Guess what: Spacebee and I are engaged. We went down to Miami for her Golden Birthday and soon enough I was down on one knee offering her a lifetime of love, support, and Friday night fish frys. Kneel down, serfs, and honor your new queen. She may rule whazzmaster.com with an iron fist, or she may hide in the shadows to avoid court intrigue; we don’t know yet.
We’re staying at the Trump International resort on the beach– that guy with the ridiculous hair makes a pretty fancy hotel. We are also the only Americans staying here; everyone else is French or Brazilian.
BEach, ya heard?!
UPDATE: Here’s some pictures of the trip…
First! I was hoping there would be a whazzmaster post about the big news. Wwhazz and I are so proud that you twos are gettin hitched. It all started one romantic evening 1-6-06…………
was it “romantic as hell”
can i walk her down the aisle again? we’ve only put on one other show, but we KILLED it.
did you see that chris brown just got back with his girl in miami? love is in the air.
Spacebee sez: scientist, we’ll work soMething out.
so, no?
don’t sugar coat it. i can take it.
Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Whazzmaster! What wonderful news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know, you COULD join the very elite group of January 6th weddings…
sleeping dog runs into wall
Spacebee sez: the job is yours if you defeat Al in some sort of combat, maybe ping-pong, maybe pulling a semi-truck.
i challenge him to a game of wits.
plato, aristotle, socrates? morons.
you misspelled news see you in madison!
i thought he misspelled nudes.
we’ll be in sacramento 4 more months… rach-o’s replacement called in sick twice, and no-call-no-show’d once in her first week.
I’m about to misspell something else: ur a butt.
Knowledge has more value than gold
not if you don’t know what gold is
I bit that from Indiana Jones. Take it up with him.
what up! cal cal cal cal cal cal calcla lclacclac laclaclaclaclaclaclacllcalcalcalcllvcaclalvjdklfjdakljfd
bang zoom tererrel!
cal!
Were there people around when you made the prop bet? Did you ask Al’s permission? I asked Andy and I think I weirded him out.
Fing Hooters closed so I have no place to watch UFC… or do I?
WI Madison Brothers Bar & Grill @ Madison 608 251-9550
WI Madison Pedros Mexican Restaurant East 608 241-1294
WI Madison Tilted Kilt @ Madison @ Madison Lein 608 442-7900
Three new choices. I think I gotta go Brothers. Quick! Somebody call paul and todd har har har. Stiffly or any other whazzers want to join me?
Whazzmaster, who the hell is hoser dude?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/whazzmaster/3326533076/in/set-72157614685596019/
I’ve seen him comment on your slippers and my wife’s chest.
I pretty much agree with everything he has to say.
hoser dude also commented on the ring- he loves zach’s life
I like reading old stuff. I’m happy this is my life:
#
W-whazz said [at 5:31 am on July 30th, 2006]
I never had fish tacos. I ate at home. A real fucking dumb meal too: cheese, pita, spinich and garlic and mushrooms, a tin of sardines.
I’m also happy that I’m old enough to spell spinach right. Age, wisdom, guns, sluts
Nice to see the hyphen went bye bye. It’s the natural progression for compound words.
that is a dumb meal, i hate hunting around and just eating bits of everything and calling it a meal. seriously. hey want to see watchmen when i am in madison? is it cold there? is there snow on the ground? ice? would it be possible to run at all? i’m excited.
cal!
Your trip looks like this. We planned it out on a napkin at Bother’s last Saturday:
Thursday: Early bedtime for baby cal
Friday: Got to work with lawman; dinner at pennymoney’s
Saturday: Open. Watchmen???
Sunday: Dinner at the Old Fashioned
The temp swings from the 20′s to the 40′s so sometimes there is ice. If it’s too cold we can go to the gym. I can run with you but only at about a 10 min a mile pace for about 5 miles.
awesome!!! fun! i think i would like to have a drink at:
1) plaza (early)
2) nicks (late)
i’m excited to be the lawman’s understudy! and dinner at the old fashioned! i have never had dinner at the old fashioned- i am aroused. ha. aroused. that will not be a dumb meal.
horay! i’m never coming back to this earthquake hell hole! so long stink town!
yes or no. that book store “canteburys” still exists? i could find out via google but i prefer whazzmaster. i’ll bet she folded.
Yes and no.
It folded but Avols moved in so it’s still a bookstore. Avols is now a Brazilian Steak house and Dale waitresses there.
The hippies were right: Gap moved in and the place slowly lost its character. Bullfeathers is now called Ram’s Head. Stillwaters is now a sandwich shop. The State is now something else. Mondays, the Pub, the Irish Pub are still kicking.
Campus will blow your mind. You will feel like you time traveled to the future: the old buildings are crumbling away and being replaced with shiny metal future buildings.
woah, hojo dale?
metal?
i hope the state is now a YMCA. I always felt like i was drinking in a YMCA
you’ll see
hover scooters instead of scooters! HOV’r scooters! scientist, invent the hov’r scooter! holllar!
You can have two Schlitz gays and then it’s PBR NA for the rest of the night.
yay! PBRMENAASAP
Cal, was the living room closed when you left? It was your favorite, but it’s been gone a long time. Also, tonight I will begin ritually cleaning my shitheap apartment for your stay. I will clear a space for Greg’s picture.
i was totally going to invent HOV’r scooters like a week ago, but fuck these heathens. have you seen the real housewives of anywhere? i’m working on bombs for now.
that dude from the manhattan project got to fuck that chick from sex and the city AND meet john lithgow.
and get radiation poisoning from touching plutonium with his bare hands
lazy fucking writers on that movie. what was with the remote control car too? was that necessary? where did it come from?
i just got vermouth poisoning all down my shirt. MANHATTAN PROJECT(*!^#&%)(!*#&
i play poker on my tv now with just a wireless mouse so no more poker whazzing. just clicking.
dude HAD the plutonium, then stuck it on a remote control car, then drama drama drama he escapes the compound, then drives the car back to HIMSELF and takes off with the plutonium.
there is no other response to FUCKING WHY?! than “we need a remote control car scene.”
hell yes we need a remote control car scene. there better be a remote control scene in that watchmen movie is all i’m saying. rolling into town tomorrow night! via van galder! beep beep! o’neil i’ll call you on my cellular. beep beep!
who is chris brown anyway? does he sing? act? what?
jfdkjfdkjfdkajfdjf fjkdjfdkfjdkfjdfjdkfjdk
manhattan project! is that the one with the monkey? that was a good one. war games too. “Joshua what are you doing!?!??!?!”
“WINNER: NONE”
Chris Brown is Greg’s nickname for his wiener (after it has been up ur but).
Freakin oneil nailed you with a greg joke. HA!!!!
I have good information that says cal is getting a pie in the face this weekend…
i might have to bring my girlfrind’s luggage ok? it’s the only luggage we have that is small enough to not check. it is not very masculine
however, it is very expected. backed up my hddizzzle last night and found this.
Show up with your toothbrush in a hello kitty fanny pack for all I care.
Question: do you want to practice your dog whispering? I’m friends with a dog.
Cal’s lawyer training tomorrow will be to do my filing while I am watching the badgers at the paradise. Cal, I’d also like a memo by noon tomorrow on what I should have for lunch during the game. The game is at 1:30, so be sure to address whether the Paradise’s full lunch menu or its limited menu will apply. This will be an excellent writing sample for you. It will be better than the sushi memo.
1. Cal is coming with a flower-bedecked handbag.
2. When is that weirdo getting here? Are we eating din-din or anything tonight? Or letting his delicate nature settle?
Q: Where is cal?
A: In a giant metal tube being propelled through the air by exploding chemicals. We expect him home in a few hours.
Q2: What are we doing tonight?
A2: Taking Cal to Potowotami Bingo & Casino in Milwaukee, WI. Personally, I can’t think of a better place to take him.
Cal claims to be arriving on the Van Galder at the Memorial Union around 9 pm. He has suggested that he might be in on an earlier bus, depending on, I’m guessing, how fast he can run to the bus terminal from the gate.
Well, makes sense– that motherfucker sure can run. I wonder what his best marathon time is with a flower handbag.
If Cal ever decided to make a Forrest Gump-like run across the country, I’d happily ride a Scooty Puff Jr. next to him and hand him Capri Sun packets all day.
Street Fighter IV has made me break both my xbox controllers &*^^&%^&%#$%^&#&^%%^&*SETH!
cal will be here at 7.
Omfg he’s almost here– quick, someone get him a bus pass and a fainting couch! He’s gonna poop himself when he sees what happened to his fair Verona…
I always forget that cal is kind of tall.
I’ll see you gents over at the Dice (Dise?) in a half hour or so.
Dise:
“Nickname for The Paradise Lounge, a dive bar located on W Main St near the captial. The bar is largely frequented by hipsters. The Dise is also known for its punk rock jukebox, cheap rails, cheap pitchers of PBR, and cheese curds.”
fucking hipsters.
do you think a hipster invented the word hipster? do you think he is happy with it’s current usage?
“the madd scientist bar is largely frequented by dicksters. the madd scientist bar is also known for the many karaoke versions of the song tipsy, as well as poop and fart and poopfart songs. also cheese curds.”
1. Test, test, this is a test is dead. Motley Crue is in mourning.
2. We showed Cal ATM last night– he was not impressed, to say the least. I love that goddamned song though.
Me too. Oneil does a mean karaoke ATM.
DUH. it’s an anti-establishment anthem. cal went to establishment academy. they TAUGHT him to hate it.
i liked the old cal
his brain gets all worked up in the tort of promoting the ingestion of butt crumbs. he can’t handle the liability. it also makes him miss greg
j dilla put it up on his myspace page… it has the most plays. america is sick.
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
yooooooooo!
Yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
NERD BEACON: don’t buy HDMI cables at best buy. like 1000% markup. they are trying to get 59.99 for the basic ones. it’s not an analog signal… cable material and insulation are irrelevant. you can get them online for 9.99. 29.99 for the 20+ ft ones. what they are doing is criminal. over the years best buy has gone from a solid 7.7 in my book to about a 3.8. dying fast.
now that circuit city is gone, they can get away with even more douchiness
Can’t find peace on the streets until a nerd gets a piece. Fucka best buy, them receipt checking mark up artists.
Oh man, thanks for the tip.
that same old cat 5 (ethernet) cable you’ve had behind your desk since freshmen year at the university has seen home network speeds jump from 10MB to 100MB to 1GB to 10GB… you don’t need fancier cables, you just need fancier chinese computer chips on either end processing the 1s and 0s. here is how best buy plays it me believes:
“oh, sir, yes yes yes, great new tv. for a truly great HIGH DEFINITION experience, you’ll need a good INTERLINK between your HIGH DEFINITION source and this fine fine new great new tv you just got. HDMI is the best, lets take a gander. yes sir, you are right… they are somewhat expensive… but you just gave me $1000 for a tv, and if you want it to do the things that you want it to do the things that you want it to do the things that you want to do the things, INTERLINK.”
dude gets home, hooks it up, it looks REDiculously good, and he’s like,
“i’m so glad that friendly man at the BEST buy talked me into that cable… this porn looks FANtastic. i’m going to tell the world about these $60 cables and how good they work.”
IT WOULD HAVE LOOKED EXACTLY THE SAME WITH ANY CABLE)!@#(&^)(!*#^&)@$^# THE RECEIVING CHIP GENERATES THE IMAGE)@$#&^)(&@$^) LEARN HOW YOUR GOD DAMN TV WORKS SO THE STORES DON’T RIP ME OFF TOO@#()*^&)(&@^#)(&$^ NERD BEACON$^@()&*)(&!@$
whazzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaa what’s up! i made it home safe. fyi. i had a whazzmaster list going in my head last night as i was drifting off to sleep but can’t remember any of it. oh yeah:
1) if you live to be 80 you will have lived over 29,000 days. i am around 12,000 now. so like not even half way! i could waste way more time than i already am = my conclusion.
2) madison was a treat. i stayed at casa o’neil and many adventures were to be had. the best thing was a last minute field goal punk’d wwwhzzz’s ASS in TECHMOBOWL. holy cow it was sweet, it is the reason he is now de-bearded ya heard? i control the facial hair of that dude
3) the old fashioned restaurant is awesome. and more props to the newly shaven whwzza for pulling it together when the waitress didn’t bring him food. ha! sucker. but we fed him bits of our food and he was happy enough. michigan springer! holy cow.
4) i jogged by the lake and heard *crunch crunch crunch* of ice breaking up. cool!
5) this is not the late night list i had imagined, but i’m just going to keep on
6) o’neil has a bachelor pad to be envied. included in the pad is a TV, couch, wii, HBO, Jim Beam, various peridoiCALs, proximity to a “fetish” bar, and a distinct orange smell in all common areas. awesome. also Clevelands restaurant is now called something else.
7) tobacco lofts were awesome and swordless. goldy pictures were taken and a meal was prepared and eaten at the midnight hour, this is how we roll in wisco.
9) also included in my trip to madision was a jaunt to the arboretum, it was fun, and spring was in the air! O and W regaled me with the advantages of small government and i gave them tax payer bonuses. anyway it was muddy out there but in a good way and we all came away pleased with our day spent in nature. I ONLY LOVE YOU ON THE FIRST AND… FIFTEENTH!
10) finally, it was time to go, so i packed my floppy hat in my flower bag and began a walk to the union via state street, and when i noticed a random check cashing place i was saddened, but i then noticed scanner dan and was heartened. didnt’ get in the plaza or nicks, but no big loss there, all in all it was one romantic as hell trip and fun to see all my pals. the end. except peterstifflly, i would have liked to see him too. the end.
sunglass dude, screw you.
even tivo sells their branded HDMI cable for $29.99 when they are notorious for markups ($60 usb wi-fi when linksys and d-link were getting about $30)
best buy also only carries the brands that will play ball on price fixing with all the other manufactures of similar products. i just got a toshiba tv. it does 2 things that fix problems that have always pissed me off with tv’s.
1) taking a 4:3 picture to fit on a 16:9 screen. current methods include
1a) linear horizontal scaling
2a) small zoom + linear horizontal scaling
3a) big zoom until the sides are filled.
1a can suck my nuts even though most people use it. i can not watch squished people talk at me. and shit like basketball makes it look they are working with a different constant for gravity, then i get back on the court and my game is FUCKED)(QE&^@^)$
1b is a solid compromise, but it can still suck my ass
1c is retarded, hey lets just chop everyones heads off.
all this because the worlds computer programmers are by and large USELESS. any problem harder than take that value and add it to that value and show the result and they are crippled. most can’t even make that add work. well, TOSHIBA solved the problem. logarithmic lens scaling. they brand it as TheaterWide. everyone looks very natural, my bball game has never been better.
and 2) watching in a bright sunlit room compared to a complete dark room changes the way the colors look and how much my eyes have to strain to look at the screen. TOSHIBA also fixed this with an ambiant light sensor and auto-adjustments that are right on the money.
ALSO, even though i got it for free through my online doo-dings, it is by far the cheapest. usually marked down to $1000. but don’t try and get it at best buy. for the same type of tv without those features they charge $1300+ and they don’t want TOSHIBA sweeping in and dominating their sales. sony and hitachi would get all butt hurt.
BEST BUY IS NO LONGER PROVIDING YOU WITH THE BEST OPTION. THEY SHOULD CHANGE THEIR NAME TO WORST BUY.
best buy… this isn’t out of spite or general anger towards society…. I USED TO LOVE YOU. LOOK WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO YOURSELF. YOU DISGUST ME. WORST BUY!#()*%^&)!(#^&
sorry for jumping on your list cal. long post love is the most erotic.
worst buy!
cal, if it helps you enjoy the song more, know that i’ve never gone ass to mouth. it’s a joke meant only to justify those genteeel sensibilities you think i’m trying to break down. SMALL GOVERNEMENT)!(^*&)!(#&!
gross!
you would think it’s gross that i’ve never done it. greg must be over your shoulder
here, read a smart guy explain it
$10 HDMI for life. even though it’s no different than USB cables that are usually under $3. fucking marketing and changing standards. POLITICS. SMALL GOVERNMENT()@#&^)(#@&^
we should use cat 5 for everything. i like the click lock.
even apple, who invented the gouge charges $19.99
59.99 best buy? really?
FUCK YOU.
cal you forgot to tell about the rock band experience. Our band was insane- Alanis would be proud of you and Oneil–and your Fortunate Son solo was a hit!
it was great to see you- sorry you never got to see our pug infested pad.
air hockey championships this week. lets get a pool going to stake wwhazz
fucking retard reporter… posted on the 18th, and dude says “this weekend”… when the championships where the 13th-15th. if you write your stories a week early, the world doesn’t wait for you, retard. Doug Lockwood, you are a giant retard.
here are the videos from the official event page that has obviously already ended. pool closed.
Fantastic!
“He said he doesn’t want to look back in 20-years and regret he didn’t take his air hockey skills as far as he could take them.”
Me too!
“Huynh said he treats it kind of like pitching a baseball.
He said he originally only had one straight shot so he just kept practicing the one shot and he became pretty good at it.”
Yep. I have 3 solid shots and 2 ok shots.
.
I need a good table and some time to practice. I’ve been watching youtube videos and I see some things that I can almost grasp. I busted out a new shot on moneypenny last week, the creeper, and it worked really well. Problem with it, though, is it isn’t too difficult and he picked it up and started using it on me.
My shots:
Str8 left
Str8 right
Right bank
Back hand
Back door danny style slow (a fake backhand)
creeper
I played a dude in Middleton a few weeks back. He loved air hockey and would pay for the game if people would play him. Before I met him, I was the only person that I ever met who did this.
He was really good and beat me 2 games to 1, but his main defensive move was the horse hoof which is illegal. I mentioned this to him, but he claimed it wasn’t so I let it go and did my best. I want to be a Rocky champion and overcome. Rocky didn’t complain when Tommy Gunn nailed him with kidney shots and takedowns during their street fight. Still, he was really good without having to use illegal moves and it was an honor to play him. He looked shocked that I beat himonce.
Also, the table we were using was a weird 75% size of a normal table and this changed things. I’d like to get him on a regulation table. Fuck, I miss my league.
Yay area and Texas are the only places that have leagues in this country.
Also, did you notice the champs grip in the video? That’s how to do it. I don’t meet many who hold it like that, but that’s the best way to do it.
wwhazz, you’re not allowed to reference Rocky V. That movie never happened.
i’m watching the air hockey finals!
right now they are stretching before the match begins
the commentator just asked someone to move their Margareta away from his computer. “so it doesn’t spill”.
wow they touch blockers before they play
one dude is named “davis” i think he is the favorite. wwhzz you have to train for next year. you have a whole year.
whoa davis got scored on in the first two seconds of play… HE’S JUST A MAN!
lots of fake shots, lots of scoring.
“davis is on fire”
it is true: i am a rock legend, moving from normal singing to falsetto with ease. it ain’t me, it ain’t me, i ain’t no senator’s son.
lemme see them goldy pictures of me rocking
bg i want to go solo, i’m breaking up the band, sorry. it’s me not you
you and o are hangers on
your band sucks
Davis, keep your goddamned margarita off my computer.
the dude that won had a giant bag full of shit. is it common to bring a bunch of your own… uh… hitters? the dude also brought out some windex or some shit but only sprayed down his side. what’s that shit about? doesn’t it clog the air jets? or is it like draino to clear the air jets? wwhazz, your style looks just like the guy who won… time to start hustlin
there is a weekly tourney in naperville, il… 150 minutes away, only $5 buy in… probably get some side games going after the tourney.
dude you should really just start your own league again. who else is going to do it? did you see that show on mtv on the guy that played mario crash party or whatever that game is like 20 hours a day and set up his own tourneys with $20 buy-ins and got like over 100 to show up and just took all their money… that could be you. you work at colleges, just put up flyers. i’ll host your website for free where you can post results and advertise tourney times and allow player collaboration. maybe even dropship hitters and spray for a commission. just find a bowling alley with 2 of the really nice tables, convince them to get a 3rd table and you’ll guarantee 16 people a week will show up. then it’s all graaaaaaaaavvvvvvvvvy
the shooting star at bay 101 is going on right now… strangely absent from the impressive list of players is the $1,025,000 man “dealer” danny nguyen. either he owns a city somewhere far east of here or he was whacked behind garden city and left in a dumpster sometime in 2006. how could not play in the tournament that is 100% responsible for your current position in life??? very odd. dealer fucking danny. dude would get off his 8 hour shift, take his $150-$200 in tip money, plop down at the 6-12 that he was just dealing at and proceed to lose it to me in about 25 minutes. over and over and over. i fucking love dealer danny. i’m the guy that gave him that nickname. that was me. i’m worried about him.
That air hockey info is from ’04. I’ll have to call to confirm.
Dealer Danny hit running sevens.
and just look at that smug mother fucker and his crew. i knew all of those guys. i don’t think the money lasted.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Danny_Nguyen
You should add your info: POWER TO THE PEOPLE!
Danny boy? lame.
remember that ETFC buy i put on with their $1 guaranteed protection? got down to $.70 and was at $1.40 a few days ago and now going down again of course (they should be bankrupt, but that will never be allowed to happen) you could have doubled your money. why are people not lining up with their millions for me to manage? my hedge is up ridiculous. made money on every move.
chartle proof. just more stupid economic laws based on integer dollar valuations that have no true intrinsic value. anyone who chooses to can be legally rich by destroying the potential of hard working americans. that is a dumb system.
in the mean time before cal fixes it, i am going to hu$tle
of course after a few days over $1 and over double avg volume giving everyone a chance to sell off their shares while “the invisible hand” put up $22M to keep the share price over $1 and thus avoiding delisting for another 30 days… and not making it look like obama failed the internet and banking at the same time. so of course short sell until it dips below $1 again, then start covering and going long with everything you can get. get rich or get richer or maybe die trying but not due to not getting rich, but maybe health problems.
o’neil, is any of this illegal?
if you miss the OLD tapenga, check out the movie outsourced. indian tapenga might even be better.
there is a difference between wanting to not have something and not wanting to have something else the definition of possession is the same as it existing. RIGHT?!(%*@^&)(!&#
blooooop. every weekend you hipsters break your innernets and the whazz goes dry. not having whazz is the same as not never always not having to not have it. YA HEARD(*!#^%(*!)#^&
fuck you, cal.
i drop beats. straight from-the-gap to wax….
and blast has-been cats with a platinum gat
i got the law in my backpack.
and 20 pounds of bud so your ass gets laughed at.
now drop it back to the tat tat.
check again i said tat tat.
and cal’s still whack.
peace
You get a prize for keeping this place running.I’ve been peeking in to read, but too lazy to post cuz I’m too busy with work shizzle and cal. Keep broadcasting, Christian Slater. Attach an antenna to your jeep and broadcast live. Drive around, play Tom Waits and kiss on some boobies: we will be listening.
Cal is still wack. Know who he took 1st round in our fantasy draft? Ian freakin Kinsler. Good luck with that, I took Brauny Braun Stamp and I’m expecting dingers for days. Greg’s playing too. If I get some energy later, I’ll post in detail about tecmo bowl and how cal swindled me out of my beard.
PUMP OF THE VOLULME! how horribly dated has THAT one become? i saw it in the theater… good soundtrack, homie. dude, tell the techmostory! a loving montage to techmobowl’s greatest players:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENfUFp2btL8&feature=related
tat tat i said that
MADD IS WACK
get this one on your wiis you wiis-wussys
i couldnt’ think of anytihg better and wii-wussys. sorry abou that
remember the “can’t miss” three point shot in double dribble? that ruined the game.
in action:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ed59WhzXlkk
real men play rc pro am. not a professional rc? no problem. amateurs welcome.
i’m back in the leagues of you working stiffs so i only get like an hour of poker now… today i decide a 4 way $38, $27, $27, $17 PLO8 9 man turbos. chipleader in all with 6 left. got 5th or 4th in all 4. pissed the christ off i upped the stakes to 4 more $60, $38, $27, $27. 1st 1st 1st 1st. WEEEEEEEEEEEEE. i still got it.
Wow, I had heard you’ve been on a streak of greatness lately. Wwhazz should tell his beard story– the way Cal hustled his beard off ‘im is one for the ages. Cal was all “I don’t think I’m really good at this game.” Wwhazz was all “I’ll bet you anything I can beat you, you turd.” Cal was like “oh me oh my, how about we bet that patchy beard of yours.” Wwhazz was all “hell yeah” then he lost and everyone went “whoa!” Cal was very satisfied with himself, and didn’t even complain (much) when dinner was delayed until 11:30 at night.
Actually, Cal’s last play makes the entire game– down by 1, he takes the kickoff and starts around his 30-40 yd line with not much time left on the clock. Wwhazz drops back into prevent defense and Cal throws a bomb up the middle. With 6 seconds left and Cal’s receiver running upfield wwhazz smirks that his beard is safe as his defenders closed in. Then, the field general’s hand was revealed: he ran out of bounds at the 30, kicked the field goal as time expired, and wwhazz was shocked into beardlessness.
Sorry about the tense mismatch up there, I got excited. Last night Spacebee and I made dirty rice with ground pork and chicken livers– it was good. Tonight is fried chicken, but instead of frying it we’re gonna bake. It’s been soaking in buttermilk, dijon mustard, pepper, and hot sauce overnight.
my greatest day. (tear)
trew trew… very very very good month. i will make far less this month working full time. bah
my tv would very much have me believe i am to be furious that $150 million of my tax dollars was given to failed investment bank AIG executives in the form of bonuses. sure, ok. we should all burn them alive. but then today some air force schmuck crashes a $150 F-22 on a test flight and not even a hint of encouraged furiousity. fool, i used to clear jetfighter II turbo missions like NOTHING. let ME fly the god damn planes if you can’t handle it.
MY TAX DOLLARS!#()*%&)!#^(&!)#^&(
$150 MILLLLLLLLLLLLION F-22. most expensive jet in the fleet. nice work, paco.
oh man, i’ve been commenting under a 2006 post for the past hour. did i go back in time? DOC SAVE YOURSELF!
it’s good to be back in the present time, my puffy red vest looks normal again. brown floopy hat still looks weird.
dude, it wasn’t a cord, it was a CARD. i responsibly called them, and then they LIED to me. i called every comcast retail location in northern cali and they all said they didn’t offer them and i needed to make an appointment which costs $75 (of course i got this waived later). the guy on the phone said that he just got the same tivo and it works great and he got his card at the sacramento location. i called there, they have never distributed them there. he was probably in india or new york and spends his day LYING to people. i am THE TRUTH. the truth is NEVER a problem. i fight for THE PEOPLE. the people who are LIED TO. like the people who sign up for freecreditreport.com.
i learned everything i know about poker from a womans basketball commercial: “either you are a risk taker or you aren’t, and if you aren’t you can never win big.”
in chess if you make a mistake you can be made to lose. in poker if you don’t make moves that are potentially mistakes, then you can’t win.
CAL! IT’S YOU AND GREGS’ KIDS! THEY’RE STRAIGHT!
floppy hats? where we’re going we doing NEEEEED floppy hats. just won a 22 multi for another g-ball. with 9 left as the very very slim cheap leader i offered an even chop, i had been talking my normal make you feel worthless game so 1 guy says he refuses any deal until i’m gone. i knock him out in 7th for 1/3rd what his chop deal would have paid and then go on to win it for 4x+ what my chop deal would have been. assholes finish first.
borderline drunk too… spelling the words right, just picking the wrong ones.
HOVA
HOVA
HOVA
HOVA
yo cal, do you like drinking cristal with all your lawyerin buddies? does it hit your leather pocketbook a little too hard? safeway now offers cristalito champagne for $6. ours is chilling. CRISTAL!#)(%^&)@($#^&)(@^ito
i will buy that. hova!
Hmmm. the madd scientist has foiled me again by tricking me into posting on old threads, it’s sort of like when superman tricked those three baddies into that square disk and sent them into space! my awesome observations are trapped in the past. MADD SCIENTIST! i’m yelling from the past, So we beat on, boats against the current, born back ceaselessly into the past what line is that from??? an american institution like the Chicago Cubs (see the past) no googling! first person to get it wins praise from me CAL!
HELP I’M TRAPPED IN THE MAZE OF THE MIND OF THE MADD SCIENTIST!
1) wrigley sucks. where are the slides and the ads and the shopping?
2) you will never escape.
oh, and if you went to safeway looking for cristalito, it’s actually cristalino. it says right on the bottle “#3 value brand”
that’s quality you can trustino.
technically you are still “poppin’ cris” so respect points still go up
poker sucked last night, cal. $38, $38, $27, $27, $27, $16, $16… lost them all. today i get an email from pokerstars saying they caught 2 people teaming up and cheating in tourneys i played in and was negatively affected in and to check my account history for “ADMIN CREDIT” for reimbursement. i thought i’d get a lot, and i needed some after last night, and it ends up being $10.80. how the fuck did they calculate that?
how did they catch the cheaters i wonder? know how sick of school i am? THIS sick
the email said they wouldn’t tell me how they caught them, which tourneys i played with them in, who exactly they were, and how they calculated the reimbursement.
generally there are 2 ways to cheat in tourneys:
1) squeeze play. the teamers will keep re-raising each other while a victim in the middle is forced to call or fold. generally one of the players has the best hand possible, and the other a junk hand… so they can detect that by looking for 3 way hands that include the 2 suspects where one has the best hand and the other has a weak hand and they keep reraising each other.
2) chip dumping. one teamer goes all in with junk and the other calls with the best hand. so if it was a $27 tourney, they had to pay $54 to get in, but now they have twice as many chips as everyone else… in a 9 man tourney that’s a pretty big edge… but ultimately not very profitable as “unknowns” can still muck up your plans. i can still hit that river 4 handed and bust them out losing 2 buy-ins instead of 1.
3) sharing cards and avoiding each other. they can tell each other their cards and know that there is that much less chance of those cards coming out, or that they should fold their KK vs their partners AA (if they aren’t chip dumping yet, but that would be a good spot to do it because it couldn’t be suspected of cheating… it’s way more suspicious that the KK folded… that’s how they might have got caught)
this has never happened to me before. they said they closed both accounts and seized all their money, so i shouldn’t be worried about it again…. that doesn’t make sense to me… if it was possible once, it’s probable to happen again.
whoops… 3 ways. incorrect list pre-count
interesting, i was thinking of #3, just talking over the phone and being like stay in! now go out! we win! we are the best! oh man five twenty i’m out of here. anyway here is a link to my cub jocking post that will hopefully pull our host out of his programmers shell… let’s here your mueller park love homie! I LOOOVVVE MUELLER PARK YOU CAN MOVE THE ROOOFFFFFF open, close, open, close, open, close, open, close, open, close. whoa is me my friends the A’s and the Brewers have some starting pitching dillemas. it was fun having CC for awhile there though wasn’t it?
http://whazzmaster.com/2006/12/18/charter-communications-the-worst-fucking-company-on-earth/#comment-53645
yo! vonnie! GET IN THERE AND WIN 20 GAMES! don’t worry about a thing, we’re brining in trever hoffman so we got u covered. what’s that? no, there’s no such thing as an “oblique” muscle anyway, he’s fine, he’s fine.
oh man i just found out ken macha is the brewers manager. not. good.
HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! (ooo ooo ooo) whazzmaster is a GIANT EMPTY CAVE. i am spelunking. MADDDDDDD SCI III III III III … IS anybody here????? KEN MACHA ahca… acha… acha… acha… probably another losing season eason… eason… eason… MACHA SUCKS ucks… uks… CAL IS THE COOLEST OOOLEST OOOLEST OOLEST MADD IS OVERWEIGHT EIGHT EIGHT EIGHT WWHZAZZZ SUCKS AT VIDEO GAMES ames ames ames ames
cal, don’t you get it. everyone else’s time is more valuable than yours. you have the luxury of wasting your time on some web site. THEY DO NOT. if they did they would post.
JUST THINK!#)(%&!)#(*^&!)&#(
Want to know what Rob Deer has been up to?
http://www.vizubat.com/index.html
correct as usual your majesty- quick- where’s it from???
nobody got “the great gatsby” in my last quiz so nobody gets the props… this one is less props but still…. you will get propers for this.
shama lama ding dong
mr roger’s neighborhood