Sweet Creeping Zombie Jesus

Thanks, wirkus, for pointing me to the best repository of crazy this side of the Anna Nicole Comedy Hour. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Miller Brewery Review page. Within this byte stack, you will be witness to the kind of crazies that are only generally heard about in fairy tales, and within those tales are the ones usually eaten by a ham sandwich and come back from the dead covered with dryer lint. Take this (100% real) example:

Hi I would like to know the address I could send a new advertising idea to your company,with a tape of our Lil Potbelly Pig having and enjoying a Miller lite beer. Is it possible you could help me with that, and his resume which I have pictures of him. Thanks Dagne & Merlot

If I received a message like this, I would seriously consider getting out of the beer business, because if the courts can get the tobacco industry fucked over for selling cigarettes that only cause lung cancer, the liquor industry is going to get raped for making a product that causes people to call anything “Lil Something Something” or make their pet pigs drink beer… or have pet pigs in the first place.

Example #2:

I have drank Genuine draft light beer for years. It’s the best as far as I’m concerned. I’m the manager and a bartender of the Common Grounds in Frankfort,IN. I’ve been trying to find a shirt with Miller Genuine Draft Light on it. Is there such a thing? If so, I would really like to have some. Thank you.

We now have certifiable evidence that there exists a man who does NOT know that you can find a t-shirt with anything on it if you look hard enough. I’ll tell you this much: if you can find a t-shirt that says “Life is Short. Pray Hard.” or “Bikini Inspector” or one of those shirts that fat ladies wear that has a picture of a woman’s body in a bikini on it, you can sure as shit find a goddamn t-shirt with MGD Light-In-A-Can on it. An aside: what would happen if a fat guy in a Bikini Inspector t-shirt happened upon a fat lady wearing the Picture-Of-A-Hot-Chick-In-A-Bikini? My guess? The movie “Baby Geniuses”.

For those who aren’t aware. I hate the movie Baby Geniuses. It is everything that is wrong with our society, along with Anne Geddis pictures and amything involving Jamie Kennedy.

If you’re so fucking smart, how about shaving off the stache, dawg.

It’s hard for me even to talk about it. All I know is that (a) I hate Baby Geniuses, (b) I hate Spy Kids for the same reason, (c) I do not like Jay-Z, and (d) Go Brewers.

–whazz on

5 thoughts on “Sweet Creeping Zombie Jesus

  1. Trying to find information about the bottle caps with car parts inside the bottle caps.My grandmother is collecting the caps would like to know all about the promotion. – mother609@aol.com, 08/11/2002

  2. Tonight is the perfect night to lie in the gutter.
    However, I am locked up in this damn apartment.
    Fuck fuck fuck.

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