The Bachelor Party Saga (Level 2): Tits, Brewers, High Life, Vodka, and Friends

Yesterday’s post went so well I just had to make another one. The pictures here are all from the actual day the deed was done. We were kind of hungover from the Pre-Party, but that didn’t stop us. At the hotel me, Judd, Arlo, and Joel went up to the Governor’s Club for some breakfast. I had some cereal and fruit, which ended up being the only remotely healthy things I consumed all weekend. Somewhat related to that, someone had purchased a copy of FHM for the flight out. When I walked into the bathroom to rid myself of all the High Life and vodka from the night before, it was a pleasant surprise the likes of which are not often seen on this planet.

So we made out way to Wirkus’ house and got on the bus. Our driver seemed like a pretty cool guy, in a backwoods Wisconsin sort of way. Then we shipped out. The notables on the ride to the strip club was me giving quite possibly the longest introduction speech ever, and Madd, Ewaz, Danny, and Springer playing Uchre the entire ride. Ross Perry was more interested in the Cubs game than drinking, talking, or shouting.

So we made it to the strip club and immediately as we get off the bu%^%(*&^(*&&

[edited]

And then the midget stripper said, “I can’t! I’m too short!” And that was the strip club.

We bussed it to Miller Park, and everyone got to see the infamous Milwaukee skyline. It was great to see the old girl again. We parked and I sprinted for the bathroom. Then we made our way to the tailgate. I don’t want to gloss over the tailgate because it was a fantastic spread and everyone loved it, but pretty much all we did was stuff our faces for an hour. One exception: Madd, Judd, Scott, Wirkus, and Sean took off their footwear and ran into the small river that makes its way through the Miller Park parking lot. And then everyone else threw cookies and full cans of beer at them from up in the pavillion.

Game was great except for: Brewers giving up a grand slam and losing, AND the sheer amount of fucking Red Sox fans. Motherfuck.

The ride back to Madison was pretty much a hit. We had the radio on and people were jammin, playin uchre, jammin, eating elephant ears, jammin, and drinking. Oh the drinking.

I’ll let everyone else give their impressions of the After-Party, and fancyface can talk all she wants to about the After-Party’s After-Bar. I’m not saying anything.

On to the pictures:



Me, my brother, the bus, and tons of beer.




On the way to Milwaukee we made a smoke/piss/beef jerky stop. Here you can see the Madd Scientist with his purchased jerky. He bought jerky for everyone. That’s why he’s a skrillionaire.



Good picture of the general bus crowd. This one shows Aaron, Scott, Scubby, and Madd Scientist.



(Top) Post-Strip Club picture, as we all discuss which stripper’s boobs went on who’s heads and generally agree on the scent of stripper-fume (credit timmah). (Bottom) My brother after his first lap dance.



Becker, Ewaz, Casperson, Madd, and Brandon at the tailgate in Ganter’s Gardens. This was a seriously awesome spread of food, including burgers, brats, beans, potato chips, potato salad(?) condiments, cookies, beer, and soda. I ate 1 hamburger and 2 brats. I was then stuffed.



This is a small montage of everyone’s adventure in the river. I wish I could have gone down there but I was too busy making sure that people didn’t blow up the pavillion. I did go down to the riverbank and call erin though. I was telling her it was a great day when someone started running down the hill screaming, “Who are you talking to?! That better not be your wife!!!” I hung up really quick and said, “Why would I be calling her? You crazy.”



There were lots of pictures taken at the game, but most of them just involve people watching a baseball game. One picture, however, was near and dear to my heart, and that is when the scoreboard welcomed our group to the park. Fuck yeah. Most dot-coms would kill for that kind of exposure and branding help. Eat it, fortawesome.com, you ain’t got my level of advertising.



On the way back we stopped at the Pine Cone for pissing and elephant ear pastries. I was still drinking, too.



Me and Jen shortly after the start of The Greatest After-Party of All-Time™.



Me, my brother Aaron, and the No-Fun Sombrero getting down with the the get down.



The entire Moneypenny family, drinking at the same place at the same time. Hell yeah.



The moment the bottle of Dom was delivered. That was a fun time, so the No-Fun Sombrero was renamed the Mo-Fun Sombrero by my brother.



This by no means is all the people that I would have liked to get in this picture, but a lot of them are there and its one of the only group pics we got all day. Here’s to fuckin.


Now you all share your stories. I think I said it a few times, but let me state here once again: Thanks Wirkus for planning this damn thing and being the organizer. It really was one of the best weekends of my life, and I’ll remember it for a loooong time.

–whazz on

40 thoughts on “The Bachelor Party Saga (Level 2): Tits, Brewers, High Life, Vodka, and Friends

  1. god damn it jen, no its not. we flipped the script. abbreviation is HT baby. HT. hetero tite.

  2. ok, count me in for the cow tippin. But on a sidenote I want everone to know that I know that cowtippin is a myth, but I also want everyone to know that if we do make it happen, I WILL be part of it.

  3. it takes about 15 min. you have to remember that abs are genetic and that abs of steel video from what i hear sucks

  4. My suggestion with regard to the movie is to wait until the Madd Scientist re-encodes it in AVI or MPEG format.

  5. zach, what was the but light commercial we came up with?? i recall it being funny. ha.

  6. wirkus, you only get refund if you lose right? can the cycle hitter be on either team?

  7. Ok, so the company I work for has a porn client. It just so happens that I got put on the job. Next week, I will be evaluating whether or not there should be inventory write-downs on dildos and porn videos.

  8. And fuck off critic, Extreme Comedy is the new wave of comedy. Plus, we made that after drinking for 50 straight hours.

  9. dude…Cali gurls are ridickulously stupid & have too much attitude for how janky they look. After one weekend, i think Wisconsin gurls are better on the whole. Shout out to dem gurls…keep it pimpin & stack that skrilla.

  10. Actually, i did talk to Sweet Mandy…she cool. we were all sitting by the front window, then you walked away to go dance w/ jenh. i mingled some more w/ her & i think Lynn too.

  11. ok, i get it now. if i just go up to a girl, she will blow me off. but if i know her friend, she will fuck me. women are dumb.

  12. People ask senators with help consolidating loans?! When they could get the same assistance watching late-nite infomercials?! Buh?!?!

  13. my suggestion is to go to apple.com re-d/l the quicktime app and then watch the vid and realize it’s not funny just dumb.

  14. First, and possibly, last posting here for arlo, but based on the fact that i now know who half these people are, and vice-versa, i’ve got some important info to share….
    first of all, here’s another d.a. (double abbreviation) for all you scrillionares to bite:
    G -> GOAT -> greatest of all time
    for ex., “Zach’s B.P. in 2003 was a straight-up G”
    use wisely.
    next, for all raytown hustlaz,funny coincidence i was made aware of yesterday – last sat, as we were at zach’s b.p., Chris Miller was also having his b.p…. and guess where they went?… brewers game and on the border. that’s crazy.
    finally, good pictures zach – and thanks for not having any of the ladies at brothers… “E to D makes ’em WTE” (ask madd)
    that’s all – time to go eat a burrito
    oh yeah, and for all who were wondering, Marley(my dogg) is doing just fine post-car crash, so don’t be scurred.

  15. “I’m awful,” Cal said sadly. “I’m diff’runt. I don’t know why I make faux pas. ‘Cause I don’t care, I s’pose.” Then recklessly: “I been smoking too much. I’ve got t’bacca heart.”

    Rita pictured an all-night tobacco debauch, with Cal pale and reeling from the effect of nicotined lungs. She gave a little gasp.

    “Oh, Cal, don’t smoke. You’ll stunt your growth!”

    “I don’t care,” Cal persisted gloomily. “I gotta. I got the habit. I’ve done a lot of things that if my family knew”– Cal hesitated, giving her imagination time to picture dark horrors– “I went to the burlesque show last week.”

    Rita was quite overcome. Cal turned the green eyes on her again.

    “Your the only girl in town I like much,” Cal exclaimed in a rush of sentiment. “Your simpatico.”

  16. ok so we had a wonderful time that weekend and we look forward to more. Holla!!! hooah!!! we picked up some MT terms ( mad-town) we just can’t wait to be scrillionaires in the future. So I guess the next time we will see all of you is in July, peace out to you! -Ash and Katie Nicole

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