You knew it would be an awesome Brewers training camp story that would get me out of my posting funk, and holy shit have we hit the grand salami of training camp stories.
So Ryan Braun has a new line of menswear that he’s pimping to everyone in the clubhouse. He spent the off-season hiring a staff and designing $70-$100 t-shirts, which is just a fantastic mental picture, and he’s proud as punch to be such an astute businessman.
The left fielder arrived at camp Tuesday clad in one of his creations and was explaining its design, burgundy with gold foil and the image of a woman, when center fielder Mike Cameron walked in wearing the same shirt. Ten minutes later, shortstop J.J. Hardy joined the group and suddenly everyone was grateful they weren’t at a cocktail party.
I think the next few quotes exist best alone.
The shirts aren’t cheap — they run from $70-$100, complete with rhinestones on the higher end — but so far business is good.
…and…
The brand name is Remetee … a play on the word “remedy,” because Braun hopes that its bright colors and friendlier graphics offer an answer to the dark, drab designs popular until now.
Oh man, but the fucking NUMBER ONE REASON why this is the best Brewers story I’ve seen in a decade, which I think the author should get a Pulitzer for, are the last two paragraphs.
The chat with Braun prompted a stop at fellow star slugger Prince Fielder’s locker. Is Fielder involved in any ventures?
“Just baseball,” Fielder said.
yo. got spring brizzle. thinking of coming to madison thurs march 12 – Sunday March 15.
found a flight to chitown for 250.
should i move on this? yous gonna be around?
o’neil i’m looking your direction for housing. you are the only animal free homie, homie.
operation “go to madison” is underway… i have confirmed housing… spoke to the wahzzmster himeslf . now just need whywazzy to give the green light… madd you wanna come? march 13 – 15. par-tay.
wait, i mean i haved confiredm with the law man and separately spoke wiht MP. dude! WYLD STALLYNS!
WYLD STALLYNS!
RIP GEORGE CARLIN
not sure… i sort of want to go to the premier of tucker max’s movie on march 13th. just to finally understand why or how dude made a movie. lots of people say it’s good, and if that is true, the industry might be in trouble. btw, i saw cal in an old roseanne episode last night. that scrubby dude that dated darlene was joining a disneyland knock off theme park that provided housing to employees, so dude got a job so he could move out. his roomate was cal, complete with red sweater and perma-smile. looked just like him too. i sat in the dark, sipped my whiskey, and muttered “haha cal, you suck”
didn’t george carlin die a long time ago? was it one year ago or something? clinton’s cat socks died today. he saw monica’s vag. RIP SOCKS.
here’s a shirt for cal. possibly designed by a soccer player in north carolina, or a janitor in canada.
TO: WHAZZMASTER
perma-smile???? you will pay for this.
you know that dateline i saw about the mountain men and their mountain dew? it was really 20/20 and now the locals are pissed that everyone knows how they kick it
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH SELLING FISH TO TOURISTS IN TSHIRTS?!#%!#^@
haha, cal. you suck.
i don’t care, that dude is cool.
Here’s you
annnnnnnd POOOOOOOOOOO. there it is.
whazzing.com is going silent too… i’m chat banned on stars, homie. i need input like johnny 5 between these countless painfully slow turbos. the news sites have all be read. the emails are all soaking. the bloggy blog is gasping. i deleted my mymyspace account before cal copied me. i’ve been crabbing these waters for 20 years and if i don’t make quota PEOPLE WILL STARVE.
cal sucks.
joe stevenson said he would “win every minute of every second of every round.” i’m guessing he doesn’t count change well.
niblet holder. finally got some rain around here… hallelujah! more rain more rain! madison trip is a go. obama, rain, madison, niblets, red sweaters, i’m tearing up.
bubbled the 55 ploiter… all in with nut flush, aces calls, turn ace, river pairs the board. rigged.
war machine works at a gay bar and expects to one day commit suicide like all the other fighters he knows after they can’t win anymore.
who taught these monkeys how to talk? FIGHT!*(#^%
dude, i’m NOT gay. i WORK at a gay bar. TOTALLY different.
whatever, dude.
Boredom has led me to follow that saga… Legal question: is there a real difference between battery and “mutual combat”?
If so, sounds like a cool video game: MUTUAL COMBAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! (cue techno)
test both of your might
maybe it’s a special law in nevada or vegas to allow the fight gaming commissions to better pad their girl dick liabilities.
he entered into the contract after admittedly being drunk…. so isn’t the contract void anyways?
just busted in the morning 33 ploiter too… AA23 vs AK34. fucking K594Q.
SO rigged. just give me the nuclear wheel wrap on the turn because who wants to win with JUST aces, that conveniently gives him a shite 2 pair, and brick out the river missing the flush draw that i also had that i’m just now pointing out. so rigged.
“F’n K Ns.”
i think there is because in mutual combat you are consenting to be fight’n… if you are battered you ain’t — ya heard?
consent! believe it.
fjdkjfdkjfdkjfdkfjdkfjdk
123456789
[Donald Barthelme] once called his own stories “slumgullions,” and he tried to create a certain amount of extraneous noise in them, on the theory that the distraction helped the reader. “The confusing signals, the impurity of the signal, gives you verisimilitude,” he explained. “as when you attend a funeral and notice, against your will, that it’s being poorly done.”
verisimilitude: the quality or state of being verisimilar
Verisimilar:
1) having the appearance of truth : probable
2) depicting realism (as in art or literature)
did you read a single law book? what if they both consented to smoke crack rocks until they exploded? isn’t battery still illegal?
as much as you think the entire world is a libertarian utopia, it stops about 25 blocks and a small waterway in every direction from you. butt sex is illegal too. why do you think greg drives the speed limit? warrants.
gayest thing ever: getting in a fight in a gay bar.
doctor assisted suicide might be a better comparison.
physician if you got spell check. 12.
i’m not talking to you
YOU have a perma-smile!
what if they agreed to fight to the death and then these things happened:
1) one dude got really really destroyed to near death, but the other dude decided not to kill him even though he was begging for the other guy to do it.
2) one dude tries to back out mid fight, but the other dude still kills him
3) it’s greg and cal role playing and “to the death” is code.
i’m getting destroyed in poker, sorry for taking it out on your boyfriend.
flop the nuts and runner runner perfect beats 3 times in 10 min on a $60, $38 and $27 tourney. now i’m poor, but you still have greg.
yeah, you’re right, i guess. probably can’t do it. but you can consent to a battery and it’s not a battery, homie. jfkjfdkjfdkjfdjfkd i’m rocking my perma-smile right now, while i type. perma-smile 4 life.
except when aunt jackie suggests crashing the gate… that brings out the beast.
Woman Cannot Park Her Own Car
oh man, i will never get anything done ever again, i totally missed like 90% of these!
http://youshouldhaveseenthis.com/
zombie kid likes turtles? that one is ridiculous!
even if they did consent to battery, the other dude pressed charges anyways….. so can war machine press breach of contract charges nullifying everything? what if i say you can hit me, and i promise i won’t do anything. then you hit me, and i kick your ass. then the police show up and i holler self defense and witnesses say the other guy struck first. if you want to pretend those law books are keeping together anything close to a civilized society you can not consent to battery.
seriously, cal. hit me. i won’t do anything.
beavis girl is a new you should have seen this candidate
etrade is at .93 again… last time it hit .90 and i said buy, it ran back up to 1.40+. if a stock is under 1.00 for many consecutive days, it gets threatened to be delisted. ETLO was at .20 for almost a month with no volume… then suddenly 1.01, then 2.01 the next day so it doesn’t look obvious and now tanking again. strong buy on ETFC at .91. sell at 1.04 for a cool 15% in a month. unless you like being poor.
stupid capitalism. don’t contribute = you get everything!
genious.