Last night I make my standard virtual friday calls, and it is decided we are to go to scott’s apartment to get drunk. Are you shocked yet?
We polish off a case and realize we are far too lazy to go to bar. Me and Judd also realize we are hungy so we head to Iguanas. You all remember Iguanas don’t you?
Judd drives. There are 2 scares about getting pulled over for window tint… we roll down the windows and act sober. It works. I pop out of the burb only to land on a pile of half full 40 ozers in the curb. I vocalize my situation to Judd and he is amused. We continue into the store.
We are the only people there, and I notice the bouncer is a Little Man. He greets me. I only had 7 beers, so I ask him if he knows me, and he says “yes”. I didn’t recognize this man at all and demand to know where Sarge is. Little man tells us that Sarge got fired. Apparently he was alone in the second room, and sold some guy a bag of salt and told him it was methamphetamines.
The other guy realizes it is fake and takes Sarge’s wallet. At this point Sarge screamed for Little Man to come help him. Little Man was not going to get involved. The owner now comes in, kicks them both out and takes sarges famed Iguana’s employee badge.
Little Man is done telling the story and the entire crew starts making fun of Sarge. They tell us tales of how big of a pussy he is/was. My favorite was when a “5 foot nothing skater” chased him out of Iguanas, and he ran into McDonalds for protection. Supposedly they each have a cousin that has kicked the shit out of him at least once. I am shocked. Sarge’s character lost a lot of points with me last night.
The bouncer then told me his pet peeve: guys fully geared out in jumpsuits and platinum that ask people for a few cents instead of paying with a dollar and tipping the change. He said one time a guy asked everyone in line for 3 cents, then 10 minutes later he was still hungry, went back in line and pulled out a wad of 100’s. At this point we have not ordered yet. Being that this is the first of month and all of my roomates paid their rent to me in $100 bills, I see a chance for humor. I pay for my super burrito (carne asada, no beans, no guac) with a single and 2 $2 bills. My total comes to $5.11 (after the 10% discount is applied that I am only now conscious enough to realize I get for being a “regular”). I ask Little Man for 11 cents. He gives it to me and I pay. Then I pull out my wad of 100’s and ask Judd if he wants anything else. YOU’VE BEEN ZAPPED LITTLE MAN.
I ate my burrito and went home. Like clockwork, I woke up farting and ran to poop it out this morning. Iguana’s hits like a mother fucker.