Anchorman

You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose. But you can’t pick your friend’s nose. — A Wise Man

In the same way that nostril evacuation is better left to oneself, the movie industry could probably due to leave excessive “inter-cameo-ing” on the cutting room floor. Seeing Anchorman: The Ron Burgundy Story this evening I could only leave the theater thinking, “well, I guess it was funny when Luke Wilson, Ben Stiller, Tim Robbins, and Vince Vaughn all appeared on screen and whooped each others’ asses.” In much the same vein, Grand Masta Caspa was delighted when Jack Black punted a small dog off of a 6 story (or thereabouts) bridge. All in all, the movie was really, REALLY funny whenever someone who wasn’t billed as a star or costar of the movie was onscreen.

Believe me, I loved Old School. It was awesome. But the whole idea of the same guys having parts in each other’s movies is being taken a little bit far out there at this point. All the worse is that the cameos are being advertised in the trailers and commercials. I didn’t want to get up and pee because I might miss the part of the movie I came to see… the part where everyone who’s not billed in the movie is, well, in the goddamned movie.

The Matrix Revolutions

Well, after months of waiting, me and the ol’ coworkers went to see The Matrix Revolutions. If you’ll recall
from a few months ago, we went and saw The Matrix Reloaded. Remember all those things
that I hated in Reloaded? Well since Revolutions was the same goddamned movie, I REALLY hated those things in
this movie.
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School of Rock

Jack Black is God. Yes, the one with a big G. He rocks hardcore. Tenacious D is The Greatest Band on Earth, and I will pay whatever I must to see Jack Black in a movie. Here’s the thing, though: I don’t much like kids. In fact, I typically hate the little bastards. Example: wainting in line to get into the movie, there is a punk-ass child of age 12-13 who is blabbing on a goddamned cell phone. I use my phone for three things: talking to friends and family half the country away, coordinating late-night and bar-time activities, and calling my wife to ask her what she wants for dinner. This kid has none of these needs. What is this asshole kid doing annoying me with his gay-ass ring tone? So, while I was excited to see a Jack Black movie, I wasn’t that excited about seeing a movie with a bunch of kids (in a theater with a bunch of kids).
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Terminator 3

There are times when you wish you could go back in time and right a past wrong. Such as the
time I ran full speed into a stop sign at the bus stop in grade school while playing ‘tag’ and
split my chin open. That hurt bad enough to want to go back in time and prevent. See also,
playing video games throughout my freshman year of college and flunking Math 222 as a result.
Also, it would be nice to go back in time and kick the shit out of all those who voted Nader
in the 2000 election.
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The Matrix Reloaded

Well, after years of waiting, me and the co-workers went and saw The Matrix Reloaded, quite possibly
the most hyped geek sequel since Star Wars Ep. 1. Of course, since we saw it opening day we had to
contend with a goddamned army of nerds at the movie theater. Let me review, for those who haven’t
seen my movie reviews before, what I hate about going to the movies (in order):
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