Au contraire, EVERYONE likes a nude post. Once dudes have exhausted all the possibilities of posting various combinations of football schlubs in an imaginary contest of wits that result in the possible accumulation of literally dozens of US dollars then someone needs to come along and clear out the detritus. Sweep away all the hopes and dreams what could exist by betting $1 to win, like, $10 or something after Yahoo’s criminal rake.
DUBUQUE is COMING. BUNSKTER is IN. VIOLI is INVITED. WWHAZZ is… SOMETHING. SCIENTIST is STRAPPED. CAL is… A MAYBE. Should we make reservations you think? Do I need to exercise my unique charisma and flash the Canfield VIP card to get us The Suite? How many rooms do we need total? When are we leaving on Friday? Morning or evening?
Did you hear? Wwhazz/belly are having another kid? Good for them! Lots of gurldicks around here.
250 thoughts on Nobody Likes A Nude Post
TURN AROUND AND GET UR HEELS ON)&*!#%^)&*(^#!*)(!#^*()!#^
my vote for $penny boy shorty name is…..
JAMES BOND MONEYPENNY
NUDE COMMENTARY: you are ignoring the intangibles at stake with your $1 yahoo bet.
100 d00ds show up… they all agree to PUT THEIR MONEY WHERE THEIR MOUTH IS and perform an arbitrary task yielding ranked results.
i’m on top SUCKA… y’all are WEAK BITCHES… this $10 proves it…. i don’t even need it…….. IT’S ON FIRE)*&#^!@)&*(!#^*)(!^#*()!#^*)(^#
sometimes it’s fun to play occupy wallstreet as the banker………
actually………. all of the time.
#MESSAGE
all i’m saying is that for my money, you can’t go wrong with:
1) NOTHING BUT TROUBLE
2) CLUE
oh shit…. i forgot about MARIE ANTOINETTE
#FORGETEVERYTHINGISAID
Tonight is a good night to hang my wang. In Milwaukee now, but home and free tonight.
my wang is out. it’s soft and gigantic.
doug martin 52.2 points)(&!#^)(&%#!^*()&#^!&(*^!#*()!^#*()!^#
i challenge all of your rights to vote…. as i am empowered to do so.
#USAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSA
this one is fun too…
mitt romney staff doesn’t let people leave the cold with their children who are getting frostbitten because mitt was over an hour late to a rally….
i guess false imprisonment of a child isn’t REALLY a felony if the DA is also a member of the political party accused of the crime.
#FUCKEVERYTHING
Doug Martin ruined everything.
i searched the internet for CAL today as he is seemingly MISSING)*&(!#^)&*!#^, and i found all the shit he has been working on in the LAW game.
tax credits to poor areas make people want to stay in the poor areas to keep getting the tax credits)(*&!#^)(&!#^)(* SEGREGATION!)#&!#)(&!#^*(&)!#^ black people are poor you GENTRIFICATING RACISTS)&*!#^&)*(!#%^!^
oh, cal.
cal and jen H and her TV boyfriend should all rub diks until they make a little TV LAW shorty.
#WATERSON
internet snoop!
i still don’t understand what side you were on…….. no tax credits because they have side effects? or just trying to put some new rules in place to discourage those that would exploit your well laid plans?
you can’t legislate morality, homie.
Well, come here and dance for him every now and then, you monkey. That will stop him from having to chase you down.
It’s so depressing to have an eagles based team and a NO based team going tonight… fools that solved the Matrix of Martin and Brandon Marshal got 7 td out of those two idiots.
This is a baaaaaaad week.
A saleslady for textbooks has an office right by Diamond Jos.
She emails me unsolicited shit about her books a few times a month.
If she only knew I could be bought!!!
so maybe you give me her email address and i make a few unsolicited shits of my own and we all have our plausible deniability.
internet conspiracy!
the extent of my snooping consisted of searching for full name, scrolling past the “mylife” and “linkedin” spam, and clicking on the next link and reading the first paragraph.
i had read enough for a healthy, “PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT”… then i read his middle name and it turned into a giggle… and i got back to work.
#ESQUIRE
the yards was just as bad… 250+ rushing yards was 25 points on it’s own.
I heard on the radio that it was the 3rd most fantasy points by RB in the history of football… not sure if that is true but Al Bundy lived off a 4 TD game for years.
Fartin Martin Pffffffffffft, pffffffffffffffffffft, pfffffffffftttttttttttt.
Sometimes it pays to look at a shitbird game and load up on players. It’s nice to zig when everyone else is zagging.
I zagged along with the entire fantasy universe and payed out the asshole to load up on Texans vs Buffalo.
Bears 51 points and Bucs 42 points would have been cheap as shit to load up on.
i also thought i had 1 team still going with the rotten/wall combo…
nope…
and then they blow up for 1000 points.
i really don’t like this.
cal, if your middle name ever gets out, your credibility is going #SOUTH
This one is a lot of fun:
http://www.trailrunnermag.com/training/trail-tips/123-is-tight-right
Is it freddy? Or some literary shit?
And put my cup, the silver cup, in the sack’s mouth of the youngest, and his corn money. And he did according to the word that Joseph had spoken
Shits in the bible, yo.
releasing cal’s middle name wouldn’t be #RIGHT… or left.
i remember why i didn’t go rottenwall…. some lady told me to bet against NO…
)(*&#@%)&(!#%)*(!#%)*(!#*()%
21-3 at halftime…. NO NO NO NO NO NO!@#%UY)*!#%U)!#%^!#^)(&*!^#)*(!#%^*()$#@!(*&!#%IOUY!#%
Eaglets still making hay with lots of time left
Desean is at 16
McCoy 10
Vick 10
i’m sweating joe3232 in the super qual…. if desean gets another score, he gets $100 more.
SHIT… in that mean time some other schmoe stuck into 3rd)(&#!^)(&!^#(*&!#%
i think i’d rather have the $250 than the seat….
No you would not.
50th place in the SJ pays $100. It’s a 50 man tournament.
$50,000 PRIZE POOL
1 $20,000
2 $6,000
3 $3,500
4 $2,000
5 $1,500
6 $1,400
7 $1,300
8 $1,200
9 $1,100
10 $1,000
11 $900
12 $800
13 $700
14 $600
15 $500
16 $475
17 $450
18 $425
19 $400
20 $350
21 $290
22 $280
23 $270
24 $260
25 $250
26 $240
27 $230
28 $220
29 $210
30 $200
31 $195
32 $190
33 $185
34 $180
35 $175
36 $170
37 $165
38 $160
39 $155
40 $150
41 $145
42 $140
43 $135
44 $130
45 $125
46 $120
47 $115
48 $110
49 $105
50 $100
I’m in 36th in the SJ qualifier. Still a shot at the shit money.
Desean 20 yards or a pick and I think I’ll make the money. I’m at 119 and 122 is the cash.
Fuck, I got to 119.61 and needed 122.29 to collect a twank.
Ah, coach.
Did you see that sweet play where that Reilly dude hid in the endzone?
NO. YOU. WOULD. NOT.
FUCK THE POLICE
i did not see the endzone hide play. i passed out.
i’ve been having to get up at the buttcrack of dawn to play computer nerd with a bunch of spaniards and germans whining about being late for their trains.
I piss in my backyard every night when I take the dog out for one last leak. No trouble with the law, yet. Though, I did get an $88 speeding ticket for going 28 mph in a school zone.
The road is 25 mph but it drops to 20 “when children are present.” It was 7:20 in the morning and I didn’t see any damn kids. The crossing guards were just starting to get set up. Way rigged. Cop lied to me too. He told me I was going 30 when he lectured me, but the ticket says 28.
When I say to Parker, “hey, one last leak?” He knows what it means and bolts to the back door.
if anyone ever tries to extort $2,500 from me, something is going to be reduced to ash.
#PROBABLYMULTIPLESOMETHINGS
FUCK THE ARMY
voting will not fix america.
#ONLYBOOMS
Brig. Gen. Jeffrey Sinclair is a gay fag.
cops abuse power and access to private records, so tax payers owe $1,000,000 to a different cop
do the math, homie.
#FUCT
dang it… now i’m conflicted… a local sheriff preached a little #HATERSGETDEALTWITH and got forced out of a job.
Kenny Buck shook his gurldik after some #HATE
sheriff’s are cool though… so not really too conflicted. FUCK KENNY BUCK AND FUCK THE POLICE AND FUCK EVERYTHING EXCEPT JON LAJOIE)(!#&%)(!#^*(&!#^
if anyone intentionally harms my family, i promise to keep your bones unbroken and intact… but i will separate all of them from each other.
#DEALTWITH
omg you dick! look shithead. i have no job. i saw they would give me a free pair of running shoes if they published a stupid letter. i knew the exact shit they would publish. i got a free pair of shoes. EFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
PS ASSHOLES in my running club found that i never heard the end of it. #shoesnotworthit
should i buy this house? corretion: should my wife buy this house? taking offers tomorrow.
http://www.49canyon.com
TELLLLLLLLLL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE what? it’s only $619,000 #peanuts
900 square feet… $687 per square foot. crazy insane or insane crazy?
madd does wm come up when you sluth me on the web? if so please fix that #thanks
i only looked at like 5 links… i didn’t see it.
i did leave a review for you at avvo…. 5 out of 5 stars
#YOURWELCOME
the house looks crazy good, but i’m worried about wild fires and mudslides.
why so cheap? dirt road to the property and no sewage?
that is a shit ton of money. still no clue how whazzman used to slang (AND PROFIT) in the 600k housing game……
if you are going to have a domain for a single listing, you need to add “streetview” type walk throughs of the house.
i did that as a nerd project when i was a freshman in high school… i walked through the high school taking pictures and made web pages that all linked to each other so you could press up and walk forward in the hallway.
then like 10 years later, some kid patents it and makes $$$$$$$$. patents are for pussydiked CHUMPS.
#DEALTWITH
yeah man a SHIT TON. also you are correct to worry about both fires and mudslides. it’s on a big hill and in a fire zone. also directly (and i mean directly) sitting on fault line. and nobody around here has earthquake insurance bc it’s too expensive. WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. chance it? don’t chance it and keep renting? on the other hand… hard to pass up these interest rates and as long as no landslide we could resell no problem. the owners paid 750 in ’04… i am conflicted.
the other major issue is living in berkeley adds to wifey’s commute. imagine going over the bay bridge and through SF and down to the airport and back EVERY DAY. #annoyedsigh
election election election!
TANMMY TAMMY TAMMY!
hmmmmmmm tommy v. tammy. how annoying.
YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT.
i’m going to miss that…. it’s a fun game at my house. the kids love it.
TOOOOO EXTREME FOR NANCY PELOCI?!%*()&!#^)&*(!#%)*(&!#%
what happened to the good doctor?????
yo cal, what is your lady friend doing at the airport?? does she drive one of those carts????????
I recently bought a pair of compression socks and have been wearing them on my cock. Do these socks actually aid in recovery or are they just a passing fad?
Cal’s twitter account also had me laughing.
YOURE DAMN RIGHT
Is that good dr thing real?
Cal, do you know about the “damn right” commercial?
oh BET… “VOTE NIGHT”… you couldn’t think of 2 more elementary words to describe your election coverage?
i also like how the blacks entertain with their aptly named “POLLSTER” nerds “CORNELL BELCHER” from CHICAGO,IL.
USING ALL CAPS IS EASIER TO READ AND MORE ENTERTAINING TO “BLACKS”
#TELEVISION
the HWK was heads down playing in front of the TV while i worked next to her, and the “YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT” came on the tv, and she popped up and looked at me, waiting for me to say it.
she cracks up every time…. i do it really good.
it’s vote night, y’all….
#COLT45WATERMELONS
i think MET should get out of the insurance game, and start up MIXED ENTERTAINMENT TELEVISION, and ride on the presidents coattails and the implicit capitalistic potential of #RACISM
CALCALCLACLALACLACLACLACLKADLKJVALJKT(*&!#%(&*!%#&(*!%#*)&(!#^)*(&!^#
Did Ron Paul win?
fjlaksjfdklajfdkaljfsldakfjdalkfjslkdafjsalkfjdsalkfasj drunk and pleased. #tightsocks
anyone else getting hyped for winthrop grackle days next year?????
DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHBUEK
i had originally posted that just for the large drunken beasts aspect, but i just realized the tie in with the new elephant cemetery theme.
#SYNERGY&%#!&)*!#%^)*(&!#^
I’d like to set them loose on Jos.
staying at the cannny and spending a ton of time at mystique and completely ignoring the existance of Jos is a pretty bold #FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU to Jos
i hope an elephant falls on your face, sir.
The 3am trip to Jo’s is a bit of a tradition though.
Here the trick play from Monday where dude hid. You kinda have to wait til the :30 point to see the full goodness:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/06/riley-cooper-trick-play-hides-fail-eagles-saints-td_n_2082825.html
infinite sigh……. i knoooooooooooooowwwwwwww
i like to hit up their free coffee stand.
#NOHOTDOGS
so… that barryO tweet at 11pm where he says “four more years.” and attaches a picture of him hugging his wife…….. uh……. it’s night time….. you obviously took that picture of you hugging her before you knew about “four more years.”
#SHAMANDTRAVESTY
in morel science news: i got one of those elm trees in my backybacky… also got tons of those beetles that give them tree herpes that eventually turns into omelette filler fungus…
so, there is this crazy squirrel that has spent the last couple days eating the bark off the branches on the tree… i’m not sure if this will help the tree aids to contract and spread or if this would protect the tree… maybe the squirrel is eating what the beetles want, or maybe eating the beetles themselves burrowed in the wood.
who knows.
WHO?!#%^()&!#^)&*(!#^()_!#^
didn’t bid on the house. relieved. but sad too it was cool. you want to know what we can get in SF for 600K? 1 BEDROOM CONDO. #notjokingyou
that’s not true probably a 2bedroom or 1+ bedroom #butstill
dave attell’s snow “dave’s old porn” starts a new season tonight at 10pm on showtime.
if you’re too poor, HOLLLLLLLLLLAR for trubbbbbbbbbbbbbs
BAN CAL
when i am king you’re allowed rocks.
join my hangout in 5 hours. a commentating dave attell and guest, sitting on a couch, superimposed over a plunging penis surrounded by LOTS of hair.
#FUN
Possibly.
Here is my THR/SUN/MON night 12-man winner take all
QB Ben Roethlisberger Pit v. KC Mon 8:30pm ET $213,000
RB Rashad Jennings Jac v. Ind Thu 8:20pm ET $159,000
RB Jamaal Charles KC @ Pit Mon 8:30pm ET $89,000
WR Cecil Shorts Jac v. Ind Thu 8:20pm ET $99,000
WR Mike Wallace Pit v. KC Mon 8:30pm ET $120,000
WR Reggie Wayne Ind @ Jac Thu 8:20pm ET $135,000
TE Dwayne Allen Ind @ Jac Thu 8:20pm ET $49,000
K Shayne Graham Hou @ Chi Sun 8:20pm ET $79,000
DEF Jacksonville Jaguars Jac v. Ind Thu 8:20pm ET $49,000
am i the only one that hears something about “jim norton” in gangnam style???
#notajimnortonfan
oh shit… fantasy near miss love
#ROTTENWALL
i never watched the porn.
#PROBABLYTONIGHT
FUCK THE CIA
cal, could i see your current list of duhhhhhhbuek excuses?
it’s just that this CIA thing has me down, and i need a laugh…….
#PRETTYPLEASE
This is a tough week for jousting.
ATL at NO is my thesis but it’s expensive as fuck.
New England vs Muffalo (Gronk and Brady) is tasty but expensive.
Good old Rottenburgler and Wallace vs KC for the sake of nostalgia? He’s your jousting boy.
And then Eli seems due for a good game… Tampa vs San Dog?
Minnesota stopped playing D…
I’m stumped.
my problem gambo knee jerk solution is to spend ever dollar in my account on super joust qualifiers.
#DOESNTMAKESENSE
i think it’s because when it makes sense what to do, you’re least likely to win because everyone else will do it…. so when it makes the least sense, that’s when it makes the most sense.
Yeah, I’ve tanked all my baseball winnings chasing that seat.
And then tonight I see that you can backdoor via NBA Super JOust qualifier… 59 players.
I frantiCALly started setting a lineup with 3 min left on the clock but didnt pull the trigger-. I know fuckall about the NBA.
Last week sucked balls. That fucking asshole Doug Martin’s 50 points ruined everything for everyone who didnt have that bitch.
I’m drowning in the randomness of it all. I felt like I almost had a bead on the matrix.
#notanymore
did i break it?
jill has that effect on the internet.
Beef tongue bad news
http://www.jsonline.com/news/wisconsin/black-earth-meat-market-recalls-beef-tongues-lc7j9eq-178216031.html
i’ve been playing all the free tourneys… just using the data available… generally avoid fools with with a red cross… look for high points with higher short term points for value (ride hot streaks on the cheap)… then find the best of that bunch against the worst defense. but who knows… maybe that fool is the backup, and the main guy is coming back today. maybe all the recent games were against chumps, and the next opponent has shitty D, but one guy that is GREAT and he will be playing man vs my guy… I HAVE NO IDEA.
so far i have done pretty terrible…. but about the same with football.
SADLY about the same. i think i am very aware of trends in the NFL… but they almost always conflict with public opinion…. but then i also always see that when public opinion is one sided, it is ALWAYS wrong. i am in a dark place feeling around…. i’m not scared…. i think i can get out of this place……….. now, WHAT ARE THESE WALLS MADE OF??????????????????
i’ve been playing ALL the free tourneys… basketball… CFL… CFGUIEBFLl Q777765422222222222LL… Z865MLBFL… all of them.
i can’t win shit.
I think a nice sit down with a USA Today for lineups and the over/under examination could make us competitive in CFB.
Football might be a financial black hole.
i was just flipping around TV and landed on “ice loves coco” and the first words i heard were from coco, “i’ve been dealing with haters my entire career”
#ILOVETOO
our records indicate that you were recently transported by San Francisco Fire Department. Please remit payment along with the bottom portion of this statement
ALSI Emergency Base Rate $1690
.
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
Amount due: $100
Phewf!
Sexy fireman, save me!
Whitehouse?
is that like…. amount due TODAY $100, but you still owe us 1590 and the juice is running?
PAY YOUR BILLS, DEADBEAT)&*(!#^)&*(!#%^0789!#^(&*!#%(&*!#^
want to watch some badger football, cal?
HANG UR DIK OUT)*(&!#%^)&*^!#)&*(!#^
#GPLUSFORLIFE
#FUCKAZUCK
#0BITCH
yeah that crossed my mind too… but no… insurance peeps covered the rest. #sexyinsuranceman
Super Joust #1
Big time QB and big time WR with a locked up ATL backfield
QB Tom Brady NE v. Buf Sun 1:00pm ET $248,000
RB Michael Turner Atl @ NO Sun 1:00pm ET $120,000
RB Jacquizz Rodgers Atl @ NO Sun 1:00pm ET $58,000
WR Julio Jones Atl @ NO Sun 1:00pm ET $152,000
WR Victor Cruz NYG @ Cin Sun 1:00pm ET $122,000
WR Mike Wallace Pit v. KC Mon 8:30pm ET $120,000
TE Scott Chandler Buf @ NE Sun 1:00pm ET $60,000
K Nick Folk NYJ @ Sea Sun 4:05pm ET $63,000
DEF Philadelphia Eagles Phi v. Dal Sun 4:25pm ET $54,000
SJ #2
Big time QB, RB and TE with the skeezer all stars playing WR
QB Matt Ryan Atl @ NO Sun 1:00pm ET $261,000
RB Ray Rice Bal v. Oak Sun 1:00pm ET $193,000
RB Taiwan Jones Oak @ Bal Sun 1:00pm ET $40,000
WR Ryan Broyles Det @ Min Sun 1:00pm ET $77,000
WR Michael Jenkins Min v. Det Sun 1:00pm ET $61,000
WR Emmanuel Sanders Pit v. KC Mon 8:30pm ET $60,000
TE Rob Gronkowski NE v. Buf Sun 1:00pm ET $170,000
K Matt Prater Den @ Car Sun 1:00pm ET $78,000
DEF Dallas Cowboys Dal @ Phi Sun 4:25pm ET $60,000
SJ #3
Drank a bottle of wine
QB Russell Wilson Sea v. NYJ Sun 4:05pm ET $133,000
RB Doug Martin TB v. SD Sun 1:00pm ET $223,000
RB Marshawn Lynch Sea v. NYJ Sun 4:05pm ET $168,000
WR Dwayne Bowe KC @ Pit Mon 8:30pm ET $106,000
WR Malcom Floyd SD @ TB Sun 1:00pm ET $103,000
WR Devin Hester Chi v. Hou Sun 8:20pm ET $35,000
TE Antonio Gates SD @ TB Sun 1:00pm ET $104,000
K Justin Medlock Car v. Den Sun 1:00pm ET $68,000
DEF Dallas Cowboys Dal @ Phi Sun 4:25pm ET $60,000
That’s $30 bones spent chasing a dream.
There are good $1 and $2 games in baseball. Football you almost have to go $10, which sucks.
Here is a $5 Rod Woodson entry: Shit everything except the Seattle D and expensive WR
QB Matt Schaub Hou@Chi Sun 8:20pm ET $132,000 X
RB Pierre Thomas Atl@NO Sun 1:00pm ET $87,000 X
RB Mark Ingram Atl@NO Sun 1:00pm ET $40,000 X
WR A.J. Green NYG@Cin Sun 1:00pm ET $171,000 X
WR Roddy White Atl@NO Sun 1:00pm ET $165,000 X
WR Calvin Johnson Det@Min Sun 1:00pm ET $156,000 X
TE Vernon Davis StL@SF Sun 4:25pm ET $84,000 X
K Garrett Hartley Atl@NO Sun 1:00pm ET $77,000 X
DEF Seattle Seahawks NYJ@Sea Sun 4:05pm ET $88,000 X
$10 55-man
Follows my favorite pattern: QB and WR heavy spending
QB Peyton Manning Den @ Car Sun 1:00pm ET $212,000
RB C.J. Spiller Buf @ NE Sun 1:00pm ET $119,000
RB Taiwan Jones Oak @ Bal Sun 1:00pm ET $40,000
WR Vincent Jackson TB v. SD Sun 1:00pm ET $154,000
WR Wes Welker NE v. Buf Sun 1:00pm ET $136,000
WR Demaryius Thomas Den @ Car Sun 1:00pm ET $128,000
TE Vernon Davis SF v. StL Sun 4:25pm ET $84,000
K Rob Bironas Ten @ Mia Sun 1:00pm ET $67,000
DEF Dallas Cowboys Dal @ Phi Sun 4:25pm ET $60,000
Here is Lawman’s $10 55-man. I love seeing what a fresh set of eyes comes up with.
QB Andy Dalton Cin v. NYG Sun 1:00pm ET $159,000
RB Stevan Ridley NE v. Buf Sun 1:00pm ET $134,000
RB Marshawn Lynch Sea v. NYJ Sun 4:05pm ET $168,000
WR Julio Jones Atl @ NO Sun 1:00pm ET $152,000
WR Ryan Broyles Det @ Min Sun 1:00pm ET $77,000
WR Wes Welker NE v. Buf Sun 1:00pm ET $136,000
TE Jacob Tamme Den @ Car Sun 1:00pm ET $38,000
K Rian Lindell Buf @ NE Sun 1:00pm ET $76,000
DEF Dallas Cowboys Dal @ Phi Sun 4:25pm ET $60,000
I had to deposit $50 to fund this shit show. Now I’m lifetime $100 deep.
I was going to try and play poker this weekend (did not happen), so I can live with pooping $50 at this quest.
I’m worried about no Eli stock and no Drew Brees though this is gonna have to do.
THEY ALL SUCKED!!!!!!!
GARRRRRRRRrrrr
for all the talk you did on calvin johnson “ready for big game”, sucks that you only put him on one lineup…. he balled out of control today.
my GENIOUS pick of the week, RYAN BROYLES, yielded an IMPRESSIVE 0.85 points.
#IMPRESSIVELYBAD(&*!#^&*()!#^)(&!^#)(&*!#^)*(!#^
wausau wet as fuck, bro
i just bought 2 giant tarps… i’m going to build an ice skating rink in my backybacky.
#PROJECT
i’m in last place in everything.
DAILYJOKE()Y*#!^)&*(!#^079!^#
I stare into the abyss, see the answer, and then click on something else.
Rule fucking one is pick the cheapest kicker and defense possible. DONT FUCKING PONDER IT. That rule yielded Tenesse’s kicker and d, both scored in the double digits… I got cute and decided to pick my own kicker and D using “logic.” I am an idiot.
Rule two: pick the boss receiver of the week. My spider senses screamed CALVIN and I think I made a good case for him… instead I loaded up on Vincent Jackson.
My cheap plays of the week were Chandler and Twain Jones. Chandler was great, but I loaded up on Jones. Soooo dumb.
My other bright idea: play Matt Ryan and Brady but dont fuck with their WR and TE… last second I break the bank on Gronc and Julio JOnes.
I need to get back to basics: one 55-man and one SJ. This million entry shit is making me lazy.
I’m Broyles Brunson, come play me at dailyjoke.com
how much was dallas D??? 2 TDs… lots of turnovers
60K… I guess it worked out. When I looked earlier, they were not doing much.
But TEN was around that too.
my new theory is always pick DEF from game played outside with the worst projected weather
i really hate the dailyjoke emails that say “the contest you entered is over…. oh no, you lost!”
fuck you DAILYJOKE)!#%)&(!#%)(&!#% YOU LOST)(&@#%^&*)(!#%)*(!#^*_)!#%^
#OHNO)*&!#%)&(!#%()&*!#%()*!#%*()
I don’t get those emails.
Roethlisberger
91906: NFL – Week 10 – Super Joust Qualifier $10 (Sun/Mon all) Oh no! You lost to droyale3, 78.94-154.62. Your team is
Pos Name Game Score
QB Peyton Manning Den @ Car 14.44
RB Marshawn Lynch Sea v. NYJ 19.35
RB Daniel Thomas Mia v. Ten 6.75
WR Michael Jenkins Min v. Det 1.70
WR Ryan Broyles Det @ Min 0.85
WR Marques Colston NO v. Atl 9.35
TE Antonio Gates SD @ TB 12.70
K Rob Bironas Ten @ Mia 16.80
DEF Detroit Lions Det @ Min -3.00
droyale3′s team is
Pos Name Game Score
QB Carson Palmer Oak @ Bal 18.72
RB Stevan Ridley NE v. Buf 15.80
RB C.J. Spiller Buf @ NE 14.10
WR Denarius Moore Oak @ Bal 16.00
WR Torrey Smith Bal v. Oak 19.20
WR DeSean Jackson Phi v. Dal 7.45
TE Jimmy Graham NO v. Atl 28.35
K Matt Prater Den @ Car 12.00
DEF Dallas Cowboys Dal @ Phi 23.00
OH NO#%^)@&!^)&()(&*#^!(&*!#^(&*)
FUCK THE POLICE
FUCK NEW YORK
i hope that whole place rots.
TXT “FUCKOFF” to 90999 to make a $10 robbery of a NY resident
take care of your own shit.
i wrote my own rickyism yesterday: behindsight is 50/50
CLEVELAND ROCKS
it looked like a nike…..
#ITMIGHTHAVEBEENADIDAS
whazzman, are you watching “start-ups: silicon valley” on bravo?
it’s basically a bunch of bravo-friendly effeminates trying to get $500k for a 9 month “burn-rate” on their weight loss “APP”.
if VC people are really funding these things……….. just…… jesus. no wonder america is broken.
the packer intern stopped deleting my #JORDY 1st posts, and now people have started to +1 them.
my web domination is unrivaled.
#MONARCH
also, while watching TNG, i HOLLLAR #JORDY every time laforge says anything technical.
#TETRIONS
hmmm… or is it….
#TETRYONS
DO NOT WATCH START-UPS: SILICON VALLEY.
it is the first time i ever wished to myself, “i wish my tivo had an ‘execute cast’ function”
If you don’t know by now we’re in an enormous tech bubble then I don’t know what to tell you.
Lose the stocks, homey!
i have seen terminator AND terminator 2. i know all about tech bubbles.
#SHOTTY
i was told fiscal cliff means anyone banking more than 108G balls a year will pay 14G balls+ in extra taxes next year.
do those intuitive turbo fools have the line on that??
CAL, CAN I SUE?#%^&()!#^)*(&!#^)*(!#^
Skeez, you might like this interview:
http://www.npr.org/2012/11/13/164981433/legalizing-and-regulating-pot-a-growth-industry
uggggggg….
it’s just like corn money, bro. mansanto will step in and create new seeds that produce plants with seeds that won’t themselves germinate. then they’ll patent the new seed, and buy off a political party to create legislation that requires all product sold must be grown from the mansanto seeds.
it’s a fucking joke, and i 100% blame cal.
#THATFUCKER&*()!#^
madd madd you are a dadd dadd lots of girls girls. mp will you have a goodam BOY for crying out loud. thank god for timmer. you losers. WHO WILL BE HEIR TO WHAZZMASTER.COM? WHO!?
madd you better teach those girls to throw HEAT. don’t ruin your arm before you pass along the gift.
I fear I shall have no heir… now even a girl one. i am approaching the winter of my life… my vision… becomeing blurred, who is there? is that you, scientist? i can see your apple ball now… throw… the high… heeat..
Who will keep my pocket knives oiled when I ascend into the great beyond? WHO???? who will prostalitze pinkco propaganda upon thy whazzmaster.com? WHO????????????????????// whooooooooooooooooo Away! away! for I will fly to thee… the viewless wings of Poesy. Thou wast not born for death, immortal Bird! #keatsbitchessssssss
mp i suggest commanding your wife to produce a male heir. #doit
madd you autodidact. get this in your brain:
http://www.bartleby.com/101/624.html
ur mum’s face is an autodidact….
off to see what i’m saying…
i recited the poem to my ladies. i got to like 6 paragraphs is EXTREME poetry before rach-o chimed in “WHAT ARE YOU READING?!#%^(&*)”
i claimed to be reading nothing, but writing it live. i think she bought it.
i don’t think she bought it.
the poem reminded me of the feeling i have been dealing with in my HEATed arm. it often feels fuzzy… a dull warmth. pain? pleasure? if i take advil it goes away… i’m pretty sure it’s tendonitis, but maybe it’s just being able to chuck balls FAST AS FUCK. i’ve oft thought maybe this is how cal feels over his entire marathon punished body. warm and fuzzy all over. no wonder he is a jerk.
i put my backstop in the garage… i’m taking the winter off….
this spring i will born again….
…. and throw the HEAT into the wind…
..or maybe throw a curve instead
………and strike the face of cal’s dumdum head
i either have diabetes, a heart condition, tendonitis, or SUPER POWERS.
#CALSUCKS
WM already announced he is having a boy. READ THROUGH THE STATIC, YOU JERK)&*(#%^!)&(*!#%^&)*(!#^
the potential of my HEATer arm is so strong…. I CAN FEEL IT.
about time. boys rule! actually, i fear the opposite is true but that’s ok boys had a good run. #hillary2016
o’neeeeeezy, have you ever made your own booze? i think it would pair nice with your sausage. am i talking about diks?
i watched the season premiere of some moonshiners show the other night… i had never seen it before… i watched the last episode leading up to the season premiere too….
now i don’t know if i should dredge gold in alaska or ferment bananas in the woods of montana…
UGGGGGGG(&*!#T&(*!#%(&*!^#(&*!^#(*&^(&*#!@^&)*(
a gift for moneyman:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=8KDlwLNDM00#!
#L0L
yo cal, did you know my brother just had a baby boy? i haven’t even met the kid yet.
#BADUNCLE_()&#%^_*()!#^
I didn’t know you had a brother. #congrats.
jk the rapper dude i know i know. #maddsfamilytree
duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude o’neil needs to make moonshine. #doit
He made weird corn booze back when we lived on W Main. I think that counts.
that DEFINITELY counts. with a copper worm or what???????
i was 100% sure he would be into it.
maybe i should save details for some other time. are there really people out there who would care to lock you up for that???#%!)(&!#%(*)&^%#!&()*!#%&)(
#FREEMYASS
what is the schedule for medallion hunt this year? i am going to take time off from work and desert my family.
#WINNING
in the face of a public trend towards besmirching ALL higher education rather than MOST high education, i am reconsidering my position.
i could teach THE FUCK out of someone.
#GOVERNMENTBENIESYO
CARE FOR ME, OSAMA ADOLF SADDAMcare
#HUSSEINOBAHELP
DUDE YES. medallion hunt is ON. it’s a little too early to get excited we need a slow burn but think of it: we go in under the cover of darkness. we find the medallion. we bring it BACK TO WISCONSIN. I’m all in I’m renouncing my MN heritage. I’m Benedict Arnold. VIVA WISCONSIN! VIVA WISCONSIN! VIVA WISCONSIN!
for now we wait. after the new year we begin preparations…
The 127th Saint Paul Winter Carnival January 24 – Febuary 3, 2013.
Know thy enemy:
http://www.coolercrew.com/
Please do math to predict 2013
http://coolercrew.com/medallion.php/hiding_places
I made that weird corn wine back in college. It was not bad. It was a good mixer with Early Times whiskey. Which makes sense since they are both corn. Also made cider which was ok.
As i understand it, if you want to make hard liquor out of cider, you can just stick it outside when it is below freezing. The water will freeze, leaving concentrated booze/apple brandy. I never tried it, but once we got a keg for a party that was part frozen, and I think the same thing was going on.
My uncle had a friend with a still. I saw a picture of it. It was a crazy looking contraption. He told me they used to put the booze in mason jars, and then add charred chunks of wood and age it to give it color and flavor. Also, my dad visited it once and said that to make scotch flavor, they heated a metal rod and stuck it in the booze. Pops said it worked.
the united states government has already patented marijuanas medical uses
Cannabinoids as antioxidants and neuroprotectants
so…. i guess the other government agencies claiming that ‘marijuana is schedule 1 with no medicinal values’ don’t talk to the other government agencies… i mean… why would they? science is hard, and talking to people is exhausting. easier to just use the tried and true excuse to lock up the darkies.
#USAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSA
corn wine isn’t the same as read still, but i’ll count it.
a guy in our dorm was constantly making different fruit wines… basically just dump some yeast in and put a ballon over the bottle… when the balloon fills up, it’s time to get drunk.
*REAL still
#PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT
I like to slip a sausage in my usa streams.
USAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSASAUSAGEUSAUSAUSA
I made wine in my dorm. I drank it from one of the mega cups from the cafeteria and added a bunch of sugar packets. It still tasted for shit but me and oneil’s old roommate Bran got falling down stupid drunk on it. Good old Bran. Oneil’s mom wouldn’t let us be roommates because she wanted us to have other friends. (or maybe this was oneils plan and he was sick of me…). He got bran; I got a dude named Noakes.
Noakes was an engineering major from Kenosha. For some reason he got invited into some engineering frat (like a professional frat) that was for black engineers. He was white though. We all called him “Bro Noakes.”
Bro Noakes used his engineering skills to loft our beds. One of his favorite things to do was get really drunk and make a puke waterfall off the side. He also had a pair of tidy whiteys that was made into a ball cap. He wore it all the time. I hope he’s still building, still puking.
USAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAGEUSAUSAUSAUSAWAUSAUWETSAUSAUSAUSA
actually, i think the process was, the balloon fills up pretty quick, but it’s done when the balloon starts to fall over.
#WHOKNOWS
I would think the balloon would explode. That shit pumps out a ton of gas. I had a bubbly corkscrew type thing that was full of water on the top. It let the bubbles out and kept the oxygen out. Early in the process I put too much sugar in there and the yeast made too many farts: it blew the top off and made an incredible mess. It stained my dorm room floor reddish.
i think the pressure builds up and that regulates the rate of fermentation, and the pressure stabilizes……..
but don’t do that… IT’S A FELONY.
#NOTFREE
i was a member of 2 professional greek frats… or whatever the ones that let men and women into……..
#LOTSOFUPSILONSINVOLVED
Mystique? Magnifique!
Tic-Tac-Toe Chicken
November 13-December 16
10 am-10 pm
Play Tic-Tac-Toe with our chicken for a chance to win one of these extraordinary prizes! You could win Mortgage for a Year, A Caribbean Vacation for two, 2013 Ford Mustang, His & Hers Rolex Watches, $10,000 Cash, and much more! Play every day to increase your chances!
If you don’t beat the chicken, come back for our 2nd Chance drawings (November 18 & 25, December 2, 9 & 16) every Sunday at 8 pm.
can i eat the chicken? automatic win??
fun fact:
whazzmaster.com: the path of virtue or vice.
Let’s get the chicken loaded on moonshine and win that Rolex.
cooler kid
look at their st00pid drupal site… those morons don’t even know how to make the top corners transparent on their blue header bar……. st00pid white looks st00pid. so sloppy. i am not impressed.
#WINNING
The Packer game is Sunday night when we are in Dubuque. It would be cool to stay but probably impossible.
Here is my SJ entry
QB Carson Palmer NO@Oak Sun 4:05pm ET $191,000 X
RB Rashard Mendenhall Bal@Pit Sun 8:20pm ET $93,000 X
RB Taiwan Jones NO@Oak Sun 4:05pm ET $40,000 X
WR Calvin Johnson GB@Det Sun 1:00pm ET $153,000 X
WR Jordy Nelson GB@Det Sun 1:00pm ET $151,000 X
WR Steve Smith TB@Car Sun 1:00pm ET $104,000 X
TE Jimmy Graham NO@Oak Sun 4:05pm ET $156,000 X
K Josh Scobee Jac@Hou Sun 1:00pm ET $62,000 X
DEF St. Louis Rams NYJ@StL Sun 1:00pm ET $50,000 X
I’ll play whatever Steeler RB is healthy in the Mendenahll spot.
Good old Twaiwan Jones is my save big money play. I might swap him out for Kuhn.
Otherwise it’s the same old biz: QB vs New Orleans and a bunch of big play receivers.
The K and D are funded with leftovers.
Jermichael is down to 36K, as cheap as it go.
i’m starting to get pissed off at my discount D putting up negative points and winners always having +20 D…… i’m starting to think it’s not dumb luck that i always have -3.
also getting pissed about betting against NO and always losing. NO is good. bet against the jets.
Tennessee was the cheapest D last week and they were also the highest scoring D.
You are the boner who spent 58K on Detroit.
Tennessee was 45K.
With ties in the discount land, I usually take a home team if I can.
But fuck. I never win, so I welcome all new ideas. I was good at baseball, but a clown at football.
Week one, I wasn’t going to even play football but then I missed that SJ seat by a kunt hair in that stupid freeroll. Now, I’m chasing it.
#buttfuck
Also, fantasy and real football are way different.
Pitt is the number one rated defense in the NFL but they are the 25th ranked fantasy defense.
New Orleans gave up 40, 35, 27, 28, 24, 28, 34, 13, 27
That’s a lot of points.
mega man
I’ll cook up a nude post tomorrow and get some new mottos up; these ones stink like shit.
old brown poop
Stop laughing at me
I hate you
this st00pid fantasy football has dominated my life so much that i just spent 5 minutes talking about it on our business conference call.
consensus was that most people are playing at cbssports.whatever…. i told them about dailyjoust and the ridiculous laws that make it legal, and the giant raked profits…….. maybe we’ll build one of those sites, but for now, business just wants more ways for more middlemen to buy and sell to more middle men using more and more different specs and standards of communication…. seemingly to make auditing an impossibility.
the great country of america. look at us and laugh, rest of the world. #SAUSAGE
abbadibbadow
same as the government works… a dude shows up with a quarter and asks for a toothbrush, then you pass the buck 1000 times, eventually buy a toothbrush for 50 cents, get it back to the person that wanted it, and somehow, everyone along the way reports a profit.
#GENIOUS
#BANCAL
Broyles went up 2Ok…
BOOM. i JUST did it.
QB Cam Newton Car v. TB Sun 1:00pm ET $198,000
RB Cedric Benson GB @ Det Sun 1:00pm ET $94,000
RB Marcel Reece Oak v. NO Sun 4:05pm ET $139,000
WR Randall Cobb GB @ Det Sun 1:00pm ET $149,000
WR Denarius Moore Oak v. NO Sun 4:05pm ET $138,000
WR Rod Streater Oak v. NO Sun 4:05pm ET $46,000
TE Tom Crabtree GB @ Det Sun 1:00pm ET $74,000
K Nick Folk NYJ @ StL Sun 1:00pm ET $82,000
DEF Green Bay Packers GB @ Det Sun 1:00pm ET $80,000
betting on 4 themes:
1) GO PACK
2) FUCKANEERS
3) NO NO
4) JETS CANT SCORE TD…….. KICK IT
#CANTLOSE
swapped in dwyer for benson henderson…. saw he is out until december in G+, but DJoke didn’t tell me anything.
#JERKS
Pitt backfield has been a merry go round with injuries. I think Mendenhall is the started this week.
We need to watch the weather in OAK (you taught me that, bro). It might storm and Palmer has a history of poor play in bad weather.
I revised my SJ entry
QB Aaron Rodgers GB @ Det Sun 1:00pm ET $245,000
RB Steven Jackson StL v. NYJ Sun 1:00pm ET $124,000
RB Rashard Mendenhall Pit v. Bal Sun 8:20pm ET $93,000
WR Calvin Johnson Det v. GB Sun 1:00pm ET $153,000
WR Marques Colston NO @ Oak Sun 4:05pm ET $132,000
WR Steve Smith Car v. TB Sun 1:00pm ET $104,000
TE Jermichael Finley GB @ Det Sun 1:00pm ET $36,000
K Jay Feely Ari @ Atl Sun 1:00pm ET $61,000
DEF St. Louis Rams StL v. NYJ Sun 1:00pm ET $50,000
I have Rodgers, so now playing guess the WR.
Jackson is the best Ram vs shitty ass NYJ (madddd’s idea)
Mendenhall, I like having part of the PItt backfield since Roeth is hurt, but it’s hard playing guess the RB here.
Calvin, Colston, Smith: WR 1′s vs shitty, pass defense
Jermichael… jesus christ, fenton… down to 36K? That’s as cheap as it gets! He is still averaging 4 catches a game, which is more than Crabass.
Feely is just some asshole kicker, like I give a fuck.
STL D vs NYJ could be nice plus STL is the home team.
Now = no… trying to guess which Packer gets that corn money is hard to do.
Here is my 55-man
QB Carson Palmer NO@Oak Sun 4:05pm ET $191,000 X
RB LeSean McCoy Phi@Was Sun 1:00pm ET $155,000 X
RB Shane Vereen Ind@NE Sun 4:25pm ET $53,000 X
WR Reggie Wayne Ind@NE Sun 4:25pm ET $145,000 X
WR Andre Johnson Jac@Hou Sun 1:00pm ET $103,000 X
WR Brandon LaFell TB@Car Sun 1:00pm ET $81,000 X
TE Jimmy Graham NO@Oak Sun 4:05pm ET $156,000 X
K Josh Scobee Jac@Hou Sun 1:00pm ET $62,000 X
DEF St. Louis Rams NYJ@StL Sun 1:00pm ET $50,000 X
Palmer is my thesis. If ti rains, I switch to Luck. I don’t like having to guess which shithead Oakland ho gets the ball.
McCoy has had a slow year, but Vick is out. He is due for a monster game.
Vereen has a shot. The Patriots backfield splits it 60/20/20 with Woodhead and Vereen being the 20′s. Last week Woodcock got 2td. Maybe this week it will be Vereen.
Reggie Wayne is up against Pat’s poor pass D. Johnson plays shitty Jacksonville– the number 1 passing option is their tight end, who is game time decision. So it might be the Johnson show. Either LaFell or Smith get some love. I have Smith in the other one… unless the TE steals the show.
Super Star Jimmy G is the best NO weapon vs shitty, shitty OAK.
The kick is just some ho and I’m doubling down on STL D.
Or double down on Smith and go with Broyles.
There are some gametime decisions, so that can change things.
Ryan Matthews might be out for SD. If that’s the case I’ll go with the backup. Turner might be out for ATL… then I’d go with Jacquizz.
allow me to defend a romp of asstree vs jesus michael fenton………………
i was aware of the general averages giving JMF the edge, and i agree with your conclusion…… thus… i disagree with your conclusion. #LEVELED
same with all new lime flavored miller starks….. rest the effective strength, and send in another fresh foray of cow eating pig skinners.
At 36K, I’m punting TE to buy me a bad ass WR.
Anything out of Jermichael Lamichael is pure 100% corn, bro.
I aint touching the packer backfield.
When this story broke and they were looking for a dude who was impersonating a reporter to photograph high schoolers, I was pretty sure it was k-dicky.
But car would never have such a cool fetish
“Except instead of faking signatures for financial gain, Medrow has used the phone as a disguise to impersonate people in officialdom – from police officers to accident investigators – to indulge his favorite fetish: persuading complete strangers to carry each other around.”
http://m.jsonline.com/news/ozwash/police-ready-to-arrest-suspect-who-calls-students-posing-as-reporter-c57m6p1-179705191.html
Let me take you back to the beginning. To the story when I was born. My mother sitting in the hospital room torn. She just got the X-ray her kid had a third leg.
Those are some good results, baby.
No one is gonna suck this dick without dying.
wife in healthcare working saturdays, and me up at the dikbreak of dawn with 2 shorties…………..
#lotsofwhiskeylastnightugggggggggggggg
what a winning team looks like:
QB Carson Palmer Oak v. NO Sun 4:05pm ET $191,000
RB Isaac Redman Pit v. Bal Sun 8:20pm ET $96,000
RB Marcel Reece Oak v. NO Sun 4:05pm ET $139,000
WR Randall Cobb GB @ Det Sun 1:00pm ET $149,000
WR Denarius Moore Oak v. NO Sun 4:05pm ET $138,000
WR Rod Streater Oak v. NO Sun 4:05pm ET $46,000
TE Tom Crabtree GB @ Det Sun 1:00pm ET $74,000
K Nick Folk NYJ @ StL Sun 1:00pm ET $82,000
DEF Green Bay Packers GB @ Det Sun 1:00pm ET $80,000
1. Rod
2. Streater
3. Rod Streater
Conclusion, I’ll shit my pants in celebration if this team makes the $20 money.
#asschampagne
What happend to Starks? That was your THESIS.
Rod is a powerful name.
He is a save big money play if Darrius Heyward-Bey sits.