Master Criminals

Every once in awhile I peruse the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel Racine News page, just to see if anything interesting is going on back home. For some reason, today I clicked on the Police News from Racine link and found the greatest collection of crime in history, though the all time best 100% has to be the following entry:

A 23-year-old Burlington woman was arrested Aug. 30 on allegations of stealing a sub sandwich, cheese and air freshener, a total value of $10, from Sentry Foods, 156 S. Pine St. The woman said she stole the food for her husband, who had threatened her if she did not make lunch.

I don’t know how to respond to a crime report like this. What was the air freshener for? Did the husband demand a Sentry sub sandwich? Why Sentry and not, say, a Piggly Wiggly? All these questions should be asked at the trial, I believe. This story has made-for-TV movie written all over it. David Hasslehoff can do a career-changing stint as the sub sandwich-demanding husband, while Jodie Foster is the desperate 23-year-old wife who needs to find a sub, cheese, and an air freshener within 30 minutes or her child will be ran over with a Chevron tanker truck by Baywatch man.

In other news, iBook still rocks, and September 11th passed (mostly) uneventfully. Also, the Billy & Chuck Wedding on Smackdown was a bit retarded, though I loved Bisch’s turn as the Justice of the Peace. I guess I should have realized what the hell was going on, but as we all know SWERVE = RATINGS!

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