A sad day indeed dawned as one of the foremost visionaries of television died today. Mary-Ellis Bunim is dead today at 57.
Where now will all the dumbs of the world get their weekly updates on what a bunch of pretty twentysomethings are doing in a lavish house? How indeed will America react when 6 drunkards can no longer ape and play for the cameras? Now that I think about it, how will tean girls be able to live out their fantasies of traveling through South Asshole, Wyoming in a Winnebago? The kissing, the “hook ups”, the DRAMA (I meant that in the “baby-momma-drama” sense of the word, not the Shakespearean drama sense). HOW WILL WE CONSUME UTTERLY VAPID ENTERTAINMENT NOW?
And the answer is: Jonathon Murray still lives to carry on the torch of entertainment mediocrity. He is already interviewing cast members for Real World: Candy Land where we see what happens when people stop being polite and start being real in a gingerbread house in Fantasyland! He’s already cast the jewish princess, the hip-hop thug, the white guy from Montana, and the homosexual. I think he’s still looking for the Piltdown Man, a hot dog vendor, and Donald Trump so that the house will be the ultimate take on “reality”.
Piltdown Man: “urrrr”
hip-hop man: “Yo dawg, this ape-man is buggin!”
white guy: “buggin!? I don’t understand your ‘street slang’ HOMEY”
Donald Trump: “You are all beneath me.”
hot dog vendor: “Hey Donald, want to buy a hot dog?”
hot dog vendor: “$400”
homosexual: “ssomebody jusst got sswindled!”
I hate reality TV. Dave Chappelle is funny. The fact that I used up 8 precious hours of my life to watch the Soroity Life marathon last spring makes me want to fucking puke.
Again, Mary-Ellis Bunim dead at 57.