Two Old Men On Now

We have a new Old Man on He gets to bed early these days, and generally enjoys playing both with his Scrabble Board and with his dogg. He’s got a great gal who enjoys tambourines and fashions herself a fantastic garage porno motorcycle star.

Happy 28th Birthday Wirkuswhazz. Here’s to the guy I used to get confused with Phil Dashlet at the HoJo.

The first bar I ever drank in was the Red Shed, where Wirkus took me to take advantage of the fact that Marksie worked there as a bartender and would wave us past the bouncer. I only had 4 drinks, which I remember to this day: a large Long Island Iced Tea, a shot of tequila, a big cup of Scotch on the rocks, and a second Long Island Iced Tea. Wirkus dragged me to the HOJO, put me in a cab, and waved me home.

One thing that shocked yet warmed my heart was when the inestimable Brian Kalish and I went to visit ol’ WWhazz when he lived down in the durty south. My computer science-knowin’, amenities-havin’, furniture-lovin’ self was unprepared to stay in a 1 bedroom apartment with less furniture than I have in 1 SQUARE INCH of my home. However, after a few days I came to really appreciate the simple life he lived in an empty apartment surrounded by small lizards.

So what I want out of this thread is for all the people who’ve met WWhazz to tell a funny or embarassing story about him so that he gets good and mad and enver comes back… I went to far on that one. But anyways, c’mon and post your stories everyone!

And take this to heart, Wirkuswhazz, you’re finally as old as Springer.

–whazz on and happy whazzday

74 thoughts on “Two Old Men On Now

  1. Jen looking out the window at the six inches of falling snow, “I want to live in California.” sigh.

  2. Sorry I don’t read magazine’s for adolescent girls. Never saw the photos. I’m sure they weren’t that good anyways.

  3. Jen, “Your allowed to do jager bombs at you’re age?”
    Old Man, “I’ll kill you!”
    Jen, “Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh”

  4. Preggos: ooooooh. I agree with The Old Man’s assessment of the situation.

    Also: would someone be willing to wager me somewhere in the neighborhood of $5,000 on a My Fair Lady-esque bet that we can’t get the Scientist down to dating weight by, say, the end of 2004? Just wondering.

  5. My decree is already out. Madd is destined for fatitude for all eternity. I will bet you young foolish Zachery. I need to see the money up front though since I do not trust you.

  6. 1. I can not remember the results of my ploy. I only remember hatching the plot and biting my arm.

    2. Ye old man, I don’t know about x-box, but we should do a happy hour one of these days when I am in town and you are done with work.

    3. Wow. If we really did have an over/under madd weight loss bet, and he could win serious money ($1000+) by losing weight, he would do it. Dude loves money.

    But he would do it in a fagg adkins manner. I could see dude living on bacon. I could not see dude eating celery and sweatin’ to the oldies.

  7. wirkus… i used to be skinny. i ate/drank exactlly as much as i do now, but i ran twice a week a few miles and played basketball 3 times a week.

    my position on diets and such is simple…. EXERCISE. period. unless you are trying to build a ton of muscle or lose a ton of weight really fast, you don’t have to change anything else. burn more calories = skinnier.

    atkins pisses me off. timmahs breath is rank. south beach diet is stupid… its just limits how much you can eat… how… 1950s-esque. dumb.

    if we had an elliptical machine, i would use it.

    if you idiots want to get a saturday or sunday morning bball game going, i will play in it.

    if you want to bet about who can get their biceps up to 20″ first… i got skrill for days.

    fuck you all, i’m fat.


  8. thanks to madd i’m eating and drinking more so i can become a fat fucker. too bad my biceps are only 13″ right now.

    #1 F F’er signing off.

  9. do it! madd get enormus lil hurk biceps! eliptical machine is really dumb. go outside and run in the street.

  10. 1. Madd Scientist, if I move out to Cali you will have it made. GMC can personal trainer you, and I will Queer Eye you. I know how you all feel about the gays, but you are just going to have to trust me on this one. V05 works wonders on hair like yours.

    2. I’m fucking pissed. Not just like, scaredy pants girl pissed, but Pissed. A few weeks ago I discovered bugs in my jasmine rice. I wasn’t too happy about it, because I figured it was an isolated incident. Fast forward: bugs are all up in my dry food area storage shit. I throw stuff out, call my mom crying and try to maintain some kind of level of sanity to deal with the situation, just as brave young girls do all the time. The Monday after the Bug Inspired Weekend Breakdown, the Old Man and this other guy, Steve, that I work with figure out that I have “rice beetles.” Okay. Plan of attack: seal all of my dry foods (cereal, oatmeal, rice, etc. that never get eaten because I prefer Taco Bell) and eventually the bug problem will be nipped in the bud (or bug – haha).
    Well, recent events have catalyzed a new and more militant approach to my bug “situation.” I had to go to this broke ass “Towns Association” meeting in Dodge County (think Dodge City, except replace the lawless gun slingers with lawless Republicans and you have a good idea of what it’s like) this morning. I got up at 6:30 a.m. to get there by 8:30 a.m. (

  11. On second thought, I hope I ate a bunch of those goddamn squatters with my chocolate and I hope they met a violent, prolonged and painful death upon contact with my stomach acid. Serves those little bitches right.
    Don’t fuck with me and my christmas candy.

    Oh wait – Holiday candy.

  12. Jen,
    Horrible situation…. really nice telling of it, though.
    I hope you called your landlord to take care of those little fuckers.
    Good luck.

  13. How fucking long do I have to wait for my fucking pokerroom account?

    Goddamn it has been nearly 24 hrs and still I get this:

    “It can sometimes take some time before your activation code email arrives. If you have lost your activation code email or if you didn’t get it, click the button on the right to get it resent to you.”

    It can sometimes take some time. Wow. How fucking concise.

  14. Moneypennys (Zach or Erin)…please get a hold of me . I need to get people’s phone numbers and addresses for my wedding invitations or Amy is going to kill me.

    Jen…what do you need my email address for? Let me know…

  15. 1. Big Show – I shot you an email. Much love, brotha.

    2. Wes Clark was on Meet the Press on Sunday. Sometimes I wonder if I might be a little insane, since I have a tendancy to shout back at the television when the news shows are on. Clark was talking about how he is going to appeal to all the independents, centrist dems, blah, blah, blah, and then he said: we are even going to appeal to people who voted for Reagan and not even expect them to repent.
    It was at this point I furiously shouted at the television: SPEAK FOR YOURSELF GENERAL CLARK.

    IMO there is a special tier in Hell reserved for people who voted and supported Reagan. Some things are just unforgiveable.

  16. yes there is a special tier… and our holiday candy isn’t infested.

    yeah. doesn’t sound so bad now, does it?


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