Countdown! 3… 2… 1… Jo’s!

Ok, we’re getting pretty close to the Annual Trip to Dubuque.  Take a fun walk down memory lane by checking out those previous links. As a matter of fact, revisit my Epic Vegas Trip of 2012 while you’re wandering around memory lane.

I want to assure y’all: this year will be a little differe– DON’T RUN AWAY! Yes, we’re not staying at The Canfield, but we’re not far away. We can drop in and do a little singin’ at The Rainbow Lounge whenever we please. We can also cast a pox on either casino and assure everyone within hearing distance that we’re taking our business to the other one. Multiple times.

So get psyched up and I’ll see you weirdos down on the muddy waters of the Mighty Mississip; stay tuned for the sure-to-be forthcoming 2013 installment of the post-weekend wrapup post.

ps- Cal’s not coming this year, therefore he sucks.

123 thoughts on “Countdown! 3… 2… 1… Jo’s!

  1. Deer typically leave the cobs on the stalk. If they do end up taking the cob they typically leave the stalk standing. If raccoons are the culprit, the entire stalk is laid down where the raccoon will feast on the corn.

    #coach

  2. “Austin loaded the gun, took careful aim and hit the raccoon dead on.”

    Best sentence 2013

  3. My understanding is that the serial comma is a style choice.

    #1 Madd, cal, and greg hunted for the medallion.

    Here, the comma works to indicate that the three items in the list (madd, cal, greg) are separate.

    #2 Madd, cal and greg hunted for the medallion.

    Choosing not to use it suggests a relationship between the items in the list: cal and greg. It’s madd. Here is hunting. So are cal and greg. No comma. It’s cal and greg.

    Madd, cal, and greg is different than Madd, cal and greg is different than Greg, madd, and cal is different than Greg, madd and cal.

  4. playing in my basement… the HWK jumps on the support post and says, “daddy daddy i’m going to climb this”

    and, for the first time in my life, i said, “HWK… get off the pole.”

    and that is how you start paragraphs.

    #IMOUT

  5. epic copyright battle going on… MCA explicitly said in his will he didn’t want any of his music to ever be used for advertising… ever… even though his tracks were directly sampled on eminem’s new song that he made on contract as an advertisement for call of duty… that’s ok… but a girls toy company remaking the song from scratch and owning the “girls!” theme for girls instead of drunken party cals… UNACCEPTABLE.

    anyways, barbara streissand once had something bad happen to her and she tried to squash it and it backfired and now their is a word for that.

  6. i’m convinced it’s a media stunt, but i like to play along. cals thumbs aren’t going to scroll themselves.

    he

    is

    a

    jerk.

  7. while listening to an MMA podcast, i was shocked to hear 2 separate very recent stories about girl fighters turning down fights to do porn. i have interest in not seeing those videos. are d00d fighters doing the same thing? did GSP retire to do a homo orgy flick for $100M in bitcoin from some arabian shiek????????? IS CAL THE COSTAR?!#%*()&!#^%)(&!#^ WHERE IS GREG)(&!#%^)&(!#^&)*(!^#&*()!#^

    #BRINGGREGTOIOWA

  8. those girl fighters turned down a fight, and in lieu of fighting, made pornos instead. they didn’t turn down a fight where the winner made a porn, or turn down a porn that consisted of girls fighting. english, is, tricky; cal: “sucks”

  9. ryan braun, carlos gomez, and nyjer morgan all named in the top 20 biggest jerks in MLB.

    #COMMASTYLE

  10. MMA basically is porn… at least when it’s done right. current unified rules makes it like porno with condoms and dental dams all over the place and no pussy action… ALL ANAL. useless.

    knees to the head is my biggest problem. yes, you could kill someone or fuck them up. IT IS CAGEFIGHTING YOU FUCKING JERK. fine. make it safe or whatever… but don’t let sissies hide their heads in extremely vulnerable positions because the rules don’t let you hit them. if you can hold your knee on someones head for a 3 count, you should get a point and the ref breaks you up. might as well just watch karate tournaments. might as well call dana white a little bitch. dana white is a little bitch.

  11. i just finished something for work i’ve been on 24/7 since thursday. about to go to bed… i see my TV is recording a classic NFL game… fucking tivo. just because it’s a “first run” packer game doesn’t mean i want it. then i hit play. looks like i’m not going to bed. i just saw a reggie white get a sack and terrell buckley get an interception. #BONER

    quick slant favre to brooks. the old jordy.

    i had just got my learners permit and drove all the way from the ray out to waterfurrrd for thanksgiving… whoa. highways. weeeeeeeeee. spoiler alert: packers lose. i drive home after dad gets drunk.

    somehow the sterling GOAT wasn’t enough. the math doesn’t add up. #RIGGED

  12. direct quote from madden: “emmitt smith is out there which is why he’s emmit smith, and reggie white is out there which is why he’s reggie white”.

    it all made perfect sense.

  13. I need to win or I can lose and shu can beat hoopla or I can lose and showtime can lose but I need to score 22 more than showtime.

    My situations with Timmer and pods are too out there to worry about.

  14. what you need to do is drop RG3. i never saw what you see in him.

    i got matt flynn… look… i’ll drop him and you can pick him up. take my holiday charity.

  15. Flynn is a bottom-barrel QB2 for Week 13.

    RotoWorld’s Rob Demovsky’s mum’s face is a bottom-barrel QB2.

  16. remember all that drama with rach-o’s sister and the naming of our dogs? well, she’s been hustling the adoption game for over a year and they just snagged a baby a couple days ago and got to name it…. fucking ri-pi. biter till the day she dies.

  17. I saw last season in RG3. Flynn won’t clear waivers in time. I’m all in Flynn in daily.

    I might go Carson Palmer or I might go rg3 til the wheels fall off.

  18. i’d recommend a custom 1 oz. gold coin embossed with AJizzle’s face.

    so, gold is running $1,237 / oz… 3D printing has automated a lot of it, so getting a mold made is fairly simple. i’m guessing you could get out the door in a hardwood display box for 20 folds.

    the version america stamps out sells for $1,305 so they are basically charging $70 to stamp them out… or, more accurately, investors have placed a $70 value on the gold being in the recognized form of the american gold eagle.

    put a quote on the back about money and education and life on the back and give it to the kid when he graduates high school.

    #YOUREWELCOME

  19. i’m starting to think fuck the dredging… we just show up in alaskatown and pay $5 more than all the other gold buyers. you know they’re only paying like $600 an oz. bring that home and build a 3D machine to stamp out customs. $2,000 is a steal for someone looking for a custom gold coin. THE GIFT OF PHARAOHS. so we’re making $1,400 profit a pop, less travel to alaska and building and maintaining THE MACHINE.

    my uncle already does this, except he makes custom garden signs… like “Tammy’s Tomatoes” and it carves it all out and then does some woodburning… all automated. he already has a factory space (garage) and could probably help build it and keep it there.

    i could whip the software out just as fast as my cacker (way fast).

    i say we get bunk to do the alaska runs.

    we can’t let the germans corner the market.

    #LADYCEO

  20. Yes. I want to do this. Cal does too. You and money need to give me and cal a job. We work hard.

  21. i’d like to point out that since my recommendation, gold has risen $15. i move markets 1%.

    watch this.

    bitcoin sucks and can be arbitrarily replicated infinite times over. the end game is to invalidate the concept of “country” or “union”, the only things giving value to alternate forms of fiat currency.

    #BUYWHITEMALEBABIES

  22. the gold buy hustle is POKE. HER.

    is the gold real? displacement and weight should confirm that… but i don’t see the buyers doing that on site, so what is the contract?

    i’m guessing something like, “here is a check. we assume your product will reduce to a form of a certain purity of gold. if it doesn’t, we are going to stop payment on the check and invoice you a $700 lab testing fee. if you cashed the check, we are going to sue you in the courts that we own and operate and send you to jail.

    so, without control of a law, we’re really open to fuckery… guns.

    you’re already playing a sketch game, so sketch it up some more with cash buys and on site purity tests (guns drawn).

    cal would make a perfect honey to a few vinegar partners.

  23. jesus christo… as obvious as “displacement and weight” is best test for gold (basically the factors that contribute to this is the exact reason gold has value… DRRRRRRR), the major traders of kilo bricks don’t even use it… they use xray

    someone built a stupid computer machine that does a shittier job than a bucket of water and a counter balance, then lobby for the machine to be mandated, then cheaters.

    bunk is the backup honey, and the midseason workhorse TIMMER2. cal is his mentor, but he would LOVE for you to try something.

  24. man… i just watched the finale of sopranos again… that whole last scene… it flashes to him sitting… the whole thing is full of nightmare scenarios. daughter is on birth control. wife knows about grand jury testimony. son loves onion rings. journey on the radio.

    it was a flash thought and didn’t really happen. tony soprano is still alive.

    cal still sucks.

  25. between the packers and badgers, this weekend was poised to be a real pooper as i was also sitting on a flip for $250 or NOTHING… for 13 weeks of work and watching slot machine reels spin. i haven’t even got up to pee. in my pants, bro. #SOAKED. but then i WIN. #GLORY. frosting on my cake dik: i’m poised to get high week for THE SEASON…. BOOM. BONUS 2 folds. fantasy glory. thanks purple jesus. i’ll tell it on the mountain.

  26. lets get a karaoke challenge list ready so there isn’t any fumbling with THE BOOKS.

    rod steward – have i told you lately that i love you (dedicated to rainbow lounge)
    bryan adams – (everything i do) i do it for you (dedicated to rainbow lounge)
    eric clapton – wonderful tonight (dedicated to rainbow loungue)
    stevie wonder – superstitious (performed with eyes closed)

    CAL(*^!#% if you fly into MPLS and want to carpool down on friday afternoon, HOLLAR AT 2 DOLLARS.

  27. I couldn’t watch them on my phone. But I do see he is affiliated with themiz.com.

    HE CAN TELL!!!!!!!

  28. packers win final 4 + ( (bears and lions) have non-winning records in final 4 ) = packers playoffs

  29. hmmm….

    (packers win all + ( (bears and lions) have non-winning records ) ) in final 4 games = packers playoffs

    look…. professor………….. look. it’s simpler this way.

    #APPLES

  30. rantsports:

    The only chance the Packers have of making the playoffs is to win the division. To do this, they need to win their last four games and hope the Lions and Chicago Bears struggle down the stretch.

  31. logic:

    packers playoffs = (packers win all + ((bears and lions) have non-winning records)) in final 4 games

  32. i hate to see you get your hopes up… just quit now. it will hurt less.

    pay me the full $950 in dubbbbbbs… i know i didn’t pay the fold yet, i’ll owe you. 2 points a week on bunk. he’s good for it.

  33. Founded in 1855, the university has a stated threefold mission of teaching, research, and public service.

    teaching little boys about how getting raped feels. researching ways to lie about teaching little boys about how getting raped feels, and servicing the public with those lies and more rape demonstrations to any little boys found in public space.

  34. PENN state… the PEN stands for PENIS. (in your small boy child’s ass and mouth)

  35. I am too dumb to get the link to work. Here is my survey:

    1. Overall, are you satisfied, dissatisfied, or neither satisfied nor dissatisfied with the Mr. Belvedere theme song?
    Extremely satisfied
    Quite satisfied
    Somewhat satisfied
    Neither satisfied nor dissatisfied
    Somewhat dissatisfied
    Quite dissatisfied
    Extremely dissatisfied

    2. How often does the song play in your head?
    Hourly Daily Weekly Yearly
    *How often does the song play in your head? Hourly Daily
    Weekly
    Yearly

    3. What is the best part?
    Piano
    Trombone
    Singing

    4. Have you seen the episode where Mr. Belveder gets addicted to pinball?
    Yes
    No

    5. What is your addiction?
    Money
    Girls
    Weed

    6. Is Christopher Hewett (mr. belvedere) alive?
    Alive

  36. that computer model of the discuss toss, and the frog eating the bug were both large parts of my childhood.

    that mathnet d00d was way baller. you know he was dippin all up in that mathbroad.

  37. The Panda eats bamboo shoots and leaves.
    The Panda eats bamboo shoots, and leaves
    The Panda eats bamboo, shoots and leaves
    The Panda eats bamboo, shoots, and leaves

  38. just had a flashback of an old man telling me to quit music forever.

    i’m afraid he might have been me from 4,000 years in the future.

  39. Do I have to sit with Gronk on my roster like an asshole just because, you know, I’m a loser? I guess that’s fair.

  40. Yeah, I want all eliminated teams locked. I know that you only want to add a TE because you are a competitor and 5th is better than 6th, but I want the full free agent and waiver pool open to the final four teams and following the standard waiver rules.

    Otherwise, adds and drops can be blatant (or subtle) acts of collusion. This is a friendly and honest league but there are a lot of brothers and bros and cousins and couples both gay and straight (Brian, Ilooooove you)and the payouts are quite large. Most big money league use a free agent budget and lock teams the moment they are eliminated. They also don’t even allow trading, ever.

  41. yahoo is butt.

    old music man i’m not 100% on when he happened, but it did. “QUIT ENTIRELY.” i think was the exact quote.

    if you have a computer phone, get “tic tactics” and challenge me.

  42. I’m totes fine not adding anyone as long as no one makes fun of me for playing a TE who’s out #sensitiveego

  43. whazzmaster.com: a villain… but a good villain

    i was really hoping phil had gronkowski… i knew someone did.

  44. I built this team to start strong, fall off hard, sneak into the playoffs, and then get good again.

    Let’s help Uncle Jack off his horse. Polish, polish situation, bro.

  45. you built the team to spite me and watch me beg for jordy.

    our lord and savior jordy christ will punish you with hellfire. i’m putting monteeeeeee ball in. AP’s cunt is bloody and he ran out of rags.

  46. i had another flashback to AO telling me that he used to wash the restaurant kitchen circle hole rubber floor mats in the dishwasher. why would we be talking about that?!#@*(^&@!#^)(&!^

    #CLEANLIVING

  47. I remember some conversation about those mats too. Why on earth would that come up? Perhaps Wirkus was in the discussion too, or maybe I just think that because we used to wash those mats together.

    #SYNAPSES

  48. My synaptic connections are solid except for briefly on Friday night, post pizza consumption. Things get blurry after my last drink with Jared Allen.

  49. BOOM. i remember… there is a soft spot in the skull of the pit at joes… right where they plunged his durrrrrty ass out of dubuque’s vag. bouncy bouncy right on the far side of the crap’s pit. i thought they might have put it there on purpose for the dealers… but they probably don’t care enough about the dealers to do something like that. just shoddy construction.

    still no clue where that pizza came from. all but blacked out right about same time as mystique dog. whatever was living in that treat didn’t want me to know what it was doing to me. joke’s on you, treat. you’ve been assimilated. resistance is futile.

  50. friday went to bed satisfied… asleep before i hit the bed. saturday went to bed wanting to gamble… didn’t sleep much.

    that pizza was majik… it’s one of about 5 still images of memory i have for friday. not sure where it happened or where the pizza came from. was i just shoving it in my face as fast as possible?

  51. To make it easier to carry, I put both pizzas in the same box. I don’t remember who it was, but there were shouts of joy when the second pizza was discovered underneath the cardboard circle leftover from the first one.

  52. My fav part:
    1. Give a dude a shotgun
    2. Give a dude instructions on how to saw it off
    3. Pay the dude “sky high” prices for the sawed off shotgun
    4. Arrest dude for possession of a sawed off shotgun

    Cal, can we sue?
    Cal, do you think it is ok to shoot the gun in the backfire logo?
    Caaaaaaaal, do you have a shitgun?
    Caaaaaaaaaal, do you have a sawed off butthole?
    Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!
    Caaaalllllll!

  53. yeah, the world’s fucked, any all the systems put in place to fix it are used in combination to fuck the world more and fuck all the systems put in place to fix it more, and further fuck any chance of adoption of new systems or removal of systems that might make things better. buy guns.

    why are LOCAL police allowed to have guns that the LOCALS are not allowed to have??????? if they have them, I WANT THEM. they are corrupt. I NEED TO PROTECT MYSELF FROM THEM. i am 100% fine with “NO ONE GETS THEM!” until then, BUY BUY BUY

  54. i really need the chiefs to win this week. i’d be ok with a denver loss, just as long as the mandeck holds sturdy. i need everyone playing for something week 16. i have eager backups ready to go regardless, but i’d rather let my A time bring home the prize.

    #BANKRUPTTHELEAGUE

  55. i have no idea what you’ve all been doing for the last zillion years, but this game seems super easy. almost like you’re not even trying.

    #IAMHOV

  56. the wisconsin constitution reads “The people have the right to keep and bear arms for security, defense, hunting, recreation or any other lawful purpose.”

    why the fuck do wisconsin laws include stuff like “lawful purpose” when the law itself is what is defining what a “lawful purpose” is???!@#%^&*()!#^)&(

    WHO ARE THESE IDIOTS?!)#*(&%^

    how about we just have 1 law: everything that is illegal is illegal.

    #FUCKEVERYTHING

  57. those who can, do…. those who can’t, teach… those who can’t teach, cop… those who can’t cop, legislate.

  58. just caught the latest CWS live stream… they thank port edward’s state bank, BUT NO FUCKING THANK YOU TO THE SCIENTIST FOR LENDING ALL MY FUCKING GEAR.

    haters get dealt with.

    also, i put a single fucking term on my loan: start every broadcast with “HELLO RACEFANS!”

    nothing. just more BS about some bank and how thankful everyone is for the stupid fucking bank. port edward’s state bank fucking sucks. i went in there once… it fucking STANK. like homeless people lived in there and shit all over everything. i went back, IT STUNK WORSE.

    fuck the haters.

    CAN I SUE?!*(&!#%&*(!#%

  59. the thought of my pristine headwear sitting on that fergot’s stupid bank humping face ball enrages me.

    go fuck your bank, jerk. hard to do a broadcast without GEAR, you GOD DAMN QUEER.

    central wisconsin suck.

    haters get dealt with.

  60. it’s not even briguy on the mic… one of those other hustlas from the CWS office. calling car dealerships and banks all day long. cool hustle, bro. take their money… drive up the cost of cars for everyone else and lower our savings account interest rates. just so you can eat and get your hair grease all over all my god damn GEAR*(&!%(*&!#%(&*!#^%

  61. after a commercial break, or halftime, or whenever you GERTS tickle each others balls, a simple, “shouts to the scientist, AND WE’RE BACK…”

    #IHOPEGERTCATCHESON

  62. encouraging children to pursue the sciences… you could even write it off as a PSA.

    just let me run the cameras.

    i’m just jelly and want in.

    #CRYING

  63. washing the mats in the dishwasher blew my mind… i remember we had a big bristle scrub brush on a broomstick and it was a giant hassle and made a huge soapy grease mess. every night. the dishwasher was right there. not sure it was big enough though…

    such dumb kids not willing to think outside the bucket…

  64. Semifinal Shocker: The Broncos go bust at the worst possible time

    Woke up to this headline, bro.

  65. It pains me to see you die. This cruel, cruel game. It’s hunger games, bro. But I’m in these games too. I wipe away my cum tears and kill Phil.

    I can’t have Mandeck facing Houston, facing me, next week. Go peacefully on the spike of outlawz’s toothbrush shiv.

  66. We had a pretty big dishwasher, but we had plenty of mats too, so it took a couple of loads. Looking back, though, I wonder just how good of an idea it was. Those things were way gross, and I wonder about residual nastiness on later loads of dishes.

  67. jeopardy disses barry bonds

    i was watching that live and cracked up and explained it to rach-o… there was nothing in the category about symbols or anything… just some cheeky jeopardy writer took a shot at bonds. then i forgot about it… then i saw this story today.

  68. Sssssssssssshhhhh. Ssssshhhhhh. Ssssssssshhhhh. Sleep. Rest. You fought hard. You did good.

  69. come in close… i just want to say…. one last thing……….. * SPIT IN YOUR FACE *

    #SEEYOUNEXTWEEKCHUMP

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