Tiny Robot Industries™

Hi there, welcome to WM Associates Seminar on Project Leadership. I’m Erick Jeffries and for some background I’ve been doing these classes for about 30 years now in the Valley. It’s great to be here at Tiny Robot Industries to teach you all about how to maximize your efficiency in creating tiny killer robots that are implanted in blocks of birdseed and sent to unwitting schmoes. I know we’ve all had times when we sit down to create that “next generation” of tiny robots and there doesn’t seem to be a clear project plan to speak of. We’re here today to discuss Easy-Manage Docu-Planner 5000™ model of project leadership:


  • Get an Idea!

  • Think it Through!

  • Make it Happen!

It’s as simple as that… so to kick off our 2 day seminar I’d like to tell you a story about back when I was managing a group. We weren’t making killer nanobots like you fellas here though, we were working on 7 foot tall hamster wheels. Moral was low in my group, and we were behind schedule on the Wire-Matrix Wheelpositron™ so I came up with an idea: tell everyone that if they didn’t finish on time they were fired. Worked like magic and two 23-hour workdays later we sent the final draft to the manufacturing plant. I tell you this just to introduce the system. We’re going to be coming back to it several times over the next 14 hours, 30 minutes so let’s make sure we understand it:


  • Get an Idea!: I had an idea. In this case making threats against their jobs and pets.

  • Think it Through!: I thought about the downsides. There were none. Second part done.

  • Make it Happen!: I told them by email from home where I was about to sit down to dinner with my wife.

See how the system works? It’s really very simple when put to use. Now, for the past several days I’ve been researching some of the more important departments here at TRI, and I must say I have found very inefficient project leadership. For example, in the Small Yellow Pill Engineering department, there is no real plan beyond churning out small, yellow pills to place the finished tiny robots in. Where is the next generation of tiny pill technology? Why isn’t anyone tasked with getting feedback from the customers who received a tiny robot and yet managed to “make it out alive” from the ordeal? This department is very single-tracked, and is due for some heavy duty process assessment training. As another example, I’m not so sure that encasing the robots in birdseed is the best use of our time. It is far easier to simply shrink-wrap the Yellow Pill and send it out to its victims, rather than going through the intermediate step of having the victim puzzle over what is inside the birdseed for days at a time. In post-traumatic stress interviews, your customers state that 95% of the time they left the whole package sit unopened for… are you ready for this figure? 1 week or more. These customers could have been poisoned or suffocated 1 week earlier, but due to the mysterious inclusion of the tiny assassin in birdseed…. well, you know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men. I looked into it, and found out that while the birdseed issue is a cherished company tradition going all the way back to the founder, Tinny Robot himself, it is just not what the youth of today are looking for. When Tinny picked up that bag of birdseed and beat a Chinaman to death with it back in 1913, he had no idea that he had jumpstarted a $6 billion dollar industry in remote killing. Now, we have to give it to him that packaging an 8 foot tall robot in a crate of birdseed and sending it to the competing suitor for his wife Genny was a stroke of genius back in 1952, and the company has successfully miniaturized the robot portion of theproduct so that delivery is both cheaper and faster, BUT, and I must stress this, there is always room for improvement. All you have to do is (say it with me):


  • Get an Idea!

  • Think it Through!

  • Make it Happen!

This is Zach again. I’m so sorry about all this, but in order to contain my rage about becoming a Pyle Center man, I must reveal all that I have found out about the Mysterious Package I received last week.

–whazz on

2 thoughts on “Tiny Robot Industries™

  1. That was the most insanely idiotic thing I have ever read. At no time during your rambling incoherent response did you say anything resembling a rational thought. Everyone on this site is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points…. and may God have mercy on your soul.

  2. Ok, I know that I just posted, but this news is BIG. All you Hojo alumni out there will be happy to know that Cave Man Kurt aka Dirty Kurt aka Kurt the Hojo Maintence Man is working for some fly by night company called Richie Renovations and they are redoing the carpet on the tenth floor of the hotel. A little while ago I had to let him into a room because he locked himself out. He thanked me for my help and asked if Eros still works here. I told him yes.

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