80 thoughts on “Carlos Gomez is Incredible

  1. crew game in atlanta today… i can hear vendors yelling out “CHIC-FIL-A….CHIC-FIL-A…” thinking about calling up mr. tolkienstein to append his case vs the stadium board. WHY CAN’T I BUY A CHIC-FIL-A AT MILLER PARK?!(*^&!#%

    #LAWSUIT

  2. interesting play at the wall… davis went up to catch a homer and the ball hit his glove and it came off… the ball rolled out of the glove, so it was moot, but what if the ball stayed in the glove?? i guess homer, because he didn’t keep control of the ball transfused with dead cow… but i’m not sure of the letter of the law there.

  3. nice knowing you, WANG… hopefully the taiwan death camps find your name as funny as roeniggy.

    WHY DIDN’T YOU PUT THORNBURG IN?!#%*(&!#%)&*(!#%^&)*(!#%^

  4. i made friends with a squirrel today. he keeps trying to come back and say hi, but my asshole dogs keep trying to kill him. i hope the squirrel gives them AIDS.

  5. can’t decide what kind of militia shirts to buy for UP… and what kind of razor i should use to shave my head. if i draw the swastika on my face with a sharpie, do you think the guys that do the hiring will notice???

  6. guy on deadliest catch just got busted for building a machine gun at home… class C felony, 10 years in the box. WHOA.

    what about my spin gun?? if i chuck steelies with no gun powder, i go to the pen??? what if it was hand fed? it’s not a “machine” if the firing of one shot doesn’t reset the machine to fire the next shot… it’s just a spinning arm. are pitching machines technically machine guns? i need to know this… i have a lot of guys messing around with pitching machines every day that i need to PERFORM. i can’t have them locked up and rotting as america falls apart.

  7. the guy didn’t even use the gun… he got into a car accident, and the gun was in the truck, and the cops searched the car and took it.

    #ALABAMA

  8. 1. “Machine-gun” means a weapon of any description, irrespective of
    size, by whatever name known, loaded or unloaded, from which a number of
    shots or bullets may be rapidly or automatically discharged from a
    magazine with one continuous pull of the trigger and includes a
    sub-machine gun.

    so “shot” or “bullet” size or speed or caliber is not defined. those carnival BB guns to shoot out the star fit the description. CLASS C FELONY. 10 YEARS. thanks for the great law, irrespective of its greatness.

    cal sucks.

  9. simple catch, just don’t put a trigger on the gun… make it always fire no matter what.

  10. * 14. “Chuka stick” means any device designed primarily as a weapon,
    consisting of two or more lengths of a rigid material joined together by
    a thong, rope or chain in such a manner as to allow free movement of a
    portion of the device while held in the hand and capable of being
    rotated in such a manner as to inflict serious injury upon a person by
    striking or choking. These devices are also known as nunchakus and
    centrifugal force sticks.

    you talkin’ bout CHUCKS, bro?!

  11. chris turdprick has won me back… i’ll set the DVR. the guy has been around doing SOLID jobbing since i was getting TechTV via DirecTV in a cinnebon apartment in the heezy… chumming around with Kevin Pereira and Leo Laporte… he’s legit… but i always thought of him like…. well, i wasn’t sure. then marc maron did a show of maron that featured him and his relationship with chris, where he made fun of him on the air calling him “hostboy” and i was like, YES! that is how i feel. maron is laying into him exactly how i feel about it… and he responded MORE than appropriately, then went back to “hostboy” mode when the metashow cameras started rolling. much respect. i mean, he obviously knows what he’s been doing, but him owning it was a big step i hadn’t seen him do.

    he’s right in there with seth green and patton oswalt.

    #SUPERSTAR
    #POINTS!

  12. remember that guy “weev” that got locked up in federal prison for pointing out to AT&T a major flaw in their network that the AT&T fuckups couldn’t fix because they are fuckups?? well, he finally got out of the box after 13 months in. now he wants reparations from the justice department in the form of bitcoins.

    “Know that all this wealth will be directed towards a good and charitable cause. I am building a series of memorial groves for the greatest patriots of our generation: Timothy McVeigh, Andrew Stack, and Marvin Heemeyer. You see, In the ‘Special Housing Unit,’ which is Bureau of Prisons codespeak for ‘solitary confinement’ and ‘torture,’ I had enough time to think about the current state of federal government. ”

    at least SOMEBODY gets it.

    cal sucks.

  13. There is a fun book about the OED called “The Professor and the Madman.” It talks about the, literally, insane history of the book including the editors who died trying to put it together, the process, and a bio of the main contributor—an institutionalized civil war surgeon who executed a successful autopeotomy.

    The OED is a lot of fun. Here is the entry for cunt:

    http://www.oed.com/view/Entry/45874?redirectedFrom=Cunt#eid

    Here is some James Joyce for that ass: “The grey sunken cunt of the world.”

    And some interesting derivatives, such as cunt-beaten, cunt lapper, cunt struck, cunt sucker and this potential tagline from 1568: Cuntbittin crawdoun, Kennedy, coward of kind.

    Good article, MP.

    #fuckthepolice

  14. why would veterans of illegal foreign invasions who murder women and children deserve anything more than veterans of the american private sector that provide ALL of the worth to the country that those “soldiers” claim to be “defending”????

    #FUCKTHEVA
    #ASH
    #BANANANANANANAS

  15. INTERRUPT MY PRICE IS RIGHT = I INTERRUPT YOUR SOCIETY

    did you know that army uniforms are manufactured by federal prison inmates?? way to go, “soldier”… a felon stitched on that badge for you so you can look spiffy while you bomb a village because they started getting pissed off about you invading their country and bombing their villages.

    #COMEONDOWN

  16. those loons in idaho just struck down all their anti-gambling laws because they included a provision that said “games of chance… such as poker…” it was demonstrated poker was largely not a game of chance, and thus the entire law was contradictory, and thus unconstitutional.

    way to go lawyers. keep being complete idiots. laws are for little gurls who can’t aim.

    #BOOM

  17. here is the article

    that ferrgit bill frist is responsible for destroying america. if you veterans really want to serve your country, point one of those radio controlled toys of yours at his house.

    nice divorce by the way, bill… $2,000,000+ to fuck a bitch named karyn… now you only have $18,000,000 of harrahs money to buy a new slave wife to suck your decrepit wiener.

  18. the only reason prisoners make the uniforms, is because a law made at the end of world war 2 that said the majority of uniforms had to be made in america… seemingly to keep the jobs for americans… but instead of outsourcing to god fearing moral people of mexico or guadalahara or wherever the fuck, they just give the jobs to prisoners to keep the budget down for soldiers so the marine talking heads can give billions to boeing to produce new ways to blow people up.

    THANKS, OBAMA

  19. 2 erect dicks withs a woman’s thong strung between them is technically an illegal weapon… rotated in a hand? check (and thanks!)… able to cause serious injury via choking? you bet (it’s huge).

    #NICETHONG

  20. for the last 3 days the squirrel greets me and the shorties at the back door… we give him some crackers and berries and milk and then he runs off to do squirrel shit until after noon. it’s really fun. i’ve wanted a squirrel on my shoulder since i was a kid and our neighbor trained all the neighborhood squirrels to come into his house and eat chestnuts off his head. the old receptionist at my current job in the washington office trained all the squirrels outside to eat popcorn with her at lunch every day. i think about her a lot. gaining the trust of squirrels is magic to me. i finally got my own squirrel, and UNTIL THIS OPPRESSIVE GOVERNMENT RECOGNIZES SQUIRREL MARRIAGE, WE WILL NOT REST. SHAME ON ALL OF YOU. LOVE IS LOVE. I WAS BORN THIS WAY.

  21. fuck it… i’m going rogue. screw all the american pussies. just have to figure out if i’m an FBI guy or CIA guy or illuminati or just a straight JEW (Jewish Entrepreneurs Worldwide… running the world through media manipulation at a net loss for over 5,000 years. shalom. (jokes on them, the “money” is just paper… *haha* schmucks.)) i could sell you all out for half a jerkcoin. i’ll take my american nazi fed gold and build a community for squirrels, where EQUALITY really means something.

    #DARKSIDDDDDDDDDDDDE
    #SEWMYSUITS

  22. the braves have their own front-row-amy…. sits front row behind the plate, right above the “.com” painted on the rail… sitting alone keeping score with her tatties out.

    IS IT ALL AN MLB CONSPIRACY???

    i’d rather play with squirrels anyways. *click*

    #TVISOFF
    #THATWASTHECLICK
    #SQUIRRELTIME

  23. i asked the HWK how many dots were on the 5 side of a die… she said, “3-3-10-11-2″.

    made perfect sense to me. that must be the new common core math.

  24. Uke is taking some road trips off. I’ve enjoyed the smooth baritone of Daryl Hamilton.

    #wegoingham

  25. Lawman: wtf is up with Van Hollen and this marriage ban shit? He is pre-emptively asking the court to stay it’s own decision should it rule against him? I didn’t know you could do that. “Hey I’m in the right here but just in case you decide I’m in the wrong I’d like you to immediately reconsider.”

  26. One of my favorite late night baseball watching moments is when this dude enters the game to pitch for the Padres:

    K. Quackenbush

  27. checks and balances are for liars and cheats.

    chek yo’self befo you wrek yo’self.

    #REALTALK

  28. fun brewer game… i taught lil’madddddddd all the rules, but she thinks it’s funny to say 2 strikes and you’re out. she just says it to piss me off. I CAN TELL. she’ll say 3 eventually. lil’JERK.

    she likes the organ music. any riff that has a 2 clap response, she adds a 3rd clap about a beat and 2/3rds after.

    #REVERB

  29. yahoo’s ladies thought it was important to tell me that more people have dropped juan francisco than any other player this season…. as he got a HR today… sure, he can’t hit lefties and you have to check the pitcher every single day, but still… wait for a righty, get an HR… WHO IS DROPPING HIM?(!&%#)&

  30. Ever hear of Chad Qualls, bro?
    #regime

    Chad Qualls worked a scoreless ninth to pick up his fourth save as the Astros defeated the Orioles 3-1 on Thursday.

    Advice: Qualls has been perfect since manager Bo Porter named him the club’s official closer on May 16. The save opportunities have been few and far between, but Qualls is two-for-two with four strikeouts, no walks, and no hits in four innings since. Overall, he has a 2.76 ERA and a 1.29 WHIP.

  31. you want wainwright? i want qualls and cruz.

    also, FUCK THE POLICE

    so the police get a report, there is a crazy guy posting crazy videos… they decide looking at the videos would be a waste of their precious beating up women and threatening to kill them while shouting racial slurs at them time, so they just go to shooterboy’s house…. “you cool, bro?” “yes” “well, ok then… bye!”

    knowing how inept the police were could have put him over the line. NOW OR NEVER.

    #BOOM

  32. way to go brewers diamond dancers. you ruined my day. if atticnasalbro is paying you ANYTHING, it’s too much. go cry to CNN, and then go back again the next day to complain about inequality while your twat is hanging out.

    #ROLLOUTSOMEDUDES
    #AFFIRMATIVE

  33. my favorite part of fantasy baseball is bidding exactly $1 more than someone.

    everything else makes me MADDDD^D*&D^*D&^D&^$D&%$F*^%D$*&^D%$FD^&*F$D&*^$%&*^%$D*(&^F%A

  34. Cruz’s hand is fine, boner. You turned down the #1 man in all of fantasy for Wainwrong.

  35. i didn’t get into this shit to dominate the pitching game, but it’s happening. i am the #1 man in all of fantasy. alone. me. qualls is a regime of SHIT.

    #POINTS

  36. hey, directv…. “you don’t have to see cable wires in every room”…. uh…. the tv still uses power, right? there is still a video signal to the tv, right? if the homeowner already had the power cable routed through the wall, then they would snake the video cables through the same hole. YOU ARE LYING TO PEOPLE.

    i will use your internet service to spread my DISGUST OF LIARS.

    FUCK CHARTER
    FUCK COMCAST
    FUCK DIRECTV
    FUCK TIME WARNER
    FUCK DISH NETWORK AND ALL YOU HALF RAPPIN ASS NUGRUTS.
    MY 44 WORDS OF HATE WILL MAKE SURE YOUR CUSTOMER BASE DON’T GROW

    #DIESLOW

  37. cardholder services is trying to adapt to me… idiots don’t realize i’m a 12th degree judo master. my gentle ways of manipulating inertia cannot be matched.

    so now i play it straight… i have lots of debt. i need help. i’m sorta dumb though… are these “payment plans” or “payday loans”??? that’s what got me in this mess in the first place. i’m so dumb with money. please help me.

    then i wait until they say the word “annually”… i go on the defensive, slightly embarrassed… “i don’t owe anything anally… i don’t do that… i just owe money.” they never hang up right then… i got them hooked… so they explain it again, say “annually” again and i go back to “anally” and eventually they say “i said ANNUALLY, sir”, and that’s my cue: “OUT MY BUTT???!!! *FART*” *click*

  38. yeah, i’ve been workshopping it a bunch. they started hanging up on my copy-inflection game after 2 words. they started hanging up on my facebook references. this one is working good.

    a few other people understand the opportunity to waste their time and have some fun rather than getting pissed off…. it’s healthy. if you get mad at robocalls, YOU SHOULD ONLY BE MAD AT YOURSELF. YOU SUCK. your name is probably something dumb, like CAL)(*&!#%^

    youtube fools having fun

  39. osama bin president’s FTC declared cardholder services their enemy #1 in a giant marketing campaign right before the 2012 election. they claimed to served the florida based company with paperwork, but, nothing has changed. even i know their address. you can go there… if you had a timmy v rental truck full of horse poop you could BOOM that place good. so could barry hussein. he’s a pussy, and his FTC refuses to put my tax dollars to work to do their job against their stated #1 enemy. government is useless and ineffective. BOOM is the move. bammer can’t dance. he has small little baby gurl dik. come to my house. put a trace on the line. send one of your toys there with fire from hell. DON’T BE A PUSSY.

    i’ll take care of this myself, just like i always do, you worthless CHUMPS(^&*!#%!#(%*&&*(_!#^)*(&!#^

  40. i’m convinced that cardholder services is part of the federal shadow government, initially funded by the “credit” industry or put into bills by representatives in their pockets, to weed out the idiots that would fall for the scam, before a “real” scammer could get them and take their money (or their insurers’ money). the ol’ shylock game. initially started with altruistic intentions, however “the powers that be” took the reigns, then realized…. well, we got their money AND we prevented someone else from getting it first… how about we just keep it? then the “real” scammers realized that you could get elected to those positions and they could make more money that way, and they just have to run enough ads to win a campaign. if there is a direct correlation between the top buyers of advertising ALWAYS winning the campaign, then there isn’t real democracy. there is a middleman that must be fed before potential can exist. that potential is a guaranteed right that is being denied.

    turning the shadow government pawns against their duty is a front line activity of any defender of freedom.

    #VETERAN

  41. here is the next big bitcoin scam: BitBookie

    basically, for every game or wagerable action there are 2 bitcoin “addresses” created… you send the one you want to bet on money, then you get a prorated share of the action on the other side with no rake.

    obviously the people that own the infrastructure and all the new bitcoin accounts that own the receiver wallets are eventually just going to walk away one day stealing all of the money in action… or someone is going to hack those accounts and do the same, but either way it will be blamed on a hack while the GENIOUSES behind bitbookie run away with all your money.

  42. someone please cancel the ultimate fighter. i can’t watch these fergits tapdance anymore. i can’t watch dana yell at the guys for sucking. YOU HIRED THEM. YOU SUCK. STOP SUCKING. STOP LETTING TERRIBLE FIGHTERS RUIN MMA. you want them to finish?? WHY DON’T YOU FINISH FIRST, DANA?

    you have a gurls name.

    #GROWADIK

  43. Yep, it’s bad right now. Here is the next PPV. I’d pay .000000000001 bitcoins to watch it.

    Flyweight Demetrious Johnson (c) vs. Ali Bagautinov [a]
    Welterweight Rory MacDonald vs. Tyron Woodley
    Light Heavyweight Ryan Bader vs. Rafael Cavalcante
    Heavyweight Andrei Arlovski vs. Brendan Schaub
    Light Heavyweight Ryan Jimmo vs. Ovince St. Preux

  44. Opening fight, I’d bet on Jimmo. just so I could yell: come on Jimmo Jimarino over and over again.

    Second fight, whoa: Arlovski is back. He’s been out of the UFC since my San Diego days. I’m sure this one is great.

    Bader v one of the ninja turtles… I’ll take a nap.

    Rory Mac v Woodly gets me to open my eyes again.

    The main event: hopefully I’m drunk enough to care.

    With all that said, I’m not fucking watching this for free let alone paying for it.

  45. i thought hendo was fighting again… that must me the one after…. or is hendo fighting in summerslam this year??

  46. the “equal time” regulations were obviously put in place to stop the very thing i’m talking about… but paying for ads is an easy way around that… but the 2 party monopoly has already made it moot. WHERE IS MY EQUAL TIME???

    so, new rules… if you pay for an ad on TV, you also have to pay for an ad for everyone else on the ballot.

    DONE. SO SIMPLE.

    #YOUREWELCOME

  47. Here is a description of the final round:

    Round 3 – Cormier with a friend kick and a head kick. Cormier just picked Henderson up and legit WWE-style bodyslammed him. Henderson got up and got ragdolled again. Cormier worked from the top. He moved to mount. Henderson doesn’t even look like he wants to be there anymore. Henderson was just turtled up on his h ands and knees while Cormer spun around him and punched him in the head. Cormier attacked for a choke with just brute strength and actually got it. Henderson held on for a while but the referee jumped in and stopped it. Hendo went out.

    Daniel Cormier defeats Dan Henderson by submission (rear naked choke), 3:53 of round 3

    And a cool vid of the slam:

    http://www.bloodyelbow.com/2014/6/4/5778774/ufc-173-super-slo-motion-video-highlights-featuring-dillashaw-vs

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