This Weekend Was Fa-bu-lo-us

Today’s guest poster is Grand Masta Caspa. Enjoy the show, whazzers.

Consensus of the weekend: It reeked of awesomeness. Friday’s expectations well exceeded their anticipated levels, while LAX fell just short, though a great time was still had by all. With no further delays…

Friday Night
DJ Skribble – himself
Caspa – DJ Skribbles “personal security”
Wirkus – personal securities friend/part of Skribbles’ entourage

9:00 – Danny drops off DJ Skribble (we’ll call him Skribbs from now on) to do a sound/equip check. Skribbs doesn’t like the setup but is very courteous and funny. Quote from Skribbs, “These damn easties are dumb. They all have dark hair and large noses. Damn they suck.” Side note, Danny is now in possession of 5 tickets for the show courtesy of Skribbs.
10:00 – Skribbs leaves to reappear at 12:00.
12:00 – Caspa is designated as Skribbs’ “personal security.” Duties include and are not limited to: No one talks to Skribbs while he works. No one touches Skribbs while he works. Example of typical scenario:

East Coast Girl: Hi.
Caspa: Hi, Can I help you?
ECG: Are you DJ Skribbles security?
C: Yes
ECG: Which one is he?
C: The one with the sleeveless vest and the beret.
ECG: Can I talk to him?
C: No.
ECG: Can I touch him?
C: No.
ECG: Please?
C: No.

Now repeat this with about 1000 other dumb girls for real effect.
12:30 – Wirkus, Sean, Danny, and Timmer arrive from The Dollar. Wirkus appears to be the most drunk, followed by Sean. Wirkus and Sean order stiff drinks and stand by Caspa to converse. Wirkus becomes intrigued by the girls dancing in the cage and decides it’s his mission to recruit girls to dance in the cage. Example of typical scenario:

Wirkus walks up to East Coast guy and girl.
W: Excuse me miss.
Guy: [confused look on face]
Girl: Um, yes.
W: DJ Skribble saw you dancing in the crowd and liked what he saw. He wanted me to come and ask you if you would like to come and dance in the cage.
Girl: Sure [both exit stage left]
[30 seconds elapse, all 3 reappear by Caspa]
C: Can I help you?
Guy: Yes, DJ Skribble pointed out my girlfriend and wanted to talk to her.
C: Um, no. But I can let her dance in the cage.
Girl: Ok. [Enters cage]
Guy: How about me?
C: Um, no.

Bar time – DJ Skribbs offers invite to after bar with him at the Concourse. After bar includes cases of Couvesier and Cristal. One after bar participant, who wishes to remain anonymous, leaves Connie at 7:00 am, drunk, with a bottle of Couvesier, and pulls some 007 shit to get out of the Connie without being caught by the Bell captain, or front desk.

Saturday – (story includes Sean, Wirkus, Ewaz, Caspa, and Madd)

Estimated Time of Departure: 1:00
Actual Departure Time: 2:30ish

After the previous night all parties were in rough shape, so we stopped for Gatorade and food at a gas station. Gatorades all around, Wirkus bought a bigass bag of beef jerky, which he consumed on a solo mission, Caspa ate a Deli Sandwich, and Sean bought a deli sandwich. Sean’s sandwich was hard so he didn’t eat it. Ewaz informed him it was ok if the sandwich LEAKED onto his car floor.

About midtrip we stopped to use a restroom and buy Madd a gift. The gift started out as a state shaped magnet, then spy gear, and finally a diary. After debating Wirkus came up with the idea of the latest issue of Cheri (top of the line porn magazine). The contents of the magazine revealed of a butthole painted blue, and lots of close-up shots of livers through the vaginal region. Upon arrival to LAX we told Madd we had a gift for him. He looked at the magazine and replied, “What’s this?” This prompted Caspa to spit his Gatorade onto Sean’s leg.

After settling in, we dined at Garfield’s, which included many beautiful women with the exception of our server, Will. We then headed back to Rachel’s for a little prebar. Bling Bling was handed out earlier in the night and Madd (with Caspa’s suggestion) added tinfoil to his front tooth to create what would be referred to as the “plati cap.” [Madd and Caspa exit to smoke.] Upon return the following conversation took place:

Madd: What happened to my plati cap?
Caspa: We smoked it.

Ewaz’s crotch was also threatened with a beer bottle if he ever ignored Madd again. All members saddle up and depart for Brother’s.

Brothers
Upon arrival, drinks were obtained and we settled in. Wirkus orders a scotch and soda and is told they don’t have scotch as Wirkus stares at 3 obviously full bottles of scotch. Wirkus then politely orders a Jameson on the rocks. Madd is approached by a female who grabs his bling and says, “Is this real?” To which Madd replies with Ewaz’s premeditated quote, “See this? You know what this means? It means that you can’t touch me!” Conversation ensues. Madd returns bearing this story:

That girl asked me if I played for the Brewers, so I told her that I was Terry Sexon, first baseman of the Brewers. She then asked me for an autograph for her uncle to which I signed the back of her business card.

As we begin to leave Brothers, we spot a Madd look-a-like (namely a black guy who is wearing a sideways hat). Madd lifts up his bling and kisses them while brushing the haters off his shoulder to which the black guy just chuckles.

Coconut Joe’s
We now head to the next bar where the body shot porno is unfolding. Sean asks of Caspa, “Where’s Ewaz?” Ryan replies after spotting him, “Front and center.” Thanks to the help of Madd’s continuing identity as Terry Sexon, Caspa received a handjob from a girl who thought he was Terry Sexon’s Manager.

Bartime
We head back to some guys house where the after bar consisted of Sean sleeping, Wirkus and Ewaz drinking, Madd being tossed out of the house for smoking a cigar while the guy who threw him out cries in his room, the other guys being belligerent, and Caspa trying to figure out how to abandon ship.

The night ended peacefully with a call from Moneypenny, Wirkus and Ewaz having the final beer and going to sleep at Rachel’s house.

Other Notables
1. Quagmire is defined to Madd, thus ruining the Beastie Boys song for him.
2. We learned that a place in Madison serves “rail meat.” (Wirkus knows details)
3. Sean blushes and giggles when dirty sex is brought up in public places.
4. Catholic girls take it up the ass to preserve their virginity
5. LAX doesn’t know about vodka gimlets. They were ordered, every bartender had to look up how to make them, and they were still made wrong.
6. There is a guy that exists and plays college basketball whose name is Butter Johnson.

4 thoughts on “This Weekend Was Fa-bu-lo-us

  1. I’m definitely guessing it was Casperson leaving the Connie at 7AM. Way to post it for management to see…I’m hoping you were still drunk when you did that!

  2. What’s the fucking deal with the fucking protesters? Only one 15th of them might be educated, but I’m sure their not. I hate everybody (except whazzers in this case). They (the fucking protesters, AKA human shields) speak their mind without a fucking full knowledge of the situation (not to exclude myself per say), but yet it seems that when they want peace, it always comes down to violence with their ass being mased and hauled away (fucking facists). They always make the gad damn riot police go in full fucking force. Moral of the fucking story…DON’T BE A FUCKING RETARD! Why cussing? It helps get my fucking point across, just like the fucking protesters who get fucking arrested…fucking idiots! Can’t they fucking root for peace in a fucking civilized manner? I gotta stop now, unless someone in the whazz community would like me to go on.

  3. 1.lord did i get thumped on sunday. straight sets. and then i was on pace for 20 under and i whazzed it into the water.

    so there is no rita- there i said it.

    umm wirkuswhazz, moneypenny and i are throwing down again this coming sunday and i want dollars riding on it. get some succa to bet on him and i’ll spank him for you. DAMN YOU MONEYPENNY.

    2. jesus ewaz.

    3. who is dj scribble?

    4 cal (out of work since jan 24) out

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