When we went to Vegas in March, the Madd Scientist had a great idea to post a couple days prior with an excellent “here’s-what-to-expect” entry. So, I decided to do the same with the Bachelor Party, since we jokingly referred to Vegas as Bachelor Party Practice.
To wit, Moneypenny’s Bachelor Party is going to be about five things: tits, Brewers, high life, vodka, and friends. Seriously, if this isn’t the greatest party since my Going Away From Madison party, and in the running for the greatest ever, I will be disappointed. There are many reasons why I will not be disappointed, though:
- Have you heard who’s coming: no seriously, have you fucking heard? I mean, christ almighty, if this party brings people like Curt Wilke and Jason Tangman out of retirement, then how could it not rock. But wait, because it don’t stop there. Anytime my brother has shown up at one of my Madison parties, it was fucking money. Well, folks, this year I’m upping the fucking ante because I got my sister to come up for the after-party. Anyone ever wanted to see all three Moneypenny siblings drunk at the same time, at the same place? Jesus. I mean, c’mon people, Jen’s bringing some of her baby interns with her, just to show them how much tequila she can drink before calling a Marine and taking him home with her. And jesus, Tom Marks is gonna be at Montemarte. Plus, all the ladies of Whazzmaster can meet not only the Madd Scientist (if you haven’t) but also Judd and French Connection. It’s a goddamned “Whazzmaster Getting-To-Know-You”. I don’t even have enough space to go into why I’m excited about each person who’s coming, just know that this fact alone will guarantee a good time will be had by all.
- All You Can Drink Beer: While many people have explained to me why it isn’t as great as it sounds, I really think we can prove them all wrong. At the tailgate before the Brewer game, Wirkus set it up catered-style with all-you-can-eat burgers and brats with the fixins, in addition to All-You-Can-Drink beer. I’m fairly certain of the following stats: Madd is kicked out by the 3rd inning, Scott by the 7th, Casperson possibly by the end, and myself possibly by the end. If someone shows up in the crowd cheering for the opposing team, I’m pretty sure Wirkus or K-Car is going to jail. In perhaps the greatest irony ever, I hope the game ends with Ewaz bailing K-Car out of jail.
- I’m In Charge Of The Music: I just plain don’t trust retards with selecting music for parties. You end up with “American Pie” and Kid Rock. When people are drunk and there are males and females present, people want to dance. It has been scientifically proven that you cannot dance to “American Pie”. So, since the lady at Montemarte said we could burn our own CDs for the music, I’m fucking on it. I’m mixing some old school favorites (Country Grammar, Rump Shaker, Ain’t No Fun, & much more) with some current favorites (Sean Paul, Still Fly, Beautiful, In Da Club, & shitloads more). I’m filling out 3 80 minute discs with good ol’ fashioned fucking party music. You know my steez.
- Madison in the Summer: What’s not to like about this? Just to be around that kind of environment, absent 2 years, is enough to get excited about.
I’m looking forward to many things. Here’s just a few (warning: I’m about to change tenses 20 times in the next sentence. be careful): seeing my sister drunk for the first time, seeing my brother put salt in his beer (or drink a Smirnoff Ice!), see the interplay of light and shadow that is Jen, Madd, and Scott, see Bellgirl in a naughty nurse outfit, sip Cris in the corner booth at Montemarte, see the Brewers pound the Red Sox 20-1, get my fucking freak on on the dance floor, see some big boobs at On The Border, pass out on the bus back to Madison but be perky when we get there, have every single person in the main bar want to get in where we are in the Sidecar, get picked up at the airport from the Concourse van, sit on the terrace friday and drink beer out of a big cup, eat at Nick’s, eat at La Hacienda, and mucho mucho more.
What do you think?