Madd Scientist Tossed A Salad Last Evening

[UPDATE at 9:50pm]
Alright, I don’t have much time before the Anna Nicole Show starts and I have to start hating humanity again, but I need to get this off my chest: those cocksuckers at Disney made another Inspector Gadget movie. Jesus. There’s only one way to explain how this movie came about: Satan ate lots of mexican food one night, and the next morning he went to the toilet and crapped something so foul that even he couldn’t deal, and this is the Lord of Evil we’re talking about. So Satan sent this pile of offal to earth, and lo Inspector Gadget 2 was funded and actually recorded onto some medium. I’ll hit the high points since time is running out for this rant:

1. There is now a woman version of Inspector Gadget, because any grass fucking Hollywood producer knows that [plot of movie 1] + [woman] = ~RATINGS!
2. Apparently they do not care about Penny, who was, as I recall, THE ONLY REASON FOR THE SHOW TO EXIST SINCE INSPECTOR GADGET IS A FUCKING IDIOT.
3. They replaced Ferris Bueler with French Stewart, the fucker from the 3rd Rock and star of the worst movie I have ever seen I swear to god. I will repeat that for those of you who– fuck it, I’ll just repeat it: FUCKING FRENCH STEWART IS NOW INSPECTOR GADGET.

Fuck you Disney.

A couple of funny things from yesterday. S Fitty, Madd, and I played basketball down in Santa Clara with some guys from the DJ house. We had a good game of 4-on-4 going when, with the game tied at 5 apiece, there was some kind of traffic jam at the other end of the court and one of the guys goes down with a BAD ankle injury. He is just barely containing his pain, and everyone is doing the thing where they stand around and just watch, because no one wants to piss the guy off by either treating him like he’s near death or just ignoring it and saying “c’mon, let’s get back to playing”. So there’s silence for about a minute or two straight, when all of a sudden one of the other guys turns to the injured and says “You’re still goin out tonight, right?” Funny.

Later on we all went to the Olive Garden for dinner. GMC, I am happy to report that we drank two bottles of Lambrusco, which Madd, French, and fuddruckus had never even heard of. It was pretty funny that when they called our name for the table, we had to get up and haul 2 bottles of wine, a pitcher of sangria, and all of our glasses to the table. Over the course of the evening our table also discovered that the waitress’ favorite beer was, in fact, High Life. That was cool. Also, the saying of the night was “Home is where the fart is.”

After Olive Garden, we were supposed to go to French’s for more drinking, but after all that basketball, salad, wine, and fettucine alfredo, I couldn’t even stay awake and erin had to just drive us home. Sorry, guys.

Shit, I just realized that my car is still at Madd Scientist’s house. How the fuck am I going to go get my haircut now?

-YOSSARIAN LIVES

4 thoughts on “Madd Scientist Tossed A Salad Last Evening

  1. blah blah Kansas, blah blah bandwagon, blah blah wisco sucks, blah blah I hate the state I live in

  2. Raj, I don’t know if that’s really his name; it’s just what we call him. And I thing he might be in jail for tax evasion.

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