The disappointment was palpable at The 4th Base, where wwhazz, bellygirl, spacebee, timmer, and I watched the Packers fumble away Brett Favre’s chances for glory on a cold and snowy evening in Green Bay. The day wasn’t for naught, we still had a goddamned helluva time celebrating the Old Man’s new career high in “Years Lived,” but a Packers Super Bowl would have been the cherry on top of a whipped cream-covered tit.
The game itself was sad, but we had a ball at The $th Base (dollar sign intended). Free jello shots when the Packers scored, fucking delicious food, lots of booze, and did I mention the goddamned delicious tilapia (twas good, not Bad)? Chocolate cake at the hotel room, and then off to the Magical Wonderland of The Landmark, where we played pinball, air hockey, some alien shooting game, and DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION. We Rascal’d it up for awhile, and then finished off at Vitucci’s (site of my sister’s birthday festivities as well.) We had a Pizza Shuttle Party. Timmer chugged like five $1 Mike’s Hard Iced Teas before we left Vitucci’s and I found him out back of JoCats pukin’ em up seven minutes later. Haha.
So next weekend is the Royal Rumble; who’s in? The week after is the UFC with Brock Lesnar, followed by the Super Bowl. Lot’s of Weekend Cheddah coming your way, whazzmaster.com. Hope you’re ready, guys.
wwhazz, here is yo birthday present:
http://www.vimeo.com/632295
wow its a silent film classic. A SLIENT FILM CLASSIC!
mp i’m sending you a book! used because i’m trying to renew my vows to the universe and do this thing where you don’t buy anything new (except maybe some sort of designer gift for the skeezer he’s like carlton on fresh prince you have to buy his love)
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/24/business/24instincts.html
‘thumbs are you doing this???? it’s going to be a very CAL CHRISTMAS. you will all receive used mittens i found on the street.
cal, i try to go with the three R’s of reduce, reuse, recycle but some things, can’t. underwear is a good example. and film. and videotape. socks. office supplies. how to get around these exceptions?
‘Thumbs ‘Thumbs ‘Thumbs! read the fine print! buy only used or secondhand goods — except for food, health-related items and personal things, like socks and underwear. You can spend as much as you like on life’s more intangible pleasures, like travel, sports, music and other cultural activities. Cultural activities! like diamonds for the skeez, monkeys suits for lawman, colossal pete action figures for whazzmaster or sissors for your office! i think there is no hard and fast line but i’m making my own medicine out of rocks and the hair of a toad know what i’m saying? forget all that “new” toothpaste… maybe if you’re richy rich like skeezer in his fancy neighborhood. underwear form st. vinnys! what? go hippy hommie!
phew! a loophole! there is another theory on going without that doesn’t allow for as many dips in the plan. ‘not buying it: my year without shopping.”
1. cal, i never told you, but I really liked the last book you sent me. that old gay man sure got truculent when he wasn’t invited that party when he was on his deathbed.
2. i’ve seen two terrific suits purchased from st. vinny’s. my problem: i’m not a skinny mfer like you reeds, you can buy a bigger suit and have it tailored but i need a big suit to begin with. i’m down with the reuse, though. don’t buy new gasoline, use the stuff running into the drains at your local gas station.
3. you DO need to buy scientist’s love, the upside is that a double crown and coke costs like $15 (in cali, probably $9 in wisconsin).
scientist, are you by any chance the regular poster ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER on the Onion A.V. Club website? it seems like your part of your oeuvre. for example, from a thread today:
sublime.
just weird enough to question the level of anger he is representing. re-raise. i call… i have the nuts.
you heard it here first, folks, cal is one of a kind.
1)finally someone sees the CAL star potential… you jerks never gave me credit
2)dude, you did tell me you liked that book, we had a whole conversation about it you functioning alcoholic. somebody set up an intervention
3)lets get the Zodiac Motherfucker to join the whazzmaster community.
4) ONE OF A KIND remember that next time jerks
techniCALly, wm has a black tshirt on, and cal has a black sweater on.
OH MAN, didn’t realize I talked your ear off. Thanks for the book, Cal! I’ve never said this before! Thanks for the book, Cal! I’ve never said this before! Thanks for the book, Cal! I’ve never said this before! Thanks for the book, Cal! I’ve never said this before! Thanks for the book, Cal! I’ve never said this before! Thanks for the book, Cal! I’ve never said this before! Thanks for the book, Cal! I’ve never said this before! Thanks for the book, Cal! I’ve never said this before! Thanks for the book, Cal! I’ve never said this before!
i just bought chris and the woman who wouldn’t show him her tits on blu-ray.
hey don’t get madd at me just because your state’s football team didn’t make it to the superbowl… and this isn’t going to stop the intervention. what is it when you rescue someone from a cult and you — ah deprogram– you need to be deprogramed dude… sorry.
your friend,
cal
SaraTinkle just tried to sell me stop smoking magnets. shit.
hey madd how about the rain today crazy huh? what’s it like in madison? snow? we got rain. jfdkfjdkfjdkfjdkfjdkfj mp are you madd at me? all those hate hate hate lines i didn’t mean it! i was kidding pal! i love you! I. LOVE. YOU. you are going to like this new book buddy even if it is used. it is in good condition they say. don’t ask your madison pal about it because he did not read it because he sucks. where is wwhazz hiding? BG? where is jen? i hope not kenya. dude, the guy who won grandma’s marathon last year (and ’05 as well) just got killed by an ARROW. a fucking poisoned arrow killed one of the best marathoners in the world. on monday! kenya is a mess right now. it’s a mess,
your friend,
cal
check out the madison reference!
http://hypem.com/track/447509
click “play” do you know this song?
do you know this band?
do you know this website?
do you?
do you?
your friend,
cal
Cal, the weather sucks!!! My umbrella turned inside out in the wind on my way home from work.. jkl;asdfasd!! So much for exploring SF this weekend.. jk;adkljfa;ksdj!!
tomorrow we dine at flippers.
sorry for charging for my friendship… it’s not a filter, it’s a press.
i remember some conversation about some book. cal, this weekend i am celebrating a windfall of good fortune. if you’d like a meal of food, holllllller. are you back on the cow? man we’ve been having some good cow lately. we went to the house of prime rib… oooou-weeeee. happy cows come from the house of prime rib. what about fish? what about nuts? what about hebrew national hot dogs? at the grocery store we go to now the hebrew nationals are right next to the pork chops. that shit is racial. might as well be next to stick on hitler mustaches… and not just small mustaches that resemble the one hitler rocked… the product name is “hitler mustaches” and his picture is on the packaging. pork chops. right next to the hebrew national hot dogs. who does that?!
“I’ve been a loyal fan of Hebrew National since June 22, 1936,” says Bob Green. “It was my fifth birthday, and I had Hebrew National hot dogs at my party. I’ve followed this tradition for the past 70 years and look forward to having Hebrew National hot dogs for many more years. Thank you for making our 50th Wedding Anniversary even more special.” Thank you, Bob and Barbara, for being part of our Hebrew National family.
i too am a member of the hebrew national family. fuck anyone who isn’t.
Man, it’s kinda spooky when cal can track my whereabouts and movie-viewing habits from San Francisco. No Country for Old Men was pretty good, as novel adaptations go. Spacebee said she liked it, but I felt that she had some reservations.
oops wrong song
http://hypem.com/track/434666
it’s the crystal corner ok? check it it out it stopped raining! for the moment anyway. flippers! flippers! flippers! flippers! i can’t go to flippers though i got too much school. you should go though. or if you don’t we’ll go soon. on hayes hommie. you should go there and then take in hayes valley.
Bean a while. Bean bizzy.
But.
But.
ROYAL RUMBLE!!!!
It’s the 21st rumble and I remember #1!
Odds on Hornswaggle to win are 100 to 1. I’ll lay 300 to 1.
Odds on Peterstiffly showing up to watch? 2-1.
Scubby? 10-1
Eroz? EVEN
Madd? 30-1
Steven? Even
Cal? OFF
Rach-O? 30-1
anyone who bets against me showing up: i’ll cover your potential loss for %20 of your potential winnings.
also i’d say it’s 3:1 rach-o comes even if i do… don’t take that bet… it should be paying you at least 90. that shit is out there like big 6:8.
rach-o and cal’s e-anger is vastly different… rach-o goes full right hand left to right, and then full left hand left to right… hands right to left, fingers left to right, whole hands at a time, stay on left once you get there. cal agrees the j is the way to start, but let them know about the other hand right away… don’t start on the same side, start with the same finger… F. is he just switching hands? NOPE. stay on same hand, BOOM! D. oh shit! here comes the s. NOPE. BOOM. K! what is this?!?! oh, back to that hand… are we going L, or just the first 2 and back to J? F! WHHHHHHAT!?#!%^ NO WAY. go cal… go cal… go cal……..
rach-o, your online anger game is WEAK.
Very nice breakdown, Madden. I’ve always admired cal’s gibberish swearing. I’d like to see him go up against the software at Full Tilt that turns swearing into symbols. It’d be a nice John Henry-style match up that might, if we are lucky, end in cal’s death.
I tend to over analyse mine. They always look like shit– too many repeated letters, odd symbol/letter pairings– and then I’ll go back and try to edit them a bit and then it’s missing that random rage factor and then I just give up and use words. Maybe cal can offer a workshop or something.
Also, that’s the first time I saw that Monkey movie. In my mind the Bush song “machine head” was playing as I chased the chimp, so Pink panther kinda caught me by surprise. And, man, oneil has the chimp moves down– very strong acting. The only moment that I’m really proud of is when I clutch my head in disbelief as the monkey drives off. I had to go to some dark inner places involving unbelievable gambling loses to pull that one off.
A fun fact: the car used in the chase scene is ewazz’s old beater. I think those were his bananas too. Ewhazz sold the car to a dude who used it in a demolition derby. I have no idea what happened to the ‘nanners.
I got a new website freeewhazzreport.com. For $12.99 a month I’ll text you reports on his coming and, especially, his goings.
The last report: he’s moving to South America, but first he’s got to fulfill a contractual obligation to coach the 9th grade baseball team at reedsburg highschool and take part in a research study.
That’s the last free one you get. I put a lot of work and money into tracking him down and I just can’t give it away. If you want to be like madd and let your ONE measly report per year suffice, go use the government’s tracking program. If you need fast, accurate and dependable ewhazz news, talk to me.
Oh shit… I shoulda said “nice breakdown MADDen.”
freeewhazzreport.com
great… now namesdirect.com owns it. never type a domain into the internet that you ever might want to buy… there are companies that just swoop in and claim everything they find. namesdirect.com now owns freeewhazzreport.com. just because you typed it. fucking robots.
Shrug, NBD, I’ll buy it off them.
What aboot madd power dot com? Do they own it? If not, trade em for free ewhazzzz report dot com or do some computer magic and get me that site. I’ll trade you for a free lifetime membership.
don’t be scurred maddpower.com and maddpoker.com are under lock and ballsack.
slashdot has a great poll right now:
how many people will answer this question the same way you did?
0%
1-25%
26-50%
51-75%
76-99%
100%
only cal
law students: how do you answer?
that is how neo was rationalized. but then some asshole goes for 0 right after keanu, and then we’re more fucked than before. couldn’t be more wrong. oh 76-99ers… it’s only a matter of time. do not celebrate… for when your winter comes, will never be another spring.
actually, cal’s anger algorithm is the answer to the question. cal is smart.
cla does this strike you as legal?
http://www.madisonmagazine.com/restaurantweek/menu.php?page=21
it strikes me as delicious
tort.
“Temperatures at Milwaukee’s Mitchell International Airport dropped from a high of 45 yesterday afternoon to -4 this morning, a 49-degree plunge in about 15 hours. And the wind chill makes it feel like more than a 70-degree shift.”
Mother.Fuck.
mid 50′s and sunny here.
sucks to beeg you.
Scientist, your homies at Garmin are making a smartphone.
listen to the scientist = double your money
garmin is SO titititite.
their UI design and touch response is near perfect. they can already fiddle with electro-airwaves… they can probably start queefing out phones by Q3. i keep my buy rating with a 12 month target of 91.
i can’t wait for puppybowl 4. ALL. DAY.
going on record for 2008:
BUY:
garmin
hp
intel
nvidia
samsung
tivo
SELL:
amd
dell
microsoft
HOLD:
apple
cisco
ibm
shit… just checked them and tivo was up 30% today. that will fuck me YTD… shit.
my main speculative driving force is the federalization of last mile optical networks. same as the highway system… it works better that way, and is ultimately cheaper, and looking around, it’s pretty obvious we’re going to keep using these cars to get around.
actually more like last mile + 1.
UFC should be good… mir was planting excuses about how he could lose, and lesnar was planting the idea that mir is a nobody who is getting thrown to the wolves. fighting is fun. just say what you expect your opponent to say and be right. put the commas wherever you want.
1 more thing… concerning the hebrew nationals being directly next to an array of pork products…. NOW… instead of both being in the middle next to each other, they are on opposite sides of the same 16′ cooler.
so either 2 extreme ironicals happened ironically back to back, or my thoughts somehow propagated to someone who could do something about it, or other people complained about it (funny), or these are all inside jokes of grocer stockmen (odd, but shitty job, so do what you have to do… but this time, i got you, so it isn’t as funny. let me suggest something… but the beets next to the juice next to the downy. OR an employee noticed the unintentional ‘mistake’ and ‘fixed it’ as much as they could (save swapping items into different coolers).
either way… the plot thickens… i wonder where the processed meat will be next!
PS – i haven’t bought any HB dogs on the last few trips… too much bad energy. i can’t eat delicious hot dogs knowing that a potential hater was hating all up and through it. that shit permeates. hate hate permeate.
excuse me, packaged meats manager, an atmosphere of distrust has permeated this package of hot dogs. might the cooler arrangements be reexamined? shalom.
with GILBERT GOTTFRIED as bert banner and PAT CORLEY as sheriff myron thorpe
Yo Cal– got the book in the mail today. I’m currently reading a Zola book; should I beg off and do this one right quick? Or wait til I’m finished?
i never got around to any Zola. the father of realism word booty.
cal, there is a free train running to the GMX UFC extravaganza. you like dude fights, right? there should also be a return train, but the conductor might be drunk.
check it out Obama knows all that river and blind stuff too
http://www.newyorker.com/talk/2008/02/04/080204ta_talk_mcmanus
Hey, are they going to charge Britney Spears for that “snatch and grab” intervention? Like, even a night in detox costs like a grand and that doesn’t involve a police escort and choppers.
I can’t seem to find an answer, but I did find this, so maybe they’re calling it squaresies.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/02/02/wbritney302.xml
“When a married lobbyist arrived at a Springfield game with a person described as “an inebriated woman companion who did not acquit herself in a particularly wholesome fashion,” Obama made a face indicating that he wasn’t pleased. Link says that the lobbyist and his date were “quickly whisked out of the place.””
What face did he make? The BJ thing where you bulge the side of your cheek with your tongue? Was the inebriated woman Hillary?
So the lobbyist couldn’t lobby, play for real stakes or bring drunken whores… tell me again, what was the point of this game?
The most you could lose was $200? I’ve played with garbage disposal makers for higher.
LAME.
Vote lost.
maybe he did that thing where you touch both index fingers to your thumbs and put your other fingers under your jaw and then twist your hands so you are seeing through the holes created by your index fingers and thumbs.
and they were like, holy shit that’s the sign, get here OUT OF HERE!
I put “monsters dancing” into google and this was the top of the list:
http://www.brownielocks.com/monstermash.html
um don’t click that link it’s acting weird. i warned you if you get mal(cal)ware
(Frankenstein’s doing The Mash!)
oh, he will be. i’m going to GMX’x for the UFC PPV. brock wins. bank on it.
The Crypt-Kicker Five!
day: 5
http://games.yahoo.com/free-games/perfect-pizza
classic game of ship sinker!
http://games.yahoo.com/free-games/ship-sinker
PUPPY SUBSTITUTION!
garmin advertising on the super bowl. #)@%*(&!#)%(*!&#%)(& don’t do that.
One time me and cal walked out of a bar and this chick came chasing after us and said to cal, “excuse me, are those Bugle Boy jeans you are wearing?” and cal burst into tears BECAUSE THEY WERE.
it’s true
Anyone think we should make laws illegal?
Oom pa pa. Oom pa pa. Oom pa. Oom pa. Oom pa pa.
Meat case update. Please!
I watched the PPV at a bar in Greenville. Everyone HATED Lesnar and cheered their balls off when he tapped. Bah. Why? Because they love Frank Mir? Cuz now they can say ha ha wrestling is fake?
Brock is a MN hick, dumb as a tree stump, but it was pretty cool seeing him fight– it made for a very exciting two minutes and you know he’ll get at least three more fights. Hopefully they feed him a jobber before a real test.
no meat case update, yet… stay tooooned. the knowledgeable UFC crowd at GMX’x correctly pointed out brock’s “chicken legs” and predicted leg based submission. up top dude is ridiculous, so letting an arm loose doesn’t get him in too much trouble. he tapped way way too quick. i don’t think he gets more than 1 more fight if he loses again. the only thing well rounded about him is his comically petite head.
I wish Austin woulda got into the cage to congratulate Mir and then stunnered him.