You Want Stupid? I Give You Dumb:

[UPDATE! UPDATE! UPDATE!]
Since you all piss me off, I decided to punish you with a new version of ZacFacts! for the year of 2004. Read about me and weep, you soiled-in-the-pants perverts. Now back to your regularly scheduled anti-right wing media rant…

This is retarded, and the reason why there is no hope for a Democratic presidential candidate: this article presupposes so much about Howard Dean’s personal life (while making stupid assertations about the content of TV), that you know come summer this kind of shit is going to be all over Faux News and CNN. The author of this shit (who never prints a byline so I would know where to send an email that says: “why are you so fucking dumb?”) actually typed the words:

Why don’t the Deans have cable TV?

Surely, Dean and his wife are worth millions, so the monthly cost of the paid programming coughed up by the average American family is not an issue for them.

No CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, no “Sopranos,” no ESPN, no nothing? Is it possible that Judith and Howard just don’t want their kids exposed to the nasty influence of the violent, sexually explicity programming found on the likes of HBO, Showtime and other channels?

Perhaps the Deans are secret supporters of fellow Democrat Joe Lieberman’s crusade to clean up Hollywood.

It may be difficult to imagine that a presidential candidate doesn’t have access to the all-news TV networks – unless they just can’t stomach the stench coming out from Hollywood.

That last paragraph is particularly hilarious. The author says that the Deans don’t have access to “all-news TV networks,” which he then equates with “the stench coming out of Hollywood”. Buddy, the shit that the “all-news networks” are coming up with is way, way, way beyond anything Hollywood could spew out. You needn’t look further than New York (Faux News) or Atlanta (CNN) for all of your stench-filled “newstainment” of the fucking day.

Jesus Christ, the fucker actually tried to call Dean on the fact that he wouldn’t want to watch the piss that they pass off for news! Fuck you, Newsmax! Fuck you right in your ass!

–whazz on

37 thoughts on “You Want Stupid? I Give You Dumb:

  1. It doesn’t matter. Dubbya will win because of the oil lobbies and bible thumpers. Then we will go to war with Madagascar for their underexploited oil fields. I mean their housing of terrorists.

  2. so i guess we’re having a clash in parties? What time does your party start? Maybe we can make it a stove top affair…

    holla

  3. i got the super bowl on east coast time at my place…we could watch it here & then go to your place to watch it…cuz you know, the 3 hour time delay.

    holla

  4. Dude, Zach, its only fair that you let us fill in a Zach Profile too. I also think that you need to start loading more pics to this site. Maybe even have a hall of fame and a hall of shame (which might as well be called wall of madd), but think about it. I love whazzmaster and i’d like to see it expand and take over the intenet world.

    holla

  5. Zach fachs 2004 made me laugh… made me cry.

    I wish that the above article was an isolated piece of stupidity, but it isn’t. Idiots call every day, spewing bullshit and their numbers are growing.

    “Boo-hoo, the illegal Mexicans are taking my job.”
    “Boo-hoo, the IRS is taking my money.”
    “Boo-hoo, the Democrats are taking my gun.”
    “Boo-hoo, the dingoes are taking my baby.”
    “Boo-hoo, the Republicans are taking my civil rights.”

    Shut up you cry-cries. You may be right, but get you’re facts straight before you disgorge your bilious complaints.

  6. wow.. amazing – I can use a laser to cut things!

    Look at my new metal cutting laser!
    Look at my new paper cutting laser!
    Look at my new Arnold-superhero cutting laser (complete with slow moving conveyor belt to strap him on)!

    Those are GRAD students? wow… maybe stopping at a GED these days is a smarter thing to do….

  7. As if “local-Wisconsin student” Xianhuang Ho ever encountered cheese before attending school in Wisconsin.

  8. That depends: who are you going with? Based on the fact you do not gamble or like nekid ladies, I suggest you get beligerent and catch the Bird Show at the Tropicana Hotel, Casino and Resort.

  9. wwhazz, where you been, dawg? Been tryin to get a hold of you lately.

    Caspa, is your plan still to wait until you are gainfully employed before getting a gym membership? Just wondering, because I think I’m going to go tonight.

  10. Cal, you are flippin insane. You gotta check out the Exotic Bird Show (ask Springer, he knows all about it!).

    “WHO LET THE DAWGS OUT? CAW, CAW, CAW, CAW!!”

  11. MP, madd…this is my flight plan at this point. i’m gonna book it tonite after work, unless u wanna look at american or some other airline.

    $177
    Per Adult 8:30pm, Fri, Mar 19 288 San Jose, CA
    Las Vegas, NV On Time:90-100% 9:46pm Fri, Mar 19
    11:26am Sun, Mar 21 280 Las Vegas, NV
    San Jose, CA On Time:70-80% 12:52pm Sun, Mar 21

  12. thanks suggestion box. here’s a suggestion for you: fuck yourself.

    wwhaz i want to bet on baseball. how do i do this?

    one more thing. fuck yourself suggestion box.

  13. ok, here’s a question for peterstiffly or any other person who would like to take a shot at it…in the 4 major sports (if hockey’s major), which franchise has the longest drought without playing in a world championship game?

  14. Hey Zach, you know how you can setup a .mac account. can I customize the homepage. Right now it immediately displays the photoalbums.. do you know if its possible?

  15. I don’t really know, I never really setup my .Mac stuff except to use the space for the photo albums (when I did the Bachelor Party stuff).

  16. Roooooo! I have not seen you in forever! I miss you! I love the ZacFacts 2004. I would marry you too baby!

  17. damn…i was out drinking w/ jeff g. in san ho last nite & he got arrested & thrown in jail for DUI. it really makes you think, will he now get ass herpes to match his lip herpes?

  18. 1. Haven’t whazzed in awhile. Busy. I fucking never want to look at a Service Academy application AGAIN.
    2. I was almost fired on Monday. This asshole called up with a brilliant idea for legislation. His schpeil goes something like this: Temporarily suspend early withdrawl penalties for IRA accounts for people w/in a certain income limit (his example was btwn. the poverty line and ~$50,000). The penalties would be suspended until the economy “recovers” (whatever the hell that subjectively means), because these people need money to spend.
    Wow. That’s fucking brilliant. In fact, I don’t think anyone has ever thought of anything quite so ingenious. Could you please hold while I connect you directly with the Chief of Staff…wait a minute – isn’t that idea what is generally known as a SAVINGS ACCOUNT???
    Of course, when he was done rambling, I simply asked whether the suspension of such penalties would defeat the purpose of a retirement account in the first place. At this point he demanded my name and title, and to speak with my supervisor.

    NO MORE CRAZY. NO MORE!

    3. The first episode of the Bachelorette airs tonight. I’m going to win the game; consider that a threat, Old Man.

  19. 4. RC – thanks for the thank you note. I am going to continue sending you and your husband random newspaper clippings on various subjects that I assume will interest you, just like an elderly spinster woman who lives with too many cats.

  20. 3. You will loose Jen H. because I know the secret ending… Meredith bears my love child.

    4. Send them a subsrciption to Reader’s Digest. If you don’t, I will.

  21. 4. It is especially important to include articles relating to how computer games cause Satanism and any article related to death by binge drinking. Thanks, Grandma.

  22. Morning.
    1. I too am VERY excited for the Bachelorette Jen. I wish it wasnt this girl and that they had picked Kelly Jo but I’ll still watch it.
    2. Any one watch the REAL WORLD san diego. That shit is getting gggooooooddd!
    3. I attended an interview with someone last night. He was being interviewed by the ARmed Forces Network. It aired pretty much everywhere worldwide except for IRAN. What gives dude?
    4. Wednsdays suck at work. Too many Meetings.
    5. ROCK CHALK!!!!!!!!!! Hello!!! I miss you too. Its been, like what, a gazillion months since we’ve seen eachother… How’s life? What’s new?
    6. GO EAGLES!!!!

    peace

  23. Attention elderly spinsters:

    DO NOT FUCKING SEND ME READER’S DIGEST. It is anti-literature, read only by that special kind of retard that enjoys reading life-affirming drivel and laughs at the Quotable Quotes that elderly grandmas send in. Said quotes were considered old and dumb when the grandma’s grandpa told them to her in 1888. Also, we have a fucking subscription to Reader’s Digest. I have no need for another one.

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