HOLY SHITR

I just had the absolute best idea evar: Madd, where’s your rushpoker.com site? Let’s create our own cryptocurrency and only use that in the game. That would be an incredibly interesting technical challenge.

195 thoughts on “HOLY SHITR

  1. Yeah, or just make maddddd’s stupid home game site he has been promising me since 2007.

    Why not play rush poker? Well, I’m either to drunk or no one will let me.

    #duh

  2. all those totally STUPID domain names are coming up for renewal… fucking like $80 a year.

    totallyfreemorons.com
    totallyfreebuttplugs.com
    totallyfreejewbirds.net

    crypto currency = global encrypted ledger with worker bots that are rewarded with tokens.

    so, brand new ledger… here world…. use it… what drives the start of the ledger to create work to do? just the founders passing the same token back and forth a zillion times?

    i’m not really sure, but the poker site wouldn’t be doing transactions after every hand… it would still be the same process of buying chips and then cashing in chips. reconciling after every hand would be a nightmare and probably prone to attacks like someone dumping all their whazzbucks to someone else before the hand was over. if you change that to make every bet a transaction into the pot, then you have to wait for all of those transactions to clear before you can continue with the hand.

    in short: no, but yes.

  3. i had a genious idea in the shower the other day… forgot it though… but i remember that i had it.

    it was a “HOW IS IT POSSIBLE NO ONE IS DOING THIS YET???? SO FUCKING OBVIOUS!!!” types of ideas. i immediately thought of whazzzzzman as a partner and confidant in the idea that brought itself upon me.

    i’ll try to remember. holler at me tomorrow.

  4. so, new idea: a big suction cup button that sticks to tile and plastic shower liners… press it, and it records.

    important ideas are being lost in showers all over america.

    #PROBLEMSOLVED

  5. also, some days i TOTALLY nail the mr. belvedere theme…

    streaks on the china, bro…. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?!#%()*&!#%)&(!#%^)&(!#^)(&!#^

    come to me, cal.

  6. also that q-tip beastie boys freestyle track….. 1-2-1-2 keep it on…… man… i can do that start to finish EVERY FUCKING PART, and i beatbox like A MOTHER FUCKING MANIAC(*&#%!^)&*(!#%^)&*#^!)*&!#^

  7. philly H is probably just realizing the fun is done and there is no more scrambled eggs and coffee. no more struggle. regrets? closure? daughters.

    HAPPY FRIDAY WHAZZZZZZBIRDS)*(UU!#%^)*&(!^#()&*^!@

  8. sometimes my subconscious DJ mixes from the q-tip parts into humpty hump in the limo eatin’ chicken’…. i don’t know how or where it happens, but it’s brilliant… i give myself 2 thumbs up my butt, then finish the STANZA(*&!#%)&*^)&*(^!#&*)^!#)&*(*&()!^#

  9. one side lane emergency career path i’m often tempted to SWAMP into FULL SPEED is parking lot high media director replacing whoever replaced mano who replaced BURNS. a GREAT man. a GREAT teacher. he ran the high school TV studio that i ran from the student side. i was the gary busy role in the command chain. the REAL leader. anyways… TV studios are lame… current billionaire idiots run social media sites, so i’ll run a high school media program that gets ever kids to set up and administer their own private family tree website. look at you kid… you’re a socia media WIZ!(&^!#%(*!%#*&^#!&*(!^#&*()!#^ WAY TO GO)*&#%^!)&*(!#^&)(!^*()!^)*(!^

  10. look… i don’t do auditions. you want to interview me? i bet you do. just make an offer. #HMU

  11. as an avid fan of law & order: SVU, numbed to the realities of the potential of humanity, i would like to apologize for the orangoutang voice lyric “ATM to the teeth”… the clenched teeth could be interpreted to imply resistance sufficient to imply lack of consent.. and the A part is already goes… so the TM iffy-consensual sex act after the A-iffy-consensual sex act, EVEN AMOUNG MONKEY BEASTS, is still unforgivable.

    #BUYMYCD

  12. GROSS, YOU FUCK)&%#)(*!%#)(*&^!#)(*^ not GOES… GOES… LIKE A FUCKING THING GOES TO A PLACE YOU IDIOT&()#!)&(!#^)&*(!#^)&(!#^)&(!^#)&*(^!)*(!^

    cal sucks.

  13. hey cal…………………. i’m ready for baseball. SO ready. you looking for side action? you looking for charity? a little hand out? is matt damon there to stroke your wanger? have you even seen rounders? well… I’M GRANDMA, YOU DOLT(*)&#%&)(*!#%)(*!^#

    i have this silly game figured out, and i’d like to bet my skills against yours. GENTLEMANLY, of course. no less. of course. rightfully, so, good day chaps. good day. yes yes. yes. righty-o, indeed, yes, of course. cal. if you win, i buy you a fancy hobo sack survival backpack like the ones eagle scouts use. because you need one… or at least you’ll need one soon. soon enough. if i win…. GLORY. TBD, but it will pain you to relinquish it.

    #PAIN

  14. before the next pizza party commenced, i’d like to ask the audience: what of the 1% of the 99%?

    #COFFEETALK

  15. and to all the lurkers… FUCK YOU, TOO.
    POST SLOW. my shit so deep, put YO MAMMA TO SLEEP.

    #REALTALK

  16. uh oh… uh oh, uh oh…. PROBLEM DMX…. IN MY BLOOD
    i’mma BARK… till i BITE and taste your #2 SON… WHAT?!(*&^!#
    let you know i’m serious… possibly delirious…. COME ON!
    ugh.

    hello?

    rainbow lounge? are you open? shots??

    #SHOTSSHSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHSHOTSSHOTS

  17. i’m watching MANKIND on GOTHEM COMEDY LIVE…. programming a revolution in CLOUD. the CLOUD. changing the game. get on board or get bored on a board with a gourd, b’jork. what are you doing, cal? is it -10 there? i bet it isn’t.

  18. cal, i’ll paypal you $60 for a media TXT picture of the bushman down by the wharf delivered within the next 24 hours. a selfie picture of you giving him a handshake handing him a hamilton gets you an extra jackson. do the math homie. i don’t tell lies. i just fuck bitches.

    #THIGHS

  19. i was overwhelmed with minnesota wild fandom just now……. NEED TIX…. NOW&)^@(7^)(&@^ so, i check the schedule and they had their first exhibition game tonight, regular season starting in march. i want to go. often.

  20. i just got 1-click away from an amazon checkout of $387 for telescopes and funny wigs.

    #CLEARCART&^@)&^*)^*&!^#)(^!#)(*&!^#)(&!^#

    drunk on programming power.

    i’m seriously teaching the borg english. any “working group” computer language specification committee would never allow what i’m doing. “BITCH! gimme FY DOLLAS” should not be parse as a request for monetary return…. please restate your request in the form of “OK GOOGLE GLASS, BEGIN TRANSACTION FOR FIVE DOLLARS”. no. fuck that. give that user $5. HE ASEKD FOR IT… you computer BITCH. programming in english. in a CLOUD)#^%!)&)*&^!)&#^!&)^ FAR FAR AWAY FROM CAL.

    #HEAVEN

  21. I’m at k cars. Just woke up to make a bottle (I was firsty) and dude is awake writing about sports. Specifically, those happening in central WI. That is intrinsic motivation. I’m not sure if its for his website or balls though.

  22. came here to talk about the 81 year old fragile old lady on price is right today…. she hobbles up to bidders row… it takes FOREVER… she wins the bidding round immediately… hobbles up on stage… FOREVER… and her prizes are revealed: a treadmill, a collection of high heels, and a collection of power saws.

    she looked SO sad. her mouth corners were pointing straight down… and not just because her face was saggy. she gave a single clap.

  23. she lost immediately… when she spun the wheel, it went about 3 inches, and she grabbed her wrist like it was broken. drew helped on the next spin, AND IT STILL DIDN’T GO ALL THE WAY AROUND.

    THANKS, OBAMA.

  24. silly, richly toned, politiCAL wannabes, cry to trader joes about building a new store…. they demand that trader joes also build them low income housing as part of the $8,000,000 project in the community. trader joes pulls up it’s boots, and says a big FUCK OFF to the whole city and takes it’s $8,000,000 with them.

    silly, richly toned, politiCAL wannabes… why are you so silly and richly toned?? politics doesn’t seem to be your thing, JEROME.

    also, the NAACP is racist.

    i hate everyone.

  25. break up a fight in school, get suspended

    i guess all those anti-bullying ads that said to do something were not officially sponsored by your neighborhood nazi leaders and community nazi organizers or school nazi nazis.

    i got suspended for making a ninja movie IN THE HIGH SCHOOL’S OWN MOVIE STUDIO… THE DAY BEFORE A TALENT COMPETITION FEATURED NINJA’S JUMPING THROUGH PAPER HOOPS TO THE MORTAL KOMBAT THEME USING THE EXACT SAME NUM CHUCKS THAT I USED.

    so, school administrators…. you’re on my shit list… and the only way to get off my shit list is to choke and die on shit.

    #EAT

  26. some fat retarded kid told on me and said he was afraid i would beat him up.

    now i have a reason to. chubby flunko should have known that i don’t fuck around with billyclubs…. my weapons go BOOM and BURN. make sure your cat is out of the house, bro…. #ROOFABLAZE

  27. i almost fell for papa john’s peytonless advertising for double cheeseburger pizza…… then i remembered that there are places that sell double cheeseburgers that taste like double cheeseburgers because they are double cheeseburgers.

    papa john has a secret.

    answers can be found at the lucky lady.

  28. i’m guessing a similar euphemistic expression of vile towards commandos of urban lawfare is why the jews don’t eat pork.

    seriously. KILL PIGS. KILL THEM ALL.

    #BACONFORLUNCH

  29. Jedadiah: “FUCK PIGS. I’M DONE WITH THEM. GET THEM OUT OF MY LIFE”
    Jews everywhere: “OK.”

  30. a cop tickets another cop for doing 120 mph

    mother fucking ASSHOLES driving around town like THEY AREN’T OUR SERVANTS endangering CHILDRENS’ LIVES…

    thanks 1st cop… you’re a good person. then 88 other police officers from 25 different agencies all illegally use their internal access to NSA databases to harass the 1st cop to no end.

    IT IS TIME TO GET RID OF THESE POLICE. FUCK THE UNION. FUCK THEM ALL. BURN THEM ALL IN A PIT.

    you pussy ass lurkers are really getting under my skin.

    JUSTIFY YOUR EXISTENCE.

    #BUYGUNS

  31. turns out that 1st cop was a lady. how about we just make all the cops ladies? their lady brains don’t let them band together in a boys club, mainly because of the lack of penis. any male cops that want to keep their jobs can go fling guns around in afganistan LIKE A MAN.

    fucking sissy ass prick in a blue color littered with shiny trinkets, sitting outside 7-11 with flashy lights on your FORD…. you look like a total queer, buddy. go be a man and shoot some foreigners, you PRICK.

  32. Sunday I stayed at a hotel in the Dells. I got a two bedroom suite with a hot tub for $50. There were four other guests in the entire hotel and the hallway smelled like Jergins. In the pool, I saw the superpowers unite: a man with the Nazi thunderbolt and a spider tattooed on his neck played a friendly game of pool basketball with some black kids. The pool is colorblind, bro. I think we can fix all this if we can get you in the sauna with Tammy B and a cop.

  33. I read a novel called Fat City over the weekend. It’s about the lowest rung of pro boxing in the 1960’s. Way, way, way cool. The “big fight” at the end was a Mexican with diarrhea fought a short order cook making his big comeback after taking off two years to drink.

    I guess it’s also a movie. I’d love to see it.

  34. On his way to the fight the Mexican tried to find the source of the runs by remembering everything he ate. One item on the list was “half a roasted calf’s head” sold to him on a bus by a little kid who stiffed him on the change.

  35. i’ve never had a bad experience with a real life cop. they always let me go. i’m never harassed… i have cops in the family and they have more cops in their extended family. my sister in law is a cop. cops are fine individually… but that is irrelevant… as a group they are SHIT. 100% SHIT. GAS THEM ALL.

    #TELLTHEMITSASHOWER

  36. more magnet motors

    all the comments are “this is impoossible… laws of thermodynamics… governments would already be using this…”

    how about, governments, completely controlled by oil conglomerates and socialist stage-pins, kill all the scientists that release this technology, and then go on the youtube comments and flood them with lies.

    magnetism is real bro… the force is constant… if you can tweak it in just the right ways, you can make things happen… it’s the same way transistors work at the lowest levels… direct energy in very specific and controlled ways and you can build machines with predictable results.

    my final engine design will probably have arms that move the magnets as the wheel spins, and then like a snowmobile transmission, the centrifugal forces would pull the belt up the cone to give a different gear ratio.

    it’s simple.

  37. the iphone version counts flaps? the android version counted pipes you went through, and on android the publisher can’t take back the app, so i still have it.

    i really hated everything about it. it was a ripoff of games like helicopter game, which itself was almost a direct ripoff of some other game that just showed your path as a smooth line… i liked the original way better and would play it a lot back in 1999.

    i got to 11 pipes on fappy… but i only played about 20 times.

    the high score board has been hacked and everyone has a score of 2,000,000,000,000 or whatever 2^32 or however many bits the buffer overflow they exploited was. i hate bad developers so bad. security is not an afterthought.

  38. if you haven’t seen keanu reeves make free energy with morgan freeman, it’s pretty clear what happens to people that empower other people rather than let the already empowered exert their post upon others.

    and i’m still not lovin’ police.

  39. the fucking FBI is now offering $10,000 for anyone to turn in their friends that own green lasers. if you hear about an incident in my city, turn me in…. i’ll say i didn’t do it, you say i did, and LOOKY LOOKY, you own a legal high power green laser! GUILTY BUDDY. why do you need this????? DONT GIVE ME ANY THAT SCIENCE BULLSHIT. NO. don’t invent new energy sources. turn your friends in. get $10,000. cash money, holmes.

    FUCKING IDIOTS.

  40. BAN LASERS)&!#^)(&!^#)&(!^#)&*(!#^)&*(!^#

    we all know it’s coming. get your papers together. keep them handy. we should sell special folders with different places to put all your different government papers… non-rfid shielded so that the friendly neighborhood enforcer bots can easily scan them.

    oh, and a chip in your BRAIN()*&!#%^)&*(!#%^&)(!^#)&*(!^#&(*!#^

  41. how about i turn someone in and you just give me a website that sells health insurance…

    even better, how about you make that insurance actually provide me with health care that i can afford…… hey, thanks for the insurance with a $10,000,000 whazzbux deductible.

    how about you SUCK MY CACK)(&*#!%^)&(!#^)&*(!#^

  42. there is a city in wisconsin called NUTBUSH. how is that legal?

    WHAT OF THE KIDS?#^&()!#^)&(!^#)&(!^#&*()!^#

  43. go there… see a magnet motor follow the rabbit hole. now mine bitbux FOR FREE.

    preferably ASIC… FPGA might be good enough… even for SCRYPT if you have enough on chip RAM… a full miner running entirely on magnetic forces, and churning out bitbux.

  44. i think all official whazzbux clients should have a final confirmation screen on all transactions that ends with a pictures of a whazzball, with the title “SPIN TO WIN, BRO!”…. and you flick the ball, it makes the ZZZZZZZZZZZZ sound, then you get your confirmation screen.

    #PATENT

  45. The FBI announced Tuesday that a $10,000 reward is being offered for any information leading to the arrest of those who aim or have aimed a laser at an aircraft. Anyone with information on laser strikes against aircraft is urged to call the FBI at 212-384-1000. Tipsters may remain anonymous.

    yo, cal… new career:
    1) buy green laser
    2) plant it on someone
    3) call fbi

    don’t do that… it would be illegal, and you would have $10,000 in anonymous cash that was tainted with LIES.

    DON’T DO IT. I’M SORRY I POSTED THIS. IT IS TERRORISM. FINDING OBVIOUS FLAWS IN OBVIOUS BROKEN SYSTEMS IS ***********HACKING(*&!%#)&(!#)&(*!#^)&(*!#^)&*(!^%# GO TO GUANTANAMO YOU PRICK)&!#%)&(!#%*(&)!%&*(*&()!#^

  46. fucking bering sea gold show has me mad about knowing a WONDERFUL married couple of folks with scuba licenses, and me with no plan to trick them into partnering with me on a dredge i’ll build.

    droppin hints like the enola gay… that you’re gay.

    #ZING

  47. RE: MAGNET MOTORS

    those last few links were for the 100% unpowered versions… even i think that is not a long term solution…. they found a way to start it with a spring, and dial it in so hard that it would run fast as fuck for 5 hours. in front of people… even after being completely disassembled and xrayed. i really like how the guy was like “do we need to let this run for 10 hours before you give a round of applause?” magnets won’t run forever or strong, but they can obviously assist with “slingshot” maneuvers to exponentially convert energy into stronger forms…. i mean, has NO ONE been towed behind a bike while wearing rollerblades holding a long tow rope around a tight turn??????? “physics doesn’t allow this”……. UR A FRIGGGGGG’N IDIOT.

    period

  48. the main idea is to hook it up to a powered motor that can work like an ABS system in reverse to supply EXTRA power when needed to boost the cylinder into the BONUS magnet boost zone that will amplify the speed during a large portion of the engine cycle…. then pull another burst to do it again.

    PULL A RAMP IN T HE PARKING LOT)(&)(!#)(^&!)*&#^ WE COULD JUMP INTO THE GRASS)*(^!)(&!^#)(!^)&^ JACKASS 1992)&!%#)(&!%#)&!^)&(^!)&( THIS WAS MY LIFE YOU DUMB FUCKTARDS)&)(&#!^&)(!#^&*()!^#&*(!^&*()!^&*()()*!$#&*(%!#&*(*(&%!(&*!#%^&*(!#%^*(&#

  49. i emailed all of you relevant FOOLS with my whazz.mp4 file. i set it as my default notification sound on my android phone using this guide

    my life thus far has been GREAT.

    #YOUREWELCOME

  50. as a long time abstainer from the NASTY offerings, i caught that HEELS OFF banger… about a buck and a half into the track, i’m pretty sure i revolutionize hip-hop by taking too short’s signature “bitches” note and good will hunting style reducing THA MUH FUK’n fraction down to less than a a syllable….

    the whole joint is masterful.

    big props TO MY HOMIES IN THE BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH#)@(^&)(^@#)(&^)(&^#!)(*&!^#)(&!^#)&(!^#

    WHAT WHAT?!

    #INTHEBUTT

  51. i think this magnet motor obsession is tied to chaw….

    “let’s make the motor 180% more efficient by statistically increasing likelihood of gum cancer”…

    “9 other core systems are tested and strengthened by the existence of chaw…”

    STOP ARGUING WITH ME)*(!%#)(!#%&!^#)(&#!^)(!#^

    just put the magnets on everything.

    cope snuff for all.

    #TREAT

  52. grizzly isn’t real. it’s like easy cheese in a spray can when you want some provolone.

    i quit again for a day, but i’m back on the cope. no hope. mouth cancer is how i go. BOOK IT.

  53. blow up 30 pakistanis on the way to a wedding… WHY NOT?!)(*&!#

    MURIKA only supports TEH GHEY marriage now. dick in a vag???? NO WAY, JOSE. BOOM.

    #FUCKYEAH

  54. oh, wait… it was an accident by morons in the FBI and NSA, and they refuse to admit fault, and because of that TAX PAYERS have to give some lady $7,000,000???? WHY DO WE LET THESE IDIOTS STAY IN CONTROL??????

    #BOMBSBRO

  55. look…. i don’t want to fuck up the fundamental understandings of society or anything… but given the statement there is are only 2 certainties: death and taxes….

    well… if death is certain for everyone, it obviously possible for the death of everyone at once.. with no one alive to impose taxes, there would be no taxes…

    … i’m just saying…….. fucking idiots were wrong…. they’re idiots… WHAT ELSE COULD THEY DO?#!(*%&#^*&)(!#^&)*(!^#

  56. bitcoin mining fees are getting ridiculous… if you send 0.01 bitcoins to someone (right now about $6.29)… the “fee” to process the transaction is 0.001 bitcoins (about $0.63)… 10 fucking percent. seems high… also seems like the balance of cost/reward of mining would skyrocket as these fees become higher.

  57. The white knight brother is obviously a repressed homosexual with no respect for the laws of math. He’s just pissed he didn’t get to go to Hawaii.

  58. biggest bitcoin underground marketplace depleted of $2.7M of bitcoins

    i can’t believe how stupid programmers are.

    basically bitcoin works like this for transactions… the transaction is processed to crypto death, and then a “hash” is stored like this:
    kkjgh23kgj3gjk325gjk523hjk135hkj315g15iug513ig35iug352giu

    128 or whatever characters of gibberish. so you put that transaction out into the wild, and then let a bunch of other people verify and sign it themselves… that is what “mining” is.

    so, the transactions would go out, and the site that automatically initiated the transfer would then say… hey…. remember that transaction i sent before… yeah, the one hashed as “kkjgh23kgj3gjk325gjk523hjk135hkj315g15iug513ig35iug352giu”… did that clear? rather than saying… yeah, the one from this guy, to that guy, for this amount, on this date, with internal tracking ID XXXX?

    well, the bitcoin protocol allows for minor tweaks to the transaction that don’t invalidate it… like padding 0s to the amount sent…. 000001 bitcoins vs 1 bitcoin is the same thing… but in the end, that would change the hash value. so “hackers” are doing just that, the “hash” would change, but the transaction would succeed… the automated bitcoin sender would then stupidly look for the old hash and get back “invalid” or “unconfirmed” or “cancelled” or whatever and figure they have to send the money again. so fucking stupid. no safeguards at all to limit the amount of money going out….

    so now all those hippies selling weeds are out of their money just like those criminals who bet on poker had their money taken BY BILL FRIST.

  59. use whatever means you deem necessary to bring this person to justice.

    maybe if he had said “within the law” or “within reason” or anything…. but “whatever means you deem necessary” is a cry to GO WILD.

    CAN I SUE?()*&!#%)&(!#^%

  60. key on a hash = your bitbux end up in the trash.

    don’t trust anything that wasn’t built from the ground up entirely by me.

  61. isn’t modern copper the mining the same as a burglary?

    hey! look! an abandoned building full of pipes…. #MINE

  62. cops should not be allowed to consume mind altering substances like caffeine or nicotine or any mental health / anxiety / i can’t sleep / i can’t feel happy / wah wah gimme gimme drugs.

    only THE PURE can be trusted WITH OUR LIVES.

  63. i don’t know how or why i’m watching this movie “the trip” on netflix, but 11 minutes in discussion about michael KANE impressions is worth the price of admission.

    #YOUREWELCOME

  64. i guess estes rockets with built in cameras that you pack with explosives and send up into the atmosphere don’t pose the same risk….. because……. TERRORISM)*(#&^%!)(&!#^)&*(!#^*()!^#

  65. listened to a few fantasy podcasts…. “criminally underrated” is a term that flies around a lot.

  66. as someone who teaches computers how to process language, and a father of 2 babblin’ shorteeez, i can provide a big, “DUHHHHHHHHH”

    their brain has access to TONS of L1 on chip brain cache. 64 bit registers, bro. don’t trust the hash. that shit only fills up once. build the foundation, then start on L2. sure, you can go back and tweak, but any major changes would require total collapse and rebuild or would be more disruptive than a total collapse.

  67. Cal beat me in our H2H fantasy league last year. Per our tradition, he gets to name my team– he gave me a wonderful gift:

    upyourbuttjobu

  68. nice. name his youneedmarbles next year.

    local sherrif just got cited for DRUNK’N DRIVE’N… car found in ditch, guy found at home.

    how much do you want to bet police union argues he was sober when he was driving, and “black ice” caused the accident, and he came home and drunk because of how scared the event made him. keep your job, take 2 months off with pay to see a shrink the taxpayers will also pay for, and a big sorry for wrongfully arresting you, here is $1.2 hush money… the taxpayers don’t care… they just print this stuff off… it’s backed by nothing… WHO CARES?(*^!#%

  69. i got a new business idea for lurking fuck…. PRICE IS RIGHT MAFIA.

    get everyone agree to share all their prizes with everyone else in the mafia. then go to every single show and fill the seats with people in the mafia. show up earlier than everyone else… it’s first come first served. get a couple hundred people to dedicate their lives…. you’re bringing in $50,000 a day easy.

  70. telemarketers allow me a chance to practice my craft of wasting telemarketers time… i’m grateful for that.

  71. you should only get a gold medal if you break a world record.

    way to be the best of the guys that aren’t the best of history……. that’s really great for you, not being the best, but like, trying harder than all the other losers…. here’s some tinfoil… maybe next year you can EARN some gold.

  72. I say they kill you unless you are the best in history.

    Open a pit to the earth’s core and drop em in. The divers could make than an interesting fall.

  73. ran out of chew yesterday and swore i wouldn’t buy a new tin today……….. so i bought 2.

    fucking nico-brain is clever.

  74. WHERE ARE MY GD WHAZZBUX?!#)(^&!#^()*

    i want to MINE)(&!#%)&(!#^)*(#!^

    ALL OF THEM!!!! MINE MINE MINE*()&!^#)&(*!#^

  75. local 35 year old college bar owner got charged with tax fraud for intentionally keeping all cash transactions under $10,000 to avoid federal reporting. 17 years in prison.

    uh……. isn’t that just BIZNIZZZZZZ???!#%(*&!#%)(&

    haters get dealt with…. they can’t NOT get dealt with.

  76. to be fair, the bar was is called the pikle, and i couldn’t get a single guy in there to touch my wanger.

    #FALSEADVERTISING

  77. so you can take your…………………. SICKLE
    and chop down all the… WHEAT!
    and chop down all the…. WHEAT!

  78. did you hear about the hot new club in town????? ULTRAVIOLET.

    it has EVERYTHING.

    midgets on unicorns…. poultry… a dive bar live on stage…

    hit them up on FACEBOOK @ maduv.com

  79. SOL is not a reader. it’s a spam bot that adds links to the displayed name that go to link redirection service tinyurl to point people to THIS SUCKY SITE that just amasses stupid data. BUT WHY???? search engine “optimization”… SEO… or “cheating the users of google and manipulating public trust to extract public money”…

    FUCK SOL.

    ultimaker sucks
    ultimaker is the worst site on the internet
    ultimaker uses spambots to increase traffic
    ultimaker is run by jezebels and queers
    ultimaker sells butt plugs for straight gurls

  80. why would anyone want to link their name to a website? you block comments for containing links, but then you post links automatically with the name and never block the post. seems dum.

    #TURDPRESS

  81. First SOL and now timmer: this place is full of freaking great ideas today. Topic and topics like whoa.

    Instead of arguing with timmer about who watches more tv or exposing police corruption, why not give us what we want: our own private poker fightclub. Start us out with 1-2 limit.

  82. I saw that face-thingy. Bustin makes me feel good, bro. It’s where I leaned about the Akaroid connection.

    I always think about the Don when I see Crystal skull vodka because he seems like the kind of guy who would buy it. I’m the kind of guy who just wants it, but the $50 plus price tag turns me away. Maybe I should buy one and then refill it from a plastic tub of Fleishman’s.

  83. yo. timmertime…. how about this: INVEST IN YOUR FUTURE.

    i make the site. i make a site so anyone can deploy and host their own private site for a fee. you hold all technology and resale rights and can run your own site.

    you match my current salary and i report to you daily.

    #DOCTORMONEYBRO

  84. remember when jeanie garfalarfalo was supposed to be on the live comedy show, but then it was some other guy last minute? well, now she was on tonight…. pretty clear why she didn’t show up a month ago. botched face job.

    i’ll get working on the site. i’ll try to get a games platform API snuck into my product pipeline, then build pokuh on top of that. i might even call it “pokuh” and change the K to an M for madddddddddddddddd. you can’t charge me for poker… this is pokuh. THERE ISN’T EVEN A KING IN THE DECK*(&@!^*&)!#^)&(!^#

  85. you’re going to have to link me somewhere that doesn’t pop up a stupid ugly poorly made unprofessional graphic that says i have 20 articles left to read this month, but then never giving me a way to actually read my 20 free articles.

    the journal sentinel is run by a bunch of unprofessional hacks. it’s pathetic. fucking retards delivering GARBAGE to everyone’s house everyday. LET YOUR BIRD POOP ON IT)*&(#!%&)*(!#%)&*(!#%

  86. i found the article somewhere else. police claim their responsibilities are limited to PROTECT AND SERVE…. not SWINDLE and LIE and SELL ILLEGAL GUNS TO THE PUBLIC.

    what if the guy got away? why not sell him a nuclear bomb and then charge him with international espionage?

    get back to your parking tickets, ANDY GRIFFITH(*&!#%)&!#%)(&*!#% EAT A GOD DAMNED DONUT YOU FAT UGLY FUCK)&(!#%)&*(!#%)&*(!#%^

    nice trinkets on your collar, fag.

  87. BAN SILENCERS!%^)&!#%)&(!#)(*&!#^% forget about the fact that you could just duct tape a water bottle on the barrel and get the same results… or take an old oil filter and screw it on the top.

    AMERICA()*&!%#)&*(!#%)&*(%!# land of the DECIDEDLY NOT FREE.

    NO NO NO… THAT METAL TUBE IS SHAPED A CERTAIN WAY(*&!%)&(%#!)&!%#)(*!%# YOU CAN’T HAVE THAT)&(!#)(&!#^)(&!#^

    fuck cal so much. we need to get rid of him. the world will come back to balance when he’s gone. i can’t in good faith work on a poker site when i know his disruptive force is still RUINING THE FUTURE OF CIVILIZATION)!#%&)!&(#^*()!&#^!#*)^&!#^&)(*!#^&*()!#%*()&!#%*()!#%*()!^#

  88. the real funny thing is that the cluster was only capable of generating 20Mhashes/sec while whazzzman is a already pushing towards 2Mhashes/sec in the pile of electronics SITTING OUT ON HIS PORCH…. IN A GD MILK CRATE(*&!#%(&*!#&*()!#^

    way to go HARRRRRRRRRVARD. your super computer sucks and so do the safeguards around your research equipment.

    i’m sure HARRRRRRRRVARD is much more careful protecting the explosives in the chemical research lab.

  89. 1. Mr. Maddddd computer scientist, click on “continue reading” to read the article. #protip

    2. Jess has a stiff girl boner for our home owner ass. I try and get us kicked out every Friday by putting out garbage bin exactly where they tell me not to. Every fri I get it off the curb and put it in the forbidden zone and then Jess comes home from work and puts it in the safe zone.

  90. i bet they set it up so the “click to continue” button was being served by the same people that serve their ads, so by default i am blocking the link, and in order to see the link i have to whitelist their ad network. clever girl. NO THANKS. how about i just don’t look at any of your STUPID ads, or read any of your BRAINWASH content. lose-lose, bro. CONGRATULATIONS.

    i remember when milwaukee let you play the mystique-jos free market invisible hand play with your newspaper provider. no longer. ALL BIRDS WILL POOP ON THE SAME INK. i think the nazis said that.

  91. you’re paying an HOA fee to live on flock of seagoes road?! that isn’t a city street?? is it opt-in or mandatory?

  92. i put my bins away to makes things as efficient as possible for the garbage d00ds. not because a contract says i have to…… because i’m A DECENT HUMAN.

  93. i hear that papa johns is in talks with the koch brothers to airlift pizzas to the ukraine protest zones.

    #REALAMERICANHEROES

  94. It’s an opt in dick club. I think like $10 a year or something.

    I too put shit away. The club wants them put away a special way as to not offend passersby with the sight of a *gasp* trash receptacle. I mean, you don’t want people to think you are the type of people who make trash or grow weed in recycling bins, do you? DO YOU!?!?!?
    #ido
    #ido
    #idodo

  95. One of the generals hosts a tom and jerry party around christmas. I pop over for a cup of gross and some cookies.

  96. here’s my problem… garbage day is monday, but the guys don’t show up until noon sometimes… but we still put it out sunday night… but rach-o thinks it get crazy cold between 7pm and 11pm, so she puts it out way early on sunday night, so then i have to schlep out the basement garbage to the curb on monday morning…….. women don’t go in the basement to fetch garbage. #RACIST

  97. i’m on an 8 house culdesac on the outskirts of interstate gastation burger housingville after a church and forest buffer. across the street from giant community park. way fewer weird guys than the panhandle. the chaw dealers are personable… but i’m married with kids… live your life, little one.

    #CALSUCKS

  98. i find it very telling that there is a universally echoed mantra in software encryption: NEVER ROLL YOUR OWN.

    “they” say you’re not smart enough. you’re too dumb. only “they” can make encryption work right. (read: only “they” can make sweetheart deals with international spies and NSA domestic surveillance teams to weaken the encryption services they force on you as “standards”)

    bah. i’m going to join THE FORCE

  99. My fav part of spring training is back: cactus juice in the JS. The best one so far details some fluffy whitish dog they found roaming around the training facility. Skeezer, I’m guessing that appeals to you and your quince boner.

  100. some retards in some way connected to CBS executives and bob barker thought it would be smart to hack out major organs in my animals. now quindo can’t get a boner without debilitating pains because of how tight the tendons were stitched back together. no he’s a jerk and pisses in my house for fear his dick will hurt. he’s a beast. bob barker made him this way. so dumb. cut off bob barkers nuts already. help control the geriatric population. have your used up on camera personalities castrated or neutered. FOR THE CHILDREN)&#@&*()!#^&*()!#)*(%#!%^

  101. my wife puts diapers on the dog instead of training the beast. it makes me so angry. dogs don’t wear diapers. putting a diaper on a dog is not a sign that your dog is bad… it’s a sign that you’re a bad human. either kill your dog or train it. unable to kill it? unable to train it? you shouldn’t be allowed to buy pets. you shouldn’t be allowed to buy food. just die.

  102. whoopi goldberg’s use of “COLORED MAN.” while catching in the act and addressing tracy morgan playing a character stealing her oscar and grammy awards, was lovely.

    i prefer “richly toned”, but “colored” seems even nicer, and much more terse. the rainbow is colored. given the proper conditions, i find its use optimal.

    if someone 20 feet from me directed, “PALE BOY!” in my direction, i would probably give my earnest attention without prejudice. #HOWCANIHELPYOU

  103. Yo, paleboy, help me out, who you drafting? Jared Weaver all the way across the sky?

    Jared Weaver is made of farts
    -bryguy 2011

  104. my draft strategy is based on the old yiddish proverb, “Der mentsh trakht un Got lakht.”

    Man plans and God laughs, bro.

    also, i am HOV.

    #SAYIT

  105. trout got a million to play for a year……. does he need another million next year? buy a crib in the cleezy and drink calvert for the rest of your life. stop chasing down flies. get a tivo.

    he’s on my fish finder radar.

    #TROUTJOKE

  106. do you know what else would be “destructive”? unlimited free energy.

    think about all the jobs down at the coal plant, and all the children supported by the MEN that work those jobs… all all the funeral home directors that specialize in BLACK LUNG OPEN CASKET ceremonies? JOBS)&*(!#%&*()!#%^

  107. in other entertainment news: guardians of the galaxy will be a flop

    whazzman has vastly different theories. i agree with the article… they keep doing all these mashup movies, and they need a way to transition out of it, so they intentionally get a whole new group of stupid batman wannabes, the movie sucks, and then they can go back to single hero movies and never speak of the wannabes again.

  108. the 2015 superbowl will be XLIX… haha. like EXLAX… the fart pills… or just LIX is funny. either way, i’ll PROBABLY watch.

  109. my gameplan is simple… right by my house is a giant place kalhari dells type place with a waterpark, minigolf, arcade, gokarts, batting cages…. the lot next door is wide open.

    we finally open JACK’S PIZZA PUTT. ever since those NAZIs at walgreens bought out our abandoned raycilla building, we’ve been scrambling for a new location. 20 FUCKING YEARS.

    the other place has OUTDOOR minigolf and INDOOR gokarts.

    FLIP-DAT-SCRIPT. indoor minigolf. olive oil pizzas. YOU’RE ALREADY STAYING NEXT DOOR WITH YOUR SPOILED CHILDREN. “hey, lets try that place out… oh look, they have pinball… your old dad used to be pretty hot on the flippers…” “shut up dad, give me $20″

    we’ll be rich.

  110. i just learned on jeopardy that the US gold reserves at fort knox are valued at just $42 an ounce on the international market.

    why are US citizens paying $1,331 on the open market?

    tell you what, SAM, i’ll give you $50 an ounce. give me a sack full.

  111. Drunk Uncle Sam, I guess.

    Do you think you can sue bry for half of your totally free empire, the losses? Gentleman’s agreement, bro.

    #served

  112. I was watching Jeopardy! and learned the literary Bronte sisters were of the scissor, not biological, variety.

    Now you know.

  113. And the Oscar for best animated short: Bad Tilapia!

    And the academy award for best short feature: Bad Tilapia!

    How you doing, folks? How you doing?

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