Day 0: My Rage Knows No Bounds

I came home from work on Friday to find a letter from our former landlord, Steve Misrack. In it I expected to find the return of our security deposit for the house we were living minus a few expenses. We had put down a $2,000 security deposit for 1371 Norman Dr. What I found when I opened the letter was a shock to say the least.

This man has billed us for $3,237.81 in cleaning and repair costs, minus the security deposit leaves us in debt to him for $1,237.81.

The list of costs associated include such delights as:

1. $300 in cleaning costs (cleaning the kitchen, bathroom, floors, etc.) I did this myself in the week leading up to the end of our lease. The list includes such ridiculous things as: cleaning fireplaces, sweeping the sidewalk out on the side of the house, cleaning the insides of windows, etc.
2. $410 in cleaning costs. You read that correctly. After having someone come in and clean the whole house for $300, he hired another person to come in and clean the carpets in the house (which were steam-cleaned by us prior to moving out) for an addition $513 (less a $103 “discount”.)
3. He claims we damaged a piece of flooring in the family room. He says it cannot be repaired and will cost $3,300 to be replaced. He did not provide us with a copy of the estimate for this work. He is depreciating 1/2 the cost and forcing us to pay the remaining $1650. He says he will opt not to repair or replace. He will just charge us half and keep it.
4. He charged us $504.77 for parts and labor of fixing up the house. There are no receipts included, just a word processor printout listing a bunch of materials that a handyman had to go buy. We are being charged for such things as: replacing mini-blinds, purchasing new light bulbs for the exterior and interior of the house, new mirrors, a new towel bar, and all of the associated labor of these things with no per hour breakdowns.
5. The final month’s utility bill of $373.04. The questionably legal upstairs unit (see below) pays 10% of the total utility bill while we payed 90% of the utility bill.

Now we come to the legal question. I know we have the greatest collection of legal minds on this site (and the only ones I know personally). My question is this: there are TWO living units at 1371 Norman Dr. There are separate leases for each unit. Yet there is only one utility bill for the whole house which goes to the landlord. He then divides the bill into 10% (upstairs) and 90% (downstairs) portions and forces us to remit payment to him personally. Often we would get the bill from him less than 2 weeks before he said payment was due (in one case we received the bill 2 days prior to the due date). My question is twofold:

1. Is it legal to have more than one rental unit at the same address? The upstairs tenant is not 1371 1/2 Norman or anything like that. He and us had the same address, with the same utility bill. Is that legal?
2. Building upon that, is it legal for Steve to have all utility bills come to him personally, and then force us to remit payment to him on his personal timetable?

I think we have been royally screwed here and I continually asked him about the expected state of the house on move out. I am 100% positive that he has acted in bad faith and I want to nail his legal nuts to the wall here by any means necessary. Please help me, Whazzmaster.com Legal Dept. I beg of you.

Here are some relevant links to California Tenant/Landlord law:
California Department of Consumer Affairs
Security Deposit Section of Above Site

Below is the draft of the LETTER OF DEMAND that I will be sending out on Monday via certified mail with receipt:

Anyone have any actionable advice? I’m fairly certain that this will end up in small claims court before the end of things, but I want to make sure I have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning before starting the process. Thanks in advance for anything that the Whazzmaster Army can provide. FLY MY PRETTIES! DO MY BIDDING!

On an unrelated note, can anyone give me sound advice about libel laws as they would pertain to, say, registering a website called www.stevemisracksucks.com and filling it with my point of view of this ordeal? I’d like a central repository of information about a landlord whose response, when told that there are cockroaches in the house, is “heh, I’m surprised they bother you. you know, in the south people just live with them in their homes!”

–fuck everything, we’re going to five blades…

M(oneypenny)TV Music Awards

I finally finished the unpacking of the office tonight, and am now left with the thoroughly enjoyable effort of going through all my CDs and deciding which ones stay in the A Rotation (i.e., in the car), which ones are downgraded to the B Rotation (i.e., in the CD book on bookshelf), and which ones are thrown in the trash (after being ripped to my iPod).

The initial results are heartening, as I’ve found three CDs that I haven’t listened to in a great while: The Mighty Blue Kings’ Meet Me In Uptown and Come One, Come All and the soundtrack from Swingers. Those three CDs, along with Casperson’s recommended title(see below), have given me some great lounging music for the last few days.

Now, GMC had been telling me for quite a while about the Buena Vista Social Club. He had a bitch of time finding a copy of the CD to buy, and he finally had to order it through Amazon.com. Once I heard the first track I wanted to get a copy for myself, and it just so happened that the Best Buy me and Caspa went to on Wednesday had a copy. I’ve been listening to it for the last few days and it’s great. This may not be breaking news to some of you as the CD has been out for quite a while. But hey, if I’ve never heard it then it’s new to me.

I’m thinking about putting together a fuddruckus/4nyay-ish matted-and-framed collection of CD covers. The ones I’ve got for consideration so far are: The two Mightly Blue Kings CD covers (see above), Dave Matthews Band’s Under The Tabe And Dreaming and Live at Red Rocks, and Oasis’ Wonderwall (single release). I’ve also got several other Oasis CDs that I’ll use the covers from. After that, I may be a little short. I’ll have to dig a little more through my collection.

In my unearthing, I’ve found CDs that I wish I had never purchased. Chief among those found in this category is Limp Bizkit’s TWO CDs, along with Kid Rock’s self-titled album, and Linkin Park’s Hybrid Theory. I can’t really stand to listen to any of those discs anymore. I kinda wish I could go back in time and slap myself.

Just found some great compilations from back in the day: The Source Presents Hip-Hop Hits Vol. 1 and MTV’s Buzz Bin. Check out these track lists:

• The Source presents Hip-Hop Hits
1. Mobb Deep: Hell on Earth
2. Scarface: Mary Jane
3. Foxy Brown (feat. Dr Hill): Big Bad Mama
4. Nas, Foxy Brown, Az, & Nature: Firm Biz
5. Westside Connection: Bow Down
6. Redman: Whateva Man
7. Outkast: Elevators
8. Lil’ Kim & Lil’ Ceas: Crush on You
9. Foxy Brown & Jay-Z: I’ll Be
10. Wycef Jean feat. Refugee All-Stars: We Trying To Stay Alive
11. LL Cool J: Phenomenon
12. Crucial Conflict: Hay
13. Notorious B.I.G.: Hypnotize
14. Wu-Tang Clan: Triumph
15. Bone Thugs-N-Harmony: Look Into My Eyez
16. EPMD: Da Joint
17. Puff Daddy: Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down
18. Master P: Bout It, Bout It
• MTVs Buzz Bin
1. Stone Temple Pilots: Plush
2. Dave Matthews Band: What Would You Say
3. White Zombie: More Human Than Human
4. the cranberries: Zombie
5. Gin Blossoms: Hey Jealousy
6. Bush: Everything Zen
7. Blind Melon: No Rain
8. Cracker: Low
9. Radiohead: Creep
10. Us3: Cantaloop (!!)
11. Filter: Hey Man, Nice Shot
12. Danzig: Mother

Hey, Danzig. Yo, old skool shout-outs to Big Show and Los Dogg on that tip. You know my steez. Y’all will never believe what I’m listening to right now. Yup, it’s Pras’ (of the Refugee All-Stars) solo project: Ghetto Superstar. Man, that guy was no Wyclef, but there are a couple of hot jams on here. Maybe nostalgia is clouding my mind, but I think there’s some good things to be had in this swamp.

Earlier I found my long-lost copy of Prodigy’s Fat of the Land. Those guys flamed out fast but I’m still of the opinion that that disc was the shit. Not only perfect workout music, but after a frustrating day at work you could crank it and drive home as fast as possible.

OK, just finished the Pras CD and I feel confident that I can say why it was a flop. It is actually interesting as it may have been one of the discs to usher in a new era in Hip Hop albums. A new terrible era. The problem is: too many goddamned interlude tracks. On Ghetto Superstar there are half a dozen random interlude tracks. The main problem with them is that they are boring. Secondary to that, however, is the fact that many of them are several minutes in length. What gave Pras the idea that I was laying down money in the hope that I could hear a bunch of pseudo-celebrities tell Pras how great he is? I hope I didn’t give the impression that I did, because I surely don’t.

Playing Zuma to Prodigy is awesome. Whenever Prodigy tells me to smack my bitch up I make my little frog-man start whoopin ass on colored balls. It all harkens back to the days when I’d play Quake II until the wee hours of the morning in my dorm room while listening to Prodigy. Ahh, the soul-soothing nirvana that ensues when you are being trained to kill by a european electronica band and the programmers at id software. Next up: Whitey Ford Sings The Blues. Be back in a bit…

…back and drunko. I’m drinking the rest of GMC-provided CEDAR MOUNTAIN LIGHT (reading it off tha can). I also downed the rest of the Cedar Hard Cider. I’m watching my OVW Wrestling DVD and getting my iTunes Playlist Creation on. The Future Stars DVD is HIGHLY recommended, as it showcases Brock Lesnar, Shelton Benjamin, Randy Orton, RICO~!, Batista, and more all when they were in the WWF’s developmental leagues.

Holler back, players and playerettes.

–whazz on, whazz strong

Does Anyone Have A 24 Foot Ladder?

Well, the 7am-9am window for DirecTV installation has come and gone, and I’m no closer to watching television than I am to touching God’s robes. It’s one goddamned thing after another with this shit. The new problem: the box where all of the tv cables connect at our new home is in the front(north side) of the house. The dish must be mounted on the back (southern-facing) of the house. The cables do not run through the attic, so there’s no access to them. The install guy didn’t have a ladder long enough to mount the dish on the roof. There was a north-westerly wind. I had blue eyes instead of brown. Jesus christ, who do I have to fuck to watch a Packer game around here?!

So the install is being rescheduled to try and get “the guy with the 24 foot ladder” out to the house to try again. Fuck.

In other, better news I got internet access working at home now. So I guess while we’re sitting around watching Rugrats on VHS tapes I can at least check the score of the game on espn.com. Erin’s Passion Party is on Saturday so we have to get the rest of the house unpacked and shoved in a closet before a gaggle of shrieking women stampede in to place orders for 2 foot vibrators and such.

–whazz on

Battle of Bautista

Yesterday was the Battle of Bautista 2-on-2 basketbal tourney down in San Juan Bautista. Due to Scott’s unfortunate absence, Judd asked me to team with him this year. We were, expectedly, eliminated but not before winning one game in the winners bracket and one game in the losers bracket. Going into this year’s tournament, the Judd/Scott team (formerly named “The Desert Rats” and “Deez Noots”) were always “Two and Barbeque”. Stepping in at Power Forward, I wanted to do my best to erase the 0 in the wins column for Team Really Bad (TRB).

With a combination of awesome outside shooting and Judd crashing the boards with a vengeance, we were able to squeak out a 21-8 win in our first game. The second game were were matched up against Team Money, the team that would eventually go to the championship game. They fucking tore us a new one. I think they were up 18-2 at one point. To save a little face Judd and I put a on a show and took it to 18-10 or something but then they dropped the hammer and put us in the Losers bracket. Our third game came against Team Nukka, a spry pair of gentlemen who played a tough game against us. An Ultimate Frisbee hip injury was re-aggravated during that game when I got kneed in the side on a drive. In a game where I was hitting most every jump shot, Team Nukka had a momentary case of insanity and left me open for a 17 footer for the win. Final was 22-6. In our last game of the tourney, we went against Slo Mo with the winner advancing in the Losers bracket. I thought I would be able to handle Damien in the post and I think I did a fairly good job, but leaving him open for jumpers at the free throw line was not a good idea. With him hitting those open shots and Phil demolishing us on the pick and shoot, it was elementary for them to dispatch us 21-7. The fact that neither Judd nor I could hit a shot from outside also contributed to the loss. Also the fact that I had a few jump shots blocked also contributed.

HOWEVER, with the final loss in the container we were finally affored the ability to go eat lunch. And it tasted every bit as delicious as I had hoped. At the Battle of Bautista I was introduced to a new kind of snack. It will revolutionize the snack world in— I was just informed by Erin that it is not new or revolutionary. In fact, it is in the vending machine at her work. Anyways, I had never seen it before. It was a mixture of Doritos, Cheetos, Sun Chips, and pretzels. It was fucking delicious. Erin says it is called “Munchies” or something.

Now out of the tournament and my hunger sated, I could just lounge around and watch the rest of the games. In the end Sick Balls beat Team Money to 4-peat the Battle of Bautista. The only team that has ever taken First in the BOB is Sick Balls. That is impressive.

Anyways, now I’m at home and it is Sunday. I think GMC is coming back into town tonight or tomorrow (I think tomorrow). My lower back is absolutely killing me from battling in the post, and I think today will be a Day of Rest. Two Advils, do some laundry, clean up the house a bit, and watch some boob tubery.

–whazz on

Battle of Bautista Is On

On Saturday, me and Judd may be playing in a basketball tourney in San Juan Bautista. I am subbing in for the eminent Scott Fournier aka thizzele fournier aka S Fitty aka Sweet Fournier. I hope I can do Scott proud in his place, even though I have 3/4 the height of him and probably 1/2 the skill. Anyways, from what I hear it’s all-you-can-eat and -drink. Of course, I’ll be moblogging from on location.

Loser Leaves Town Match Tonight

In the 3-on-3 Basketball Tournament at work, my team had a tough first round loss. As it is double-elimination, however, we get another shot at the title through the Losers’ Bracket. Our last chance to advance will occur this evening at 6pm at Intuit, in case anyone is interested in seeing that shit. I’m gonna tape up my sprained fingers, go out, and whopp some goddamned ass in basketball. And if we lose, well… I guess I can always go home and play Zuma.

Holy Crap! It Works!

Grand Masta Caspa has succeeded in the impossible. The Nokia Healing Force resides within him. His laying of hands has cured the SIM card of its ills and the old 3650 is now charging up. Things simplify considerably now, as I won’t have to pay for a new SIM card or a phone. I can just use the 3650 until the 7610 debuts in the US and then move onto that if I want.

Pros: Moblogging is back, bitches! Also, I can read the interweb in the bathroom now that I have my mMode service back.

Cons: I spent money on a phone that is now destroyed. Anathema to the Scientist.

Anyways, as usual GMX finds some MacGuyver-type shit to save the day. I will reward him by eating the dinner he cooks for me tonight.

–whazz on

Coffee Renaissance

Here at Thugg Mansion we take our beverages seriously. Lately, ever since GMC got 200 pounds of free coffee in the mail, we’ve been drinking coffee a lot. The consumption is often done at wholly unacceptable hours, such as 10:30pm on a school night. The drinking of the coffee is usually done with disregard to what effects it will have on such activities as sleeping, getting drunk, or having sex. All in all, a strange time to be a resident or guest at 1371 Norman Dr.