Looking Back: Charter Fucking Communications

You may remember that time in 2007 where I ranted and raved about how shitty Charter Communication’s service is. For a dumb guy that basically types ‘NUDEPOST’ every two weeks so you fools have a new blank slate to talk about fantasy baseball, I understandably don’t get too many hits from the ‘outside world.’  That post in particular, however has somehow made it to result #7 on a Google search of ‘chart fucking sucks’. That also means that we get disgruntled Charter customers coming along every once in awhile to add their thoughts to the ongoing nightmare that is ‘being a customer of Charter Fucking Communications.’ I am not a revolutionary, but if me swearing about these dumbfucks spreads some social media hatred that in any way could possibly impact their stupid company then I feel that the Internet has done its job. Good job, Internet.

On another topic, Flickr made some updates like WHOA; check out my gallery now, fools.

On a third topic, I’m interested in fooling around with a new forum system called Discourse. How about you regulars head over to the sandbox and play around with it. The main benefit (among others) would be no more need to call for a NUDEPOST, but there’s some other interesting shit in there too. I dunno, try it out and let me know if I should install it on my server.

About Zachery Moneypenny

I am awesome.

273 thoughts on “Looking Back: Charter Fucking Communications

  1. i hope the crew charges the mound and breaks creinke’s gurldik

  2. in other news, the new flicr sucks. keyboard shortcuts suck… reloading the whole page to show the next picture? is this 1997? then after like 3 pictures, it broke and showed just the page header with the signup link and nothing else.

    then i tried to post a comment… no feedback from the UI, the page reloads… no comment to be found.

    #SUCKSUCKSUCK
    #YAHOOISWAYWORSETHANCHARTER
    #FUCKEVERYTHING

  3. i blame most of charter’s customers problems on themselves.

    #PEOPLEISDUM

  4. brian anderson should be fired for his call of the brewers vs cardinals series. that turncoat fuck is basically cheering for the cardinals the whole game.

  5. welcome to the NOW.

    there was a racewar in the backy this morning… like 6 different shades of squirrels from the purest white i’ve ever seen all the way up to a black ninja… they were all clicking and barking like whoa. i shouted a holllllllllar that they need to get along and they all shut up and just sat in the tree.

    maybe they were fighting for spring mating rights… not sure… but i’m pretty sure i get to fuck all the squirrels now.

    #WINNING

  6. i’m way more OK with peralta blowing up and throwing his glove around, than with gomez striking out every goddamn at bat, then motioning like he is going to break his bat over his knee before restraining himself, then motioning like he is going to throw his bat into the ground before restraining himself, then walking back to the dugout with his head down like a little bitch that CAN’T DO SHIT.

    FUCK FANTASY BASEBALL!#^(*&!#^)(&*!#%^)*()!&^*(#

  7. “ricky” is hood talk for “no hits for”

    #NOHITSFORWEEKS)(&%)(U^!#)(&*!^#)*(&!#^()*&!#^

  8. when dicky strikes out, it’s no emotion at all…. more just a d00d thinking about where he is going to spend $10M on dinner tonight.

    #DIESLOW

  9. milwaukee should change their team name to the LEWSERS

    bunch of fucking chumps. ALL SUCK.

  10. history making day on the price is right today…. and another of the very weird future predicting episodes in my MIND.

    just yesterday… fucking YESTERDAY… i thought to myself about the lowest final spin anyone had every got to the showcase with. the easiest way for that to happen is that the first 2 people both go bust, then the 3rd just spins for the dollar and quits. i found this site that kept crazy stats… i found my answer… the lowest winning spin, $.20…. thanks internet… back to my new disgusting chew habit and my job as a typist.

    then fucking today, FUCKING TODAY, some HIGH SCHOOL CLOWN gets on stage, wins a washer and dryer and 3D TV (i always felt way bad as a kid when people got offered washers and dryers as prizes and had to pretend like they were excited)…. anyways… this PUNK KID was the big winner in the 2nd half and went last…. the other 2 IDIOTS busted…. HE SPINS 5 FUCKING CENTS, and goes to the showcase.

    i just needed to wait 1 day to see the ULTIMATE low spin win. I WAS THERE. I SAW IT.

    #MARKIT

  11. whoops… there’s been a scoring correction… it’s going to go down as an E6.

  12. calcalcal…. callllllll’n along…. calcalcal…. never wants to play….. calcalcal…….. b-rad’s bitch.

  13. I’m here for you bro- RSS I’d busted again so I ain’t seeing your comments get posted. Fuuuuuuck.

  14. wwhazz is in Aynrander this weekend and then off to some mine-town for the holiday.

  15. Our baby is eating rice cereal now. He gets it all over his face and then I tell him, “Bro, you look gross.”

  16. i’m at the best possible of all western hotels. grading papers, bro. then it’s beer time.

    had a long phone cal with cal on the way up.

    he is working a job. very interesting story.

  17. yo cal, if you have money, let’s do a benny fold on the twinks crew series… just these last 3 games.

    book before 1st pitch. prove you aren’t a fake cal with another “i don’t suck” speech.

  18. sort of pay sort of peanuts… to be determined. also doing legal contract work for pay… but still not much… also still at the court for free. so THREE jobs all resulting in under minimum wage #embarrassingsituation but on the reals my real work lies in fantasy baseball. my pitching is horrendous that is all more later peace out

    cal

  19. Look, I really want to buy a ton of mulch for my backyard but I just can’t find a day it’s not fucking raining cats and dogs. GODDAMMIKT

  20. Bruuuce! I just went with the bag method. Though it is all just sitting in my garage.

    Buying mulch is kinda like the stock market. I wait until I see the price drop to $2.75 a bag and then I BUY BUY BUY. Is Bruce selling you it for cheaper than $2.75 for 2 cubic footsies?

  21. drew carey found himself next to a bag of cheetos today on the price is right….. i think that might have been how he got fat…. he flipped out and started smashing the bag…. busted cheetos flying everywhere. the hottie texas kindergarten teacher was visibly concerned for drew’s sanity.

    #FUCKYOUCHEETOSDIESLOW

  22. in CA something called “holographic” will is completely 100% valid… all that means is it has to be in your handwriting and signed by you. otherwise you have to pay a lawyer.. check out if this is cool in wisco. ask AO. it’s not exactly bullet proof but it’s cheap!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holographic_will

    there you do dude. free legal advice love CAL

  23. damn *&^*&@*(#@ wisco why you have to be a pain in the a$$?????
    The following states do not recognize holographic wills made within the state, but recognize such wills under a “foreign wills” provision (i.e., the will was drafted wholly within, and in accordance with and is valid under the laws of, another jurisdiction): Connecticut, Hawaii, South Carolina, Washington, and Wisconsin.

    come out to cali and write it i guess. #stupidlaws

  24. the other thing… the laws of intestacy (dying w/out a will) seem cool to me. basiCALly it’ll all just go to spacebee. if she aint around it’ll go to baby. etc etc. if nobodies around it goes to the STATE #maddsnightmare

    if ur cool w/that just chill baby.

    disclaimer: i am dumb. ask AO.

    Cal

  25. Holler if you want to talk wills. Pods and I may be able to help, depending on how complicated you want to make things.

  26. hmmm… cal offers a simple solution, then “OH NO, that won’t work… stupid laws… you need a lawyer”… then he tricks you into letting him draft it, he will everything to himself, then he KILLS YOU.

    d00d has 150,000 motives.

    #WATCHURDIK

  27. want to watch me watch the brewers get twinked to death?

    #HOLLLLLLLARATAHANGOUTBRO

  28. phillip seymore hoffman checked into rehab… i feel like i should call him. we’re basically BFFs.

  29. uggg… philip seymour hoffman… i spell his name wrong because I CARE.

    #CALSUCKS

  30. ok, cal… just so you don’t cry…. you’re great at everything. especially anything regarding wills or working for no pay or surviving mexican pesticide ingestion.

  31. philip seymour hoffman reported out of rehab and clean and sober…. PHEW… i’m glad i could help. those were some dicey minutes.

  32. so we got out to the lake… i had my normal pole rigged for walleyes, but my ice fishing pole i brought for the girls was rigged for panfish… so i threw a waxy on that and tossed it out and handed the pole to rach-o and the HWK to watch the bobber… they got a solid bite, but rach-o didn’t set the hook right and got the line all twisted up unrecoverably… so i had to cut the line and rerig it… i looked in the water with my awesome polarized glasses… i can see a 9″ bass swimming around in the weeds.

    i rig up both poles just as a giant thunderstorm sweeps in and forces us to leave… i thought it would sweep over us in 20 minutes, but rach-o insisted we leave to put gurlymadddddddbaby down for bed. ugggggg. i wanted that fish. i’m going back tomorrow.

    #MEETMEONTHEWATERBRO
    #CANOE
    #CALSUCKS

  33. 13 runs… 4 home runs… 7 runs batted in…. 1 stolen base .472 batting average…. just today….

    #B-RADISTHEBEST

  34. Did you see his Thursday? One of his dudes stole 5 bases.

    One dude. 5 sb. One game.

  35. B rad is blessed. I saw him mowing his lawn and considered a bb gun snipe to the ear.

  36. we caught some gills today… the HWK gave me all the worms and let all the fish go after i caught them. very glad to not be raising a LITTLE BITCH.

    #FISHFISHFISH

  37. fucking huston street broke. i want a refund. fucking JJ PUTZ every fucking day those idiots are like “he’ll be on a mound tomorrow… don’t trade him bro… he’ll be fine… just wait a few more days…”

    now that shit is next wednesday…. MAYBE……….

    I COULD HAVE TRADED HIM A MONTH AGO. FUCK EVERYTHING. we need to get rid of B-RAD. it’s the only way.

    cal, let’s ride.

  38. fun observation: i think money maker mike finally punched his V card.

  39. i want to go to canterbury so bad.

    what’s crackin this weekend??

    #ROADTRIP

  40. they played a show at the turf club in st pizzy about a year ago. wish i could have been there

  41. i have a bad bad bad chew habit going. somehow/somewhere i came to acquire a tin in vegas… brought it home… found myself going to gas station to buy more. i’m way hooked. i was chawin in the shower. so shameful. spit spit spit.

    a friend came over who’s wife doesn’t let him chew, but she’s leaving for the weekend and he was all excited for his “redman retreat”… he talked some nonsense about some new stuff that has extra chemicals in it that stop you from salivating. that can’t be true. spitting is half the fun.

    i like long cut. fuck that cal powder. cal sucks.

  42. 1) why is james crying? CAUSE HE JUST GOT DUNKED ON! i’m not even lying CAUSE HE JUST GOT DUNKED ON!

    2) YEE HAW CHAWWWWWW. Just like a good ol MN boy. In my experience it’s way bigger in MN than Wisco… I attribute that to all the swedes… swedes are some chew loving mofos. little packets they are gentlemen and dont spit. the spit factor is pretty damn disgusting admittedly. but it’s good for the UP trips keeps the man factor up.

    the chaw is a fickle lover… she can get her hooks into you and she don’t wanna let go. i try to limit her to special occasions like fantasy baseball drafts, UP trips, and any time I’m in a canoe, but it can get to be a problem and sometimes the chew CALS your name… then before you know it you’re taking extra long showers and hiding tins like an alcoholic.

    my best tip is to stick with copenhagen snuff it’s not very good and you won’t like it much so you can give it up easy plus it’s the original cowboy chaw. none of this mint crap. if i wanted MINT i would eat a MINT or doubleMINT or whatever. ya heard??????? YA HEARD? every now and then you gotta go cold turkey like a crack addict and just suffer for a few days then you’re in the clear… it’s like a mini heroin addiction. trainspotting for babies. i even got nicoteen gum once to take the edge off #realmencope

  43. also: GAME OF THRONES. YOU MOFOS ARE MISSING OUT. HBO spends SIX MILLION per episode on that crap. #worthit

  44. cal… the new krispy is hot as fuck… but, please… get the GD lyrics right.

    why is james crying? CAUSE HE JUST GOT DUNKED ON! i’m not even lying…. ** NO ** HE JUST GOT DUNKED ON!

    NO NO NO… reiterating the negative stance towards the hypothetiCAL lying conjecture.

    such genious as krispy’s is lost on you layman. one wonders why he provides for you.

  45. and it’s techniCAlly “i ain’t even lyin’”, but i’ll give you that.

  46. i watched the last 10 minutes of game of thrones with rach-o… i have since learned that was a pretty good 10 minutes to have seen. SPOILER ALERT: everyone is dead.

  47. and after that reiterated negative, krispy comes back with the next line starting, “YUP YUP”…. so tite.

    #REITERATEDPOSITIVE

  48. Froggy Fresh Freestyle is the greatest thing ever:

    vhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRnyPmFSBRY

  49. all i can think about watching the french open is stealing some of that sweet sweet clay to make a mound in my backybacky. fuck if i’m spending 20 folds on that shit.

    #WHEELBARROW

  50. in chaw taking over my brain news: i watch TV and see nothing but sweet sweet crew in their telltaledly motionless lip. they think they are fooling me. they are not fooling me.

  51. babyface on one of his greatest songs: 2.5 million views in 4 years.

    krispy kreme on one of his greatest songs: 1 million views in a week.

    let me hear you say KRISPY…… KREME(*&%)&#!^*&()!#%(*%#

  52. I have to admit, that Fantasy LoL thing is intriguing. Finally my useless knowledge of players like Wickd, HotshotGG, XSpecial, and ocelote would pay off.

  53. Timmer would likes to battle chew addiction. Why don’t you three jomos form a support group.

  54. 1) break the law to spy on the private lives of americans….
    2) someone tells on you….
    3) extradite and prosecute the whistleblower to “protect the law”

    FUCK AMERICA

  55. i can’t believe i defended charter above in this thread…. i have charter… i haven’t had a problem in YEARS. everything works and it works good…. i got my HD tivo set up to use their “M-type CableCard” and external “Tuning Adapter” to get around all their encryption BS… but everything works…. that is until about 5 seconds after i defended them.

    now, my brewers HD games and half my channels go out all the time. we had multiple guys over to try and figure it out… i think they fucked up my new cable when they buried it a few weeks ago.

    anyways… they are complete fuckups, my HBO went out last night and rach-o couldn’t watch game of thrones, so finally i have her onboard at bitching at them.

    so…… CHARTER FUCKING SUCKS. i’m sorry i said different…. i still think the majority of problems are users…. wait……… probably not. people are idiots though. like WAY idiots. dumber and dumber every day…. but charter is even more dumber and more dumber and most dumber every day, so they suck more. charter sucks the most.

    CHARTER COMMUNICATIONS IS BUTT

  56. fun fact: whenever a recipe calls for baking at 425, i cook at 420.

    #GANGSTER

  57. in chawwwN’ news: i somehow determined that the smartest move is to determine which brand i like before i quit. i just need to buy more so i can finally stop. IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE, YOU JERKS. I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM…. ***YOU*** HAVE A PROBLEM)(&!#^(*&!#^%&*(!#%*(

  58. Just the smell of the mint shit gets me pukey. I might try that cal man brand.

  59. remember that teardrop camper i wanted… but it was 2500 and my budget was 2000? that really was a good price… i’ve seen some similar ones for 5000+…. anyways, someone else bought it, and now they’re flipping it for 3995… even the rad boombox is still in it.

  60. oh yeah man copenhagen snuff is the only way to go. it takes awful, and it gets everywhere. but it is the true man’s chaw. and plus it’s called “snuff” so how can you beat that? how can “mint” stand up to “snuff?” so it’s settled then. also, if you set it aside and it dries out a little it can be refreshed with a few drops of vodka. #protip

  61. i hope they have snus at kwikkk trip…. if you like snuff, how can you pass on SNUS.

    #WAYBETTER

  62. fun shopping fact of today: we went to the local giant everything sports store today to get a replacement bike tube and a fishing pole for the HWK… they rearranged their baseball section and had a bunch new stuff for the season, so i was checking it out, and this like 19ish year old was there with his mom buying a helmet… funny as shit, the kid asks the salesman about buying a helmet, and the salesman breaks his balls, “for you?!”… ZING!

    #ILOVEBASEBALLSOMUCH

  63. the kid was a calish hotshot. the mom was a calish mom. his little sister was there too…. he got soooooo burned.

    right now i’m shopping for 18″ pitching rubber installations to build a mound around. i’m thinking i’ll just go sand and top soil and patch it with clay later on.

    #ADDICTED)*(&#!%()&*!#^)*(!^#

  64. i bought some 21st century wiffleball too… except it doesn’t have any holes… it’s all hexagons or octogons and it’s solid plastic and doesn’t have much weight, but you can zing in heaters with a lot of movement. i can’t even find it for sale online….

    #TOONEW

  65. last day of public school in town… i live right next to a GIANT field on one side attached to the elementary school, and a pretty badass water park on the other side. for the last day of school, all the schools in the area are having a GIANT kickball tournament right now in the field, and they have a radio DJ over there organizing 1000 kids all making a harlem shake video right now… pretty insane. after the kickball tourney they are all going over to the pool for a #PARTY.

    it’s basically the loudest day of the year around here. nothing but super loud DJs and #BASS

  66. fuck america

    The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

    #CALSUCKS

  67. That kickball tourney sounds awesome. When I was in 5th and 6th grade we had a month long softball season. Every kid in 5th and 6th grade was drafted on a team and forced to play a game every recess. There were two leagues and then a 3 game world series at the end.

    My team made it to the world series and lost both years. It was major heartbreak. The whole school watched us lose. It was humiliating.

  68. I have two tickets to the joust 20k super joust. I’ll rent that field if I win.

  69. i hope Riπ enjoys her shit monster…

    i can’t get a sense of the size… i don’t remember anyone having that one growing up… just lots of imperial walkers and millenium falcons. are those baseboards in the picture? is it like 3′ tall?? that can’t be right.

  70. i got woke up this morning by a terrified rach-o……. “BAT! THERE’S A BAT IN THE LIVING ROOM!(#*%^%#!*(&^”

    she had been sitting in a chair next to the window eating her breakfast and sipping her coffee while watching the today show so she’s up on the latest idiocies, when she noticed a bat perched in the top of the window right next to her.

    he was a friendly fellow… i put him outside and he army crawled along the ground like some tatooine monster, “WTF, BRO? I WAS SLEEPING)*&!%#)(*&!#^”

    sorry, bat.

  71. charter d00ds are coming to my house today to play with my cables……

    i will treat them with respect, and probably try to befriend them with the fact that my brother does the same job for AT&T.

    #SUCKERFORD00DS

  72. It ate my shit… google jsonline and turtle reward to see a sad story.

    #dinosore

  73. eh… i’m not sad. this immediately triggered my BS flag:

    …They take their issues out on the most defenseless beings available to them

    maybe they don’t realize that a turtle is the quintessential defensive being… IT LIVES IN A SHELL. and maybe they don’t realize that SNAPPING means that the fucker will SNAP at you. a mother snapping turtle is a MEAN BITCH. she could bite your foot off NO PHASE. if someone hit a ball near her nest she would attack, and fuck if a golfer is going to take a penalty stroke instead of FIGHT.

    #LIFEISWAR

  74. i would have run to my car and got a blanket, wrapped the turtle up, took it home and enslaved it…. who is the bigger coward?

  75. fun fact: whenever i make “chicken voila”, i call it “chicken viola”

    #STRINGEDINSTRUMENTCOCK

  76. and where is the outcry from PETA for the golf course building on the turtles natural habitat and displacing the poor poor turtles? oh right… PETA spends all their donation money playing golf and schmoozing with higher dollar donators and lobbyists so they can get even more money and play even more golf.

    #FUCKPETA

  77. I dont give a flying cal about peta but I got no love for some asshole golfer who beats the shot out of a dinosaur.

  78. what if kids were around playing golf and might want to go pet the silly dino? a preggo snapper wouldn’t run…

    could this case have been a drunk d00d who saw the turtle far away and then approached it solely to kill it? yes… and that would be way wrong, and that guy should get smashed in return, but my computer brain sees way too much potential for the beating being done in good faith to immediately demonize the d00d. snappers are evil.

  79. i AM snapper advocate.

    i need more info on the story. rach-o brought it up to me and pretended like she didn’t know if i had heard about it, but i know she just lurks here.

    i’m still so mad at that earlier story that revealed that for a very large percentage of americans, aiming for turtles on the road is something they are passionate about. i have problem turtle in my blood. MUST HAVE. they have the same problem with an epigenetic bit flip… MUST KILL. you’ll spend so much money on shelter and food… so much time cleaning poop. YOU HAVE PROBLEM TURTO IN YOUR BLOOD. END IT NOW. STEER!#%(*^&!#%(*&!%# **BUMP**

    #YOUREWELCOME

  80. how about that shotty reference at the end? and the dinosaur reference in the other video? i am so good at whazzing.

    #DOMINATION

  81. that is a pretty big snapper… probably 25+ years old… pretty scary. how about self defense? what if someone was terrified? i certainly wouldn’t have done it, and stopped them or smashed them if i saw them do it, but still… there are many valid defenses of the action involving mitigating circumstances.

  82. so, charter showed up this morning at 8:30am… d00d rang the doorbell like 4 times… i was busy with daddy daycare and couldn’t deal with him. SHUNNED. then he just sat outside leaning on his van for like an hour… i think he finally saw me inside and then left. BRO. i said after 3:30pm. GO AWAY.

    anyways, i wasted their time… am i doing it right?

    then, an hour ago, they finally fixed my channel lineups so the brewer games show on the right channel… i mainly blame FOX and MLB for that, but charter needs to stay on top of that shit… they have FSN02 and FSN03… eau claire is an MLB twins market, but they show brewers games on the main channel, same as the packers games… but every year they switch the main channel back and forth (there is only 1 in HD)… anyways… small victory. things seem to be working again… i think they were just fucking with me…. like, i don’t need TV… i should go fishing. well… you’re probably right, but i pay you for TV. MAKE THAT SHIT WORK. GET BACK TO SELLING MY SOUL TO THE NSA, YOU JERKS.

  83. I’m sure it was a dumb ass golfer or some kid or a kid golfer just being an asshole. I’ve seen them fuckers laying eggs. Heck, I’ve dug up the eggs and raised the little fucks.

    They hiss and make it known to get the fuck away. It would be pretty easy to be the bigger man and just walk away. THis was the work of an asshole.

    It’s like in san diego when you review the stats for rattle snake bites. It’s almost 100% that it was a drunk playing crocodile hunter.

  84. this weekend might be THE RELEASE. we’re having a going away party.

    #ALLINVITED

  85. i’ve done the same… a dozen eggs or so, but i only got 3 to hatch, and only 1 of them lived more than a few days. i love turtles but i’m still not going to judge the golf course slayer as worse than the 1000s and 1000s of intentional road murderers.

    what if the golf course manager got a lot of complains about the turtle, and tried to deal with it, but he couldn’t figure it out? SMASH. way dumb, but it was a potential nuisance on their property.

    NEED MORE INFO

  86. once the turtle starts digging the egg hole, they aren’t going to move at all… i’ve sat next to them… but before they find their spot, they are vicious.

    whoever did it should come forward and explain themselves. it shouldn’t be hard to figure it out. if the guy had a cellphone, the NSA knows who it was. ASK THEM.

    #TERRORIST

  87. when i was a tiny turtle loving kid and caught my first snapper, a tiny little guy with like 2″ shell, and out of nowhere his head shot out 5″ and bit my hand, i immediately learned respect… imagine if the first encounter was with that monster? maybe it snapped at them… maybe it caught a piece of them and they acted in revenge? not justifiable, but certainly mitigating.

  88. All you hypothetiCAL situations don’t work for me.

    #1 mutual combat? Why not kill it? The other warrior had not honor

    #2 self defense? Why not call the cops or groundskeeper and have them take care of it after making your daring escape.

    #3 groundkeeper defending his turf? Leaving an injured dino on your land seems more dangerous than a mobile one.

    I cannot get behind any of these situations

  89. fun fact: in chandler and joey’s apartment on FRIENDS, they have one of the same little toy hockey sticks hanging off the side of their kitchen countertop.

  90. i am a giant fan of snapchat… it’s going viral… people i’m getting involved are getting other people involved that are including me in their distributions, so my shit is blowing up all day.

    i like how the themes play out… i got one from rach-o yesterday with swasts on my forehead.

    one of the new players isn’t being as artistic as i’d like… they just write nasty shit about other people on their whiteboard and then take a picture of it. it makes me hate them.

    #DOBETTER

  91. whazzman…. get that shit on your computer phone. my snaps are #HAUT

  92. here is the thing with the turtle….. EVERYONE is mad. WAY mad. people that have never said the WORD turtle to me are posting all over. 100% have 100% convicted humanity. i have every reason to be the poster boy of the witch hunt…. i don’t like being a part of something that is universal and obvious. JOHNNY 5 NEEDS INPUT.

    INNNNNNNNNNNNPUT(*&#^!&*()!^#)&*(!^#)*&(!#^

  93. once i let him go, i’m getting an aerator in the tank and getting a group of goldfish going, then i’ll get 3 baby turtles from #MYGUY… hopefully everyone has fun in there.

  94. the law says you can only own baby turtles if they are for educational use… i plan on teaching my children about them, and posting videos to the internet… does that count?

    CAL!!!!! FREE LEGAL ADVICE. GO)(*&!#%()&*!#^$&*()!#^

  95. i caught a shitton of them today. no one else did. i’m getting my game dialed back in.

  96. HOMER ELWAY SLICED?!#%*&^#!@)(&*!#^

    WHAT WERE WE THINKING????!#%*()&!#%)&*(!#%(&*

  97. the HWK was naked because she tried to walk out in the muck and fell over.

    she didn’t want to get cleaned up later until i taught her about muck microorganisms and how they were biting her her skin and would give her a rash… she got on board the bath train fast.

  98. my pitching game is HORRRRRRID. i wouldn’t even waste cal’s time. mental block from mound wishes…

    i’m going to the express game tonight to watch… AND LEARN)(&!#%(&*!%#&*(!%#

  99. That’s a nice wompa. There is also a Tantan sleeping bag that unzips and you sleep in the guts.

    Pi really likes the rancor. She is half scared and half delighted over it. I am a bit worried, though, that I might be disconnecting her natural fear of snapping turtle mouths. It has a lever mouth and her fear of it is going down, down, down. Is this bad? Advise, please.

  100. i’ve conditioned the HWK so much to fear dog the brat hunter’s mouth that now she’s thinks all turtles are evil.

    it’s a freaking toy… she figured it out. good gurl.

  101. I fear that turtles mouth. My piranhas were children’s toys compared to that beast.

    Clear the toaster oven off the car, Rick. And bash that thing.

  102. i think i just needed to acknowledge my mental block and go watch a JV game… came home and ZUNG 10 heaters, all strikes, but only from 25 feet away, and ground level, no GD mound. corey fart baby steps.

  103. cal, what sort of legal communication can i get with you for a $100 retainer? can i quiz you on constitutional law, then call you #DUM?

  104. logan shaffer wears packers zumbas before the game… gets 3 hits so far…..

    i buy packers 2 years ago, packers win.

    brewers offer packers zumbas giveaway.

    #FUCKINGBITERS

  105. i think bluegills might be coated with parasites that turn perfect little lady babies into MONSTERS&@^#&)*(^&)*(!^#*&()^!#)*(

    the DNR is USELESS…. they are spreading AUTISM*(&#%!&*(%!^&*(!^#&*)(!^#

    #CALSUCKS

  106. CONKY)*&#%)&*(#%^)&(*#!^)&*(#^ WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!#^)&!#^&*()#^)&(!^#

  107. in the immortal words of some guy:

    it’s the freakin’ weekend, ’bout to have me some fun

    #CALSUCKS

  108. Who invented the idea that Dick Weeks sucks because he is butthurt that Prince is gone? Timmer or MAddddd?

    Anyway, if all we are going to do is bench Rick and plat gd scooter all the time, trade Dick to Detroit and let him win a world series w the fat man.

    #trademeprince

  109. bench the big money, give shorties the opportunity….. WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN LOSE WIN.

    #brewers

  110. me and the HWK went on a daddydate to the express game… made it through 7… 6-4 express CRUSHING la creeezy. fun on a bun. popcorn in a box.

  111. cal…. you FUCKING jerk. i was going to quit chew, but i bought your crap. it sucks so much. gets all over in my mouth. gross. i don’t have the skills required to maintain a dip of that junk. granted: it is the real shit. it smells PURE. it’s what i NEED…. but………… GROSS. i hated it so much, i had to buy another tin of SKOAL MINT. i accidentally got the fine cut instead of the long cut, but even the fine SKOAL dips up good…

    got a HAG?? can’t COPE??? want to SNUFF?????????

    #CALSUCKS

  112. when rach-o helped the HWK make a “happpy fathers day” message in sidewalk chalk on the driveway, she apologized for the misspelling, and blamed booze…. i dismissed the apology and thanked her for ENUNCIATING.

  113. dan haren is on thin ice. PERFORM OR GTFO. today is the last day of the first day of the rest of his career.

  114. only if you’re gullible enough. i know people who were gullible enough. rach-o’s cousin spent a lot of time with this chawin euros… they tricked her into a sniff-a-snuff. that shit will be stuck in your TRAKE for a while.

    #NOTSMART

  115. Wikipedia says it is for snorting. And small sniffs only. I think you guys are doing wrong.

  116. uggggggg…. 10 folds is SCREAMING at me to swap itself for a new macbook air.

    #IHAVEPROBLEMS

  117. i got twitchy lip, yo….. I NEED HELP#%)*(!&!#%)(&*!#%*(&)!#%~

    #CAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL!L#%O!@%L&!#%L&!%#L&L&%#!L&%!#L(L!#%(!#%&!#%&LL!#%LL#%!L!#%L(!%L(!#%L(!%#

  118. dan haren: 6IP… 3Ks, 6ERA.

    YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD TO ME.

    the only thing more worthless than you is FUCKING YAHOO! while responding to my request to drop your DUMB FUCKING ASS:

    A player has already played and is no longer editable for today. (Error #174)

    you fucking too many clickin’ idiots)(&#%!)*(!)*(% I WANT TO DROP HIM. WHO GIVES A FUCK IF HE PLAYED TODAY?)(&*%!#()*!#%*)(!#%*()!()*#%*()!#%

    SO MANY FUCKING IDIOTS)(#^)(*!%#)&*(^!%&*()!^*()!^&*(!^#&*(!^#*()!^#(&*!^#*(&^#!&*(^!#*()%*()!#%*()!%^#

  119. i have a giant dip in right now. forgive me. the almighty chaw has taken hold. i no longer exist as i once did. i blame dan haren. that fucking guy.

  120. i pledge to resurrect my NFL survivor league this year… i’d like to manage every facet of action….. please propose desired features. i will serve you as others cannot.

    #CALLMEYESHUA

  121. the winter carnival planning meetings are going on right now….

    #BRAVO

  122. in other dumbfuckery…. i really want this even crazier laser than i already own

    i’m similarly nutty about cameras, but i can’t pull the trigger like whazzman on a mark IID7XL5. i made a date with my retured neighbor to go to a haunted wildlife preserve on private land bought to house a great nuclear power plant of northwestwisco that never was. a burmuda trianglesque zone of many deaths……… i think he might be trying to kill me, but i’m going anyways.

    #BALLS

  123. he is also a camera nut that grew up in the age of DARK ROOMS.

    #SOFUCKINGDARK)!#%()*#!)*$()!&#%*&(*!#&*(!#&*()%

  124. lose haren homie on the reals. i’m jelly of your chaw. but i can’t go down that road it leads to RUIN. lip quivering RUIN. it’s like shredded tobacco CRACK. My new thing is to try to get huge. like giant muscles hahah. i’m trying to eat more but i don’t want any more :( protein drinks? what’s a weakling to do?

  125. YES YES! GETS ALL OVER YOUR MOUTH! you need SKILLS to handle the COPE. no training wheels skol garbage #pure

  126. yeah and what else? something. oh yeah snuff. i got some real snuff in some other country and i snuffed it up and it was pretty unappealing. i don’t know why they call the COPE snuff when it is not snuff but that makes it better.

  127. i got the lip quivers bad… i can feel new giant veins building in my lips to extract that sweet sweet nicojuice as fast as possible. 2 tins and then quit for a while would have been perfect. now i bought your stupid tin, and then had to (had to??) replace that because it sucked. i wake up thinking about it. i think i dreamed about it last night. i need to quit…. but i’m not a wasteful person, so just let me put a dip in… #BYE!

  128. as someone that partakes in consumption almost constantly, i now understand that i’ve never dealt with REAL addiction before. WHOA. chaw is hard core shit and i can’t understand how it is legal while other things aren’t legal………. oh, right…. america is hypocritical melting pot of MORONS.

    #PRAISEALLAH

  129. A2K should incorporate some SIKH culture… every sikh d00d i’ve met has been awesome. muslims too… walking in on them on their knees bowing towards mecca on their storybook time carpet samples is always funny…

    #ROLLITUP

  130. if killing a police dog is a felony, and the officer is responsible through negligence for killing a police dog, then why is he being allowed to stay home from work WHILE WE STILL PAY HIM, instead of being locked up in GITMO as a COP KILLER()*&!#%(&*!#%&*()!#%

    CAL. you seriously believe in the law???? you think it works????????

    how about i just GIVE you a shotty? would you take it? would you keep it? would you thank me?

  131. fuck it. i don’t care. that fucking narco-sniffing RAT deserved to die. all i love is CHAW(*&)(*!#%()&*!#%

  132. i got ichiro off the shit heap, but those fuckers are playing 2 today, so they got started before i could get him in the lineup after the waivers cleared…. 1st game he’s 3/4 with a HR, 2 R and 3 RBIs…. i’m angry with 1 angry and 2 angryRIs.

  133. duuuude when you try to go clean you will SUFFER. physical withdrawals, quick temper, it sucks. after this you will forever long for the sweet sweet chew. I’m so sorry my friend.

  134. I’m telling you the only hope is to switch to the man’s copehagen, then ween yourself off that with nicoteen gum. that shit is god awful, but it takes the edge off. one day at a time friend. I’ll be your sponsor.

  135. how long do these cope tins last? mine is stamped on the bottom “guaranteed fresh, sell by jun 30 2013″ that seems like a pretty short time.

    also… it’s not even tin… it’s like a recycled egg carton puck full of EVIL.

    whatever. dip dip dip.

  136. rach-o told me after a inhale of shock (what are those called??????) that tony soprano died of a heart attack in italy on vacation. he was 51. both of my kids were crying and my wife was generally being bitchy. i screamed, “LORD… TAKE ME NOW)&#%!&)(*(*)!#^”

    that fucker did NOTHING.

    UGGGGGGG.

  137. hulk hogan eats nothing but hard boiled eggs. try that. also, try to scale back on eating greg’s cock.

    #ZING

  138. a gasp? it equate that more with fear than sorrowful shock…. ENGLISH NERDS)(*&^@)*(!#^)*(!#^

  139. those nicotine patch commercials anger me. “helps control the urge to smoke all day long”…. does it help control all day long, or does it help control urge to smoke ALL DAY LONG.

    there is some other drug for lung problems that tells you to tell your doctor if you use visine, then later says to tell your doctor if you get HI………VES. that stuff must react to weed, but st00pid lawyers won’t even let them suggest that anyone would break the law.

    i hate commercials. i hate cal. i hate yahoo!. RAAAAAAAGE(*&!%(&*!^#*(&)!^)(*!^#)*(

  140. yo skeez i just introduced you to the PIZZA BOYS via email. what shall come of this unholiest of unions?

  141. I like that you noticed the cope FRESHNESS date. that date is VERY IMPORTANT. before you purchase, have the merchant check the FRESHNESS date to insure FRESH COPE. dry stale cope is even worse than fresh. #horrible

  142. not that i know Krispy… I would be 1000 percent cooler if that were the case… no sadly i just directed them to krispy’s youtube.

  143. i haven’t responded to the pizza boys yet.

    i’ve been searching for troops online for years just so i’d have an icebreaker with them. the brand was supposed to be resurrected by nelly in 2008, but i still don’t have any.

    my trubbbbbbbilyzer is on the fritz… stuck pixels that are spreading… supposedly a known issue with faulty thermal paste on the imaging chip.

  144. nice… i found a secret support number for optoma, and they said they’ll fix it for free.

    i might have to go a few weeks with no trubbbbbbbbbbs.

    at least i have you, chaw… my only friend.

  145. oh dubs…. are you fools all bringing shorties along? i worried about getting sued by all of you for encouraging procreating. what a dumb idea. i’m so dumb.

    rach-o might be open to a weekend at the fancy mystique with the gurrrrrrrls. she would embarrass me at the canny with her nose in the air… i can’t risk that. that d00d is FAMILY.

  146. I think that artiCAL is an excellent ice-breaker. send them a couple of your greatest hits! I want to hear a pizza boy / skeezer mashup

  147. i asked the pizza boys if they want to make songs about how much cal sucks.

    #SUCK4LIFE

  148. my time spent dipping fine cut skoal instilled all the skills i need to cope the cope. i think i might prefer it now. OH NO.

    maybe i’ll just dip4life. quitting is for queers and vagabonds.

  149. yes YES YES! we need to go nine innings of apple ball and a tin of COPE and some TROOPS. I can’t decide which I like more, the red TOOPS or the purple with that arrow. troops are cool.

  150. There’s a trail in golden gate park where they have these excercise things. I ran there then Did some sit-ups, then 8 pull-ups. 4 hands over the bar and 4 under. also hung on the olympic ring things for a bit. #massive

  151. cal, i wouldn’t give your troubles to…… A MONKEY ON A ROCK.

    #LETTERSEXMAN

  152. rach-o bought me a bunch of tiny pink dixie cups to spit in.

    #ENABLER)&!#%)&*(!#%(&**()!#%

  153. Troop was the ultimate ’80s/’90s hip hop brand – crazy hightops, gold badges, huge branding – their sneakers certainly had a presence that defied good taste.

    whazzmaster.com: defying good taste since 2001

  154. K-ROD going for 300.

    he hates that nickname. i’ll CAL him GAY-ROD instead.

    #YOUREWELCOME

  155. Bro’a: I been runnin and funnin for the last 2 weeks. When I get home tomorrow I’ll nude post it up!

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