Hamacha Cha-Cha


I regret to inform y’all that I won’t be able to attend the UP Chaw ‘n’ Sau(sage) Extravatonydanza. Alas, my child needs to be looked after like the mewling baby he is. Instead, lemme tell you about this Tuesday when I stopped by Bay 101 for some old-timey California poker action.

It felt so good to once again see a variety of games: 3/6, 6/12, 8/16 half kill, 1/2/2 NL, 2/3/5 NL, and Omaha 8/18 half kill were the low limit games, while the high limits included 30/60, 40/80, 60/120, and 150/300. Dear god.

I sat at 3/6 for about 3 hours. Ended up losing $40 but it was mainly because I was dealt MANY excellent starting hands that went nowhere on the flop. Invested a lot preflop (particular on back-to-back AK suited) with complete shit flops and lunatics raising out the gate. However, I hadn’t had so much FUN playing in a looong time. Lots of crazy action, and really only one rock at the table. You were pretty sure when you hit you were gettin’ PAAAID, especially since I was seeing so many flops.

Maybe next time I’ll head down Garden City way…

105 thoughts on “Hamacha Cha-Cha

  1. $40 is probably very close to the exact rake you’re paying to play 3 hours. $4 a hand * 30 hands an hour = $360 left the table in those 3 hours…. 9 seats = $40 a man. so really you didn’t lose anything. would have given that same $40 to play 6/12, but a win would be much higher, and the action is the same.



    i might come to the UP just to maybe accidentally stumble onto a canada-bound boat and get stuck there forever.


    thanks, obama

  3. my 6-12 roll was always $300… buy in for 200, and reload for the rest if i got down to 120.

  4. 6/12 at garden city is my JAM, but 4/8 at the lucky lady with a stroll next door after every big win for a shot of tequila and a beer is always a fun fun fun time. the crazy high limit chinese action with slamming dice cups 20′ away adds to the charm. oh…. and the smells… * infinite sigh *


  5. baby care tip: hint to the grandparents that lack of baby care is keeping you from plans. in my experience they swoop in and beg to take them.

    the don might have already burnt up all that action tho…

  6. I saw that dude (though not the titty shake) and it made me think that it is weird that dudes are allowed to go topless at miller park (it seems like a no shirt, no shoes kinda place) and that it is weird that dudes choose to go topless. It wasn’t even that hot.

  7. yo cal, what did you score on the klingon portion of the bar? someone is trying to dishonor my family for 7 generations, and i need a Cha’DIch


  8. the HWK has developed her own generally greeting / farewell.


  9. i saw that he was still running ads for his spray paint restaurant where he’ll invite you to eat with him, BUT HE MAKES KWIK TRIP PICK UP THE TAB.

    it’s your fucking restaurant, juice-head…. WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A TAB IN THE FIRST PLACE?!#^%)(&!#^&)*(!#^)(&*!^#


  10. i’m cutting kwik trip too… but i did it about 2 weeks ago. i always went there because it’s a giant wisco business, and i’ve had a bunch of friends that worked at their distribution plants and made good money and had nothing but nice things to say, BUT FUCK ALL THAT. it’s like a scientology store. kafe karuba? how about krappy kapoopoo.

    i went to kwik trip to fill my car tires, but their machine was broken. i went across the street to the holiday station. * infinite sigh * oh, holiday. i own 3+ tire pressure gauges, but i couldn’t find one in my car, so i went to buy another. the hot cashier was quick to offer to lend me one and save the $7. way flirty too… “this happens all the time”…

    i already had my money out, so i bought a tin of chew instead. i’m a holiday man now.


  11. Two comments on the Arod/Yankees story. To catch you all up, the yanks are trying to claim that Arod is too hurt to play so they can collect the insurance money on his giant ass contract. Arod says he is healthy and can play. He even went to the Dr. and got a note.

    Anyway, come comments on the story via yahoo:

    Noochski • 3 hours ago

    Pay that meee-an hisss mah-ney

    Dubba D • 10 minutes ago

    The spankees signed the ridiculous contract. They have no problem enjoying the WS championships Aroid helped them win. Pay up. Typical NY jews

  12. let me catch u up…. because of my “shenanigans”, kkk-car took back over the diks and neglected to start our ace jered weaver today…. just 8 IP, 1 W, 9Ks, 0.00 ERA, 0.38 WHIP… NOTHING SPECIAL)*(#!^%)*(!#%&*(!%#&*(!&*(#%


  13. so the arod thing was basically exactly like braun, but he didn’t even want to pretend that a thumb could hurt for 2 months?

    i heard he is facing lifetime ban.

    why didn’t braun get a lifetime ban? or was arod braun’s dealer? are they all banned from the hall of fame?

    fuck everything… it’s time for ROBOT BASEBALL.


  14. thanks, USA… now, if you criticize a corporation, they can use the courts to get the NSA to hand over every email you’ve sent for the last 9 years.

    lawyers are the worst.

  15. rach-o flew away with the HWK and ladymadddddddd, so i’m free this weekend.

    thinking about a run to canterbury. HOLLLLLLLLER for a carpool.

  16. this a-rod thing is confusing the shit out of me…. someone else tried to convince me that the exact opposite of your story is the case, as he heard it from a fox radio show. he says that a-rod is trying to play things that he’s not able to play so he can retire as a disabled player and collect disability on his contract for perpetuity.

    my first thought was this was the NY jews using the hollywood media jews to spin the story away from them.


  17. i bought more chaw. there’s no hope with cope.

    d00d i was with was chawin camel snus pouches………. #INTRIGUING

  18. that richly toned gapped tooth d0rk behind “stomp out bullying” is an ignorant hypocrite.


  19. i think i just got drunk and ordered 2 turtle babies online….

    THANKS, OBAMA*(!#%&*(!%#)*(^!)*(!^*()!^

    cal…. have i been too harsh? are you in swedish prison? did you finally jump the country, cutting all ties? oh, how i hope that is true. maybe, one day, at an italian outdoor bistro, i’ll see you… we’ll nod to each other, but nothing more.


  20. yikes… it’s true. #BOOZE

    Item: B-T Western Painted Turtle
    Quantity: 2
    Description: B-T Western Painted Turtle, Item #234
    Price (each): 59.95
    Item Total: 119.90

    Subtotal: $119.90
    Shipping (Turtles Only Next Day Air): +$29.95
    Grand Total: $149.85

  21. 1. Do you think it was a KFC hamburger or a chicken sandwich? I think chix sammy because the asian dudes at the union called every sandwich a hamburger back when lawman worked there. A fish sandwich was a fish hamburger, etc.

    2. No turtle in there… just a hamburger. Awesome.

    3. Awesome drunk buy. Way awesome.

    4. Fuckinf cla. Camping in France…Asshole tells me to watch his 3 goddamn fantasy teams and then I see him making 3am speculative closer grabs.

    5. Bynes is by far my fav out of control hollywood lady

  22. That damn tmz link sucked me in to click on two headlines:

    “child stars who became porn stars” and “famous men with one ball”

  23. jennifer niemeyer has a saggy cunt… she’s the DNR bitch sending a 13 man swat teams in to kill a giggly baby deer.


  24. turts show up tomorrow morning… wonder if syllllllkkkkkk rd is anywhere as near as efficient.

  25. I’ve always liked cutmen. I like how the guy is all bloody and messy and they come in between rounds and make them all clean again: ice, wet rag, a little bit a vaseline. BOOM. A horror show is ready for a close up.

    In HS wrestling lawman was our cutman. I bled a lot, so I got to take fun breaks to get cleaned up incase I had aids or something. They were way against aids in those days.

    Now a days, I play pretend cutman when I clean up pi between courses. But instead of blood it’s just yogurt. I make her all clean and bring her new food and tell her, “round two, FIGHT.”

  26. new turts are here. holy fuck they are tiny. like a quarter. cute little fuckers. they chase the giant goldfish around and snap at it.


  27. In college belly’s roommate inherited a minivan. The first night it was parked outside their apartment, someone wrote “dryhump” on it with a permanent marker.

    It takes all my will not to do the same with my own miniboss.

  28. Another plus, you don’t want your turtles to get too big. Small is good in the turtle game though one downfall: they shit out tons of kids with the hopes a few survive. Skeezer can protect them from birds and bass and cars, but they are still fragile critters. I’ll set the over/under at 1 with a 6 month time limit.

  29. some of the quarters they sell are 20+ folds each… 1 fold for 2 quarters is a deal.

    i could have got 3 red-eared slider quarters for $10… but i also could have a tv under 100″….


  30. Painted turtles are most vulnerable to predators when young.[38] Nests are frequently ransacked and the eggs eaten by garter snakes, crows, chipmunks, thirteen-lined ground and gray squirrels, skunks, groundhogs, raccoons, badgers, gray and red fox, and humans.[38] The small and sometimes bite-size, numerous hatchlings fall prey to water bugs, bass, catfish, bullfrogs, snapping turtles, three types of snakes (copperheads, racers and water snakes), herons, rice rats, weasels, muskrats, minks, and raccoons. As adults, the turtles’ armored shells protect them from many potential predators, but they still occasionally fall prey to alligators, ospreys, crows, red-shouldered hawks, bald eagles, and especially raccoons.[38]
    Painted turtles defend themselves by kicking, scratching, biting, or urinating.[38] In contrast to land tortoises, painted turtles can right themselves if they are flipped upside down.[39]

  31. Should I name my football team the mustard tigers or hut-hut-hut-hut-hut-hut-hut in honor of the tecmo qb cadence?

  32. what happened to the comments feed? that is how i use this site… fuck the posts, they keep their clothes on almost all the time… #NEVERNUDE.

    now i have to click on homepage, click on latest story comments and THUMBTHUMBTHUMBOWWWWWWWWW to the bottom, see if someone said something, then comment. dumb. and if someone says something on an old story, no one will ever know.

  33. painted turtles are the best. the d00ds i got are quality. you think i’m buying from joe schmuck turtlefucker? they’ll probably outlive me.


  34. the RSS feed is still on the belly DRYHUMP story.

    i hate everything.


  35. chinese KFC hamburger might be some weird hybrid chicken/dog sandwich, but i originally read it as 100% chix sammy.

    why can’t you fucking gov’t fuckers just let me have a fucking turtle, fucker???????? BECAUSE 9/11?????? #FUCKOFFFFFFFFFF)(*&!%#@&(*%!&*(&*(!%#&*)(!%#)&*(&*)%#!

  36. So, I got problem brewer in my daily fantasy blood. I rage against. Today, I made my teams sans crew. But then I noticed the opposing pitcher. It’s Dan. Dan haren. He pitches. So now what? Does Q have any insight?

  37. “what if we could rip off that train and nobody ever knows…”

    FRIENDS! hola amigos long time no rappin. in honor of madd i am currently in the midst of a kodiak/breaking bad/fosters oil can marathon. this show is DARK. as we speak I’m on episode 5 of season 5 and I intend on knocking off the season TONIGHT. well maybe not tonight. also i broke down and bought a tin of kodiak apropos of nothing. no cope at the corner store but screw it Kodiak is my first love. oh geez they just shot some kid… DARK.

  38. i stopped watching at that point. up until then, i watched every episode LIVE from S1E1… i contend that bad was surely broken unto at that point. show over. i have the last 3 episodes on the ol’ DVR. i don’t want to watch them. new episodes start back up in a week….. shit. i’ll probably catch up night before the premiere. i hate thinking that cal will break more bad than me.

    i have a tin of the ol’ cope, but right now i have a big gurly filter pouch of CAMEL SNUS ROBUST in my lip. training wheels. but this shit i can put in a pouch and keep it in like forever. i slept with one in, and had crazy dreams about a mouth full of filth. way crazy. makes my lip straight on the verge of demise, but stays on the good side… camel has masterfully cooked their recipe to keep you CHAWIN’.


  39. when i won that jackpot at ho chunk, i knew just what to do…… i bought cal 2 gay brostitutes.


  40. YOOOOOOOOOOOOO, whazzman.

    scoop up that shorty and show him how to brodown in the rhine… thursday night poker with a zillion other shorties, then back to maddddddd on friday morning for a day of MERGE HELL and DAYCARE.

    plan finalized. commit -m “do it”. git push.


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