The Bachelor Party Saga (Level 1): The Night Before

OK, so since I actually work in a job, and since I’m not a full-time publisher of words and sentences about drinking and pushing people on the ground like other people out there, I decided to jump on the first suggestion that presented itself to me, which is to put up a bunch of pictures and let God sort the whole fucking thing out. I sincerely hope that by viewing these pictures, a warm, smiling feeling is generated below your navel but to the left of your appendix. I could probably write a book about each one of these pictures, but I’ll simply write a small caption and let you wahoos fill in the blanks. Then I’ll steal your blank-fillers and create a post worthy of archive in the goddamned Smithsonian.

One thing for those of you who don’t know. That fishbowl that some people are holding in some pictures is basically a gigantic Long Island Ice Tea. It’s about 9 different liquors poured into an actual fishbowl. Then people drink out of it. Looking back, how do people’s livers not spontaneously fall out of there bodies on contact with such a device? We’ll leave that one to God as well. And speaking of God, he makes a reappearence on the Sunday night post, so stay the fuck tuned for that one.

And now, on with the show:


Before we get started, for all those people who said my brother would never go anywhere as a drinker because he used to only drink Smirnoff Ice…


You were wrong. Now all we have to do is get him to drive on the highway.


This is us leaving the hotel to go out on Friday night. I thought my camera was a broke-dick dog, but it turned out Wisconsin really looks like this.


We renamed my brother The Don, as that is what he looked like guarding the door to our VIP room at the Irish Pub. He passed out cigars on the way to the bars, and we had a lot of fun waving them menacingly, smoking them, or just plain chomping on them.


Judd, Me, cigars, and MGD-Light-In-A-Can upstairs at Irish Pub. Life don’t get any better than this.


After the Irish Pub we headed over to The Plaza, where a few things happened. I’m only giong to tell you one of those things: we met Anne Chernik, who is now a waitress there. Other than that, Wirkus, Sean, and I all took a picture.


Casperson proposed to me at The Pub. Also, I bought 5 pitchers of beer for $24. Eat that, California. I hope you choke on it.


Bellgirl attempted to get a leg up on the competition by using her cleavage as a distraction in the air hockey game. I don’t know whether it worked or not, but here’s some cleavage.


After The Pub we headed over to Wando’s for some hot fishbowl action. Not knowing that Casperson was using his hook-up to buy one that was 20 gallons of straight alcohol, Madd Scientist bought his own. So, since we had a shit-house of liquor, we had drinking contests where you and another person stick a straw in there and whoever taps out first is the loser. My brother one a few to start with, then Casperson roared onto the scene and pretty much won.


This is the result of Madd and Scott’s macking at Wando’s. They ended up face-to-face with chicks in a drink.


Finished the Pre-Party Party at Brother’s. Hoo-boy, that place sucks these days. I mean, before it had a certain atmosphere, and that atmosphere never left. But it used to be a pretty certain place to go and just dance with some chick to hip-hop. I mean, this is the first place I ever heard Ride Wit Me. Now, however, it’s mostly rock, country, and shit. And then they played Ignition by R. Kelly. Not the funnest place on earth; strongest reccomendation to avoid.

25 thoughts on “The Bachelor Party Saga (Level 1): The Night Before

  1. My intern, Julie, who passed out on Saturday before she got to the party, said that the other intern, Meghan, who did make it to the party, had mentioned that some weird guy hit on her by telling her that he could wipe his ass by himself.

  2. I am a little dissapointed that I did not make the photos, was this cause I was too drunko to stand still for one? Did anyone get pictures of me playing air hockey with Madd, I tried to use my boobs as an advantage, but it backfired and I lost nonetheless. And Madd is right Wirkus and I went home before Brothers, and I fell the whole way there. I now have a knee that looks like a 5 year old who fell on the playground. And I did not vomit unitl the morning, but when I did it was projectile vomitting full of La Hacienda veggie burrito.

  3. Oh yeah, just click the slideshow button at the top and you can see all of the pictures in that gallery in a slideshow.

  4. We tried to tell you not to nizzle-shizzle your way out of the game. You did so once drunk.

  5. ok, casperson and someone else have cameras full of me kissing everyone else at the party… i would like those at some point. also G.M.C. has my 2 way pager full of potential gigs for the scrillionaires.

  6. i got you covered. Also as a side note I ran into that jamie girl again last nite (the one we met on friday) she also went into the 2 way in hopes of seeing a skrillonaires show.

  7. mutha fucka, G.M. mutha fuckin C. Holla. i heard that you smoked the capital or the white house last nite. wow, now thats skrillionaire style. oh so ganksta

  8. Drunk again for the 6th nite in a row. I may have left a message of groaning for a certain Cali person.

  9. Whats up you bunch of motherfucking skrillionaires i hope cali life is treating you nice-dont work too hard-you know i wont be. miss you guys WAVES hasnt been the same without you i go there like three times a week for all the free fries i can eat—ha ha jk…I registured for school this week and hopefully will get a butt load of money from financial aid. Im sorry i didnt get a chance to say goodbye to you and erin i hope you and erin had a good honeymoon big pimpin out in Hawaii. i miss you guys sorry ass racine just isnt the same with out you brother i miss youand all your kick ass freinds too….come home soon Biatch

  10. Rock Chalk- I am sure your glasses will look smashing, when I bought mine I didn’t know if I liked them, but now I think I look funny without them.

  11. And so it begins [again].
    Now I may be retarded, but am I the only one who still thinks that the bachelor party is still going on? I have yet to stop drinking since you guys all left. I may take tonight off because I have to work. Moneypenny – I’m downloading my pictures for you tomorrow. I will also send you the ab workout. On that note, it’s good to be back

  12. I have to use my whazz for the day for wedding purposes again. Where the hell is Steven Ejercito, and if you’re out there Steven, are you coming to the wedding? Are you bringing somebody? What do you want to eat – chicken, beef, or vegetarian? Also, where is Todd? Does anyone know if he’s still around? Also, Paul – do you think you could find out what’s up with Shari? Thank you. That is all for today.

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