BENGALS~!

So I was addicted to Rogue Legacy this morning and missed the first 20 minutes of the Packer game. WTF? Down by two scores already? Jaysus, Ross- get a fuckin’ grip (on the ball).

Oh yeah- we also went to See-Yew’s wedding on Friday. It was incredibly awesome- reception at the Brink Lounge: hosted bar all night, Ian’s Pizza for dinner, and peanut butter/cake/chocolate pops for dessert. The UW Band and Bucky showed up and drunk spacebee got so excited I thought she’d piss her pants. At one point someone was taking a picture with Bucky and she turned to me, venom in her voice, and hissed, “I WANNA DANCE WITH BUCKY.” Jesus. Ok, go dance with Bucky. I introduced a lot of California and New York folk to the ‘Doctor Cherry Bomb,’ which went over well.

It was surreal to see so many tech people in Madison- every other conversation was about which startup people were working at these days. I wasn’t around on the west coast when a lot of the younger folks started getting married and so I never attended a Tech People Wedding where demos were going on in the back of the room. Kinda a fun twist on the weddings I’ve attended lately.

Also: Scientist, your Twitter account was hacked. Unless you’re the one sending me ‘Lose 15 pounds in 15 days’ direct messages, in which case fuck off and stop sending me that shit.

255 thoughts on “BENGALS~!

  1. here is how fucked up fantasy has made me… i’m pretty sure that at the end of tonight peapods will have a slight lead on me…. i’ll SURELY cover that margin on monday night…. IF MANNING AND DECKER MAKE IT TO THE GAME. i am legit concerned about peapods killing them both just so i lose. CUT THROAT ACTION.

    WHY WOULDN’T YOU PLAY FANTASY?!#%)(&!%#)&(!#^%)(&*!#^)*&(!#^

  2. i want to point out that i made a good faith trade attempt with peepods… bilal powell for james starks. yahoo thought i was getting a slight edge, but i was well aware i was giving up a TON just to feed my problem packer in blood. she says no, and asks for my PURPLE BEAST. i laugh, EXACTLY ONE “HA”. carefully click “reject”. if she took the trade, it would have been a 20 point swing and i’d be stuck with a broken RB2. that would make monday night a SWEAT. that would have made my season a…

    #NIGHTMARE

  3. yay! nude post! i want to play game too! what is it??????????????? reading WOOL and it is the BOMB. you read that shizzle?

  4. i have, for your entertainment, two leinenkugels theamed stories.

    1) one time i opened a leinenkugels and took a giant slug. i immediately felt a slug-light substance in my mouth. I spit it out. It was some gross thing that grew in the beer. wtf. that only happened once and has never happened since. now i drink that shit on purpose in kombucha form but i digress…

    2) my sister went to college in massachusetts and at some point the question of what kind of beer should be bought arose. naturally, she proposed leinenkugels. they were like what. that. eff. is. that.

    the end!

  5. let me tell you about WOOL without giving too much away. it’s about post-apoCALypse where these people live in a silo underground. BOOM SILO! that’s all I’ll say though I don’t want to spoil anything. dude wrote it on his lunch break for three years and self published to amazon kindle and it is truly a joy.

  6. cal, do you want to join my new company? it’s a START UP for the NATIONAL AUTOMATION LEAGUE. basically, we run some crazy algorithm, mixing in some pseudo randomized salt, and A WINNER IS DECLARED.

    who is playing this week? my local team vs some other team. who won? my local team! YEAH! who will win next week? some other team. BOO!

    we just need to get local markets set up and sell some franchises. THERE IS A MARKET. WE WILL SERVE THAT MARKET.

  7. I did NOT see “jobs” you jobber. I did see “the impossible now” or whatever it was called. I quite enjoyed it.

  8. i recently watched a few “jobs” based movies… they were all *BLECH*. if only the movies’ art directors had as much demand for perfection / lack of obvious flaws, as jobs, they might not have sucked.

    woz = white bill cosby.

  9. 1. He did see Jobs. He did.

    2. Unless they let you fight in your underpants, I’ll stick with regular ol Ghosts & Goblins. #luddite

  10. new business plan:

    1) start a website for company reviews made by the public
    2) allow companies to submit their own reviews
    3) find the companies $350,000

    you don’t have the freedom of speech to say that your own products are good. FINED.

    #AMURIKUH

  11. i’m still trying to get my head around this FXX thing… could it be that the “sunny” and “league” and “louie” guys were all like… “uh… what do we need FX for? we could just distribute using our own distribution channel”, louie loves that ploy… charge $5 for something that amazon would charge $1.99 for and somehow convince everyone it’s a generous benevolent action.

    team louie up with ruxin, and they’ll corrupt sweet d in no time.

    i am paying OUT OF MY ASS for TV, and TV is turning its back on me and asking for a 2nd finger in the ass.

    MY ASS IS ALL TAPPED OUT.

    #FUCKOFF

  12. i’m starting to realize why TV shows the players getting off the bus. THAT IS ALL I CARE ABOUT. SOMEONE. PLEASE. ASSURE ME PEYTON SHOWED UP. WHY IS ANYONE TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. SHOW ME A LIVE VIDEO OF PEYTON. HE IS SHOWERING????? PROVE IT(*^!#%(&*!%#(&*!#%(&*^%!#*(^&*(!#%^&*^()!#%

  13. 1. I messed up in not taking Bilal, especially because I had checked in to see who owned him last week. $&@&$$(@ Damn injuries.

    2. I tried to mentally will Peyton to say, ‘You know, y’all got this. I’m good here at home. Rivers is breaking down last night’s Emmy fashions and that’s stuff I need to know.’

    3. Now I’m just hoping I don’t get the wrong side of biggest blow it again.

    4. I admit that I spent some time Keeping Up with the Kardashians today. Those kids are pranksters! They pretended to serve the family placenta and the guy who reminds me of the serial killer in that BenJarvus Green-Ellis book kept pretending he was someone named Todd. All Kardashians (and even some Jenners) thought it was hilarious.

  14. yo peapods, how can charter, in the same ad, both advertise a service with the claim of “NO CONTRACTS!” while simultaneously adding the stipulation “SUBJECT TO TERMS”.

    how are terms different than contracts? CAN I SUE?!

    this is our chance to take out cable. COAXIAL REVOLUTION. WE CAN BE HEROS. DOWN HERE… DOWN HERE, IT’S *OUR* TIME.

    #GOONIESNEVERSAYDIE)*&(!#%(&*!#%^(&*!^#&*()!^#)&(*^!*()!^#&*(!^#(&*!^#

  15. all males are cordially invited to a drunk d00d weekend in the north west wisco woods. it’s the heartland burning man. except, instead of a man, it’s a couch covered in urine.

    October 25th, 26th and 27th.

    #HOLLLLLLLLLLLARIT

  16. there are only 2 rules:

    Rule #1 NO WOMEN ARE ALLOWED!!
    (Hookers are exempt from rule #1)
    Rule #2 YOU MUST PULL ME (LOREN) AWAY FROM THE FIRE (mom said)

  17. will this be the year rule #2 begs action? what if it’s suicide? how would i know? what is the LAW?(*&!#%*()&!#%

    they are a bunch of safety conscious pyromaniac gun nuts that don’t allow guns on the premises. cal would have a BLAST.

    #GUNPUN

  18. Thank you for keeping me up.

    Also, I will enjoy watching Denver rest Manning in the final weeks of the season. MADD with too.

    #rottenwall

  19. the denver coach last night said that he would never rest manning… “why would we want to practice without him”

    he’s a point machine. my team is AWESOME. i just need a TE. supposedly i have a good one, but WHERE ARE THE POINTS, HOMIE?(*^!#%

    tony g for jermichael???????

    #TRADEMEBRO

  20. Parties to a contract are bound by the terms to which they have agreed, usually even if the contract appears to be improvident or a bad bargain, as long as it did not result from Fraud, duress, or Undue Influence.

    i think i have a case here. lets take those FXX FUXXXXXORS down.

    did you see that apple got fucked in court for allowing AMC to sell a “season pass” for breaking bad first half of season 5? they had to offer full refunds for everyone that bought it. AMC was really at fault, or maybe apple for lack of oversight, but “season” relative to the apple app store isn’t the same as “season” relative to AMC’s distribution package… even though they call the combination of the multiple distribution packages as “season 5″.

    “no contracts”…. you’re about to go up in flames. come on lawyer pals….. please???

  21. Why practice without him… because he is old and brittle?

    I watch Packer games to see bombs to Jordy.

    I watch Denver to see Monte Ball miss a block and Papa Johns Manning go down in a heap. I want to see a tangled of neck nerves pop out of his neck like the wires of your whazz machine. I hope Decker helps him up and gets zapped.

    You team is old. Your TE is a vegan grandfather.

    Raw is war, bro.

  22. i think i might be a broncos fan now. watching the mandeck was more exciting than the packers. fantasy has destroyed my life, and i’m thankful for it.

    let’s talk jordy……

    LOOK. i gotta have him. it’s a present for my son for christmas… it’s exactly what i’ve been looking for, AND I’VE BEEN EVERYWHERE. i’ll give you $200.

  23. i’ve never worried for 1 second about a single player getting hurt or the logistics of getting a team to show up on gameday. now, it’s all i think about.

    the entire breaking bad cast was on conan last night, and vince gilligan said almost the exact same thing… when the show started to pick up steam, we spent all of his time worrying about his own mortality (car crash, etc) and his responsibility to get the show done. in his words, now that the show is in the can, he can die.

    #MORBID

  24. i’m already used to cheering for monte ball, so transitioning to broncos fan is way easy. i’m already loyal to the orange and blue… hail, hail, hail to thee.

    funny raytown realization: the high school named after the guys that make case tractors in town has the color scheme of their biggest competitors (john deere)… whose idea was that? were the case people pissed about it?

    #WHORELICKERS

  25. whoops… FBI, not DEA. who cares.

    is jermichael on the table??? i don’t want to waste anymore time with my hopes and dreams… just true potential. jordy isn’t mine. he’ll never be mine. i’ll just cry. it’s all i can do.

    #SHOULDHAVETAKENHIMINTHETHIRDROUND)(&#%!)&(!#^&*()#!^&*()&*()^!#

  26. yahoo must know that i’ve already tweaked my week 4 lineup about 1000 times today. why the fuck do they spam with “DONT FORGET TO SET YOUR LINEUP… DURRRRRRRRRRR”.

    MOTHER FUCKERS)(&!#%)&*(^!#)&*(!#^)(*!^# YOU *****KNOW****** THAT I ALREADY SET IT(*&!#%^)&*(^!#)&*(!^#)*&(!#^)*(&!^#TOO MANY CLICKS)&(*^#!%)&*(!%#^(&*!^#*(&!^#(&*!^#*)(!^)*(&!^*)(&!^*()!^

    #WOMANCEO

  27. You took your boy toy Peyton. Lawman took Andre Johnson and Pods took Vincent Jackson…

    And then I took Jordy.

    What were you all thinking?

  28. I guess yahoo was telling you all he’d be there late 5th, early 6th.

    So I guess you can enjoy your yahoo draft grades, teacher’s pets.

    #streetsmarts

  29. LOWSCHE SHUTOUT

    brian anDURRRRRRRRRRsen:

    [he] paints a masterpiece

    how about, “he pitches a great game”. he’s not a painter, queer. go back to st. louis.

    #STREETJUSTICE

  30. he never touched homeplate… i’m worried yahoo is going to take my points away. my points are all that matters. fuck everything else. points. GET POINTS.

  31. I let my students pick the next topic we read about. We held an NCAA tournament of topics and drug lords edged out Denis Rodman in the semifinals before taking out brain eating amoebas in the final.
    DRUG LORDS!!!
    Our first reading was a NY Times article on the Sinaloa cartel. It was an interesting read. Many, many story lines were taken and fictionalized in breaking bad. It was neat to see some of the source material.
    I’m pretty excited to see what walt does with that big gun. No more skylar. No more walt jr. No more nothing except Walt and a big gun. I sort of think he’s going to fully embrace the lifestyle, beat cancer again and take over, full time. Kill the nazi’s and recruit jesse, todd (or one of them—prob have to be one of them) and Lydia to continue his work. Or jess kills him. Who knows. I used to think his kids would die, but know I see it’s almost worse: they hate him and want him to die. So I think he lives. Maybe he shoots up grey matter too, who knows. You think Saul is really managing a cinebon?

  32. Or Cinnabon, bun?

    Did you ever have Dimple scotch? I wonder what they paid for that product placement. Last time, with the super tequila, they made up a brand. Dimple is real, I googled it.

  33. only 2 episodes left…. i’m guessing he blows up gray matter, then a little kid comes out of the burning building and dies in front of him, and he realizes he has broken BAD, so he goes home to get the ricin and kill himself because he’s too big of a pussy to turn the master blaster around on himself.

    THE END

  34. Over the last day or so, I’ve become convinced Walt lives. This is the product of near constant reflection. I understand what you were saying, now, about the difference between mass viewing verses individual episodes with breaks.

    He never answers the questions “how much time you got left?” And he only brings up his illness when it suits him (arguments with Hank or Jesse) as a tool to gain compassion. He beat the cancer once and he’s taking moose antler chemo. I think he’s fine, on that front.

    He talks good game about family and he does love his family but he also wants to be kingpin. The cancer happens when he tries to suppress his inner Heisenberg. His family is done with him. He is now free to go all out. Maybe he goes full time Prague.

    I think the gun might be a red herring. I think he gets the Nazis Gus-style and poisons them.

  35. my flex spot and bench are driving me nuts. every week i get it wrong. yahoo says i should go with bradshaw vs jax… but if i went with hartline vs NO i could sweat the monday night game if i was behind.

    i’m starting to understand why tony soprano had a busy season. i need action on every game. ACTION ACTION ACTION.

  36. fake jordy trade is way DIK. i hope the rottenwall crushes you this week. out of my trash heap and into YOUR NIGHTMARES)&(*!#%)&!#%)&()(&*!#%

  37. in cal’s version of the bible, goliath bans slings and rocks, and rules unchallenged with cal as his dancing slave and dik polisher, and cal was never happier.

    (#hesuks)

  38. i really like GTA V… the entire start of the game is at the santa monica pier, and the map is almost exact… i used to walk down to the water and sit on the same bench in the opening cinematic. it was like i was there. trubbbbbbbbn’ like a boss. then i stole some cars and accidentally ran over some people.

  39. also, really like DEREK on netflix. in the last episode i watched, ricky gervais’sesss character stares down a crab he found on the beach.

    #RELATABLE

  40. yahoo just told me download their new toolbar. now i’m telling them to download my new FUCK OFF(*^&%!#(&*^!#%

    #ladyceo

  41. I thought you had boners from here to St. Charles for the GTA series. I remember you regaling me with stories about how Lynn would run around in tanks on spring break or something.

    Also: FANTASY is dumb, and so are all of you.

  42. I said it looks neat-o. Neat-o means a little bit of a chub.

    I don’t think I will be able to play it, though. My last go at modern video games was 2001 when I lived on Jenifer st.

  43. i was a giant grand theft auto 1 fan… all the mods, everything. it was a perfect game. grand theft auto 2 was pretty dumb. it got clunky and they lost the polished perfection of the original. grand theft auto 3 went futuristic… i think that’s when wwwwzzzzzz got on board, and the game hasn’t changed much since then. 1 button to get in a car, 1 button to shoot your gun… pretty much exactly the same.

  44. I played a lot of one. Good old liberty city. I did indeed have a major boner for the tank.

    I played some two, the Miami Vice/scarface one. But then I moved to Milwaukee and lost access to a play station.

  45. 1 = top down
    2 = top down but it got clunky
    3 = futuristic first person view as a richly toned youth
    4 = more first person in city styled after new york
    5 = more first person in city styled after LA

    i think they always call the city “liberty city”

  46. One of my favorite rap insults is:

    stop writing raps and go play volleyball

    Also,

    you are more of a bitch than a bitch

  47. whoa… i just came here to say i was going to start dropping verses on the fantasy board. you’re probably right, though. i’ll go play some V. it’s nice out.

  48. I still like your raps, coach. There is room for more than one Austin in the rap game.

    I saw a weird football headline on yahoo about Richardson’s load. Ewe. You should read it.

  49. i don’t get the kitchen towel bit at all… add in the fire hazard and it’s just dum.

    #PROBLEMINBLOOD

  50. It is a MAJOR fire hazard. It almost happened to me, yo. I do it off the stove now.

    It does make a big difference. The extra moisture is absorbed and the rice gets super fluffy.

  51. Did any of you watch the league this week? Madddd, did you make up with f xx?

    The episode was 100% Rafi adventure. 0% the league.

    My favorite part of this season is the exploration of library hobo culture.

  52. no. i haven’t seen anything.

    i’m fighting the good fight IN THE STREETS, LIKE A MAN… not in some KANGAROO COURT… like dumdum cal. he’s like the anti-superman… CLERK KANT (pay his bills).

    the sunny boys are looking pretty broken down. i think my offensive has entered their psyche. it’s only a matter of time. i won before i started. charlie is still 100% legit. everyone else, thank you, good bye, leave town, you’re done, cal sucks.

  53. i just watched the latest breaking bad episode off a japanese satellite. in the final scene, jesse stands over the czech distribution lady, peeing on her, and yells, “yeah, BITCH!”. walt shows up with mike (SPOILER ALERT: HE’S STILL ALIVE), then saul breaks character, david cross comes out, and they do a mr. show sketch. malcom runs in… he’s not in the middle anymore… HE’S GOT A GUN. BOOM BOOM BOOM. bloodbath. kelly kapowski shows her tits.

  54. more fantasy ruining lives: AP just got a TD at home and the viking horn went off… that god-awfully annoying horn. i hate it. i’ve always hated it. i tone instantly makes me want to find a minnesotan and killed them. when AP scored, the sound was welcomed into my heart… it resonated with pure good. i wish to kill no one.

    besides, greg jennings is vike. never so easily have i found myself willing to burn all that is green and gold and start dressing like barney.

    #ILOVEYOU

  55. cal, please justify your dancing around the intentions of the statute limiting IP.

    #PLEASE

    (and don’t give me any of that free market, libertarian CRAP about “everyone had the same opportunity”, or i’ll shoot you)

  56. dan patrick:

    “the best weapon in the NFL right now is peyton manning’s mind”

    nowhere were my firestarteresque ability to change the future based on my desires mentioned, but i can’t take all the credit.

    #FANTASY

  57. anyone else excited for the government shutdown? SHUT IT DOWN! SHUT IT DOWN! SHUT IT DOWN! SHUT IT DOWN! SHUT IT DOWN! SHUT IT DOWN! SHUT IT DOWN! SHUT IT DOWN! SHUT IT DOWN! SHUT IT DOWN! SHUT IT DOWN! SHUT IT DOWN! SHUT IT DOWN! SHUT IT DOWN! SHUT IT DOWN!

    DEFUND THE POLICE. DEFUND THE COURTS. DEFUND THE JAILS. DEFUND THE PRISONS. DEFUND THE NSA. DEFUND THE FBI. DEFUND THE DEA. DEFUND HOMELAND SECURITY. DEFUND THE MARINES. DEFUND THE ARMY. DEFUND THE NAVY. DEFUND THE ROAD CREWS. DEFUND EVERYTHING.

    #WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

  58. also interesting that my brother in law in the marines will stop getting a paycheck… but i guess as long as we FORCE him to work for NO PAY under threat of IMPRISONMENT WITHOUT TRIAL, that things really aren’t shut down.

    BACK TO MY SUNNY DAY!

    #FUCKOFF

  59. don’t defund the marines… just defund the people that pay the marines.

    good ol’ bill lumbergh “taking care of the problem.”

    #BUYGUNS

  60. fantasy news:
    i CRUSHED wwwwwzzzzzz…. he set the whole thing up. his brain is jam packed with experience and the insight of success. i also CRUSHED timmer and AO, but cal bested me as he always does. i can’t win. he is the best. i am doomed to his black-toed shadow forever. he sucks so much.

    i can’t believe i beat you fools… i don’t accept the win. i’m convinced y’all are trying the ol’ rope-a-dope hustle game and upping the buy-in to a G next year while i’m flush with confidence. it’s not going to happen.

    #TOOSMART
    #NOFRIENDS
    #ENEMYISEVERYWHERE
    #SEESOMETHINGSAYSOMETHING
    #CALSFAULT

  61. so, the government shuts down and because of that i have to listen O’buttfuck whine about it rather than getting to see the latest JEOPARDY?!?!?!?!

    if this fucks up my PRICE IS RIGHT tomorrow i’m going OFF.

    #WAYOFF

  62. we have 1000 fucking channels. there are already 3 channels dedicated to showing political content and mandated to be carried by cable and broadcast to everyone. ALEVE paid $3,000 for the 2nd and 3rd place winners… now, no one will ever know. is O’bootyshoot going to reimburse them? no?!

    !#%)(&!%#&*(^#&*()#^!*()&%(&*!^#)&*(!#^

  63. i’m not sure i get it… i had to go through all the same stuff at the Q… we used to make the chilli offsite and had to get the production area certified for the production of commercial food… the inspector comes in and tells you what to fix. you don’t pay the inspector.

    so they are going to set up a production area that passes inspection, then make the plans available? wouldn’t that likely flood the market with people that aren’t honoring the values of the founders to process local food for locals?

    if the people asking for money were so successful and profited enough money to start multiple restaurants, why do they need public money? why can’t they go to a bank?

  64. if it’s basically just a donation for people doing things you like, why don’t they just sell some meat for double and put the extra money towards the project?

    #KICKSCAMMER

  65. I took a sausage making class with those dudes ( and Oneil). The weirdest part was when the co owner came in to hustle for donations. I was like, I paid to be in this class and now you want m

  66. the main issue is that an inspector is going to stop at the 1st ‘no-go’ infraction and explain the problem and explain how to get into compliance. then he leaves and maybe doesn’t come back for at least a week… maybe a month… i don’t know the schedule, but he isn’t going to wait for you to fix it.

    so i guess they are basically hiring one of the inspectors (or someone else as familiar with the laws) to stick around and tell them EVERYTHING they need to fix.

    but all that info is in the public domain. you have to know it to get your restaurant managers license (some new silly law within the last 10 years).

    how are these guys in the food business for so long and don’t know the rules?

    i heard these guys have a tip jar IN THEIR TIP JAR…. IN A BIGGER DONATIONS TUB(&*!%#&*()!%#(*&)%!#&*($#!&*^&*(!#%

  67. Food regulations are rigged. And I am in a CSA and a co op and try to buy local but these guys seem off. I’d like to hear what the law has to say.

  68. the laws are also different based on the age of the building… if a giant factory was made when steel table supports only needed to be 1″ and now they have to be 1.15″, they aren’t going to make you tear down your factory.

    it’s just silly to claim you can provide a universal blueprint, when the design of the prep and smoke and cure rooms all differ based on the type of product being made and the types of meat used in the production.

    add to that, regulations and sausage factory designs are already in the public domain… but that wouldn’t look nice on the donations sign.

  69. I’m 10 years behind the times and just started reading fast food nation. There is a lot of stuff about the fast food founding fathers really rigging the food game via the government but at the same time claiming all their success is because of hard work, Horatio Alger, bootstraps, blah, blah, blah.

    So, a lot of right leaning corporations claim business is survival of the fittest and market dominance is due to a company’s own brains and brawn.

    But then they use government to subsidize their bullshit. And this makes opponents call shenanigans and question why the fittest would need help.

    I guess using the government’s cash to make your biz better really does mean you are the fittest because you survived and were most successful. A caveman could use a rock as a tool to smash in an opponent’s head. Now the tool is government.

  70. Maybe these salami dudes are just fighting the good fight. I want people to fight the good fight and work for change in this world. I believe you buy the world you want and an investment in their operations could be working towards buying a better world.

    Maybe they are dishonest and are manipulating my feelings into investing in them. The old paths of government help are closed by the meat men who came before them.

    Maybe they are good and they want change but the only way to get it is to manipulate a few suckers.

    I don’t know.

  71. But I did meet the owner. He charged me 120 bucks to learn how to make a brat. And then he asked me for $1000 no intrest loan to get his store up and running.

    Maybe he’s a good guy but he seemed like a slick, hipster, marketing dude in $200 jeans.

  72. business 101: never spend your own money.

    i never took that class… but i did do the take-home math finals for a lot of people that did.

    #SCANDAL

    fun fact: (100% no joke) i was compensated with homemade beef sticks from cows the guy raised himself on his dad’s corn farm. if i don’t have a beef stick in my hand, i stop doing math. #DEAL

  73. my phone, sitting next to me, in “locked” mode, screen off… just came on, without me touching it… a video started playing… the youtube video of the carnival kid saying “i like turtles”.

    look… feds… i get it. you own me. i’ll play nice.

    that was some funny shit. i think i’m being haunted with the ghost from strange brew. it did all happen sitting on the top of my whazz cocktail, and that thing has 40,000 volts just SITTING there. a spirit could survive forever. and one that likes turtles???? WHY WOULD HE PLAY RUSH POKER IN THE TRUBBBBBBBROOM TURTLE ADJACENT??????

    arcade monitors store more voltage (EVEN AFTER BEING UNPLUGGED) than a GD electric chair. totally unregulated. ban trees.

    to my friendly turtle liking ghost: i like turtles too. let’s be best friends.

  74. I heard about the kickstarter. I generally support what those guys do, but I haven’t given them any money for their new project. That class was fun. I took another one there where I chopped up a goat. Good times. The owner came in at the sausage class and said they were trying to get individuals to loan them money for their butcher shop, which is now open. The terms were sorta weird. I think it was 5 years and 5%, but no money paid back until the five years was up. I want to say that you also got meat as interest during the term of the loan. They weren’t seeking that much money either. $25,000 maybe, and were willing to accept as little as a couple thousand from each person.

    I haven’t been to their shop. I don’t know why. I like their salami a lot. I think I’ll walk down there at lunch. A ate at their restaurant before it burned down. It was in my top five meals ever. They are a bit hipsterish. But on the up and up. They aren’t scamming.

    They need to USDA permission to distribute in other states, or at least to stores in other states, I think. The USDA is super uptight about salami because it can kill people if its done wrong and requires these plans. So if these fellas want to make their plan and let everyone see it, good for them. I don’t think they’ll put themselves out of business. Making salami this way is hard. I’ve fucked up every time I’ve tried it.

  75. were your fuck ups a total loss? or just like a bunch of bacteria turning one end moldy?

    here’s another “everyone is your enemy” pessimistic thought: if there is a guy out there with the knowhow to help them get set up, and he charges them $25,000, what he’s basically doing is letting them put him out of business. now, instead of every new salami guy having to pay him $25,000, they can just get the report from the hipsters. so what type of person would destroy their own career? what type of person would help their competition? it just seems bad for everyone. i’m shorting it to 0.

  76. The problem I’ve had is that the outside dries too fast, trapping the moisture inside and leaving the inside mushy. I ate some of the mistakes. Flavor was fine, but texture was way gross. I think I’ve figured out what I did wrong and am going to take another crack at it this fall when the basement cools down.

  77. The lawman basement is a real joy: it’s full of bb guns and hanging meat and fun. I’m always blown away by all of his cooking projects.

    Really, one time I opened his fridge and my face looked like Gus in Face Off.

    The sausage class we took was indeed super fun except for the fundraising. A good time was had by me. I don’t regret taking it. I hung out with oneil and played with a big sausage grinder. I learned that brats sometimes have cream in them. I learned how to make a hot dog. I actually ate the final brat last packer game and had a remembrance of drunk polish men past.

  78. Brain was watching breaking bad last night and I kept texting him spoilers. My two favorites:

    Lydia dies of aids via Todd by way of Saul.

    The finale features an orgy. Skylar gets jizz in the eye and, in the blur, accidently blows Walt jr.

  79. he was relaying it all to me… he said the gay orgy at the end was his favorite, BITCH.

  80. “Stokes told the police officer he is homeless and was feeling lonely, according to court records.”

    Poor dude.

  81. my sister-in-law is a corrections officer. she snapchats me pictures of inmates or their drivers licenses with captions like “welcome to jail, bitch” or dicks drawn on them. can i sue?

  82. 1) CALl in sick
    2) ao CALls in sick
    3) hitch a ride to the cleeze
    4) i’ll take it from there

    i’m just worried TPB will end up like beastie park boys and rand will die from cheeseburger poisoning and i’ll never see the band rock a show.

    i’m wearing my houndstooth ricky shorts. i am going to find a way.

  83. Oooo, I’ll take that one. Though I’d prob become a slave like those poor Palomar dealers who were allowed to gambo with the house money: keep it if you win, deal for free if you lose.

  84. if i ever saw a real tip jar inside of a tip jar, i would put a tip in both jars.

    #RESPECTTHEGAME

  85. Madddd, do you believe in debt forgiveness? Will you ever forgive cal for his debt?
    Besides financial, what other debts does cal owe you? Society?

  86. i don’t believe in money. the same jow rigged jokers that print the money make laws to allow people to skip out on promises they’ve made. i believe in promises. i think i promised to be cal’s houseboy if he ever passed the bar… i’m going to forgive myself of that one.

  87. Timmer’s cable did the thing where fox soccer became fxx, so he still needs to subscribe to the special soccer package to get it.

  88. FOX told me that THE LIBERAL OBAMA SHUTDOWN is why i don’t get FXX.

    i trust FOX.
    i trust CAL.
    i trust now.
    i’m a truster.
    everyone is my friend.

    HI, PALS!

  89. SPEED is now FOX SPORTS 1
    FOX SPORTS SOCCER is now FXX

    did you like SPEED? FUCK YOU.
    did you like the shows that used to be on FX? FUCK YOU.

    i got it. i’m fucked.

    THANKS, OBAMA

  90. BRIGUY sent me that same link… i sent back the same message. i was trying to register that domain name as i saw it live season 1. got my good laugh 10 years ago. silly cal. i trust him.

  91. BABY REARING: the HWK was OBSESSED with THE ARISTO CATS… but, now, she’s obsessed with STRANGE BREW.

    you may have noticed the influx of references. good for you.

    as a SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENT, i HID the DVD. she found it and demanded i play it. THESIS CONFIRMED. PATENT GRANTED.

    #DAD

  92. I make pi watch boondocks with me instead of the Disney shit she watches w mom. Same w music

    #nwa

  93. gourdi nelson was the funniest thing i’ve ever seen.

    i opened up gimp with a few layers of
    #JORDY

    and #GOURDS

    but then i remember that a player got DEADLINES.

    #NIGHTGAME

  94. i just learned a chargers player has committed to “grow his beard until the chargers win a superbowl”….

    dangerous game, bro.

    #NEWFAN

  95. GOURDI nelson was RIGHT THERE. 20 times a day as i flood the blogosphere with #JORDY. every word, i deconstruct and ridicule through pun. JORDY was too pure. BLINDING. for i saw not the gourd, and when lo, gourd was presented, hark JORDY doth ye sing.

  96. so much more impressive to go from baseball to football on a field than basketball to hockey…

    do you have any idea how many layers of different forms of $2,000 clay go into a MLB pitching mound? did they just bulldoze it and scrap the clay, or did they try and salvage the different parts? either way, that is a 1 day job that i’ve been researching for years. i need to get some beefsticks together and have those fellas over for some #MOUNDBUILDIN

  97. if i were a terrorist, i’d plan my attacks on the first monday of the month at 11am… why is the air raid siren going off???? oh, durrrrrrrr, it’s just a test…. i’m safe…. OH NO! #EXPLOSION

  98. big game tonight for the cleezeys.

    GO MATT BRYANT
    GO TONY G
    GO BILAL

    #WINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINIWENIWGNOIUWEY(*@#%^(!#*@%^&(!*#&%(!#&%(*@&^#%(*&!#)*^&CALSUCKS)(*&!%#)*(&)(&BBQ

  99. you had a trade offer to buy low on bilalalal for jerry fins.

    that’s all the karma i need to win this week.

  100. thanks, yahoo… matt bryant on his bye week is listed as “probable”… not sure yahoo even knows how football works. TOO BUSY CLICKING()*&!#%&)*(!#%^*()!#^*(&)!#^)*(&!#^

  101. A few days back there was dog shit on my back stamped concrete patio. It was a super greasy turd. No other dogs have been over, so I blamed the pug and wondered: you sick or something, bro?

    Then today I was up all early and there was a giant fox in my backyard. Big ol bushy red tailed fox. So this frat boy fuck of a fox thinks it’s funny to take dumps on my patio.

  102. how did a fox get in your backyard? you have a fence. i think this is a plot to get me sympathetic with fox, and forgive those bastards at FXX and FOX SPORTS SOCCER.

    it’s not going to happen.

    #SHOOTTHEFOX

  103. suicide streaker

    can someone explain how you can murder someone and get out of jail after 25 years all debts paid to society, but if you flash your weiner around, you’re on a list FOREVER and forced to disclose the fact to everyone around you FOREVER?

    it’s CRUEL.
    it’s UNUSUAL.

    it is responsible for the death of a child.

    #FUCKAMERICA

  104. U.S. National Safety Council:

    Americans are 8 times more likely to be killed by a police officer than by a terrorist

    so who are the terrorists?

    why isn’t there a RICO trial for the GANG of police?

    BURN THEM ALL. BURN THEM ALL. BURN THEM ALL. BURN THEM ALL. BURN THEM ALL. BURN THEM ALL. BURN THEM ALL. BURN THEM ALL. BURN THEM ALL. BURN THEM ALL. BURN THEM ALL. BURN THEM ALL. BURN THEM ALL. BURN THEM ALL. BURN THEM ALL. BURN THEM ALL. BURN THEM ALL. BURN THEM ALL.

  105. Fox are sly. A shitty ol chain link fence aint stopping him.

    As long as he quits with the greasy turds and promises not to kill my dog, he can lurk. We had an owl out there too. Nature be taking over, NWO style.

  106. complaining about those granted powers over me, by individuals that were not asked to represent me, is one of the most relaxing things i do.

    whenever we fry up a dead animal and the HWK doesn’t want to finish her plate, i tell her that the animal was killed so she could eat, and she needs to respect the animal… i half expect her to be grossed out and go vegan, but she ALWAYS starts stuffing meat in her face.

    i’m planning on building a winter nest box on my porch, with a window butted up against the window to the kitchen. hoping for some january hibernating chipmunk action.

  107. next weekend = rayray. weekend after that = north woods brodown. start planning your saturday night run-ins. #FIRE

  108. i found a quivering bird out on my porch. i admitted him into my obamacare facility, but i’m having some problems posting my XML data back to the government claims servers… i might just have to have the bird stand before a DEATH PANEL.

    #NAZIAMERICA

  109. thumbs hurt.

    also, when the page gets too long, the #comment-blah anchors don’t work… i’m not sure if that is a wordpress thing or a browser thing, but it doesn’t work.

  110. the HWK helped me bury the bird in the enchanted forrest… she folded her hands and said a prayer.

  111. today on price is right: a great girl all around won $100,000 cash and a BMW… even hit $1.00 on the wheel… over $140k.

    then on jeopardy, the current champion couldn’t spell kazakhstan … and even though jeopardy allows misspellings, they say he butchered it too much to be valid, so BOOM. YOU LOSE. GOOD DAY, SIR.

    so far a really good day. woodhead is my dessert.

  112. he went with “kazkhistan”…

    come on, bro…… you put that on a packing label and it’s not going to show up in detroit…

    #RIGGED

  113. “whitecaps” is a great sopranos episode…. i mean… sure, he gets divorced, but he plays the ol’ “boat in your backy” gambit and gets his $200k deposit back.

    #WINNING

  114. where can i see BS?

    CBS.

    BUT WHO IS THE GUY PLAYING FIRST?#@%^()&!#%^()&*!@$^)*(&!^

    #THIRDBASE

  115. $1,500 WSOP europe ploiter is going on RIGHT NOW… i am in st00pid america RIGHT NOW…

    #NOTFAIR

  116. what time does tuesday night football start???? I can’t find it on my TV. starting to get the shakes. please help.

  117. reason for not prosecuting: not enough evidence.

    evidence in hand: signed confessions.

    #FUCKAMERICA
    #FIREFIREFIRE

  118. i seriously can’t believe how easy it is to watch tv on the internet… like 2 clicks. i got caught up on the league last night. the feed i used was HD… who is paying these broadband fees? pretty much same as the pr0n sites i’ve heard are on the internet. i’m pretty sure they are piggybacking hacker stuff on the streams, but probably not a risk to the user. they just use it to mask all the communications from their botnets, so they NEED people to watch TV. when someone NEEDS something, i help. i’m a helper.

    you’ve taught me the way, cal. now, i suck.

    #THANKS

  119. nah… still hating STRONG on the STREETS.

    basically everything they post online, i get there first and then no one says anything after me because everyone is waiting for FXX to responds to my claims of their SCHEMING to DEFRAUD FANS through BAIT & SWITCH tactics.

    i told them to tell me if they objected to me watching the show on the internet for free, and they never responded, so i’m in the clear. i hear that’s the same loophole the football rapists used.

    #BULLETPROOF

  120. i was just catching up on my DVR, and noticed the south park episode i was expecting was instead a re-run… i thought to myself, “maybe they didn’t get it done”… because i’ve seen how they make the show in a 6 day sprint and deliver it last minute.

    turns out, i was right

  121. ok, cal…. here is another softball case to make your mark…

    i have always been intrigued by the OJ guy making legalzoom.com. well, there is a new kid on the national advertising radar for legal templating: LLC.COM.

    in their ad, someone suggests they need a lawyer to incorporate… an LLC.COM representative proclaims “YOU DO NOT NEED A LAWYER”. a blanket statement that is surely not true and a violation of ethics. they follow up that statement with “WE DO NOT OFFER LEGAL ADVICE”…. uh… bro…. YOU JUST DID. you said i “DO NOT NEED A LAWYER”.

    #PAYME

  122. Cal once had a job writing for a children’s show… and they didn’t pay him.

    He didn’t even sue them. So there you go.

  123. the trailer park boys show in minneapolis is the only show that has sold out already. jokes on you, scalpers, I’M BUSY.

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