I Been Gone For A Minute, Now I’m Back With The Jump-Off

Victory With A Capital “V”

Wisconsin hung in there to go over number 3 ranked Ohio State last evening in Madison. They broke OSU’s 19-game winning streak and made them their bitches, even after Robert Fucking Reynolds started to choke out quarterback Jim Sorgi and put him out of the game with just over 5 minutes left in the third quarter. I will say this: Matt Schabert got it done. Period. Exclamation point. Afterwards, the fans stormed the field and started riding the goalpost. We’ll now go delayed live to peterstiffly of Madison with his comments:

Five god damn years of school at UW and I never got to storm the field. Tonight when I’m not there it happens. Yes, people were drunk as shit and I had to deal with them.

Indeed, peterstiffly. Indeed. So now Wisconsin is undefeated in the Big 10 and 6-1 overall. I’m sure everyone in Madison is waiting to see the new rankings on Monday morning. I know I am.

A New Chapter In The History Of The D

Last night Rock Chalk and I went to see School of Rock with my main man JB. The short form: I liked it. It was a comedy that didn’t make me want to vomit with stupidity. The long form: for the long form just hit up the little review I wrote in the Reviews section.

In other D news, I’ve been slowly downloading all of Tenacious D’s HBO show episodes. Each show is split into three ~10 minute stories, and I have around 6 or 7 stories at this point. I also managed to get two music videos (Tribute and Wonderboy) and also a live performance from Saturday Night Live. My plan is to put all of these on a DVD along with Heatvision and Jack to make a Jack Black Mega-Mix. That would rock.

I Still Hate San Francisco

On Friday night, we went to SF to see Dave Attell and Lewis Black at The Warfield. We had to drive up there because we didn’t know what time it got done and we couldn’t chance BART not running when the show was over. So Scientist and sourdoughsam showed up around 6pm, me and Scientist had a few drinks, and we left to go to the show. The guys had Red Bull vodkas in travel mugs while Rock Chalk was driving, and I had to piss something fierce as we drove the surface streets of San Fran. Of course, since it is San Francisco there is no goddamn place to park, and after the attendant at one lot said they weren’t open twenty-four hours, Madd suggested I piss on it. I pissed on their lot. We got into the theater and while the ladies went to get seats Madd and I went to get drinks. Except that you needed hand stamps and could only buy 1 drink at a time. I fucking hate that rule.

The show was absolutely great. The opener was Mitch Hedberg, who is apparently Madd’s favorite comedian. The dude was funny as fuck. “Swiss cheese is the only food you can take a bite out of and miss.” “In New York deli’s make huge sandwiches. ‘Can I have a pastrami sandwich, a loaf of bread, and a couple more people?'” Dave Attell was Dave Attell, and he told about half material from the CD I have (Skanks for the Memories) and half stuff I’ve never heard before. Good. Lewis Black was, as always, funny as hell. I don’t think he did any material from the time we saw him at the Improv a few months back.

After the show we drove back to San Mateo and sourdoughsam took her leave of us. Rock Chalk went to bed and the Scientist and I drove down to San Heezy. We got to Scott’s house and drank some bers, then went over to The Cinnabar. It was the first time I had been there, and it is somewhere we’re gonna have to go over Thanksgiving. It’s a little piece of the Silver Dollar in San Jose. I like the huge sign up on the wall that says “NO DANCING” because they don’t have a cabaret license or whatever that shit is. Scientist and Scott negotiated a deal with the batender: $28 plus tip for 3 Cinnabar trucker hats and 3 Hamm’s beers. It was like we were actually at a truck stop drinking for the evening. In a word: awesome. After I was thoroughly trashed (2 Red Bull & vodkas, 4 gimlets, 2 MGDs, 1 vodka tonic, and 1 Hamm’s) me and Madd went back to his place and played craps. I threw down $100, lost it, went in for another $100, got down to my last chips on that, and then went up $264. I quit when I was up the $64, so I ended with a profit. Not too bad.

The Star Of Green Bay: Soclose, Number 68

Well, it came down to the wire in Green Bay, and even after they were practically handed an overtime victory, an ill-timed fumble by Ahman Green wiped it all away. And as peterstiffly always says, “Prevent defense only prevents you from winning.” It seemed that during the drive when KC kicked the game-tying field goal Green Bay was in full prevent mode. And due to that, KC was able to throw 7 10-15 yard passes in 7 plays to move the entire field with no timeouts used in 2 minutes. In any case, 3-3 is not where Green Bay wants to be right now.

So far in my pool this week I’ve picked correctly 8 out of 9, and my afternoon picks are all winning their games as well. if I could go 13-1 this week it would rock.

This Week

Rock Chalk and I are hoping to take in a viewing of Kill Bill this week if the stars align. I’m looking forward to it, especially after Judd, Anthony, and Eric all gave a solid thumbs-up after seeing it on Friday. I’ll most likely write up a review after I see it.

–whazz on

54 thoughts on “I Been Gone For A Minute, Now I’m Back With The Jump-Off

  1. Ok. I know that sometimes yes, I will fail all of you at least once in our friendship. Wirkus you were failed. Welcome to the club. For everyone else who has not been failed yet, give it time. Things were pretty hectic this weekend for me with all the working at the hotel and tailgating before the game even though I wasn’t going becuase I had to work and then Sunday waking up to realize that I hadn’t made my pick yet. Anyways, long story short (this should’ve brought some smiles) it won’t happen again.

    Kyle and I watched 2 Ulitmate fighting videos a couple nights ago. Pretty kick ass. Mark Coleman is fucking crazy. Having thoughts of joining UFC now.

    Went to court this morning to settle my Disorderly Conduct charge from Club Amazon. TOTAL WASTE OF TIME AND SLEEP. I arrive to the courthouse to which I am becoming very accustomed to. Get there a little early because these are done in order of arrival. I’m the fourth person (should’ve been third but some fat farmer guy and his fat son barged in front of me like it was Old Country Buffet and I thought better of losing my temper in the courtroom). So my name is called and the judge says:

    “Is this your first D.C. charge?”
    “Have you ever been convicted of a crime before?”\
    “Is there anything you would like me to know before we go on?”
    No, everything is in the police report.
    “So you expect me to read through the whole report?”
    Um, well, um, isn’t that what you are suppose to do?
    “Uh let’s see………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………well I will lower the fine from 164 to 102. Have a good day. Next”
    Excuse me does this mean that this is not going to go on my record?
    “Well you see this is an ordinal fine where jibbatajabbity do bop bee for doe moe sew do.”
    Um, ok thanks.

    Have no idea what happened at the end there but he made no sense. For 62 damn dollars I would have stayed in bed!!!

  2. not nearly as fun as i had at the courthouse today…

    my brake light went out on my bike 3 months ago… this is very dangerous, but i’m lazy, so i just ignored it. a little less than 2 months ago i get a fix-it ticket. i have 2 months to fix it or i go to jail i guess.

    today i find the nearest police station on the interweb and lace up my helmet and head out.

    i arrive to a chinese lady dealing with a norm look a like (from cheers) in a uniform.

    chineese lady: “uh… hallo policmastason… i havea to fixa my head-liiiiight.”
    norm: well… uh… (thinking to self: i don’t want to walk to her car to fix this) do… you have some proof that you fixed it?
    CL: *undistinguishable banter*
    NORM: is your car here? do you have paperwork from the guy who fixed your light?
    CL: ahyeso policoson. my car here.
    NORM: sit down and wait.

    after hearing this i know my boy norm and how to deal with him… he’s a little pissy so i wait for him to walk up to his little talk hole and acknowledge me. after about 5 minutes he looks up and says “have you been helped”… uh… you’re the only person here chief… no.

    knowing the proceedure for a fix-it ticket i go up with my citation in hand:

    madd scientist: i have a fix it ticket… my bike is in the lot but i don’t have any paperwork
    norm: well you got the ticket right there…
    MS: i meant proof that i fixed it…
    NORM: is it fixed?
    MS: of course…
    NORM: give me the ticket. this could take an hour…
    MS: uh…. awwwwwlllll right.

    no more than 2 seconds later someone else comes out and asks more mr kripplestein and “uh… i can’t pronouce this”

    i guess i’m kripplestein so we go out to the lot…

    mexican undercover cop: is this your bike!
    madd scientist: yes
    MUC: what year is it?
    MS: 1996
    MUC: how long have you had it?
    MS: like 4 or 5 years
    MUC: who did you buy it from?
    MS: i don’t remember
    MUC: you got this ticket in san jose, why did you come all the way up here to get it signed? (sunnyvale is like 8 miles from san jose)
    MS: i work down the street and had to get this done today
    MUC: where do you work
    MS: SST
    MUC: where is that
    MS: lawrence and kifer
    MUC: not exactlly down the street… IS IT?!?! (its 2 miles away)
    MS: well, this is the closest police station to it…
    MUC: (acknowledging failure) it may be… so these brakes…
    MS: blau, they work… see…
    MUC: signs the paper as if he was the god of all things fix it and hands it to me while walking away.


  3. so i see this self righteous bitch’s car. she’s got all them tree huggin bumper stickers and one that says ‘animals have rights too,’ which i’m fine with, but then one sticker away she’s got one that says ‘have your pet spayed or neutered.’ yeah lady, way to give them some fuckin rights by choppin their nuts off. real fuckin nice i tells ya. did we fuck up your baby makin equipment when we gave you the right to vote. don’t think so you cunt. leave their nootz alone if you want them to be your equal. yet another reason why i hate people.

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