Let’s Talk BSG

Yo Scientist where you at on BSG? All finished now? It kinda petered out pretty shitily but for awhile it was the bees knees- Spacebee was even watching it fer christ sakes.

No one asked but here’s what I’m currently recording on the ol’ DVR (in no particular order):

  • Space Dandy (he’s a dandy guy in space)
  • Broad City
  • Chozen (probably to be dropped soon)
  • Archer
  • @midnight
  • Kroll Show
  • American Dad
  • Rick and Morty
  • Community
  • Parks & Recreation
  • Bar Rescue
  • Catch a Contractor

I dunno there might be more; Spacebee certainly records about a skrillion episodes of Grey’s Anatomy every day. What mass media are you lunatics consuming these days?

184 thoughts on “Let’s Talk BSG

  1. We cxl’ed cable so it’s been netflix and library movies. And hboGo via lawfamily telecom. We recently finished True Dick and are a few behind on Girls.

    I try to get the kids interested in shit I can tolerate. So futurama and muppet show and classic Sesame St. Sometimes random animal docs. Muppet show is funny because pi is 200% content watching hosts like Dom Deluise and Joan Rivers and George Burns. I’m doing my best to prep her for the A2K lifestyle.

    On Netflix I recently completed a cxled detective show from 2010 called Terriers. I think it was an Fx show. It took place in Ocean Beach. It was decent.

  2. i know everything, so i sell myself. if you want to try and sell me, you’re welcome to try, but you’re wasting your time. want to come inside? grab a beer? yeah, i’m still never going to buy anything from you… so, how has your day of door to door sales going? making any sales? i suppose you could be out selling right now instead of drinking with me… you’re not very good at this.

    #TRUESTORY

    then, i gave him a beer on the way out, and he took a sip of it before knocking on the neighbors door… he set the beer down right next to their door. hilarious.

    ever since the hobos declared war when quindo peed on the grass where they sleep, i’m putting together plans for gas showers. #FUCKOFF

  3. BSG season 1-3 was the greatest. season 4 was a painful tailspin. i went from biggest fan to wishing i had never taken the pill.

    #COULDHAVEJUSTBOUGHTABIBLE

  4. i’m watching that fresh contractor catchers right now.

    YOU REMEMBER THESE PEOPLE………. TOM?!!

  5. i usually jack off to the “cosmos” show with that furry, richly-toned scientist who talks down to me from his science box.

  6. hobos said they were coming for rach-o with machine guns… that’s cute, new friend.

    i wonder if you’ll wake up before, after, or during the explosion that causes your brain matter to scatter further than quido’s piss ever could. you’ll never see my face or any machine. you’ll just go #BOOM.

    also, i like TV…

  7. that latest contractor catchers really flipped the script… in the end it looks like they got a $71,000 job done for $43,000 just by complaining to adam carolla… made him look bad. made the show look bad. i love the show, and i’m sure it’s just fine, but i’ll probably spin up adams podcast over the next few weeks just to see how many times he shits on those idiots.

    they serious complained for months and allowed water to spill into their son’s room rather than to screw in the downspout into the gutter. i would have just burned down the house and called it a day.

    #SOLUTIONS

  8. Some of those methed out magazine dudes in San Diego scared the shit out of me. I told belly to never answer the door if I was not home and it was a stranger.

  9. Cactus Juice is my fav part of the JS’s spring training coverage. This year’s was battle star season 4. Fuck off, hank the good time dog.

    In my fantasy researching I came (for real) over these gems:

    1. All things Lyle Overbay.
    2. Casey Mccccguheeeeeee is a marlin.
    3. Francisco Cordero spent the 2013 season retired and got super fat. He then went on an apple only diet (2 apples for breakfast, 2 for lunch, 2 for dinner) and got fit. He joined the Redsox in spring training and then got cut.

  10. the inhabitants of the outside declared war with us cavers. the end.

    SPOILER ALERT: I WIN.

  11. the phoenix meth heads are way worse than san diego’s, but either way, i’m not scurrrrred. i wish a jigger WOULD.

    #HOPE

  12. Ok, the cavers v outsiders in what city? Is this way old news that I washed away with scotch?

  13. Did we ever agree on action? Or do we just want to play the game? I dont care.

    I was really drunk on Thursday and thought an “i quit” match might be fun. .50-$1 a day until one of us quits. Now, it sounds sort of ok. I don;t know.

  14. santa monica representatives of the outsiders flung the first volley of war. booze will not wash it away… only blood.

  15. i think we’re b0000000ked a twank on the season, just me v you. we can talk daily action after things heat up a bit.

    soft boil, THEN sear. it’s a process, bro.

  16. day 1 for the sisters, and i’m already getting fucked…. my 2B decided it’s ok to abandon his team on opening day, so he can sit in the hospital and let his lady friend poop out a baby.

    BRO)(&*!#%^)&(!#^)&*(!#^ when you sign with the sisters, YOU PLAY.

    can’t wait to fire that asshole first chance i get.

  17. how would the daily wins work? change in league points? probably lots of ties, but LOTS of action.

  18. banking on bumgardener today. HE GROWS HIS OWN ORGANIC BUTTS)&^#&*)!#^&*(!#^)&*(!^#)*(!#^

  19. i love locking eyes with crazy meth d00000000ds. i get the crazy under control, then they walk away with their meth between their legs.

    the key is getting them to truly understand, “whoa… this guys WISHES i would…. maybe i shouldn’t…. fuck…. his eyes might be crazier than mine… where does he get his meth? man, i need meth, i need to leave.”

    then, flip out a big knife from my pocket, and pick my teeth with it…. “where you going, bro? want another beer? want to see my guns? yeah, i have guns too. i WISH you would.”

  20. Daily could be .50 a day until one of us admits we suck and cannot catch the other. So you could quit today and owe me .50. It adds up. If you quit after a month, you owe me $15.

  21. Cactus Juice

    K Rod is the new closer. RR went ahead and changed closers game one. Sorry, MADD.

    More juice:

    Nyger hitting lead off for the tribe.
    #wildthing

  22. i know… i was very mad… then i had one my d00d face off against K-ROD, and i was ready for a 2 run homer to tie things up. points for the sisters, and ship K ROD back to Kolumbia or wherever he’s from.

    HENDO IS THE REGIME.

  23. here is the problem with the “exposè” show concept in general…. once you have a single fuckup, you’ve basically exposed yourself… and you’ve trained your audience to be savages.

    obvious ties to “to catch a predator”, so lets go there…. let’s say chris mathews is all done soliciting teenage sex online and decides to go into work so he can solicit some more teenage sex. not the legal kind of teenage sex… the other kind. the ‘predator’ kind. heat vision. so they get a guy that says he’ll show up with a 6 pack of beer.

    at the same time in another part of town where people think it’s hypocritical to villainize something that you yourself must do in order to “catch” the villain, yet you never actually allow the villain to do the thing… blah blah. IN THAT PART OF TOWN, some other guys are making plans next door. the new friend brings a 6 pack of beer over and accidentally knocks at the wrong door.

    now, chris matthews sees a guy at the door with a 6 pack of beer and villainizes him on national TV and gets him arrested for being a sexual predator even though it was a very plausible mixup. what is the recourse? WHO FUCKING CARES? BLOW UP CHRIS MATTHEWS. 10 to 1 he’s a diddler.

  24. Casey McGehee knocked in four runs with a pair of doubles versus the Rockies on Monday.

  25. Put .50 in a jar for me, bro. I want to do the “i quit” bet. Close the door to the steel cage; my mouth is taped shut.

  26. league needs a weekly podcast hangout. maybe even daily. i have so much to say. so much understanding. so much chaw. kodiak for the bottom lip, cope for the top. always in the spot that feels least cancerous…. don’t worry… things get cancerous quick…. that gum has had enough there lil’ buddy… lets share the juice with lower lefty a bit. once a day the ol’ copiaks wife swap and switch lips. seasoning. it’s important. it’s a process. i’m deep, bro. it’s dark in here. the chaw illuminates my path. brilliantly. WARNING: tooth loss.

    so…. as someone vastly outclassed in astros bullpen info, i look for ways to compensate, and there are many available. the interesting part is that solely relying on those techniques would almost certainly increase rank, they would all but guarantee inability to WIN. BUT, given access to these options at opportune situations, and i think i can enhance my game without spoiling it.

    CASE IN POINT:

    a player listed as a starting pitcher AND a relief pitcher. my brain was problem pokered by papa john, so consider this analogy: would you rather have 9c, or 9c AND Tc AND all your other cards…. bonus option card. terrible analogy, but at the end of the day, just having 3 more outs to a garbage 2 pair to crack aces has value. come the end of season, you’ll probably need SOMETHING…. wins? saves? who knows. POTENTIALLY, this guy could get both. probably way less a chance of getting either, so it’s dumb…. but it’s POTENTIAL. INERTIA. kick-flip off that bitch to a fakie ollie and GRIND CAL’S STUPID FACE.

    we’ve got a caller…………………… IT’S PHIL!#%)*(&)&!%#()*^&!#%^)&(*!#%^)&(%#!)&(&()*!#%&()*!#%

  27. a better analogy would have been: would you rather have 2d7c with 4 more cards, or As with 4 more cards… pretty obvious…. OR IS IT? but that’s extreme. what if it’s Jc9c and you know the first card of the flop is a club? what if you KNOW it’s the Tc. what if you KNOW that somehow your opponent already has quads and you need a straight flush to win, and you know the first card is Tc and you could have Jc9c instead of As… then it’s completely obvious you should take the J9. fuck an ace. it’s obvious. you’ll all but certain to lose, BUT YOU’RE MAKING THE RIGHT DECISION.

    #POKERLIFE

  28. fun life anecdote: i hadn’t shot a basketball since last summer. we took the girls to a giant indoor sports center in town that has “family fun night” where they throw all kinds of toys and bounce houses and costumes and a zillion BALLS. the warehouse is split in 2 parts with an open walkway down the middle about the width of a basketball court. on either side is a full soccer field. in the back of the walkway is a giant bounce house with a bunch of random basketball hoops set up… some of them 15′+ off the ground. way high. they had real basketball courts set up on one of the sides, so that area was a ghost town. they also had like 2 arcade games, and one of them is the original mario bros…. like from skatetown. so many props. that back dungeon was basically made for JUST ME. lady madddddddd wanted to go in the big kid bounce house…. she never could before, always way busy… so i dump her in there and walk away. i was right there, but i helicopter parent apache style.

    i grab a basketball and glace at lady madddddddddd…. she’s doing fine. why wouldn’t she? she OWNS that bouncy house, and LOVES to bounce. it’s bounce time. she’s set. i admire the various goals set before me. good show, building guys…. you’ve impressed me over again. the highest and further goal beckons my attention…. oh, you’ve got it, homie… i’m bout to #DRIBBLE this rock 2 times, half step with the slide, and pull up that J……. IGGER.

    it kissed the rim on the way in.

    i walked away from basketball.

    #CHAMPION

  29. i’ve basically got mike trout syndrome. 1st at bat of the season, hit a HR….. JUST QUIT. powerful urge. destructive. braun came out and SUCKED. like a CHAMPION. i’m worried.

  30. in between these whazzzzzzzings, i’m being surprising productive at work and just have the trubbbbblyzer trubbbbbbbbin’ whatever the fuck is on…. it recorded by tivo reco “colbert report”, so tv was tuned to CC. @midnight came on, and i thoroughly enjoyed it. they worked out all the kinks that turned me out with the interfaces. i’m touchy about that shit. there isn’t a right way, but there are MANY COMPLETELY WRONG ways. #pixelperfect is the industry term… common sense is the non-excuse-based term.

    i’ll start queueing it up.

  31. PODCASTS are my jam right now.

    it’s like sirius XM with more ads for squarespace.com and stamps.com. but free!*

    *with $100/mo home internet bill and $100/mo smart computer cell phone internet bill

  32. The P vs RP vs P/RP gives you a cunt hair of positional flexibility, nothing more. The dude is certifiably in whatever roll he is in for the season and not really going to suddenly become a closer. Yahoo’s rules on positional eligibility fall under the watchful eye of the lady ceo, which means they make no sense.

    The best way to exploit this system is C/1B or C/3B because you can sometimes play a non-catcher in the catcher position. Real catchers need days off and get hurt all the time and have to spend all their physical and mental energy on catching so the batting stats suffer. Maurer is a great example. The twins will play him at 1st most of this season so you can plug him in at catcher and get 1B level stats out of your catcher spot. That is golden. The 15th ranked fantasy 1B is probably a top 6 fantasy catcher. It’s like playing a WR at your TE spot in foo ball.

    Your playing of Luke in your 1B spot is the exact opposite of what you want to do. He puts up great catcher numbers but shitty 1B numbers.

    Owning both Maurer and Lucroy is duplication of effort.

  33. This year, Maurer was a 4th round pick BECAUSE of his C eligibility. Next year, if he loses it, he will be an 11th round pick.

  34. obviously the best exploit is C/1B… i just didn’t want to give away MY SECRETS(&*!%^#)&*(!^# the P/RP is the WORST example, but it still makes sense… being able to put a starting pitcher in one of the relief pitcher spots is nice.

    i’m playing that angle hard this year. i have 2 C/1B… matching pair so i can breed them. then a 1B/2B, a 2B/3B a 1B/3B…. all of my guys are bipositional. just like my silver ladies. scissors and diks, bro. 3 strikes, 3 outs, 3 holes.

  35. my luc game right now is an adjustment from last season where i didn’t hit any of my game caps. i’d rather have shit numbers than no numbers. i’m working on it. after things settle down, i’ll make a few trades.

  36. don’t lump luc in with all the other catchers. he’s special. i saw it in him last year, played him through a long ass slump, dumped him, then the started blowing up again. BAD JUDGEMENT

  37. In the rest of the fantasy world Luke is a 14th round pick. So is Qualls.

    You took Segura and Luke waaaaaaaaay early. Both need to CRUSH their career bests to get back what you paid.

  38. madddddddddddd we’re getting the old team back together… want to work in Sunnyvale again? right down the street from the old stupid storage. check out the updates:

    tony’s wife cheated on him, sued him for every penny, and now he’s been banging chicks for credits on live cams (granted, he didn’t know he was…. that’s another story)

    jeremy’s jazzercise fiance ended up banging the whole yoga class, he’s out and now is bouldering small asian chicks.

    you’re mom can tell you all about what i’ve been up to when she gets home.

  39. i’m way up on all that. i read the blogs.

    my favorite anecdote was him going to the dentists office, pulling in the parking lot and remembering it was in the same office as his divorce attorney, so he broke down crying and drove home to find a new dentist.

    i’m still on that corpo tit…. hard to move the shorties.

  40. maria bamford is at the rock’n’roll mcdonalds in maddcity right now. GET SOME NUGGETS, BRO*)&!#%)&*!#%)&(!#%

  41. what happened to fortawesome?? what about that chick on there that i constantly tried to bang?

  42. this is hilarious… i always liked that he planned on retiring by selling outshine.com to someone. like it was a million dollar domain. even though it’s a crappy personal blog site that he solely operates, he still doesn’t call himself CEO or Owner or President…. he is “Director, Web Technology at outshine.com”. i’m “Senior VP, Comment Technology at whazzmaster.com”. i used to be a “potato mass portion control engineer”, but then they caught me stealing ketchup.

  43. o’cleezy #1 news story today was “marathon runners prone to higher artery plaque levels than couch potatoes”

    #WISCOPRIORITIES

  44. and seriously, cal… here is ANOTHER giant class action case for you: charter plasters my TV with ads that say “no outages in bad weather”…. yet every single blizzard around here, some stupid tree branch falls on a stupid cable and my tv goes out. THEY ARE LYING. why do you refuse to take my cases?!#%(^*!#% you’re in the pocket of big cable. how else can you afford those fancy ties and haircuts?)(*!&#%

    follow the money, homie. YOU’RE CORRUPT.

  45. some company just released a new pollen allergy drug. guess what it is? pollen.

    they just compress it, and you put a dip under your tongue and build up a tolerance. science is so easy when you don’t have merck and pfizer and congress conspiring to lie to you and sell you patented chemicals that rot your liver.

  46. The medical flip side of this issue: your body is allergic to not having chew. This reverse allergy has worked its way into your blood becoming a problem akin to the gambo in Peyton Manning’s delivery boys. The only cure is to have cal give you a shining dick. A good ball shot is the chew addiction/reverse allergy reset button– it will instantly return you to your pre chew days. After that you can re-addict yourself or quit.

  47. Snake anti-venom is made of venom. I know how it works. I think you should turn the chaw game upside down, literally: start dippin in your b-hole.

    #noteeth

  48. it is taking every ounce of self control to not do it immediately. the chaw demons in my B are already expecting it. my mental blocks are breaking down. ugggg. this is probably going to happen. help.

  49. FUCK THE POLICE

    even in states with legal marijuana, the cops still bust places, seize everything in the house, then auction it off so they can buy a margarita machine, a Hawaiian vacation, and a Dodge Viper to pass around the precinct. not a joke.

    BURN IT ALL DOWN.

    #CALSUCKS

  50. I’m going to share that with my class. They were trying to argue with me that since weed is now legal in Colorado and Wash, the other states will fall in line. I told them that everyone involved in that industry better watch it out for uncle sam the buttram man.

    Bro, you ever want to drive down and guest lecture?

  51. my “guest lecture” will be little more than “recruiting to overthrow the government”, which i’m pretty sure under nazi american osama rule, marks me a terrorist, as well as anyone who has talked to anyone who has talked to anyone who has talked to me. you lose every single right you have. through no illegal action on your part.

    freedom is a farce and america IS OVER. wait for the bell, morons.

    #BOOM

  52. You’re a guest, bro. Have at it. Lecture on coffee, lecture on cal, lecture on the free market, is it really free when K -Rod costs $21? Chew tax, whatever.

  53. how about this… all day long… these marketeers are firing volley after volley at the american public. LYING.

    pronamel says i need to buy their toothpaste because once the enamel on my teeth is gone, “it’s gone for good”…. while colgate says i should use their toothpaste because it will rebuild and restore my enamel. who is lying? WHY ARE THEY ALLOWED TO LIE?

    burn down both factories and let yahweh sort it out.

  54. are these irrelevant guest speakers part of the UW’s new “all-you-can-learn” option? or would i just be fodder for an essay assignment “1000 words on why that kook thought that any of us would care about what he had to say”

  55. my telemarketer improv classes are going real good. i have a bunch of established characters, but due to the success of my free-styles, my new game is to mimic the telemarketer, while not making it blatant or obnoxious. took and indian pretending to be american down pretty hard today. $12,000 in debt because by child posted by fazoli’s card on facebook. the bank won’t listen to me. i’m broke and desperate, PLEASE HELP. keeps them on the line forever. they ask for card numbers and i just start rattling off random numbers until i just say “4″ over and over and over again. paul molitor shouts. it takes them a long time to let the hate fill them…. then they realize that that hate is turned inward as i was mimicking them. the seed is planted. #DIESLOW

  56. I’m worried that someone will learn too much and we get a lawnmower man situation on our hands.

  57. your students paid tuition to be taught… letting random people come in and talk about anything doesn’t seem to be in their best interest. could i talk about that? “i mean, seriously, WHY AM I HERE? WHY ARE YOU LISTENING? you are paying for this?? WHY?! jimmy, get your finger out of your nose. CAROL!#%(*^!#%(*^!#%^(&*!#^(*&!#^%&*!^%#”

  58. Talk about what you need to talk about. I’ll be at bobble heads drinking with the first shifters.

  59. Kodiak juice:

    The Milwaukee Brewers broke open a 2-2 tie in the top of the 9th inning by scoring 4 runs off Boston reliver Edfart Mujica. Sweet, sweet Mujica is owned by the madddddd scientist.

    How you doing folks? How you doing?
    #quit?

  60. you will not believe what happened today.

    cable out all day long. charter is declaring war. i am declaring victory.

    their fuckhead “internet support” claimed i had a faulty “router” (referring to my cable modem) and that he would mail me a new one… even though i have 5 modems on their signal, and they are all reporting no signal…. i’m looking outside, bro… there is 8″ of heavy wet snow on every tree branch. 3,000 people without power. you have a line out. OR, you read my posts and decide to fuck with me.

    UNDERSTAND THIS: 2 weeks ago, a man in a charter vest snuck around the back of my house without a call or a knock at the door… he then swung his filthy boot on the top of my fence and began trespassing on my property. i understand you claim rights to access “YOUR EQUIPMENT” at any time. as the person ultimately responsible for MY HOUSE, MY LAND, **AND** “YOUR EQUIPMENT”, i must act proactively against trespassers. you understand the risky position you are putting your workers in? why the sneaking around? no knock on the door? no explanation? no call? no clean boots? there is a gate on the fence… it doesn’t have a lock… YOUR DIRTY JACKBOOT MORON WALKED RIGHT PAST IT…. are fence gates not a part of the training?

    and then, BOOM. everything goes out. they claim they can’t help until 4 more people complained…

    they are fucking with me. they choose to exercise their option to be dicks. exercising can be fun. LET ME RUN WITH YOU. #HIGHLANDER

  61. charter “quality control” came back through today with 2 large guys that liked hand shakes A LOT. come on through…. oh that room, that is where i keep #THEGUNS

  62. i think i could do a solid hour under the “theoretical economics” banner, and fly clean on an audit.

    1. fighting back against telemarketers… your tools, their tools, war
    2. the dangers of monopolies in telecommunications… speak out against charter, and the jack booted G-Men in yellow vests show up 2 days later and cut you off.
    3. bedding down ladies

  63. I think the ncaa/tbs free streaming of ncaa basketball was a trap. The feed went out with 15 seconds left, right when dude was fouled and about to shoot three free throws. It came back on 10 min later, badgers lose.

    Here, guys. Free game on your computer. Having fun? Boom! No game for you, get cable.

  64. Grudge Match: The Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar

    What went down: A slow start to this one. The crowd seemingly needs a few moments to get back into the swing of things after such a hot start to the show. Undertaker took control early, but Lesnar went after Taker’s leg to take over. Lesnar kicked out of the choke slam while Undertaker kicked out of an F5. Taker twice had the Hell’s Gate (gogoplata) locked in, but Lesnar slammed his way out. Lesnar went for a kimura, but Taker turned it into one of his own, but Lesnar got the ropes.

    Undertaker goes for Old School, but Lesnar pulls him down right into the F5, but Taker kicks out at two. Lesnar rag-dolling Undertaker right now. And then he hits him with a third F5 and the referee counts 1-2-3. Unbelievable. The crowd is absolutely stunned. I’ve never heard a wrestling crowd as quiet as this. Brock Lesnar has broken the streak.

    Result: Brock Lesnar d. The Undertaker (Pinfall/F5)

  65. yeah, i’m pretty much america’s voice. i think it, then they do it. i’m ok with it… i can’t stop them, and they are too stupid to stop, because that’s what i said they’d do…..

    but come on…. “nasty” AND “every *** in the world”? way to be obvious, lorne.

    you know what i hate MOST…. about jews? not being able to property punchline this joke. #LORNE

  66. badger game was sad. way sad. then the opposing coach twisted the knife hard…. not sure if he was going for “we could have lost very easy at the end there”, but it came off as, “man… all you guys really suck, and weren’t clutch at all, and you should just stop playing basketball forever”

    burn that blue state down to grass ash. BLUE GRASS ASH.

  67. Jay-Z is whack and weak.

    HOV! it’s your boy! little weak dark boy! whack rhymes and no flow… your little baby girl is a ho… and your wife a dumb skank.

    fuck with whitey, and he fucks back…. don’t be dumb and black…. jay-z is super whack…. weak as shit… same color as his skin.

    #HATERSHATEHOV

  68. i saw those nasty girls live and was already a little upset that they were using “nasty”…. but “the nasty boys” probably have the same beef with me, so, whatever…. but then they went a step further with every dong in the world…. LORNE…. “NASTY” has already made that song. don’t be a lazy jew. i’m pretty sure that is in the jew bible, or whatever they have…. is it the kiran? whatever. it’s in there somewhere. don’t be lazy. listen to your mother. is it just called “Jew Book?”

    SNL = Steal Nasty Limericks

  69. also, our beat was better. doo doo-DOO doo. doo-doo doo DOO-doo.

    #INHERPUSSYHOLE

  70. Jay-Z: “black women do not have God in them and are considered subordinates.”
    Beyoncé: “couch”
    Scientist: “i’m HOV now… SAY IT.”

    HOVA
    HOVA
    HOVA
    HOVA
    HOVA
    HOVA
    HOVA
    HOVA
    HOVA
    HOVA
    HOVA
    HOVA
    HOVA
    HOVA
    HOVA

  71. the HBOGO servers went out last night for game of thrones too… it’s shameful. web services are SO simple to write. just like plumbing. the internet is a series of tubes. there are always bottlenecks, but there are also always ways to build in safeguards and failovers.

    the NCAA is SO SMART with all their COLLEGIATISM that they can’t even build a fucking floodplain for their services. DID THESE IDIOTS EVEN GRADUATE???? this shit is braindead simple. even a zillion dollar company like twitter is little more than a zillion champagne glasses pouring over into each other. IT IS NOT HARD TO BUILD INFINITELY SCALABLE WEB APPLICATIONS. i build stuff to let people do exactly that.

    any failure of the system has no excuse, and can be completely blamed on malice.

  72. i just looked it up…. the jew bible is called “Tanakh”…. the yankees decided to make their token funny name jap play off that rather than the “fuk” guys, and hired Masahiro Tanaka to the roars of drunk racist jewish ball fans.

  73. taka tanaka was also a joke i didn’t get until now… clever jews.

  74. the new major league movie should have a cuban guy named Bibo Bible

  75. also learned that “taka” is also a hebrew word, but doesn’t translate well to english…. most of the usage i see is to imply stress of importance, much like “fucking” would apply in english….

    “whazzmaster.com is fucking infested with spam bots”

    so, taka tanaka is like “the mother fucking bible”… pretty bad ass.

  76. Malice!

    Oh, see, we tried your computer basketball show. It just don’t work. So sorry. Better call charter.

  77. the next “nasty girls” single is probably going to be “biggest cunt alive”, followed by “bimonthly paycheck appropriation”

  78. tonight on RAW: Did Lesnar break “The Streak?” Who is WWE World Heavyweight Campion

    WHO IS WHO?!#*(%&!#)%(&)(&!#%

  79. the NCAA takes in billions of dollars on the backs of slaves, generates billions more on the backs of taxpayers footing the bill for the federal bailout of banks granting student loans to people who have no business in college, and what do they do with all their money?

    BUILD A BROADCAST SYSTEM THAT DOESN’T EVEN WORK.

    fucking idiots.

    NCAA = Nubian Captives Amassing Affluence (for old rich white people who can’t put together a simple distribution channel)

  80. more hebrew fun…. the slang word for “stupid” is the hebrew word for “screwed” which is DAFUK… we’re coming full circle here. let me close it out for you:

    THE NCAA IS TAKA DAFUK.

    #DAFUK?

  81. the problem with the 4th amendment is the word “probable”

    if i were to say that the silver scissor sisters defeat over the lowly corn money was “probable”, you’d all likely and correctly conclude that i was “all but certain” that this event would happen. but “probable” doesn’t mean that. it just means that a chance exists. similar to “reasonable doubt”, ANY CHANCE of existence is enough to warrant acquittal… but 1 in a google is enough to technically be “probable”, and considering a terrorist HAS existed, and there are less than a google people on earth, the chance that any individual MIGHT be a terrorist is “probable”.

    “probable cause” and “reasonable doubt” are both works of unreasonable men. cal sucks, etc…

    VOTE WOMAN LIZARDS IN 2016!

  82. you MIGHT be guilty is enough to put you in guantanamo…. you MIGHT be innocent is enough to set you free….. oh right, if you ever got a trial….

    #HAHA
    #OFFTOTHEDARKSIDE
    #HICAL
    #WESUCKTOGETHER

  83. yo cal, what’s the word on death panels? i mean, COME ON already, right?!

    #CALRULEZ

  84. i think guns are a much healthier response to whatever it is cal needs to run 25 miles away from.

    #ZINGER
    #HESBACK
    #CALSUCKS

  85. Here is my favorite Achilles fun fact from wikipedia:

    Achilles, after his temporary truce with Priam, fought and killed the Amazonian warrior queen Penthesilea, but later grieved over her death. At first, he was so distracted by her beauty, he did not fight as intensely as usual. Once he realized that his distraction was endangering his life, he refocused and killed her. As he grieved over the death of such a rare beauty, a notorious Greek jeerer by the name of Thersites laughed and mocked the great Achilles.

  86. i don’t understand kanye’s new rap “i won”…. your wife used to fuck an NBA player and an NFL player (or at least paid them to say that she did), and now kanye thinks he won because he get’s the sloppy leftovers??

    sounds like they won, bro.

  87. it is funny to read message boards about the new BSG stuff… pretty much everyone agrees completely with me, and most deny that season 4 ever existed.

    that writers strike really fucked shit up… i haven’t even looked for the fan fiction episodes… not sure i want to.

  88. So the strike fucked shit up? Can you say that again, bro?

    No justice, no pizza.

  89. hollywood strikes and unions are a lot different than any other industry… especially public industries like education. SAG is the regime… if you don’t play with them, you don’t play. you can’t hire anyone else because SAG owns the financiers and insurance companies and all the other service industries like CRAFT and all the electrical unions… if you don’t take SAG’s big juicy cock and stroke it until it’s happy, you don’t get to play movie maker with anyone other than your friends on your own land.

  90. the strike certainly fucked shit up to the people that spent 3 years writing a GREAT show… the show they loved and nourished with their soul was bastardized and ruined, and at the end of the day, you’re out of a job. STRIKE OVER! congratulations? how was the pizza?

  91. Can you ever truly keep up with a Kardashian?

    2 hr by Braun today, brewers shitting in the mouth of another home opener.

  92. most of the BSG hate seems to be around the introduction of “magic”… ST:TNG is immune to this ridicule because scene 1 episode 1 you got Q popping out of nowhere and being a dick.

    it would be like game of thrones settling down into peaceful democracy that works good enough for most episodes feeling like a seinfeld rerun.

    #KRAMER

  93. I was looking at the writing credits. One due with 73 episodes under his belt had a next generation pedigree.

  94. telemarketers had left me alone for many days… thought they might have finally QUIT… a little sad, but victory was inevitable…… then today a richly toned young man calls me up and i put on a show for him. the last thing he said was a good southern “immmmmm—hmmmmmm”… then he hung up.

    NICE TALKING TO YOU!

  95. One of my students is doing a paper on Rodney King. Her preliminary argument is that he deserved it and caused the riots.

    Upon the completion of prewriting activities, the entire base of her knowledge on the topic comes from her boyfriend who was not yet born when this happened.

    I’m excited to hear more from this rapscallion. I smell a guest lecturer.

  96. fucking osama bin president fucking up my morning TV because he can’t keep his soldiers from shooting each other, and can’t train them good enough to stop someone from shooting them.

    HEY! FUCKUP!! how about you get out from behind your microphones and showmanship and actually get in the trenches and fix the fucking problem. LAZY FUCKING RICHLY TONED PRESIDENTS ARE THE WORST.

    THESE FUCKING HALF-ASS MEDIA MEN DO NOT DESERVE TO LEAD.

    burn the whole fucking capitol to ash…. AMERICA IS OVER.

    #JIHAD

  97. notice how all the world wars happen right after a series of “nones”.

    osama bin president is a NUN.

    nice twat, bro.

  98. wikipedia tells me rodney king was an alcoholic wife beater, strung out on PCP who was running from the cops and speeding. every “felony stop” includes throwing the guy down and breaking his face… that hurts a lot more than some clubs to the back. the ensuing beat down was unjustified, but he certainly deserved something.

    the riots were a bunch of morons who didn’t know how to riot or revolt. the riots were just an excuse to steal TVs and liquor. if you really cared about oppression by the police and the governments that enables them, go blow up the court house and the jail and all the police stations and city hall. that is a reasonable response. stealing watermelons and disco speakers is not.

    wait for the bell, morons.

  99. i’m going to end all my guest lectures with that…. and hold an imaginary microphone out in my sideways clenched fist, then drop it as i walk out of the room.

  100. i really like the implications of jesus’ message to “turn the other cheek”….. because, you only got 2 cheeks… so if you turn the “other” one and get hit again, you’re all out of “other” cheeks. your adversary may now be slaughtered with divine blessing.

    #AMEN

  101. If you close read the bible, you see that it is actually the butt cheek. Hebrew, bro. Use your translator.

  102. I’d like to set up something like this for disadvantaged fantasy managers.

    #you
    #quit

  103. Bro, you have 4 stolen bases on the year… I stole 4 last night.

    Bro, you have zero saves. You need to be watching the news wire for hot off the presses items like this:

    “Jim Johnson removed as A’s closer. Johnson had more problems on Wednesday, blowing a 4-2 ninth-inning lead to the Twins. The right-hander has allowed nine hits, six walks, and seven earned runs in 3 1/3 innings this season with Oakland. Ryan Cook just got back from the disabled list but profiles best as a fill-in closer. The A’s are going to roll with a committee for now.”

    Bro, I signed Cook last night with a bid of $0. Try to keep up.

  104. what the fuck happened to ultimate warrior???? i saw him on RAW on monday…. looking broken as fuck, and then tuesday he dies.

    a 21 flair chop salute is in order.

    #WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  105. Gary Greeneway · University of Wisconsin-Madison
    Like I have always said, it pays to cheat and be dumb.

    stay classy, wisco.

    you’re ALL fucking idiots. wait for the bell.

  106. i’m pretty sure the ultimate warrior invented wresting, and mcmahon had him locked up in the basement trying to make fries taste better, but then wrestlemania came around, so he let him out for a few days… he decides to stowaway on the bus to RAW… walks out with his rickety cane, then goes backstage and the miz stuffs him full of rickety chocane. POP goes your heart, homie.

    #DEAD
    #BLAMEMIZ

  107. I don’t trust that rancher and his peacefully assembled militia.

    I don’t trust the feds, either.

  108. globe university’s new ad campaign is just pathetic…. they are no claiming they’ll accept credits from anywhere.

    i guess you don’t really care about accreditation if you’re going to globe university, but now everyone else can basically see “globe university” on a resume worthless… perhaps even more worthless than it was before if that is possible.

    wait for the bell.

  109. FUCK THE POLICE

    more “selective prosecution” in the system… give us money, we won’t prosecute. C.R.E.A.M.

    CREAM. get the money… no justice in the world, y’all.

    #COPKILLER

  110. Cal has his blind date with the comedian on Saturday. Do you have any jokes you want to lend him?

  111. A superb expose by USA Today on NCAA president Mark Emmert, whose resume, as presented here, would make anyone wonder why he has the job he does. The man who wrecked Penn State football has skeletons galore in his closet.

    By Brent Schrotenboer, USA TODAY

    INDIANAPOLIS – Six years after Mark Emmert left his job at the University of Connecticut, the governor of Connecticut ordered an investigation into a massive construction project on campus that had been ravaged by scandal, including more than $100 million lost because of mismanagement.

    To find out where things went wrong, the investigators looked at old papers of Emmert, who once supervised the project as UConn’s chancellor. They soon found a bombshell.

    Memos from 1998-99 showed that Emmert and two other top UConn officials knew about the construction project’s big problems then, but failed to disclose them to the school’s board of trustees or the state legislature.

    The other two officials ultimately resigned after being placed on leave. The third — Emmert — went on to become president of the NCAA.

    Mark Emmert is corrupt.

  112. the highest paid public employee in *40* states is an NCAA head coach.

    fuck everything. BURN IT DOWN.

    cal sucks. here’s a joke: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

  113. looks to me like phil ivey is suing the casino for the money he won, and the casino is counter suing to keep the money that they already gave him an IOU for… and also suing the manufacturer of the cards they used.

  114. student complains to principal of being bullied…. principal claims he is making stuff up… he comes back with video evidence…. principal calls the cops and gets the kid charged with felony wiretapping

    BURN THE SCHOOL TO ASH. BURN THE PRINCIPAL UNTIL HE STOPS SCREAMING…. then piss on him until he’s better, then burn some more…. man… i’m losing steam…. maybe just shoot him in the face and be done with it….

    #AINTNOBODYGOTTIMEFORTHAT

  115. the principal couldn’t let the bullies be charged, or else the highest paid public coach employee would lose their star, AND THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.

    find his house…. leave ash. #SIMPLE

  116. going to the principal to solve your problem was the first mistake. SCHOOL ADMINISTRATORS ARE USELESS HUMAN BEINGS. useless humans don’t solve problems…. guns and fire solve problems.

    i’ve had football players slam my head into desks and jump on my face, and a teacher stand by and laugh. he’s dead now.

    #COINCIDENCE?

  117. was that jeff ross’ joke on attell’s show last night? i don’t remember it well… way drunk last night.

  118. FUCK THE DEA

    buying potting soil is now “probable cause” for the DEA to raid your house with guns drawn.

    FUCK AMERICA. #FUCKEVERYTHING

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