The End of Suicide Football

The winner? Judd Jacobs, aka fuddruckus, has walked away from the 2003 NFL Season one bottle of Dom Perignon richer. Congratulations. The battle came down to Week 10, with only wirkuswhazz and fuddruckus remaining. Wirkuswhazz chose Minnesota on the road over San Diego; fuddruckus chose Kansas City over Cleveland. Kansas won, Minnesota lost. Judd, we will get one (1) bottle of Dom Perignon to you sometime soon. Keep an eye on your mailbox, and everyone else get ready for the next exciting Whazzmaster.com contest.

So, not everyone (or anyone at all) was very excited about the new idea of Madd Sceizzer, Rock Chalk, myself, and Grand Masta Caspa living together. Here’s a smattering of comments a little bird told me about:

“zachery + scientist + rock chalk + casperson = roommates. Would rock chalk go clinically insane in less than 2 months? r u joking me?”
“Moneypenny, are you trying to run Rock Chalk out of town? She can come and live with me. ”
“Not a fan of the idea… ”
“Dumbest. Idea. Fucking. Ever! ”

Let me answer these comments one at a time. Actually, let me cover them all in one answer: there are circumstances surrounding this move that you are not aware of. The decision was not made lightly, and Rock Chalk and I are aware that we will have to make an extra effort to keep some time for just the two of us. Plus, the house is huge and it provides an enormous space to have Whazzgiving at. Cal, bring as many people as you want. We’ve got room for you, Rita, Meridel, Cheryl, and Greg. Don’t bring and San Fran hobos, though.

…BREAKING NEWS…

Rock Chalk just called me to tell me that her sister just got engaged this evening. I seriously doubt that Beth or Brian reads whazzmaster.com, but if they are reading, CONGRATS.

…END BREAKING NEWS…

Let’s talk about something: Matrix Revolutions. Short form: it sucked. Longer form: exactly like the second film. Much longer form: it sucked balls.

That’s it for now. The countdown to Whazzgiving is ON, my pepitos, let’s whazz.

UPDATE
It was reported this week that Mike Lockwood was found dead. You don’t care if I call him Mike Lockwood. You may care if I called him by his real name: Crash Holly. Crash Holly is dead, long live Crash Holly. I hope he’s still carrying that scale around up in wrestling heaven.

–whazz on

76 thoughts on “The End of Suicide Football

  1. 1. ro, its easy to go on zing-a-thongs when you post cuz you be o so dum. you have weak attempts to join in them, but you just come across as lame, so don’t pin it on me & madd…you started today’s zing-a-thong.
    2. i don’t know if madd is gay, we just drink together…i don’t even know his real name.
    3. you didn’t think you were gonna get the last word in did you?
    4. sorry zach.

  2. 1. Sorry in advance Erin but I am deathly allergic to all cats and dogs. Medication does not work for me in this situation because, yes that’s right, I AM A BITCH. Wait I mean…my allergies…nevermind.

    2. Ro – I will take you up on that offer. I should be in the area on 1/7 so start making plans.

    3. Everyone else – We will party like it’s 1999 the same nite I get in.

  3. awesome…John Cena battle raps a can of Y2stinger in the newest commercial…awesome…thuganomics 4 life (pinkies extended)

  4. alright, i’ll admit it…i’ve been drankin. its YJ Stinger…oops, my bad. Shane McMahon sucks big ol creamy yeast infected donkey balls. Kane better send him home in an ambulance & i don’t even like him.

  5. Since Granda masta Caspa is the only decent human being left that doesn’t talk on this site, I elect him as WHAZZER OF THE MONTH.

    WIRKUS GET THE AWARD FOR most random ZINGER in a zing-a-thon (he wasn’t even involved in the zingathon). It was AB so C ya !

    Anyways, 4nyay you are even in the running so back off. Zach, say something =)~

  6. ro, do you mean…’since GMC is the….that doesn’t talk SHIT on this…MONTH’

    i can only assume that since he talked at 5:16 PM today.

    i accept both awards as the whazzer of the month & most rando zinger in a zing-a-thong.

  7. i really want to see the caspa/ro love theme played out in the next month or so… and then he comes out here and goes to ros house for their first meeting….

    and then caspa dies cause her house is run by mangy dogs!!!

    HAHAHAHAHL!L!L!L1llOLOLOLOOLLO!L!

    word life. \mmm/

  8. So if Crash Holly would have been the Hardcore Champion at the time he died, would his belt be immediately put up for competition, or would it just go to the first person to pin his dead body?

  9. Disregard my last post. I was drunk with a labamba’s burrito in my hand when I typed it.
    (I was eating it in the manner of the smooth gentleman with the black sombrero. NOT in the manner of the dumb gringo)

  10. (1) Zach, do you think you could find it in your heart to acquire yahoo messenger? There is a conspiracy to block aol from the GT computers, and so I’m unable to communicate with you. Perhaps you could just install it on one of your computers? Then I at least have, maybe, a one in 10 chance of getting a hold of you?

    (2) Do you have Excel on your computer yet? How can we not have any of the office products necessary to do my job, but we are allowed to have AOL? RU JOKIN ME??? Your gravy is seriously in jeopardy. All gravy will be tainted at Thanksgiving, unless I am guaranteed some Excel action.

    That is all.

  11. ps… ooooooo zac’s in traaaaaaboooole… why aint you got that office product for yo woman? dang! erin: I have excel on MY computer if you know what i mean. leave that AOL fool behind you. xo cal

  12. i know if i was a beautiful woman and i only had a one and ten chance of getting ahold of my man? not even that! like you said: “maybe” a one and ten. dang! does this sound like you are being treated as you should? does this sound like zac is equiped to be a true man who does right by you? i beg to differ on that point missy! xo cal

  13. Yo, wife, I’ll get you Office soon enough. Don’t trip. I suggest you install Trillian, that way you can communicate with your gay Yahoo buddies and awesome me at the same time. I’m going to expect the gravy this weekend.

  14. My offer still stands for Erin to come and live with me. Just think: Girls Night Every Night. Gimlets and Reality T.V. (like last night, with Chris Barke). The Bachelor and beer! The fun never ends!!!!

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