Whatever I don’t know what to write on this webzone anymore. So I’m back from India and I’m sorry I didn’t update with more updates before I left but I think the lack of hamburgers got to me after a while and I just stopped caring anymore.
I’m looking forward to the DOO-BOO-QUEUE trip and hey! Maybe we could even get the Bunkster to meet us down there? I’ll do some investigative reporting and find out what’s up. In the meantime, you guys argue in the comments for awhile.
245 thoughts on Adam Q. Peanutbutter III
what are you doing this saturday night? if you can make it to eau cleezy in the morning, i’ll drive you UPNORT a bit and we’ll caveman style around some woods all night until we pass out around a bon fire. for sport, softballs will be whazzzzzed with homemade mallets. all are invited.
PS, you broke the shitbox.
i have an idea for diamond jos…. how about we all bring like $900 in small bills, then after they sort out all that mess, someone says… “wait a minute… isn’t this the place with the jerk boxman that said he hopes we fall on our faces?” then we say “fuck this shithole, OFF TO MYSTIQUE”, and head to the cage and cash out and walk out the front with every hand in the air facing back to the tables with both middle fingers extended.
CALCALCALCAL.
HOW CAN ONE PERSON MAKE ONE WEBSITE SO ONE SHITTY(*&#!%&)*!#%*&()!#^&*()
Hmm, this thing is pretty fucked up.
Is this becuase of gravatars?
when you submit to 3rd parties, you eat 3rd party shit.
#FB0BITCH
i like how the #0BITCH email thread worked where i pointed out you didn’t want to be included anymore, and then every single person still hit reply-all.
i think i might be a genius again today… i’ll post here first
pluralopoly (copyright)
pluralopolist (copyright)
pluralopolism (copyright)
pluralopogy (copyright)
basically not being against FB, or for something else… just never just one.
#0BITCH
goddamn it… jaybird… in april of 2012(*&!#%(&*!#^
SO CLOSE. I AM NOT CLEVER AT ALL(*!#%^&)*(!#%^)*(!#*(&)!#^&*()!#^$
UNORIGINAL GARBAGE(*#&!^%&*)(!#^
Ok, unfucked
Let’s get on that peach story, cla.
Guess:
Stuck in greg’s butt?
or
You read the part in Shipping News where Quole describes a pit as a “little hen’s brain” and you ejaculated in your pants. Wife, unbeknownst, handled your
soiled panties and got herself knocked up. YOU ARE HAVING A Baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i’m guessing bugs or worms.
i KNOW greg is involved.
CAL)(!*#&%)(!#*&% come back. it’s fixed.
still thinks it’s 9:10 at 5:22… but incorrect timestamps are part of the fun.
whazzman, are you naming that shorty “leroy jenkins MP”???
choked on the pit? in ur butt? in hur vag?
#GROSSSTORYCAL)*(&#%!)&*(!#%
i’m working over here, you’re gonna have to wait. #suckas
get back to your “JOB”
#blower
who is working at 9:34pm?????
#LIAR
yo cal, i found a new knife for you
#parentingprotip: a TXT of “BBZZZ” means “come to the baby, and gently ensure their confort in, and transport to, their designated extended sleeping area, and, also, also add that cal sucks.” (copyright)
#THISFUCKINGDUNGEON#(*@!#(*%&!)(&#$%!#%
shit… i think i got drunk last night… i clicked that knife link and it says “You purchased this item on October 23, 2012.”
I love that “frequently bought together” includes a link to a bullet knife.
Two great tastes that go great together.
1. Can you believe these GIANTS??????????????? the mighty VERLANDER! CRACK CRACK CRACK! 3 home runs! zito knocking in runs?????????? Did you KNOW? the last (and only) time a player hit three home runs in AT&T park was the FIRST game ever played there in 2000? Did YOU KNOW?????? The GIANTS had the fewest home runs of ANY TEAM in the MLB this year? DID YOU KNOW????? buster posey is the ONLY GIANTS position player who was on the 2010 world series team???????? GIANTSGIANTSGIANTSGIANTSGIANTSGIANTSGIANTSGIANTSGIANTSGIANTS
2. So so so so glad i am smart enough not to open a scientist link at WORK. yeah that’s just a gun knife i’m buying on amazon no big deal. i might buy the bullet knife too.
3. ok peach story. PREPARE YOURSELF. one week ago today i was fixed gear bicycling my way home and my eyes started to water. waterwaterwater. i was like wtf. so i got off my bike and put some drops in my eyes. i carry drops because i carry a GIANT PURSE on my back when i ride my bike and i keep all sorts of shit in there. so drops. waterwaterwater. and then… swellswellswell. W T F. swellswellswell eyes are now swelling at a rapid pace. waterwaterwater swellswellswell. now upper lip is swelling and FUCKING FINGERS ARE SWELLING. waterwaterwater swellswellswell so i start to freak and take two Benadryl also carried in my GIANT PURSE. swellswellswell. benydryll is doing fuck all. upper lip swelling eyes swelling like crazy and FINGERS so i’m like i gotta get to a hospital. i lock my bike and try to get a cab. no dice. no cab no cab no cab swellswellswell. WTF. so i stop this woman walking past and i’m like you have to call 911 and i think she thinks i’m just crazy because i LOOK CRAZY but i’m like, no YOU HAVE TO CALL 911. cut to fire truck ROARING up. weeoooooweeeeeoooooooweeeeoooo. so they stick me on the back of their truck and give me a shot of more benedryl (i think?) and check my breathing by lifting my shirt and notice i am COVERED IN HIVES. WEEOOOOWEEEEOOOOWEEEOOO now the ambulance is here. they give me an IV and a shot of epinephrine – I have since learned this is basically adrenaline to bring down swelling ? i think? In the ambulance i notice it doesn’t seem to be getting WORSE and this is incredibly comforting. now at the hospital i catch a glimpse of my reflection and I look like i’ve just gone 10 rounds boxing some dude who fights better than me. i say aloud: I LOOK AWFUL! the ambulance dudes are like “you look a lot better than you did when we got there” so hospitalhospitalhosptial 4 hours later they let me go home. made me take effing predinisone for a few days which is a steroid and one that, as i learned from phil violoi’s wife then girlfriend, is the drug with “the most side effects I know of” AWESOME. but whaterver i survived. i’m off the crap now.
UM so what CAUSED THIS FREAKISH occurrence you ask??? well friends, i awakened that fateful morning to my usual breakfast, oatmeal with bananas and rasins. mmmmm i highly recommend it to start your day. nothing suspect there. around noon i was planning to eat the lunch that i brought to work but had a few things to finish up… that turned into 3:00 pm and still no lunch. so somebody has these PEACHES and is like hey, do you like PEACHES? and i’m like, yes, i do like PEACHES. bla bla bla i just got thse great PEACHES from the farmers market out front. so i take a GIANT PEACH and eat it and i’m like thanks and i don’t bother to wash it or anything. then, two hours later as I cruise home on my fixed gear bicycle: WHAMMO.
now the question: wtf? PEACHES? I eat peaches all the time so I dont’ get it. however, after ten minutes with google i learn that peaches need lots of pesticide to keep their shelf life and also they retain the pesticide. they are like big pesticide sponges. so my conclusion is that they sprayed the shit out of it with some shit and it almost killed me.
but how do you know you’re just not allergic to PEACHES? get this, my boss bought some peaches from that farmers market about a year ago, brought them home and WHAMMO wife eats a PEACH and off to the hospital she goes.
so hospital dr dude asked me a very good question when i told him i didnt have any food allergies… THEN WHY DO YOU CARRY BENADRYL in your giant purse? touche monsieur dr…. foiled again. I do have SLIGHT allergies to raw food and to be honest, even though NOTHING like this has EVER HAPPENED to me before… in the back of my mind i was like, can’t hurt. plus i use it if any pals have cats and stuff. now in my giant purse i have a device containing epinephrine that i jab into my thigh if this ever happens again same thing people who are allergic to bee stings carry. watch out if i get drunk i just my jab you.
so that’s my story. I am better now.
holy crap this is totally what happened to me… something called Anaphylasis…
“Anaphylaxis typically presents with many different symptoms over minutes or hours[2][3] with an average onset of 5 to 30 minutes if exposure is intravenous and 2 hours for foods.”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anaphylaxis
Jesus fucking Christ: SUE.
Class action, you are dude’s wife.
Sue the guy who gave you the peach. Sue your boss for allowing poison peaches in the office. Sue the vender. Sue the farmers market. Sue the city health inspectors. Sue the state of California. Sue the asshole who grew the tree. Sue the pesticide company.
Did this really happen:
” There may be confusion, a loss of bladder control or pelvic pain similar to that of uterine cramps”
Jesus.
Sue yer boss…
Haha, boss.
It’s nice to know that cal’s tale of WHOA! will forever be preserved here in AQPB3.
sue mexico.
the HWK had oatmeal with bananas this morning. i haven’t eaten yet. i’m thinking 2 eggs and 2 sausages on top of 2 blueberry eggo waffles folded like tacos.
too much coffee lately, so i’m pairing with a green tea.
that predinisone is going to give you raisins.
#gurldik
wausau about to get wet
new knife for cal, purse
i am cheering for the giants. i love that the giants have their own fool with bleached dreads to counter the stale prince of detroit, BUT BUT BUT, MOHAWK. things are ALWAYS better with mohawks.
there are only 3 people that have ever had 3 homer games in the world series…. one of them was babe ruth… HE DID IT TWICE)(&#%!)&(!#%^*()!#^*&(#^!@&*
cal, you jerk. no one else demands ransoms for DUBBIN.
i think your bounty is up to $150 cash, a complete “get a life” DVD box set, and a gun knife.
THIS JUST IN.
i’ll round that shit up to $200, you jerk. you’re probably going to die soon. think about all the peaches you eat. live a little.
#WHILEYOUCAN)(&*!#^)*(!#%^)*(!#^
i’ll also throw in an explorers DVD that will play in your european DVD player, for after you run out on your debts to america.
my favorite breakfast is pussy on toast
Joust runs a THR/SUN/MON night game. You only get dudes from 6 teams. I’m a fan. I’ve played either the $10 or the $5 10-man each week. It pays like a sng. I’ve had 4th 4 weeks in a row. They might not post until later this afternoon.
I joined this $5 game.
NFL – League
Week 8 – TFC’s PrimeTime Smackdown (Thu/Sun/Mon nites)
Fffffffffffffffffffff SF.
UP pride– I’m going for Prince.
UP pride = FUCK detroit
#SECEDE
Madison about to get wet
yeah right??????????????? how about that story. i almost can’t believe it happened. ever have your body suddenly REVOLT against you? it’s like whoa. PANIC. SWEARING AND PANIC. I left out how I went up to some laday at a stop light and OPENED HER CAR DOOR and was like you need to take me to a hospital NOW – I will show you where it is. she stared at me stunned and so i swore under my breath and shut her door and tried again to find a cab. from the first symptoms to the time the coast guard arrived i’d say was aprox 15 minutes. things esclated QUICKLY.
This didn’t occur to me but i wish it would have… that i was turning into a fly like in THE FLY. dude that is a DVD you MUST OWN. ONE CLICK POST-HASTE! goldbrook or whatever? that dude is awesome. i need to watch THE FLY.
Seek revenge on that lady. Bitch let you DIE in the street like a DOG.
I have two choices here: SF or Det. Lesser of two evils, bro. Carla has a ticket stub from the game where Der Verlander no hit the Brewers. She’s getting some if they win.
You want Carla to be boned right or some lady in a car who let cal die in the street?
duuuuuuude you need to root for the GIANTS. they came back from three games down against cincitti IN cincinatti and then came back from three games down AGAIN against st.louis??? that alone is enough to root for them. plus they win with DEFENSE! and marco scutaro is playing like a f%^$$&% hall of famer for crying out loud! MARCO SCUTARO is dominating! and they rest of them too! the whole crap lineup! they are on FIRE. they have no business even BEING in the playoffs. that LA Team has 10 times the talent but these dudes are on FIRE. they just beat the best pitcher in BASEBALL and not only did they beat him they DISMANTELED HIM. and BARRY ZITO throws 5 shutout innings and knocks in runs??????????? YOU HAVE NO SOUL.
and the argument for detroit: uhh we bought prince? go us.
people here are dumb and think they giants have the series in hand. HA! they think this team is actually GOOD. they don’t get it. they are NOT GOOD. they just WIN. please please please don’t go cold you Giant bats! they could go cold faster than my throat swells shut. LADY! I NEED TO GO THE HOSPITALAKFDNMALFKJDASLKFJDASKLFJDASKLFJASDLKFJDALKFJASKLFJD
how about that comb knife, cal…. think about it… before work… combing your hair to look your prettiest, then spending your lunch breaks whittling away on the back stairs behind the building.
#purseworthy
Their little comeback vs Cincy? Why would I give a fuck?
Defense? I like APPLE BALLERS
Fire? I like ice.
Payroll? 5th highest vs 8th highest… Zito’s aint cheap.
SF is a team with a history of cheating and the city smells like walrus shit.
Pablo Panda fcuked me in my pro league. Tubby bitch. I’ll take prince.
Plus I don’t want Greg to be happy.
Greg is guilty
what could have milwaukee afforded to pay prince? 10M? 5M? who needs more than 5M a year???? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU BUYING?%#(!&)!)(#%&
conclusion: prince is a turncoat jerk and i’d rather greg be happy than a turncoat win.
#DEALTWITH
new conclusion: prince likes to hop over to canada and bang 19 year olds in the club.
My counter: San Francisco, ick.
Icky, yucky, gross.
FUCK THE POLICE
… i’m not sure i’m even joking anymore.
america: give us your tired huddled masses…. and we will shoot them.
#BORDERPATROLNAZIS
that knife is scary. why do you keep picking scary weapon knives. i like old timey pocket knives dude. how about them GIANTS! I’m sorry you haven’t been able to get a world series berth over there in wisco it’s pretty fun. guess where i watched game 2? oh just mcteauges on polk street no big deal. ick you say? MY CITY HAS A MCTEAGUE THEMED BAR. you cannot deny that. YOU CANNOT
the comb knife is too scary?
i just looked through all my old school shit looking for my first knife… couldn’t find it. it was one of those old timey hunter folders.
i did find a little pencil tip thing… like a domed bubble the diameter of a quarter, with a felt bottom and 2 tiny pea-sized dice. i’ve been in the game since grade school.
#boyz2men
what did it look like? find it on google and post a picture. here is my first knife purchased with “camel dollars.” we had over 1000 of those things back in 1992… do you remember that promotion? every pack of camel cigarettes had a “dollar” coupon on the back and you could “buy” things out of their catalog? everything we “bought” broke immediately but that was a fine pocket knife. it’s got joe camel fishing #outdoorsmancamel
http://i.ebayimg.com/t/Camel-Joe-Gone-Fishing-Pocket-Knife-Lockblade-Wood-Handle-Kutmaster-/00/s/MTIwMFgxNjAw/$T2eC16ZHJGwE9n)yUZSEBQKzN7l4Tg~~60_35.JPG
something like this
ah yes, the traditional Buck 110. the most most imitated pocket knife there is. I don’t have any buck knives because they are pretty expensive are now made in china. plus not old timey enough for me.
whatever. your knife is imitated, jerk.
maad city
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ddvxGkARHA
I know some rappers using big words
To make their similes curve
My simplest shit be more pivotal
I penetrate the hearts of good kids and criminals
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGg5cXJzeVU
That champion knife you gave me is awesome. Old Timey and sharp as fuck. I whittled an apple into a functional device. I also shaved a few hairs off my own face.
Life is short, cal. You of all people should know this. How you living since the peach pit? Did it light a fire? At the very least, did it motivate you to burn down Diamond Jo’s and meet is in Dubbbs?
Perhaps a last second priceline attempt?
Braun is signed with the Brewers until 2020. SUck that egg, cal.
Back when he signed his 45 mil contract that ran til 2015 he took heat from other players and agents because they thought he was costing them money by taking a smaller contract.
His response was fantastic. I cannot find the exact wording but it was a brush off and something along the lines of “I cannot think of a single thing that I cannot buy for 45 million dollars.”
Found it. Ha, wikipedia:
Braun’s agent, Nez Balelo, crunched enough numbers to show him what he potentially could have made over the life of this contract if he had chosen not to sign it. “But the question I ultimately asked myself was, `What can’t I buy with that amount of money?”‘
Prince is too fat and too dumb to possible have a thought like that. His lizard brain and sense of right and wrong is akin to the Don.
Of course he had Scott Boras as an agent.
whazz skim = prince prince prince.
i had something pressing to report.
i forgot.
thanks a lot, assholes.
oh, right… those gun knifes…
one reviewer said something like “1 star – JUNK! TOTAL CRAP DO NOT BUY, NO ONE SHOULD BUY THIS. GARBAGE”
now…….. it’s a gun knife. irony knows not junk… that’s why it’s irony. ironic? so, my boozefueled expectations were mildy shattered, but i hadn’t hoped for much more.
then it came. very solid. very functional… speed safe open and lock… smooth, solid, sturdy, clarity, cut. they are way perfect… i even thought that they might just be stylized on one side… actually, i had expected that. NOPE. both sides… the blade is sharp as fuck. it says on the side that they were designed in the USA, but “handmade in china”… craftsmanship is superb, but the design made that much easier. there are real wood grips… detail etched… perfectly… maybe stamp outs, but they are PERFECT stamp outs… but still real wood… so whats the difference? why pay some lawyer to whittle your loon when a machine could duplicate the effort a million times over non-stop???? the gun frame is real metal, also highly and PERFECTLY detailed. like… this thing is perfect.
$7.
what a country.
#USAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSA
oh, yeah… knifeSSSSSSSSS…
i guess i couldn’t make up my mind on the color, so i just got them both.
#GREATDECISION
it’s matter-of-factly opulent, yet still humble and classy.
how are there not enough brauns around to fill every team????
or can any team only have 1 braun???? is that what major league 2 was about?
#BUSYDOINGSHOTSWITHUECKER
#HATERSGETDEALTWITH
NIce
Team #1 $10-55man
QB Michael Vick $188,000
RB Willis McGahee $158,000
RB Jonathan Dwyer $46,000
WR Julio Jones $139,000
WR Mike Wallace $138,000
WR Demaryius Thomas $167,000
TE Brent Celek $73,000
K Justin Medlock $45,000
DEF Oakland Raiders $45,000
Team #2 Super Joust Qualifier
QB Peyton Manning $225,000
RB Darren Sproles $101,000
RB Jonathan Dwyer $46,000
WR Marques Colston $209,000
WR Eric Decker $150,000
WR Mike Wallace $138,000
TE David Thomas $36,000
K Justin Medlock $45,000
DEF Oakland Raiders $45,000
#3 $5 10-man sng
QB Aaron Rodgers $284,000
RB Chris Johnson $151,000
RB John Kuhn $40,000
WR Kenny Britt $88,000
WR Brandon Gibson $71,000
WR Reggie Wayne $152,000
TE Rob Gronkowski $114,000
K Justin Medlock $45,000
DEF Detroit Lions $52,000
i’m in a couple of the free tourneys… planning on a 2 $10s for tomorrow…
No idea what to do with the pack.
Jordy is questionable… it should be a blowout. Even if he does play, will they let his stats pile up or pull him?
Is it Cobb time again?
I hate Jones as a fantasy option, personal reasons.
Is it time for Jermichael to explode? Will Kuhn get a cheap TD? Will Green actually do something beyond 40 yards on 20 carries?
Coooooooooach!!!!!!!!!!!
whoa, love.
i’m home working. drunk d00d forest weekend called off.
i have never EVER seen jones do anything wrong EVER.
#alieiliketotell
2 $10′s is just about perfect action.
I went 2 $10 and 2 $5, just to be sexy.
That $10 Super Joust Qualifier will have between 170-200 in it. It’s not a bad deal.
Prize: $2,000 ($50,000)
1 – $0.00
2 – $250.00
3 – $150.00
4 – $100.00
5 – $80.00
6 – $60.00
7 – $50.00
8 – $40.00
9 – $30.00
10 – $20.00
11 – $20.00
12 – $20.00
13 – $20.00
14 – $20.00
15 – $20.00
16 – $20.00
17 – $20.00
18 – $20.00
19 – $20.00
20 – $20.00
21 – $20.00
Cal’ed off because you had to work or Cxl?
I graded shit all weekend. Reading all the oatmeal was painful.
I was like, fuck: I need an intern.
Bed time. Sweet farts.
just work… 5 other d00ds freezing out there right now.
i just set up my $10 super joust qualifier:
QB Ben Roethlisberger Pit v. Was Sun 1:00pm ET $179,000
RB Willis McGahee Den v. NO Sun 8:20pm ET $158,000
RB Mikel LeShoure Det v. Sea Sun 1:00pm ET $86,000
WR Randall Cobb GB v. Jac Sun 1:00pm ET $155,000
WR Mike Wallace Pit v. Was Sun 1:00pm ET $138,000
WR Ryan Broyles Det v. Sea Sun 1:00pm ET $69,000
TE Tom Crabtree GB v. Jac Sun 1:00pm ET $57,000
K Ryan Succop KC v. Oak Sun 4:05pm ET $63,000
DEF Green Bay Packers GB v. Jac Sun 1:00pm ET $92,000
Back on the Roth/Wallace train. Me too.
I like Crabtree cuz he’s cheap, but what about Finn? I worry they feed the baby some cheap td in a blowout. Give him something to tweet about. I went with Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy’s and back up TE for the saints. Jimmy g is hurt and their o has a lot of TE plays. I also went Dwyer as a cheap start. Redman and mendenhal are hurt. A starting rb for 46k? I’ll roll with that.
I think Seattle is a joke and Detroit is gonna whoop em. Detroits offense is due for a big game. I like the pick ups though would prob blow skrill on Calvin. I like broyles cuz hes cheap, but have no trust In him.
Willis and Cobb: good
Pack d? I don’t ever spend cash on d. Too unpredictable. Garbage time 4th quarter tds eat up all the points. I think that Detroit d looks good. Seattle is not a good offense and they have a rookie qb on the road in a loud done.
I also like that this lineup is a bit random. No one less will have this so if it hits you make skrill.
main reason i didn’t head to the forest was that rach-o gave away our SUV that i was planning on taking to sleep in… and the ack has Z rated low profile tires, and i’m pretty sure they wouldn’t survive a few miles on pitted dirt roads in the middle of nowhere.
she dumped the shorties on her parents, but met them half way, and they weren’t willing to move the kids and the stuff from rach-o’s car into theirs, and rach-o let them know that i needed the car this weekend, but they didn’t care and demanded to ruin my fun.
#THANKS
pokajill is in 2nd of 211.
#BALLLLLLLLLLLIN
i’m hanging my dik out
Sounds like they might be haters.
i like how most of your picks are in the night game… better sweat that way… you know what you need to do.
Cooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
98K well spent, son.
You want to partner on the Super Joust game?
Not moving the kids and the junk is pure lazy. This is ruing america.
Car seats are as easy as clicking a seatbelt.
lots of people went with that Dwyer value play…
Friday night on fantasy radio is was all the rage. I was like SHUT UP.
IT
IT was all the rage
It = washer and dryer
shut up because it’s not worth talking about, or shut up because you don’t want your competition to have that info?
Stop spreading the info
i thought crabtree was ready to explode as a sleeper in a fresh face offense.
#worsepickever
i just booed the driver TD… needed some corn money
Set your kicker as the cheapest dude possible.
First move.
Medlock 18.5
Last week it was Chuck Lindell at 11.3
Cornmoney, bro.
Sitting around trying to predict was a dick kicker is going to do is shit sport.
Radio dudes were blah blah blah balh Medlcok is poop.
He’s an nfl kicker. Suck it. He’s fine. As good as any.
rach-o just set a lineup for a $1 sun/mon night league.
this is her team:
QB Drew Brees NO @ Den Sun 8:20pm ET $275,000
RB Kendall Hunter SF @ Ari Mon 8:30pm ET $53,000
RB LaRod Stephens-Howling Ari v. SF Mon 8:30pm ET $85,000
WR Michael Crabtree SF @ Ari Mon 8:30pm ET $82,000
WR Devery Henderson NO @ Den Sun 8:20pm ET $91,000
WR Demaryius Thomas Den v. NO Sun 8:20pm ET $167,000
TE Joel Dreessen Den v. NO Sun 8:20pm ET $75,000
K Garrett Hartley NO @ Den Sun 8:20pm ET $75,000
DEF Denver Broncos Den v. NO Sun 8:20pm ET $88,000
Nice, get her hooked.
I’m in 3 of 103 in the Sunday Late $1 and 5th in the 55-man $10.
LaRod!
3rd the the 55-man
I need Willis
Stttttttuter?
uggggg…. i keep having baller 1st quarters and then fizzle out.
i am very bad at picking TEs. always get 0.
#MENOMONIE
It’s a tough game. I am a lifetime $50 depositor and my account reads: $50.93
The key to this sport is to treat it like dog racing (or pig or horse) and place multiple bets. Watching one lineup run is fun but difficult. Of course, it takes money to place multiple bets and then the big ol rake is taking multiple bites… it might be impossible to win.
But I am hooked. And this is the only gamble I can do with my computer until maddddd poker opens.
Let’s chat this week on a hangledangle and set some lineups.
Or quit our jobs and open our own fantasy site.
There was a dead rabbit in my yard today. His guts were all ripped out. Bird of prey or a tiny wolf, my guess.
Thankfully, the frost froze him in a nice tidy pile of fur and bones, so cleanup was a snap.
Other news, we left our kid in Hortonville last night. We had a free night, which we used to… sleep. I partied a little, but got up early to work in a coffee shop. It’s amazing how much I can get done without that little bugger.
The new game in out house is “I wish I had cal as an intern.”
We day dream about all the tasks cal could help us with.
Out house!!!!
Tiny phone, tiny letters!!!!!!!!
i could use an out house intern.
meet the world’s newest moneypenny
for daily joust… when they have those $1 games with $50 guaranteed…. and like 150 people sign up… it looks to me like “$50 guaranteed” means “$50 guaranteed, no more, no less”
so they are taking in $150 and only paying out $50???
instead of getting rich i spend my days on conference calls with europeans stumbling over firewall configurations and SAP integration.
i long for freedom.
madddddddddddddddpoker will be a cash only deposit withdrawl with trusted local banking admins.
SAP, Oracle, Microsoft……. what a joke.
all of them produce a product that could be entirely created and maintained by a single person.
#EASILY
lazy goddamned computer nerds can’t move the kids from car to car)(&#%!)(*!#^()&*!#%^)*(!#%^)*(!#^
i am very much entertained by pictures from “ocean city” new jersey being flooded over the first level of most buildings…. it truly is a city in the ocean.
LOL
last week i tried to watch one of those fantasy analysis shows on ESPN……… couldn’t do it.
#NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDS(*&@%^#&)*(!^#)(&*!^#*()!#^*)(
this was my team for the sun/mon night… i’m in 13th of 123… 10 pay. i only have 1 d00d left to play, so i think i’m toast.
QB Peyton Manning Den v. NO 34-14 Final 24.60
RB Pierre Thomas NO @ Den 14-34 Final 5.40
RB Willis McGahee Den v. NO 34-14 Final 20.00
WR Lance Moore NO @ Den 14-34 Final 3.25
WR Eric Decker Den v. NO 34-14 Final 17.30
WR Kyle Williams SF @ Ari Mon 8:30pm ET
TE Joel Dreessen Den v. NO 34-14 Final 0.00
K Garrett Hartley NO @ Den 14-34 Final 2.00
DEF Denver Broncos Den v. NO 34-14 Final 4.00
GO KYLE WILLIAMS)(&!#%()&*!#%^098!^#)(*!#^*()
i’m still not sold on that washer dryer play…. what if the 3rd stringer is 3rd stringer because he fumbles a lot? -4 -4 -4 -4 -4 -4…. FUCKIN UP MY SHIT!)#(*!)&(#^)(*!#^*()
They are indeed taking in $150 and only paying out $50 plus a ticket. I’m not sure what the prize pool will be for the special tournament. It is prob on the website. My guess is 5K, at least.
The baseball versions of this tournament would settle at 60-90 players. The last week of the baseball season I was playing $5 worth of entries at a pop. My cashes were yielding a small profit and I won it on the 20th, 22, 26, and 27 of september. I also made the top 10 a shit load of times. So for $35 a week I won about $70 and 4 tickets. I blew all the winnings on $20 tournaments and I was on the bubble for the shit money in the tournaments.
Say la vie. Is it smart gambling? I am not sure. Do the larger football fields make it not worth it?
Washer and Dryer was a weird situation. $40K is the price of a backup. Any starter who is not in a committee is at least $70 K.
The prices were released before Mendehall and Redman were ruled out.
whazzmaster.com: LATER – C’MON MAN!
i start watching ESPN on mondays around 2pm just to watch the sticky graphics: “LATER – “LATER – C’MON MAN!”!”"!!!!
i’ll be watching WSOP final table coverage. i understand 1 guy came out to gangnam style.
#NERRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDS&WS&(*T&(*@(^&*%#!(*&!^#(&*!#%&)*(!^#
I hate fantasy sports tv. I don’t need some cock with a microphone telling me shit. My preferred method is to read simple lists. Radio is ok because I can drive and listen.
All that info is most useful as a news source. Who is hurt, shit like that. Also, when the whole world is thinking one thing, it’s usually safe the whole world is wrong.
Nothing pisses me off more than clicking on a story like “week 9 injuries” and then it goes to video. Why fucking bother.
#NOTHING
not a got dman thing
i’m trubbbbbbbbbbbin the live WSOP… they are playing down to 3… it’s been going over 3 hours and almost no one has dropped… i think they are still at 8. it was scheduled to go until 15 minutes ago… i guess we’re going long.
i’m also coding a rush job that needs to be done before i go to sleep as i have to present it to a bunch of german d00ds in the morning. wir haben keine banane heute. cal ist gesuchen. er ist gesucht.
i’m writing an interface adapter to their SOAP based WSDL XML service for bridge authentication…. oh, and also, run that shit through a proxy and double HTTP auth… to be SUPER safe… EU STYLE. oh… and if it’s not too much trouble, because we require it, also take all that shit and SHA512 encode that shit and base64 the result. oh… and then steganogrify all that shit to this PNG and upload to instagram. then enter team in daily joust and use the first 3 letters of each player in a team as a reference URL uploaded to tinyurl.com. then do it again to 10 other sites. then 10 more. keep encrypting. you can never encrypt enough. this is seriously getting ridiculous. why are we doing this. basing the buck over and over. endlessly. i don’t think this is going to end. i am pretty sure this is never going to end. encrypt it again. encrypt it again. encrypt it again. base64 encode it. now, encrypt it. now, encrypt it again. again. again.
uggg…. ok. well, now you have your custom adapter. have fun.
BASING)*(#!%)&(#!%)(&!#%
NO!#)%*(&)*(&!#%^*)(!#$^
passing.
PASSING)*&^$)&(!#^)&*(!#^*()&!#^*()&!^#!#^
#BIGBUTTONSNOHELP(*)&#!%^)&*(!^$#
You need an intern.
this WSOP is GOLD.
7 left… guy in 1st is named JESSE and has his entire meth crew with him… like 50 meth zombies in “JESSE JAMES” tshirts.
chilli P, yo.
$8M about to trickle down the hood, yo.
#yo
let’s timeshare cal.
jesse just won a big pot….
#CHIPLEADERBITCH
one guy’s name is “BALSIGER”… but lon mcehrhehehrron keeps saying “ball sucker” under his breath while chuckilng.
BALL-SUHKAH
jesse just got richer.
#NEWSTEREOYO
So it’s live? I don’t even know how this works anymore.
Where are all the old pros, the ones with magic powers? How on earth do these 20 year old Russians and meth zombies beat them?
ESPN, you sold a lie.
I love this pic:
http://www.jsonline.com/multimedia/photos/176410591.html#id_92586831
it’s live again tonight…. 3 left. i think it starts at 7pm on espn2.
jesse is still strong. ball sucker dropped to 3rd.
Greg Merson 88,350,000
Jesse Sylvia 62,750,000
Jake Balsiger 46,875,000
Level: 37 | Blinds: 300,000/600,000 | Ante: 75,000
#GOMETH
8pm on ESPN… finale gets bumped up from the deuce and put in PRIMETIME(#*&%^(*!#%^&*(!#%^&*(!
cal, let’s say you spent 2 days at my house, then commuted to madison for 2 days, maybe rhineland and get your wausau wet once in a while, visit mom and pops occasionally………
lets talk dollars. is their a surcharge for travel expenses, or do you just show up and slave for an hourly rate? daily rate?
do you have any references?
take one of the scenes from breaking bad with jesse and his mooch posse… now put them all in flashy shiny “JESSE JAMES” tshirts, and that’s what’s going on at the WSOP.
#LOTSOFMETHINVOLVED
cal, do you do windows? diapers? gardening? roofing?
are you good at ANYTHING???????????!#%(*^!%(#^*!%#&*()
WSOP is a real shit show.
Mr. Universe, have you seen this WWE fun:
http://lonelyvirgil.tumblr.com/
rach-o said there is #NOTHING worse than poker on TV… then i ass raped her.
lonely virgil… i had not seen that. a little sad… but he’s doing ok.
he can’t get a new sign? does the million dollar man ever show up???
jesse just ran off and you could hear on his mic “i’m going to the bathroom”
then he came back and 5 bet a pot to win 13M
#METH
merson 83ish
ball sucker 61ish
pinkman 53ish
if current chipleader (merson) wins, he would knock phil hellmuth off the player of the year… and this is the last tourney, so he would win.
so cheer for madison homeboy by cheering against merson… or fuck hellmuth… who cares.
nothing better to trubbbbbbbbbbb….
asshole giants did it in 4 so i would have 3 untrubbbbbbable nights. #THANKS)&(!#%089!%#
WSOP’s front row amy wears a red wig with her tanktop.
#METH
I watched for a little bit. But watching gets me sour that I cannot play.
It’s an interesting cultural event. I sometimes daydream about winning a world poker tour event and then spit taking the drink of michelob golden ultra low calorie beer.
The pro “coaches” is just fucking dumb.
Ug, I’m watching again
i’m working…. LIIIIIIIIIVE on TRUBBBBBB&*BS^*&S^BS*^&B^*&S^&*BS^(&*B^(BS^(*B^(*SB^(*SBSBBS
i hate how they are painting the guy as “not on the good” and requiring rehab for taking adderral and marijuana….
in some crazy states in this country, that is a common PRESCRIPTION)(&!#%)&(#!^*()&!#*(&!%
FUCK YOU HELLMUTH.
i am HOV.
you are NOTHING)(!#^%)*&(!^#)&*(!^)*(!^$)*(!^$
JESSE!
JAMES!
JESSE!!
i hate how they are painting the guy as “not on the good” and requiring rehab for taking adderral and marijuana….
?????????????
I’m in a quiet house with a baby who was hard to get down. I’m watching but real quiet.
Too quiet for trubbbs.
ONE.
MORE.
TIME()*&#!%&()#^)&(!^#)(&*!#^
I’M GONE SPIT ATCHUUU)*(&#!T&)*(!#^)*(&
SOME SHIT THAT GONNA GIT ATCHUU!#%)*%!#)&!#%^)&*(!#%U()
STOP!%#(&*
TALKIN…()&!%#)&(#%!^)&*(#%^
SHIT!!(&*!%#%*(#&#!^(&*)!#^&*()
the chipleader: benson henderson…. he smoked weed before bed, and took adderall while he played poker… then he decided he didn’t want to anymore, so he locked himself in a vegas hotel for 3 days and declared himself clean.
#JESUS
2 story house with bedrooms upstairs makes basement trubbbbbbbbbbbn’ approved 7 days a wizzzzzzzznake.
#PARTY
pinkman’s crew is chanting “RUFIO….. RU-FI-O….. RU! FI! OH!#@)*&!#^*(U)#^!”
like from PETER PAN(*&!#^&*(#^!
OH NO!)*&#^%)&(!#^
THE METH IS KICKING IN#!%Y)*(!#%)&*!^#)&*(!#^)&*(!#B *Y(&)!#TIOUYV#T!BK%#!BJKC~(Y&*V!#%
the heckling in live dolby 7.1 trubbbbbbbbbs is HIGHLY entertaining.
#LOTSOFBOOZEINVOLVED
pinkman just took a hit… he is short stack, buy still has over 60 BB.
ball sucker is making a run.
benson hendoerson is off his highs…. LITERALLY… AGAIN.
fun fact: while norm laid out his “off the good” troubled past, benson was chugging red bull.
#SAYLAVEE
BALL SUCKER IS ABOUT TO BLOW)*(!#%&&*()!%&*(!#^*)(&!^j
“HE MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE IT”#)*&!#%)&(!^#)&(!#^
“BALLS”OIU#T!&)#^)&(!#^
“TO SUCK”#!%)*&#!^)&(*!#^)(&!#^(U)!#^
BENSON HENDERSON#%)&!#^)&(!^#)(&*!^#
WITH A GREAT READ)($#^)&(!^#)(&!#^)&(!#^
AND A BIG POT COMES HOME)*(!#%)&#^%&)#^!)&(!#^
BALL SUCKER)(*&#!^)&(!#^)&(*!#^
booze: fueling this dungeon since whenever
Ah, coach. I gotta sleep.
We find out baby gender tomorrow. I’ll holler. I hope this game runs three handed for 2 months.
This is my first draft:
Pos Name Game Game Time Salary
QB Robert Griffin III Car@Was Sun 1:00pm ET $239,000 X
RB Arian Foster Buf@Hou Sun 1:00pm ET $261,000 X
RB Justin Forsett Buf@Hou Sun 1:00pm ET $40,000 X
WR Larry Fitzgerald Ari@GB Sun 1:00pm ET $100,000 X
WR Andre Johnson Buf@Hou Sun 1:00pm ET $92,000 X
WR James Jones Ari@GB Sun 1:00pm ET $109,000 X
TE Scott Chandler Buf@Hou Sun 1:00pm ET $55,000 X
K Rian Lindell Buf@Hou Sun 1:00pm ET $59,000 X
DEF Jacksonville Jaguars Det@Jac Sun 1:00pm ET $45,000 X
XML/EDI X12 EDIFACT TRANSLATION#^)*(&!#^&*)!^#&)#!^)&*(!#^
XML is the dumbest thing in the world. specified for dumb people BY dumb people FOR dump people FOR DUMP PEOPLE.
#HTMLISOK
RG3 = #TRENDING
This is my other one:
Pos Name Game Game Status Salary
QB Michael Vick Phi @ NO Mon 8:30pm ET $223,000
RB LeSean McCoy Phi @ NO Mon 8:30pm ET $168,000
RB Michael Turner Atl v. Dal Sun 8:20pm ET $89,000
WR Larry Fitzgerald Ari @ GB Sun 1:00pm ET $100,000
WR Andre Johnson Hou v. Buf Sun 1:00pm ET $92,000
WR Jeremy Maclin Phi @ NO Mon 8:30pm ET $107,000
TE Jimmy Graham NO v. Phi Mon 8:30pm ET $111,000
K Rian Lindell Buf @ Hou Sun 1:00pm ET $59,000
DEF Jacksonville Jaguars Jac v. Det Sun 1:00pm ET $45,000
do you intentionally delay your action to monday night games?
No. I always load up on whatever team is playing the Saints. It’s the football equivalent of loading up on whatever team plays the Rockies in Colorado.
I also let vegas do some of the heavy lifting for me and I focus on games that have high over/unders.
All that and the NFL tries to pick exciting teams for Monday and Sunday night games means I get a lot of dudes from those games.
I also usually build my QB, RB, WR, TE from 3-4 games. It makes it more manageable in my mind. Maybe I’m limiting myself, but this seems to work out.
These are the lineups for my superjoust qualifier and my $10-55man. These are my two favorite games. Both lineups are rough drafts. I might focus on the Saints instead. Not sure. Philly has a good pass D.
I also like playing a $5 10-man thrs/sun/mon night (for the primetime action) and a few of the ripoff $1 games for shits and giggles.
$25-30 in action per week works for me.
3 handed deep stack tournament pokers is such a weird thing. In most games dudes just chop the money and get on with their lives. I’ve been involved in heads up online battles that lasted an hour. It’s not really fun or like any other kind of poker. As long as you don’t make mistakes, it comes down to a race or a big hand vs a big hand. Both cases are luck. So it’s just sit there for hours and then flip a coin. You can go on 2 puss 2 and read about the deep theory involved if you are bored as fuck.
Maybe there are pokajill (holla!) type things happening over my head, but that’s my take on it.
Where the fuck are these 21, 24, and 26 year olds getting 10K to enter this shit.
Benson Henderson lives in Canada and plays 8 million hands a year. I can respect that grind with or without adderol.
But 21? What the fuck. Did he mow 10,000 lawns? He better not have student loans.
21… play 2-4 limit, you dick.
i was up until 5am and NO ONE WOULD LOSE(*&)%)&*!#^)&*(!#^ so i tapped out and went to bed. i sort of slept in, so the HWK just got cheerios and blueberries thrown at her face.
#OUTTHEDOOR
i still don’t know who won. there were 3 all-in dominations by benson, but the short stack idiots kept hitting 4-7 outers on the river.
Sounds about right. That’s exactly why most folks go CHOP!!! And then creep off with their winnings.
FUCK THE POLICE
wisconsin is doomed.
#THANKSCAL
Off to sex this baby.
d00d, you’re getting a dell
Good luck; it’s a weird feeling to find out in a darkened room filled with machinery.
…. looking at baby diks.
you want to bet on this?
$10 says girl.
I’m tempted by that bet, but I, too, think it’s a girl.
And I’m not so patiently waiting for an update.
ok, i’ll give you girl for $10… but i need tax forms so i can declare it a charitable donation.
it’s obviously a gurl
Still waiting. I thought this would be boom: it’s a x. But no. Over an hour.
Fuck you tv.
aren’t these the same geniOUSes that couldn’t find a heartbeat?
BG should tell them to MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE, and let her do it.
Tis a girl!
DUH!
i owe you a half twank, pods… GOOD LUCK COLLECTING(*&#)&*(!#^)*(^#
FUCK THE POLICE DOGS
i’m serious cal… what is the point of buying into this legal system at this point? it’s entirely broken.
no rights. no freedom. all cal.
#HELL
meet franky… the dog granted with the right to tell police to raid any house that franky wants them to. because that is how justice is done.
#CALSUCKS(&*!#%()*!#%^()&*!#%^*(&!#%^&*()
if i see that stumbly old fucker on the street, i’m kicking his lower jaw off.
#GOTDEALTWITH
it didn’t make sense to me why you were blaming TV for your misconceptions in fetus sexing, considering you already have fetus fully babyfied… but when i told rach-o, she said “oh, they found out this time!” she remembers that kind of information. i do not.
#REMEMBER
awwwww sisters! cuuuuuuuuuuute
it’s quindo’s birthday!
There is a lot of overlay in college ball and NBA on joust.
I win! I win! But really, when it’s a girl, we all win.
Unless it’s a $penny. Then it can be a boy and it’s still ok.
Two baaaaaaad bitches
we’ll have a pretty solid roller derby team… or hunger games… probably hunger games the way this broken country is progressing.
#CALSFAULT
police aren’t even good at being bad
#GETRIDOFTHEM
i’m not saying that genocide is good… i’m just saying that if the current state is “good”, and the current state is “post-genocide”………
#DOTHEMATHHOMIE
i think babymaddddd is going to be a better killer than the HWK…
HWK would toy with her prey rather than kill it.
#INEFFICIENT
welcome to your future…
#RETARDS
VOTE LIKE A MAN……
#DONT
HOW MUCH MORE CAN I BREAK THIS POST?!#^()&!#^)*(&!#^)&(!^#*)(
#N00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00DN00D
i’ll help:
title: webzine issue #494
content: hola amigos! i’m always rapping.
#YOUREWELCOME
Cal cal cal!!!!!!!!!!
or better yet, for N00D post:
my thesis on proper telemarketing response:
if you politely refuse an offer made by a telemarketer, you must assume that the telemarketer will continue to make this offer and waste the time of others.
when you politely refuse, or simply hang up on a telemarketer, you are effectively responsible for wasting someone else’s time.
it is your civic duty to entice the telemarketer and waste as much of their time as you can… thusly disenfranchising and disheartening the telemarketer, making their entire existence not worthwhile. we all have the power to do this. if we all did, NONE OF US WOULD HAVE TO.
you lazy mother fuckers have wasted enough of my goddamned time. YOU SUCK.
!)(&#%)&(!#^&)(!^#)&*(@$%^()*!%#*()!$#*()@$^*()!@$^*_!^&)#(
also, the dozens of automated political polls that have called my home office phone number during business hours over the past weeks, enjoy your accumulated data of 65 year old women voting for 3rd party candidates.
#YOUSUCKTOO
#FUCKOFF
Here is my thur/sun/mon night $5 10-man. It’s called the TFC Primetime something if you want in:
Pos Name Game Game Time Salary
QB Matt Cassel KC@SD Thu 8:20pm ET $104,000 X
RB LeSean McCoy Phi@NO Mon 8:30pm ET $168,000 X
RB Ryan Mathews KC@SD Thu 8:20pm ET $166,000 X
WR Dwayne Bowe KC@SD Thu 8:20pm ET $121,000 X
WR Marques Colston Phi@NO Mon 8:30pm ET $162,000 X
WR Devery Henderson Phi@NO Mon 8:30pm ET $85,000 X
TE Brent Celek Phi@NO Mon 8:30pm ET $69,000 X
K Alex Henery Phi@NO Mon 8:30pm ET $79,000 X
DEF New Orleans Saints Phi@NO Mon 8:30pm ET $45,000 X
It’s this one. There are still 7 spots.
NFL – LeagueWeek 9 – TFC’s PrimeTime Smackdown (Thu/Sun/Mon nites) Prize Money: $45.00
Contest ID: 90356 – NFL League -
Let’s put AQPBIII to bed.
Time to get nude.
Christopher Dabney is a gay fag coward
nice tutu, lady
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
NUDE POST THIS AFTERNOON; TOO BUSY NOW.
Some people pick up the tab for vets, others smash them in the face. You cannot have the sweet without the sour, bro.
I had not heard the news about plush but I knew what was on the other side of that link before I even clicked it.
some bets smash other vets in the face while wearing pink tutus.
#VETS
grrrrrr… VETS smash vets…. I BET)&*%#!)&(*!#^)&*(!#^
this $penny boy might be the brewers last hope.