An Original King of Partying

You know, there’s times when everything seems to be going great on a weekend. You go to a holiday party, you buy a Christmas tree, you deck a hall or two, you see an original king of comedy, etc. But when your alarm clock rings on Monday morning, and you think to yourself “self? why is my alarm clock going off at 7am on a Sunday morning?” and you roll over and go back to sleep, then you have a problem with your weekend. Namely that it was not nearly long enough.

There are these things called “parties”. Sometimes they happen on birthdays and other times they happen near Christmas. A lot of times corporations have these “parties” for the benefit of their employees. Intuit has always had awesome “parties” but now that we have the GE management style I think we can all forget about having “parties” in the near future, for these wanton acts of non-work have no place in a company that is going from a $1B to a $5B in the next year or so. The moral of the story? Take your “parties” where you can get them, such as the one on Saturday night:

A SAd, Sad State of Party

Erin and Zach: Fun 2002 Style!

I have the whole batch of pictures zipped up, so go ahead and download it if you want.

Last night we saw D.L. Hughley down in San Jose at the Improv Club. Fucking A fantastic show. Anyone who has a chance to see this guy should go, because it really is an awesome time.

Let me preface this next item by saying one thing: if I die, someone please read this post and direct my rantings to the proper authority.

I have received A Package. This Package was addressed to a Z Moneypenny. Said Package had no return address. The package contained what appeared to be a solid block of birdseed. Thinking it was anthrax I immediately did not open it, instead leaving it alone to see if the birdseed up and died, or the package exploded harmlessly while I was at work or something. Then one day I was shaking it to see if a bomb fell out and discovered something rattling around inside. Now we’re onto something. So in the end I smashed the block against the counter and out fell: a small, yellow capsule. Artist’s rendering here. While inspecting the pill for signs of Anthrax, I continued shaking it. Finally, I found my resolve and opened the yellow pill. Out fell:

Set Phasers To 'Immolate'
The Terrifying Contents of the Yellow Pill

I have no idea how or why, but I have been sent a small robot encased in birdseed at someone’s expense. I let the robot lie, in pieces, on the kitchen counter for a day or so. I did this because I, like many of you, have seen the damage that robots can wreak on the world. I did not want to unwittingly unleash hell on earth because I wanted to put together a robot that I found in a yellow pill that I found in a block of birdseed. Evetually though, I did put the little guy together.

A Deadly Robot
ID Positive: Robot, Terror Threat: High, Mission: Kill

The robot did not destroy anything… yet. But I am keeping a close eye on him. And if he was coated in anthrax and I die, please let the little ones know that I loved them, and will someone please go ahead and delete all the porn from my computer.

-whazz on

3 thoughts on “An Original King of Partying

  1. I don’t understand why you care so much about squids’ beaks when someone is obviously trying to poison you with tiny plastic robots.

  2. This robot insanity isn’t about you, Jen. And stop trying to turn this website into a forum on abortion. It’s a forum for whazz, robots, haiku writing and beer drinking. Pfffffffft (loud fart noise)

  3. if i had the opportunity, i would kill all baby robots like the double-jointed missive i am.

    also, since i code all day and fuck fat internet chicks all night, i applaud your distinct imagination in combining the small parts into a robot….. who’s to say that is how the attacker intended them to go together? perhaps another combination will yield all of sadam’s hidden nuclear power? be afraid pennywhistle… be afraid.

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