Brewers can go 2-6, Wirkus can go $150-0

It’s 4:30pm and I’m hunkering down in front of my keyboard for the Brewers-Pirates game on MLB.com online radio. I’ll be listening until 5 when I leave to go play basketball, and in that time I’ll record my thoughts and such.

Royce da 5’9″ is up with runners on the corners. Let’s hope he uses his rapper powers to belt some runners in. The way the Brewers have been pitching in the late innings means they need runs early. Ooh, Clayton pops up into the seats, and now he’s 1-2. It’s only 40-something degrees there. 2 outs, 2 on, and Clayton goes to second on an error on Ramirez! YES! I knew that he had the power to hit bloopers to third AND make interesting songs with Eminem.

Now we have Ritchie up with 2 outs. 2-2 now. Let’s get a base hit here, Ritchie. A foul. You know? There’s a guy I work with named Todd Fitch. I don’t know if he can pitch or not, but it may be worth it to check him out. Oooh, strikes out. damn.

I’m back now. Wirkuswhazz called to ask if I was watching the game. I told him I was listening like there’s no tomorrow. Everyone from the 5 county area receives half price tickets April 14-18. It’s good to know that Racine is part of that group. Let me declare something right now. If I lived in Racine or Milwaukee and made the same money I do out here, I would go to every possible home game, and I would get drunk, and I would anxiously await the Luxair Home Run inning every game. With luck I would win and be able to take Ned Yost out for pizza and titties in Milwaukee. End of 3, 1-0 Milwaukee!

Did you know that after the Brewers won their first game of the season they popped champagne in the locker room like they had won the NBA Finals? It’s nice to cheer a team that finds any occasion to drink. I can only hope Uke was down there pouring whiskey into his champagne glass. By the way, I should have a new poll up shortly.

I was just looking at the Brewers home page and I noticed that they’re hosting a Girls Shadow Day at Miller Park with the team. Great. Perhaps they could find a middle reliever somewhere in that mass of hair ribbons and Barbie underoos. Holy shit, I just read that the girls will get a motivational speech from Wendy Selig-Prielb. Well, I guess those particular girls will have to end up in the gutter. The only woman I hate more than Stephanie McMahaon is Wendy Selig-Prielb.

I’m really jonesing for that Soclose Brewers jersey. I’ve been looking at the Brewers Clubhouse for prices, and as soon as I come up with $200, it’s mine. I will have it for the b-party that much is true.

At the end of 4 in Pittsburgh, Ritchie is PERFECT. Holy christ let him pitch a perfect game. That would rock everything. Please. Please.

Damn, I have to jet now. OK, I’ll check back in in the comments later on for post-game analysis, but for now: GO BREWERS!

–whazz on

7 thoughts on “Brewers can go 2-6, Wirkus can go $150-0

  1. Moneypenny…

    Remember the State on MTV…do you still have the tape…what would you to with two hundred, and forty pounds, of puddin’???????? I can’t find it anywhere…btw, I got your message…r u up or down w/Madd? Late………

  2. roger-roger, come in whazzmaster. this is cal, your haiku officer. sorry but whirkuswhazz has whazzed it into the water. (consults note pad) the first line of his recent “paul molitor” haiku contains six syllables. SIX. SYLLABLES.

    yeah ok so in the future mr. wirkus: first lines must contain no more and no fewer than five syllables. five. syllables. ok, be on your way then.

    officer cal out

  3. 3-1 bad guys. shit.

    I too wonder where Jen has been– I even used her mobile contact info to check on her and a strange robot voice asked me to leave a message. I left a message: no answer. She’s been messing aroung with Mexicans as of late. My guess: she’s in Mexico.

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