriage. cybermarriage.
that was really awesome not being sarcastic
i love you michelob
WM she doesnt believe me that you “made me” go. Please help a brother out.
Was it really gravy? Yes.
Was it really human poop? Yes
when are you going to san diggs? i have to go to seattle all next week and play computer nerd again.
WM is already in trouble for going, so he really should take all the blame… cyberobvious.
i can shoulder some blame too… i shamefully convinced you that you could win at poker long term. sorry.
in christmas news, i’ll be in ray-ray 22nd-24th and green bay 25th-27th and flying out of milwaukee on the 28th. anyone wanna wrestle? also, this whole “everyone flock back to the midwest at the absolute worst time of the year to travel” thing is really stupid. $700 each for plane tickets with 2 connections each way. fucking ridiculous.
HOLLLARIT!
I got Guitar Hero III last night, and Rock Band comes out for Ps2 next month. Anyone wanna join my band?
1. Luckily I unconvinced myself. Ha ha.
2. I’ll see you at Oneida on the 25th, 26th and 27th.
3. I’d give the band a try but am 92% sure I don’t have the time or desire to really do it. So my advice is don’t spend $800 on it. Can you rent it? Also, why not really learn the guitar? That game seems liek a lot of work.
Funny you make that comment about poker. Just last night I told jessi that I’ve wasted my life and will never be good like madd. A little too much problem gambol in my blood. I guess it’s like gambling aids or something.
But anyway, I want to go to the VFW for the tourney tonight if any of you rock stars are interested.
HOLLARIT!
it’s just multi-plane physics… sort of like when that moon was busting orbit towards it’s planet and Q was like “just change the gravitational constant for the universe” and data was like “that is beyond our capabilities”. in poker, it’s better to be data than q. too many degrees of freedom render all output irrelevant.
in other words… i don’t have anything you don’t have… you just have aids. don’t tell bg, let her find out about it here.
my new favorite toy is a dehydrated bull penis. i highly recommend it to all ardent chewers out there.
holllarit has three l’s jerk
i used to know this guy who’s last name was vallicelli. four l’s.
1. My bad. LLL, duh.
2. Bull dicks are cool but they smell. Some smell worse than others.
3. Yesterday I saw 7 dead deer on the back of various trucks, 4 wild turkeys in a plowed corn field and 2 cows doing it in a pasture.
4. Three L’s in a row trumps two double L’s.
the 3rd L is for style. also, the 1st L in holmes is for homie style.
LLLovin’ it!
Is Tae Bo a viable fighting system?
viable is subjective. i say yes.
i consider spinning very fast with your arms outstretched a viable fighting system.
whipping rocks was a viable fighting system for david. goliath had no good rock defense. modern fighters train hard to withstand rocks though, so it probably wouldn’t work on them.
why does the president pardon a turkey every year? isn’t that spitting in the face of the natives who history says shared a meal consisting of turkey with the men who would later claim their land? so now we pardon turkeys like, we don’t do that anymore. we don’t share turkey with you anymore mr hochunk.
the president should pardon an incarcerated native american.
fooferaw squabbility goo. scientist, want me to say hi to anyone at the reunion for you? want me to stick my dick in the mashed potatoes? stick my dick in the tip cup? uh oh, it just got big.
tell everyone that i have aids.
consider it done, old chum.
was the reunion this weekend? is it already over? did you have a story ready about how i got aids?
Not til tomorrow, but don’t worry. The aids story is locked and loaded. For a rhetorical flourish, I’m also gonna tell them that you’re a second unit director on Robot Chicken. And that you’re living in fucking BAKERSFIELD.
robot chicken claim is easy to prove wrong… i’d rather leave them wondering. how about i get paid to screen new tv shows, i get $10.25 an hour, but they don’t cap my hours, so i do it 20 hours a day.
oooh, perhaps scandal… maybe the chick who organized the focus groups and i started a forbidden friendship and she offers me in on a scam where i’ll be paid to give higher ratings for specific shows. the money is great, and i do it for a while. me and the chick bang. she gives me aids. the focus group company finds out about the banging and the aids and the scam, and we are both fired. the only aids clinic i can afford is in fucking bakersfield.
how about the real 2nd unit director of robot chicken was caught paying the chick and that is how we got busted.
and he is the one who gave her aids.
did anyone care that my immune system acquired a deficiency? did you tell them where to send cash donations? bakersfield.
cal, i’ll be in SFO tomorrow from 8:02pm-8:38pm. lets get some huge beers!
Madd,
My stars account is up to $3.20: holllarit if you want to play some .02-.04 limit.
i had mine up to 350… then i lost 3 ridiculously huge pots in about 10 hands and quit. i think i have a little over 100 now.
the last one: KJ3 flop… i have AKQT i bet $3 into a $5 pot. dude raises pot to $14 total. he has $60 total. i re-raise to put him all in and he insta-calls. he has A2J5… absolutely nothing! $130 pot… runner runner 5 and he gets it all. the other 2 were just as sick for about the same amount… i should have 600-700… so fucking rigged. dude had middle pair no draw and insta called all in. come on. rigged.
i’ll be in seattle all week playing mac computer nerd, so i don’t think i’ll be able to play. anyone know how to run windows applications on a mac? does wine work?
playing online poker in washington state is a class c felony
way to cure cancer and fix the roads, assholes. i am pinning all of my hopes for the future of humanity on cals legal shoulders.
if gambling of any fashion is illegal, then we are not a democracy of capitalists… we are communists with toy paper. i wish every politician stopped living.
daniel negreanu and hulk hogan are both getting divorced. the second coming of Y2J?!
one of the hands i flopped a set and the nut low draw on a completely disconnected rainbow board. raise raise raise and dude called with 2 pair! i can’t lose! BOOM 2 high non-board-pairing suited cards come to make him a flush. $180 pot there. so so so sick. wah wah wah. give me my dowwwy.
Crazy thing is a runner, runner beat down for a .22 pot feels almost the same as a runna, runna loss for a $44 pot.
thats the thing about fiat currency. i only play poker for mined gold.
funny, i only mine gold to take it to deadwood and play poker.
fucking chemists and genetic engineers and molecular fucktards figuring out how to align protons and electrotrons to produce unlimited gold from pretty much anything screwing up the shiny pliable yet molecularly sound standard. scientists ruin everything. scientists ruined deadwood.
i turned the 5 into 40+ in 1 night. the next night i get 2nd in a large multi for 200, then win another 35 in ring games after. take a couple days off. play and lose 70. take a couple days off. play and win 150 then lose huge 3 in a row. classic setup. 11 minutes.
my friend told me now that your website was very good! i do agreed! the scientist smells! my friend told me holllar!
i get more pussy than a cop gets breaks
action on my crotch than cal’s mouth on greg’s
dick’s sporting goods is some funny ol’ ish.
bought a tennis racket and fucked a ho with it.
checking account says mo dough in it
rich like richie rich was rich. bling.
back to greg’s dicks and shit. ZING!
back to tennis in san mat and hoping the train
back to greg gettin brain.
my to the strain of cal having a boyfriend.
the end.
i smell like yo momma. ho.
i am the keeper of the 3 pack bonanza. you got a boyfriend and his name is greg. i shot a man in brooklynnnnnn
as much as i’d like to have a rap off as in 8 mile i have a final on friday. so i can’t write rhymes at the moment. sucks.