Root Cause Analysis of Whazzmaster.com

I think I’ve figured out why whazzmaster.com’s wheels are coming off. In tha beginning, there was rap… and on whazzmaster.com almost all Blog entries (which were supposed to jumpstart conversation about topics) were about one of two things:

1.) Me hating something.
2.) We went out and got drunk and something funny or interesting happened.

Looking back at the past few months, there’s been very little of either of the above. I take full resopnsibility for my own decline in writing about number 2 (haha!), but there’s a reason that we have 3 other people with Admin-level access. Scientist: you go out drinking every night, and even on a bad night out you’ll trip on a pimp robot’s foot and break your ankle. On a good night you’ll drink absinthe and black out in a bar, only to wake up between two impassible fences.

Wirkus, every time I talk to you on the phone you have at least a minorly funny story about something that was funny/interesting or that pissed you off in some way.

And JESUS CHRIST PEOPLE, CASPERSON THROWS PEOPLE THROUGH WINDOWS IN DUMPSTERS FOR A LIVING. He should have SOMETHING to say.

Oh, they post all right. But I’m prepared to hold whazzmaster.com to a higher grammatical standard than we currently have in place. Jesus, take some time to formulate your goddamned words into goddamned sentences. Start a sentence with a fucking capital letter every fucking time.

Above all: make goddamn sense, even if your story doesn’t.

Scientist: you went to college. Presumably at some point you had to write in complete sentences. Try to do it more often now that you work in the real world.

Wirkus: I shouldn’t have to say anything. You’re a goddamned English major. I’m at least tryin’ here. Every once in a while I’ll use a semi-colon (probably incorrectly). I try to hyphenate when appropriate.

Casperson: Write something. Anything. Please tell me a story about when you broke someone’s ankle with the Ankle Lock.

Me: Get off my lazy ass and actually write sometimes. For that matter, go out more so you have more stories to tell. You ain’t gettin’ any younger, Jackson.

C’mon, guys. The level of posting has declined severely since the Bachelor Party. We need to step up if we want to make this site a Good Thing.

Current Grade: D

I want us back to at least a B by January. You have your assignments. Go Voltron.

-whazz on

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