About Zachery Moneypenny

I am awesome.

108 thoughts on “Nude Post

  1. Boreas roared and blew winds from the North –
    A Polar Vortex then snow he brought forth.
    So hunters take heed — bundle up in warm dress
    While awaiting your clue from the Pioneer Press.
    Winter Carnival treasure is part of our genes,
    Search out a new puck and pocket some green.

  2. Thanks for the NP homie! Boreas is a reference to the St. Paul winter carnival king or whatever… King Boreas… KING BORING-US.

    hmmm but “part of our genes” is a little random… anyway traditionally the first clue always just says it’s in a park and stay off golf courses… never anything substantial… but you never know…. keep noodling!

  3. yeah, but the reference to boreas in the clue matched the reference in the longfellow poem.

    maybe the “genes” reference was about a dog park and the breeding process.

  4. “new puck”???? has the form changed? i hope it doesn’t change to wood… that would probably be the hardest to automate detection of using FLIR.

    here is an example of people using FLIR to image plastics… and just so CAL cares, it’s in scanning carbon fibre frames of fixies to make sure the morons that ride them know when their frame is about to crack.

    still not sure if whazzman believes in my theories… he seems like a smart guy, but totally dismissed the “infrared voodoo” that i spoke of. if jesus couldn’t see it with his own eyes, then God must not have intended for any of us to see it.

    #SCIENCE

  5. they get somebody new to design the puck every year… so it’s a new puck… i’m into your plastic-o-meter thingy.

  6. also your Longfellow theory is interesting… i wish i was there to HUNT but also am remembering nosing through a hobo’s sleeping bag at 4:00 AM. #iamcrazy

  7. The treasure’s in Ramsey; public land, search it all –
    Suburbs and neighborhoods and throughout St. Paul.
    Don’t dig up the ground. Thin ice — stay away!
    Courses for golf are all out of play.
    You won’t find the puck by a private home –
    Across private land is no place to roam.

  8. throughout st. paul = Galosh Up Trout Hut

    WE JUST HAVE TO PUT ON ARE GALOSHES AND GO UP TROUT HUT(&!#%(&*!#%(*&&*()!^#

    dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.dig.

  9. OUR(!#%*(&!#%(*&!(*#&^ stupid mistakes will let the puck slip through fingers.

    UNACCEPTABLE(*&#%!(&*^!#%(&*!#%)&*(!#%)^&)&*(!#%^

  10. “Galosh Thru Output” makes a lot more sense…. it’s under a rock near a drainage runoff.

    DIG(&*)^!#%)&(^#!)&(!#^)&(!^)&*(#

  11. suburbs and neighborhoods = A Hobnobbing Duress Shroud

    HOLY SHIT! IT REALLY IS IN HOBO GEAR(^*!#%(&*!#%(&*!#% there is a duressed shroud near the rock near the runoff.

    TELL MOM(*^&#!%(&*^!#%*()&!#%)*&()&*(!#%^

  12. “You won’t find the puck by …. . .. .. .. .. ….. om….”

    ruling out como?

  13. i want to buy 100 hockey pucks and a paint pen, and write “HA HA!” on all of them, and hide them all over the parks.

    thought of that last night in bed… then got really concerned about my psyche, because only a sick bastard would do that. can you imagine the joy, then confusion, that someone finding the fake puck would feel???? WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY?????? i’m going to do it anyways.

    we can be the “chuckle pucks”. the cooler crew is NOT cooler. just a bunch of queers. we dig… drop a chuckle puck, then move on to fertile ground. leaving a wake of broken spirits behind us. less hunters on harvest day. ZIGGY)*(&!#%^*()&!#^)(&^!)(&*)&*(!^

  14. best case scenario, the pioneer press is forced to comment on the fake pucks.

    #FAME

  15. if we get charged with littering, we can force prosecution against the pioneer press for the same crime. if they aren’t prosecuted equally under the law, we can sue the city for prejudice. GET THIS FUCKING PUCK HUNT SHUT DOWN. no more losing. no more heartbreak. WE WIN.

  16. here is how big of an asshole i am:

    wounded warrior project ads BEGGING FOR MY MONEY while they spend the money they have ON ADVERTISING….. a guy got hit by a grenade thrown by a 12 year old kid… the government that sent him there isn’t paying to fix him or whatever, so they need MY MONEY to do it. not the money i already paid my taxes for….. no no no… the politicians have already siphoned all that money to their cronie friends.

    GEEEEE…. let’s invade another country…. geeeee, the people there don’t like that. they aren’t AMERICAN PUSSIES… they stand up for themselves. even the little shorties. invade my space, i throw a bomb at you. completely fair. WAAAAAAAH WAAAAAAAH, i invade another country with no passport, and the locals rightfully fought back and i got hurt, and my government abandoned me… give me more money so i can buy more ads to ask for more money…. WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH WAHHHHHH

    #CRYBABYWARRIORSPROJECT

  17. why not just invade a bank and take their money like you invaded whereverstan to take their oil?

    oh, you can’t function without direct orders from a CO? sounds like ur dik fell off.

    #WOUNDEDLADYBABYPROJECT

  18. not only do they want me to give them $20… they want me to register to automatically give them $20 every month forever….

    i mean, why would anyone every set a pull out date on a war? war lasts forever. we have the generals… what are they going to do instead? not have power and control and authority? they are going to find someone to fight. someone to keep them in busy.

    someone stupid as hell, watching NCIS. lets go to war with american elderly and their pensions.

    #WOUNDEDADVERTISERS

  19. Down by old sandy
    You’ll find this quite handy:
    After giving them fits
    He was mired in the pits

  20. and so it begins. i’ve got a d00d in janesville on the hook. he said the drive is too far or he would be there already. he solves geocache puzzles all day. #ASSET

  21. from the wonderland:

    I don’t think Larry Ho drive has ever been used in a clue because it has never been hidden in that part of Battle Creek. There is a trail that goes along the middle of it and it’s a very pleasant place for a walk. There are three bridges to cross on the trail so that could become a clue. Battle Creek Middle School is very nearby so I used a clue about being in the middle when I did my hunt. As for 3M, you have the actual 3M that is quite visible from the trail.

    As fun as all those interpretations would be though, it’s probably at Como.

  22. Just a thought to keep the Battle Creek theory alive, though again, this theory assumes a sort of brilliance on the part of the cluewriter which is always dangerous to assume.

    What if this is not a clue, but rather a clue to a clue? The way this clue is written suggests that it could be. The first part says “Down by old sandy You’ll find this quite handy.” Old sandy could be a reference to Como Lake which was originally called Sandy Lake. But what if the treasure is not at Como, but a just clue to it is? In Como Park there is a bust of Larry Ho (aka Laurence Curran Hodgson). A contemporary of his once wrote about him “Fearless in civic betterment, he is the despair and terror of the riff raff of politicians, though himself an almost eerily shrewd politician in the highest sense.” That would certainly fit with “giving them fits”. “Mired in the pits” is a bit less clear, but after that was written in 1919, he ran for governor in 1920 as the Democratic candidate and finished a distant third behind the Republican and Independent candidates. That could be described as being mired in the pits.

    So why is a bust of Larry Ho in Como Park important to Battle Creek? Because Larry Ho Drive is on the other side of the strip of land I mentioned earlier that is also bordered by North Park Drive. Thus possibly this clue is saying in Como Park you will find a clue to a street name in the real park. Not the most likely scenario, but it would be the mother of red herrings if true.

  23. So the big talk of the day seems to be around the dashes. In Morse code two dashes in an M, though in the printed version of the paper it appears as just one long dash. But either way, even without Morse code, such a long dash is still known as an “Em” dash, and this clue has 3 ems, possibly referring to 3M. If so, that’s a brilliant clue by the cluewriter, but we all know how often that turns out to be the case.

  24. about the bakery being sued for not making a gay cake for gay people……

    if you feel discriminated against… WHY WOULD YOU INSIST ON GIVING BUSINESS TO THAT PERSON? guess what, some people probably agree with the baker, and now that they know he STANDS FOR WHAT HE BELIEVES IN, they are going to give them their business too. YOU ARE PROMOTING DISCRIMINATION.

    i’m not saying gay people are dumb ignorant hypocrites, but in this example, it’s pretty clear that they are.

  25. the dumb gay people were the lesbian kind though… so easy to chalk that one up to lady brain.

    DO I HAVE ANY FRIENDS LEFT???@#%(*)&@^)&(^!#

    WHO CARES)(&!%)&(!^#&()!#^&(*!^

    PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK. PUCK.

  26. Take old sandy to the thinnest ice in como and mate with her. Cal, be sure to get mom’s permission.
    #dig

  27. dumb friends giving up their noodles on fb:

    Steve says: my memory banks recalled that there used to be a Lake Sandy in St. Paul. I googled it and found an 1897 St. Paul Globe article that talked about it being at the end of Marshall Street and used the term “old sandy”. I think its near the western edge of Marshall maybe in the Mississippi Parkway somewhere. Who knows.

  28. Rainbows lead you to the puck
    Thinking it over will bring you luck.
    Is it far away or where you’ve been?
    If fooled, just begin again.

  29. that fits the analysis above PERFECTLY. i know where the fucking puck is.

    I don’t think Larry Ho drive has ever been used in a clue because it has never been hidden in that part of Battle Creek. There is a trail that goes along the middle of it and it’s a very pleasant place for a walk. There are three bridges to cross on the trail so that could become a clue.

    RAINBOWS. bridges are shaped like rainbows.

    so, the clue sent you to sandy lake which is COMO which sent you to the bust of larry ho that sends you to battle creek.

    so, “WHERE YOU’VE BEEN” = COMO, if “fooled” just begin again.

    begin again….. does that mean “FAR AWAY”?????? what is the park furthest from battle creek? my first hunch was way north this year.

    WAY north.

    #POLARVORTEXBRO

  30. TELL MOM TO GO TO BATTLE CREEK)*#T^)&(!^#)(&!#^)(&!#^

    TELL HER TO BRING GALOSHES*#%&*(!#^%*(&^!#)*(&^!#

  31. \s*if\s*\(\s*(.*?)\s*\)\s*\{(.*?)\}\s*(else\s*if\s*\(\s*(.*?)\s*\)\s*\{(.*?)\}\s*)*(else\s*\{(.*?)\}\s*|)

    parsing all your god damn conditionals LIKE A BOSS

  32. Moving from star to star,
    Beckoning to you from afar
    From the splendid mansion’s door
    A vision causing soul to soar.

  33. “pioneer” was the name of the first interstellar probe in 1972.

    there is also “voyager” and “new horizons”.

  34. soul to soar…. view of the airport? view of a church? just something pretty???

    i bet if we put some boomsticks to the pee-pee press editor’s head, he’d tell us where the puck is.

    #OUTSIDETHEBOX

  35. i quit chawin for a couple days… but then my car needed gas. SAY LA VEE.

    the cope was sold out (because it’s the best)…. supposedly the truck was here now, but they can’t put anything for sale until the entire truck is unloaded and signed off on. NEED CHAW NOW. “what else you got?” she hands me “GRIZZLY SNUFF” on sale for $5. the cope is sometimes $8+.

    this stuff isn’t as good as cope. cope is the regime. cal is the smartest. his mother gets all the credit… LOOK WHAT SHE HAD TO WORK WITH)&!#%)&(*!#%(&*%!#(&*!#%)*(!#%)*(!%#

  36. from alison’s wondering:

    There is a plantatariam at Como elem or somewhere at a school by Como I think isn’t there? Also, there is a big mansion on the corner of midway parkway and hamline…

  37. can you link me to allison? I’ve been off the chaw for about 3 weeks. i’m clean. i almost gave in last night but reconsidered. the heroin-esque withdrals just aren’t worth it for the sweet sweet chaw.

    Madd you are an honorary minnesotan now. #grizzley

  38. i remember when grizzley came on the scene and shocked the world with their cheap chaw. people we paying 8+ for kodiak and the grizz came in for, as you say, about a fiver. this lured many away. it’s sub par but indeed a cheaper option. #factors

  39. alison moved their boards to ST00PID LADY YAHOO’s boards…. it doesn’t make any sense at all. there are random posts all over… no way to just look at a single topic and see replies… it’s a giant pile of shit. yahoo is shit. google is shit. any software that wasn’t created by me is PURE SHIT.

    HOW ARE PEOPLE SO BAD AT THIS?!%#&)(!#%)&(*!^#)&(!#^)&(*!#^

  40. kodiak is subpar. if you want a minty tarball, hit up a KUM & GO with timmer and buy some SKOAL. then, KUM.

  41. “the splendid mansion” = Not A Hidden Limpness

    HOLY SHIT)&#%)&*(!#%)&! CAL HAS THE PUCK&(*!#%&()*!#^)(&*!#^

  42. a few realizations from my clean days… every day around 3pm i get an urge to know what time it is it would seem… but in the no-chaw days i would think it was around 6:50pm, but chawchaw days it seems more like 2.

    chaw makes the day fly. no chaw makes the day crawl.

    #SCIENCE

  43. the splendid mansion’s door…. HIDDEN pops out as anagram. i think it’s in a tree this year…. ELM???

  44. i like this tree idea. it was in a tree about 4-5 years ago i think. that year some dood (jake probably) followed some fresh tracks into a park and found it on the first clue. in a tree. they were awesome and hid a second one that year. #history

  45. i’ve abandoned this DUMP for G+ medallion hunting. i will go there mostly to read my insightful barfings until the puck is found.

    do any of you snapchattin fools have teenage nieces or nephews or cousins or whatever?? i really like their generation. shunning facebook, flocking to snapchat, and pretty much EVERY SINGLE THING i get from them is simply a selfie face picture of them looking like they are in total shock of modern society. i’m right there with you brogurl. SHOCKING.

  46. i’m watching episode 1 of season 1 of “VIDEO GAME HIGH SCHOOL”

    it might be my new favorite show.

    #FIREUPNETFLIX

  47. went to an old’timey book store in la crosse… smelled like 1st grade. the world i once new may still exist. might cal not suck????? i need to re-evaluate EVERYTHING)#!%)(&!#%)(&!&)#(%

  48. SO FUCKING RIGGED. ya right, someone was out in -15 degree weather over the night and found it. YA. FUCKING. RIGHT.

    the peepee press saw the lawsuit on their hands when someone turned up popsicled.

    JOW RIGGED JOKE)*&#%)&*(!~&)*(!^#)&*(!^#

  49. interesting theory sckeez, but the clues were pretty easy this year, i’m not surprised. it’s good though, a nice simple hunt no frozen people to jeopardize our beloved hunt… NEXT YEAR ITS ON

  50. it was in a pair of jeans… USED jeans. the clue writer’s dirty butt stained the integrity of the hunt.

    i knew that GENES clue was paydirt. cal wouldn’t have let me touch me the hobo jeans.

  51. I was hoping maddddd was on his way to the butt torpedo after the clue dropped last night.

    #nope

  52. I found a glitch in the matrix over the weekend…

    We went to a cancer benefit at the High Noon Saloon. It was like a Kid Disco but more hippy: hula hoops, drums, hena. I went to the bar to get a beer and sat right next to a girl from our dorm. I opened my mouth to say hi and noticed… it’s not her, just a clever look a like.

    Now the glitch: later that night we went out to dinner at Sardine and who do I see when we walk in the door? THE REAL GIRL. Have not seen her in 17 years, have not even thought of her in probably 10, and boom: a look a like followed by the real thing. We had a nice chat; I even told her about the clone.

    Anyway, there was a bird chirping outside my window this morning. I’m sure it was downloading an update, that prevents this from happening again.

  53. you did pre-load your brain with a scan algorithm for her… maybe if you hadn’t seen the clone you wouldn’t have noticed her… maybe you walk past her twice a week and never noticed… her face hash wasn’t in working memory.

  54. yo cal, how about i buy a new house and let you live there for years on credit. after that, it’s PAY ME time, or… KNEES.

    #FDIC

  55. shit… meant *2* years. the above contract is void. shit. i might have really fucked up here.

    “your honor… the contract says ‘years’… i have been there 17 years. i do not find myself in violation”

    “case dismissed”

    #FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK

  56. I had that happen about a week ago! this was a minor glitch but same idea… I was walking down the street and this barrista girl from my coffee place walks past me and I’m like what’s she doing in my neighborhood? and then about 1/3 of a block later the REAL BARISTA girl walks by. wtf.

  57. VGHS is the highest quality TV programming i’ve seen recently. oh, the puns. so many. such high quality writing and acting… just a gem.

    THE LAW! his fall from grace, being sabotaged with an AIM BOT and getting banned from competition… nice writing there, a-rod.

    THE DRIFT KING! what a guy. he drifts.

  58. we are making this up as we go along. I’m going to think about finding the medallion every day this year. i will find it.

  59. heard youse guys got some cold weather up there? meanwhile over in my hood it’s freaking LA up in this biz. zero rain. not a drop. freaky.

  60. ugh. i shrink whazz on my desktop and all you see is the big dumb internet Explorer “E” and the words “Nude Post”. can’t you title it “important spreadheet” or some damn thing? IDIOT!

  61. i think i like this show because BrianD’s smile reminds me of an old favorite tv show Ed’s smile…. i was sure they were related. Josh Blaylock does not appear to be related to Tom Cavanagh.

    ms sara RAIYOOOUUUUUUUU would shine in the cast. she’s already been cast for highly structured environment roles in hospitals… video game high schools aren’t too far off. shit is serious. people could DIE.

  62. make the title say “Daily Forecast: Whazz”

    it’s sorta funny… there will certainly be whazzing today… YOU ARE HERE. self profilling fullosphofy. but also, when minimized, cal will stand protected, whazzing in the shadows of the overlords he would mortgage his life to be enslaved to.

    it’s the right move.

    #turdpress

  63. i think i just discovered a hidden talent… otis redding karaoke. i’m worried my true to life expression will be misconstrued as stereotypiCAL…….

    either way… i’ll sell some beers.

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