Shake-of-the-Day

Spacebee and I headed down Illinois-way for a surprise birthday extravadanza for Spacebee’s Mom.  It was a fun time all around, but the highlight was kinda-sorta an accident.

It was a surprise that spacebee and I would attend, so we had to be kept under lock and key until the party on Saturday night.  As such I demanded to go play golf with my future Brother-in-Law on Saturday morning.  After an early deluge of rain we headed out Cedar Dell for some country golfin’ action.  I played, literally, my worst game of the year and lost $8 to my opponent (almost the max I could lose.)

After a few drinks at the club house we headed to another country tavern so that I could sample the Best Burger in Town.  It was, as advertised, delicious.

Finally, as we moseyed back to the house my ever-alert passenger mentioned in passing, “you realize we’re close to Stoney’s, don’t you?”  Stoney’s is the greatest bar in Illinois, and high in the running for Best Bar Worldwide (though it would never top the Main Depot.)  Stoney’s is 1/2 liquor store and 1/2 bar.  There are two dart boards and Golden Tee classic.  Enough said.

So we stopped in for one (Just One!) and chatted with the bartender and other patron (singular).  Just as we were finishing our drinks my partner sputtered a little bit of drink and said “Quince!” (the bartenders name was Quincy.  I swear.)  “Quince!” he said, “lemme get the shake of the day.”  He plopped a dollar on the bar and rolled for shit.  He passed me the dice cup and said “Zach, you’re up.”  The next things all happened simultaneously:

• The other patron said “I hope you win but not before I roll.”
• With one hand I produced a $5 bill and told Quince that I’d need change
• With the other hand I tipped the cup and rolled five 3′s, the result of which was that…
• …I won $1000

After that there was lots of running around, yelling, high-fives, and congratulatory High Life’s.  Also: lots of reminiscing about previous winners and the circumstances of the wins.  Also: drinking.

Well, I used up my dice-based luck for the next decade– what did you guys do this weekend?

The threat of thunderstorms hung over the midwest late in the weekend and I sat down to think about the Don of Eau Claire and where he goes during T-Storms.  A tree, I suppose, or possibly a social club.

I got my iPhone 4 in the mail a little whiles back.  It’s pretty ok… super fast compared to my 3G.  Seriously, when I upgraded the 3G to iOS4 it ran like a snail fucked another slow thing and produced slower offspring.  The main problem with the iPhone 4 is the highly technical task “making calls.”  As a little computer in my pocket the iPhone 4 is awesome.  As a phone it’s pretty terrible.  I blame it partly on AT&T’s fucking terrible service, and partly on Apple’s terrible antenna design.  I heard that The Eternal Rumor (i.e., iPhone on Verizon) is going to come true in January 2011 so I guess we’ll have to wait until then to see how much Fucking AT&T is a part of this mess.

I wonder where Cal is.  In a tree, I suppose, or perhaps a social club.

Thanks to all my homeys who came over last weekend and showed Joe they could roll– I apologize for ‘falling asleep’ right there on the couch.  UFC was only ok, with the main event result bringing things up slightly from the basement where it started.  Chuck Liddell SMASHED == perfectly fine result in my mind.

We’re hitting the start of the busiest summer in recent memory so some of these threads’ll have to hold ya for awhile, whazzers.  Hapy Burfing Everyone, Young And Old!

We wondered what could have caused the carnage and then promptly forgot about it by the time I got home.  In relegating the weirdness to wwhazz this morning he wondered what had actually happened.  Good question.  After a little eenternet search I have the full story:

A 78-year-old woman driving the wrong way on Henry Street started a bizarre chain of events which started with a car crash and ended up with both drivers and two pedestrians injured and an outdoor cafe damaged, authorities reported.

Seriously, go read that thing.  Crazy.

In Pneumothorax News, I had my follow-up checkup last week and everything looks A-OK.  Hurray!

I missed my connection.

Current status: hooked up to a bunch of machines with a tube sticking out of my side. Got some vicodin. There’s a kid up the hall screaming about his finger. They very well may not let me back on the plane (pressurized environment), so maybe I’ll grab my bindle and ride the rails back to Wisconsin. Or maybe I’ll ask them to add a couple more tubes and go all Wolf 359 on cal.

JAZZ PARTY IN TEN FORWARD. ANY REQUESTS? NIGHTFOX! bitch. BOODLE-BOODLE. TIME FOR AN AWAY MISSION: WTF?!?!? RIKER NUMBER TWO?! TRANSPORTER REFLECTION OF THE ION SHIELD! EIGGGGGHHHHHTTT YEEAAAAAAAARS! CMD RIKER WANTS WORK, LT RIKER WANTS TROI, TROI WANTS A BONER– TAI CHI! 5 CARD DRAW, NO LIMIT: LT.RIKER BET 50, WORF FOLD, CMD.RIKER STRING RAISE 10(!), DATA CALL 60, LT.RIKER STRING RAISE 100, CMD.RIKER STRING RAISE 20(!!), DATA FOLD, LT.RIKER STRING RAISE 300, CMD.RIKER STRING RAISE “EVERYTHIN YOU GOT LEFT”, LT.RIKER FOLD.  fold? FOLDDDDDDDDD!  DON’T YOU DARE GO OVER MY HEAD! BOODLE-BOODLE: TIME FOR AN AWAY MISSION! WTF? DEEP HOLE IN THE GROUND! HALP! GRAB MY HAND! DROP ME! NO! YES! NO! DATABASE RETRIEVED! THOMAS RIKER, SHIPPING OUT… DON’T FORGET YOUR NEW TROMBONE!

Wwhazz’s thoughts on my impending San Fran trip: wait outside the library and mug Cal when he emerges.  Like, not fake “hahaha!” mugging, but really push him on the ground and take his money.  Maybe cuff him on the side of the head if he doesn’t give up the goods.  “He’ll know it’s me!” I yelled.  “Not if you wear ladies pantyhose over your face,” he calmly replied.  I don’t think I’ll do it though: (1) he likely knows tai-chi or some other oddball marshal art that would render my attack ineffective (2) what if Greg is with him at the time (3) what would I rob him of? Forty cents, a MUNI pass, and his gilt-framed picture of Greg?  Not worth the trouble.  However Cal, if on the nights of May One, Two, or Three you wish to meet me at McTeague’s for a steam beer then I will assent.

I really, really wish I could have a little video camera that caught maddd’s reaction when he opened the MINI-CHIP set.  Did you think something was suspicious due to the small package size?  Did you think you were getting full size chips right up until you opened the case itself? At what exact point did you know you’d been played for a fool by Jokerstars?

I really, really wish I could attend both the Top Hat Guitar Hero Affaire and Wwhazz’s Ho-Chunk Adventure this weekend but alas I’ll be visiting my poor family a-way up in Door County.  I fondly imagine that the Top Hat Affaire will end with someone smashing the GH controller into the Fancy Booze Tray.

Here’s a Bachelor Party Update: date not confirmed but likely August 7th, cookout at wwhazz’s house including various lawn olympics (bags, ladder ball, washers), poker tournament to follow, Joe’s Casino to follow that, Thunder Road tourney to follow that, Air Hockey tourney maybe to follow that, bars to follow that stuff.  Put some Stank on it, friends– comin’ out! Watch your dicks!

In my natural habitat

Business has surely picked up in the last three weeks and it’ll continue to gain steam right up until August 28th.  We’ve hit the home stretch in our current release development at work, while at the same time I’m prepping for a presentation to 400 engineers in San Francisco in early May.  I’m pretty nervous about the latter, but with my code complete deadlines I haven’t had as much time as I’d like to prepare and rehearse.

Wwhazz keeps wanting to show me spawning muskies but I’m trying to fit it in with the gym, work, wedding planning, and playing Morning Golf with Lawman.  Morning Golf is a time-honored tradition where you golf at the crack of dawn and then scamper into work relatively on time.

I want to remind you folks that Joe’s Casino is always open, and that they honor Mystique and Diamond Jo’s player cards.  Fuck it: let’s just go to Mystiquewho’swithmeamIrtieamIrite?

As I mentioned before I’ll be out in the Bay Area May 1st through the 8th– HOLLLAR at a player when you seem ‘im in the streets, trick.  In the meantime I’ll be watching the Brewers rotation either (a) work the kinks out or (b) flush the whole fuckin season down the toilet.

I’m hoping for (a).

Brewers~!

The 2010 baseball season is a time for hope, a time for joy, and not a time for cal.  Nice outdoor stadium, Twins, hopeyalike snow.  Why so glum, San Francisco? Your opening day is a rainout? Aww.  Sunny and 60 in Milwaukee.

No brats, beer, cookouts, or drunkeness for me today, thanks.  I’m just sipping coffee, pattering around computer code on my lappy, and watching Davey Nelson make one goddamn lunatic comment after another in the pregame show.  Nelly’s Nuggets!

C’mon Braun: hit like 20 dingers today.  I’d like to stone cold stunner the Dinger Kings right out of the gate.

Also: went to Ho-Chunk last night with the Laydee.  Had a kinda, sorta, ok dinner at the Copper Oak and then I Insta-Won $100 in craps, which I lost over the next 2 hours in a lunatic game of roulette where Stacy won $170.  All in all we had a nice little easter: a little gambling, a little sex, walleye.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy a (hopeful) Brewers blowout win on Opening Day.  Cal: keep your junk to yourself.