Hi, I’m Noah and I Like Aminals

It’s been raining in the Bay Area for about 6 days straight now. It will never stop. Our roof is still leaking slightly, and I just looked out my window at work to see a cloud I would judiciously call “black” moving rapidly towards me. See, the problem with California is that they have no concept of “weather” as we like to call it back home. In Wisco, people had this idea. Some called it preposterous, but others felt it merited enough effort to research it more. Eventually, against all odds, the plan was actually funded and put into place. See, some nutbag a long time ago thought it might be a good idea to build a system so that when it rained the water would fall under the street and be carried off through pipes where it could do no flood damage. These “sewers” became home to street urchins, alligators, mole men, floating turds, and one sad clown, but still they did their intended job: no more floods. California, with their strong anti-mole men stance, could ill afford to create such a haven for said subnormals and so never did figure out how to get rid of the pesky water. There was limited success in bottling and selling it for $5 a bottle.

A long time ago, whenever you went to Renaissance Faire and rode the bumper cars, there were two types of people: normal and crazy. Normal people rode the bumper cars and had fun just kind of driving around and bumping into people. The crazies had their own idea of what bumper cars were like, namely that it involved trying to flip over other cars and then run over the passengers’ heads. Well, attempting to drive in the rain in California is quite like that. You have normal retards just crashing into anything because they can’t figure out how their brake and gas pedal got mixed up in all the confusion resulting from a light rain. Then you have the crazies who like to decide that if they’re in the left lane THIS is their exit and there they go across 4 lanes of traffic in a downpour. I swear to god it’s like driving in the Daytona 500 in a tornado where all of you opponents are Yorkshire Terriers or some other animal that is just as bad behind the wheel of an automobile.

As an update, the tiny robot controversy still has not calmed down. Well, in the strictest sense it has calmed down, but for the purposes of this story it has not. The local news channel came out and did a story because one of their reporters was listening in on my phone line when I happened to say the word “anthrax”. Once they arrived and saw that it was simply a robot encased in a yellow pill encased in birdseed the reporter stated, and I quote, “what?” and then left.

3 days until Wisconsin.

–whazz on

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