Hum dee doe, taking out the garbag– OMG. OH MY FUCKING GOD!
That’s a full-on double rainbow all across the sky. For a minute there I thought it was turning into a TRIPLE rainbow, but alas I was wrong.
Shake-of-the-Day
Spacebee and I headed down Illinois-way for a surprise birthday extravadanza for Spacebee’s Mom. It was a fun time all around, but the highlight was kinda-sorta an accident.
It was a surprise that spacebee and I would attend, so we had to be kept under lock and key until the party on Saturday night. As such I demanded to go play golf with my future Brother-in-Law on Saturday morning. After an early deluge of rain we headed out Cedar Dell for some country golfin’ action. I played, literally, my worst game of the year and lost $8 to my opponent (almost the max I could lose.)
After a few drinks at the club house we headed to another country tavern so that I could sample the Best Burger in Town. It was, as advertised, delicious.
Finally, as we moseyed back to the house my ever-alert passenger mentioned in passing, “you realize we’re close to Stoney’s, don’t you?” Stoney’s is the greatest bar in Illinois, and high in the running for Best Bar Worldwide (though it would never top the Main Depot.) Stoney’s is 1/2 liquor store and 1/2 bar. There are two dart boards and Golden Tee classic. Enough said.
So we stopped in for one (Just One!) and chatted with the bartender and other patron (singular). Just as we were finishing our drinks my partner sputtered a little bit of drink and said “Quince!” (the bartenders name was Quincy. I swear.) “Quince!” he said, “lemme get the shake of the day.” He plopped a dollar on the bar and rolled for shit. He passed me the dice cup and said “Zach, you’re up.” The next things all happened simultaneously:
After that there was lots of running around, yelling, high-fives, and congratulatory High Life’s. Also: lots of reminiscing about previous winners and the circumstances of the wins. Also: drinking.
Well, I used up my dice-based luck for the next decade– what did you guys do this weekend?
Funny thing happened on the way to my connection in the Denver airport: I coughed and my right lung collapsed. “Spontaneous pneumothorax” they tell me. Who’s they? Why, the superb staff at the University Hospital here in Denver! After being whisked from the airport in an ambulance I had tests done and then they put in a chest tube to suck the misplaced air out of my body.
I missed my connection.
Current status: hooked up to a bunch of machines with a tube sticking out of my side. Got some vicodin. There’s a kid up the hall screaming about his finger. They very well may not let me back on the plane (pressurized environment), so maybe I’ll grab my bindle and ride the rails back to Wisconsin. Or maybe I’ll ask them to add a couple more tubes and go all Wolf 359 on cal.
BREAKING BREAKING BREAKING MUST CREDIT WM.COM
Exciting news! I’ve been officially added to another Enemies List! More details as they become available…
Our stay at the Canfield Hotel
Last night we bombed down to the Tri-State area (or is it the Quad Cities?) to have a fine old time at the Canfield Hotel and Diamond Jo’s casino (formerly a riverboat, now a Bellagio-esque resort).
Bottom line: it was the most fun of my goddamned life and I want to go again.
I wrote a review on Google Maps for the Canfield Hotel:
Great place! Affordable rates and it’s real close to the downtown area and the Diamond Jo casino. The native american mannequins in the lobby create a verisimilitude that can’t be matched, and the room was great– clean, with interesting furnishings displaying a love of cats, big and small. After waking from a night of casino action, however, I found out that the weird coffee cups near the coffeemaker had no bottoms and any liquids poured in ended up on the floor. The Rainbow Lounge in the lobby had good folks singing karaoke, too. Long story short, I will definitely stay at the Canfield again.
I gave the place 4 stars; truthfully I wanted to go 4 1/2 stars but Google’s reviews do not afford the reviewer the luxury of half-stars. Lawman got some pictures of the Native American mannequins so maybe I’ll get those up here at some point; they’re very realistic, inexplicable, and terrifying when you first walk in.
The night was extremely fun and exciting. It involved roulette, a fun craps session where I had two pretty good rolls, a Blackjack Buttraping, a profitable two rounds of bowling at the Cherry Lanes (apparently the bowling location of choice for recording artist Jewel according the website), some teams of douchebags at the poker tables, and much much more.
The night ended with wwhazz running many blocks to get to an ATM and back before the Rainbow Lounge bar (located in the hotel) closed for the evening. He almost made it, too! He also used magic and made pizzas appear right before we passed out. There was somewhat of a row in the lobby when several gentlemen tried to apparently sneak with us up to our room to get at our pizzas and beer? I didn’t get it; they weren’t staying in the hotel and we sure as shit didn’t invite them to accompany us. The last thing I remember is timmer picking up his whole mattress like the incredible hulk and throwing it at me. Then: poof, I was out like a light.
Short story long: the Canfield Hotel, Diamond Jo’s, and Cherry Lanes get my highest recommendation! Fun fun fun!
Ok, so there’s a reason I’ve been MIA for awhile, and it sure ain’t cuz I was in the MIA. We’ve got a big release coming out at work on July 7th and I’ve been frantic for awhile now (pretty much ever since I got back from California.)
But Cal has to go get engaged and make me break my radio silence. Lookit this guy *jerks thumb*: he got down on one bruised runner’s knee, doffed his floppy brown hat, and said, “will you be my Mrs. Cal?” And can you believe it? She said yes! I hear through the Intercontinental Grapevine that it will be le International Affaire (probably not in a cow pasture). Congratulations on your engagement and your new clown car/death trap! Now when I’m out in California we can go on romantic trips through the mountains in your SMART CAR.
Meanwhile, Scientist fucking blew my mind again and moved to, where?, Santa Monica? I was there once. It was ok. Maybe I’ll fly in and visit once Southwest Airlines starts going out of Milwaukee in the fall. Summer is moving quickly this year, ladies and gentlefops; get out and enjoy it.
Guess what: Spacebee and I are engaged. We went down to Miami for her Golden Birthday and soon enough I was down on one knee offering her a lifetime of love, support, and Friday night fish frys. Kneel down, serfs, and honor your new queen. She may rule whazzmaster.com with an iron fist, or she may hide in the shadows to avoid court intrigue; we don’t know yet.
We’re staying at the Trump International resort on the beach– that guy with the ridiculous hair makes a pretty fancy hotel. We are also the only Americans staying here; everyone else is French or Brazilian.
BEach, ya heard?!
UPDATE: Here’s some pictures of the trip…
Well, it finally happened, though it remains to be seen if the season can yet be salvaged. The Brewers are 3-11 so far this month, and the Cubs are still fucking throwing no-hitters and I’m about to punch a hole in the wall. Just kidding– after last year I’m trying to remain cool and calm in the face of an epic collapse. As much as last year sucked, and as much as it would (originally typed ‘will’ right there) suck to not make the playoffs this year I council Milwaukee Brewer Fans to hold out hope.
…
Because NEXT year is gonna fucking suck donkey nuts when we lose CC and Sheets, and Rickie Weeks will STILL strike out all the time, and we’ll STILL be saddled with a very expensive Bill ‘I-hit-30-homers-one-time,-remember?’ Hall. It’s gonna be terrific– I can’t wait.
Now, perhaps the Brewers can still make something out of this year. Anything goes once you make the playoffs, and the Brewers have the pure talent to make a run once they get into the postseason. The big BUT, however, is that they gotta get there first. After holding their dicks while the rest of the league caught them in the wild card race, now it will (AGAIN!) come down to the final series. Six of the last 12 games are against the Cubs– blech. I sure hope that someone, somewhere, is destroying the Brewers locker room right now in a rage to try to convince them THAT THIS REALLY MATTERS. Alas, I doubt it.
So, how ’bout them Packers?
Let’s start off-topic and see if we can meander our way back to my original thought: this sounds like the coolest Chuck E. Cheese evar.
So I’ve had a week off for vacation, and what a week it was! Wisconsin got hit by a hojillion tornados, Lake Goddamned Delton was wiped off the map, spacebee and I were in Door County during all of this, and *SURPRISE!* the Brewers still suck balls on the road.
We were camping at Peninsula State Park and had prepared ourselves for a wet outing. In an eruption of sheer genius, Lawman offered his screen tent thing in case we had to sit around in the rain for a few hours(days). We arrived Wednesday evening and got things setup ok, played some beer pong and made dinner. Scads of June Bugs and hundreds of thousands of mosquitos drove us into our tent tent pretty early in the night. Thursday we awoke to the patter-patter of rain on the tent, and I had to run to the toilets in the pouring rain in flip-flops. The running was less about the rain and more about the sounds coming from my bowels. The rain continued more or less until the late afternoon so we didn’t get to do a whole lotta stuff we’d planned like rent bikes or go hiking. Meh.
Friday was very nice but we spent most of the prime time (daylight) looking at various houses my parents were interested in buying. As many of you know, they’ve had trouble selling their house in Racine and need somewhere to live now that they’ve both moved to Door County. In the end they decided to rent a (very nice!) farmhouse in Egg Harbor until the Racine house sells. Personally, I think it’s a great decision given the uncertainty of the market right now– they wouldn’t want to get stuck with two mortgages for the next two years. I’ve included a few pictures of the place they’re renting below. You can see more pictures at the appropriate Flickr set.
On Saturday we packed up and left the campground and stayed with my parents for a few days at the house they’re about to leave in Sturgeon Bay. We drove up the peninsula and took the ferry across to Washington Island, which was pretty kick-ass. The absolute greatest part of the trip to the island was when we had wine and appetizers at the Washington Hotel. If you are ever up on the island, I can’t recommend that place enough. Even better, they have a Coffee Room in Madison (right across Monona Bay!) that serves all the baked goods and coffees that you can get up there. On a bike ride around Lake Monona yesterday spacebee and I stopped there for a muffin and some coffee and it was a great place. Additionally, the owner of the Washington Hotel is a (co-?)owner of Death’s Door Spirits, which has a distillery here in Madison that uses Washington Island wheat to make various booze. They recently started making whisky and while up there I got 3 bottles of the un-aged first batch. It’s pretty good, come over and try it some time.
By the way, all of our camping photos can be found at my Flickr site.
One other weekend shout-out: Hot Tamales in Sturgeon Bay was some of the best Mexican food I’ve had since moving back to Wisconsin. They have great service, terrific food, and some hot hot hot salsa verde. I suggest the wet burrito or the hash brown sandwich (like an omelet, but made with goddamned delicious hash browns).
Last night I had a Brewers nervous breakdown. I yelled swear words at the TV for a minute and then turned it off in disgust. And that was BEFORE they allowed the 3 run triple. Barf.
Lastly, if you haven’t seen this YouTube of a house being washed into Lake Delton in Wisconsin Dells, it is goddamned wild.
Well, I don’t have a car anymore. I sold my Chevy Tahoe this morning, and I’m just now trying to figure out all the steps I need to go through next. It’s made more difficult due to the fact that it’s Saturday and so nothing is open. My short list is: CXL my insurance, CXL one of the parking spots in our apartment, sign up for Community Car, get the lien release for my auto loan payoff and send to the buyer, start walking everywhere… hmm.
I thought I’d prepared myself for a world without owning a car, but obviously it’s a little bit more disconcerting once the car is actually gone from your parking space. It’s not that I all of a sudden need to go somewhere, but simply that Stacy is at work and I don’t have a car. It’ll take a little getting used to, s’all. In no time, I’m sure I’ll be working at Flipper’s and getting my law degree.
All in all, I think this is for the best. Time will tell, however. Time will tell.
