I am going to talk about a video game that enraged me this morning– if you don’t like it then (jerks thumb) screw.
I had heard vaguely good things about a game called Puzzle Quest before, and I have enjoyed puzzle games in the past (Chuzzle, Zuma, Bookworm, etc.) so when I saw a featured game on Xbox Live Arcade called Puzzle Quest: Galactrix I bought it. What appeals to me is the ‘gather strength and weapons’ aspect of RPGs mixed with the puzzling action. I won’t get into exactly how Puzzle Quest mixes weapons and tetris, but if you even care you’re probably the type of person that can imagine how it works.
My progression was fine until this morning. As you defeat stronger enemy ships in combat you get money, cargo (which you can sell for money), and plans (which you can use to create new weapons and ships). You have the choice of purchasing new weapons and ships, or you can combine plans and cargo to create your own. I was content to purchase the weapons I wanted, or sometimes I crafted them. However, at a certain point in the game you face increasingly tough enemies who can wipe your little ship out in two turns. At this point all the weapons in the world can’t help you– you need a bigger damn ship.
So, as I mentioned above, the ships are obtainable in three ways: buying, finding, and crafting. You hardly ever find a ship, but that is how I moved from the small version to the medium version. I kept hoping to ‘find’ a big ship but so far no luck. I did, however, get plans for building a huge ship. It had lots of preconditions (an immense amount of cargo, and you have to solve an incredibly hard puzzle) but I spent all morning cruising around the galaxy, mining asteroids and running errands for asshole aliens. Finally, I have assembled all the ingredients to make my huge ship which will propel me to victory against the Borg– er, ‘Soulless’ (I see what you did there, developers).
Here I should explain how the cargo, or ingredients, work. Your ship can only hold so much. You can have up to three ships at a time. This becomes important later, but for some reason even though you fly and fight in only one of your three ships, your total available cargo room is calculated by adding up all three ships’ cargo capacity.
Ok, I got the ingredients, I got the plans, let’s craft ourselves a Voltragg Battlecruiser! Er, no. “You already have three ships in your fleet.” Hmm, ok, I’ll sell my smallest ship that I never use. Then I’ll have room in my fleet for my Voltragg Fucking Battlecruiser. (sell item) “You can’t do that because you have too much cargo.” So I can’t sell my smallest ship because my cargo would then exceed the combined capacity of all my ships– I already had a feeling of dread. I sold off all my excess cargo, the stuff that wasn’t necessary to build my battlecruiser; not enough. So I sold more, and more until I was able to sell the small ship. And now? I don’t have enough capacity to hold the ingredients to make my fucking battlecruiser.
My only option now is to sell all my cargo, and my second ship. Then buy a new second ship that I have no intention of using but that has a large capacity so I can put enough fucking cargo in it so I can have a third slot open so I can build a motherfucking Voltragg Battlecruiser. pant, pant. Fuck.
I should not have to buy a second (very expensive) ship (let’s call it the Stor-N-Save) just so I have somewhere to put the materials I’ll use to build my Eradicator of Worlds. Fuck you, game-makers.
Um… yes you should have to buy the second ship.
You don’t know dik about the galaxy.
No, I shouldn’t.
Also: Rickie Weeks is out for the season. His wrist done broke.
* brewers cry *
The season!?!?!?!
What the heck is a wrist sheath?
*I cry*
This does suck, but not the end of the road, esp with Gamel up now. Just move Hart to leadoff and platoon G-Man with Hall. Move the Counseller to 2b. Hall can play it too, I think.
Ah was wondering when that was coming out. I liked the first one. Now if only I could give up WoW for a little while to play a different game…
Oh Ricky, you were
The solution to my woes
At second base. 9 homeruns and
Those curly almost-dreadlocks
hidden ‘neath a filthy bandana.
Ode to Weeks
by K-Car
One fateful swing– strike three
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
A wrist but so much more, a link to
My baseball soul.
May God have mercy on your
supple, womanish wrist and your
tender arms. And find me
Another second baseman besides
The equally mediocre Marco Scutaro.
NOT MINE THE TITLE AND AUTHOR CUT OFF!!!
It’s K-car’s “Ode to Weeks” reprinted w/o permission from the author.
Balls
you totally should have to buy the 2nd ship.
you can’t have a new 3rd ship without a new 2nd ship. THAT IS A FACT.
your insurance premiums on your ship must have gone up with the recent rash of pirate attacks
Vince McMahon seeing a promotional opportunity as always. This is weird. Jonathan Coachman aka Coach, who used to be a backroom interviewer as a character on WWE, who has been an actual anchor on ESPN for a few months now, doing a real interview with the real businessman Vince McMahon. I’ve having trouble keeping my realities straight.
peterstiffly: omfg the brewers swept two series in a row
to all: i bought a second goddamned ship and spent yesterday re-acquiring the cargo to build my death star
peterstiffly again: yes there are pirates, as a matter of fact
1) CARGO! dude, i need more cargo, now i need less cargo. i was thinking about a good slogan for guam and i thought one would be GUAM: LIKE HAWAII
2) i pummeled wwahzzz at fantasy baseball, he never stood a chance.
3) hey, i like the borg. remember they used to plug themselves into their cool square ship. that ship gets my vote for BEST SHIP.
4) sorry for your loss of weeks, like you didn’t see THAT coming.
hey bro, i see your kiva dudes are nearly paid back… time to log in and spend that capital!
i don’t know what’s up with this dude
http://www.kiva.org/app.php?page=businesses&action=about&id=70295
only 42% paid up… time to break kneecaps
I use my backseat for cargo and it really cheeses off whazzmaster because he has to move it whenever I pick up his green non-car owning ass.
I was indeed pummeled 3-7-2 though should cal use his magic balls to view the future (like he apparently did with Weeks) he will she that his team is made of ticky tacky and he’s doomed.
Nice pick up of Nick Johnson…
how come on kiva you can filter by gender, but not by race?
Better question: how come nothing on that racka frackin website even works?
The Maddd Stabbber is loose in the park where I hunt morels and walk my dog! SWAT team dispersed!
Update: not the stabbber, some other killer. SWAT is still out though.
One nice note: I got a message from my wife and lawman telling me not to go to my mushroom patch today. Lucky for me, my phone was in the car and I was already there! No morels but I did see a machine gun. Oppsie poopsie!
I know that park better than anyone. They should deputize me.
http://www.channel3000.com/index.html