Scientist’s Biting Debut: Tipsy
So, last Sunday was WWE No Way Out at the fabulous Cow Palace in San Francisco. We’d scored some pretty sweet tickets via those pieces of shit at Ticketmaster, and I figured $75 each wasn’t bad considering we were on the camera-facing side just off the floor. So Rock Chalk, myself, 4nyay, and GMC filled up some Road Cups and headed up to the city. We left the house at around 3:20pm, and got to the Cow Palace around 4pm. The show started at 5pm and I figured it’d be cool to hang out and get our seats early. Oh, how fucking wrong I was.
Before I go any further let me just say that the Cow Palace is a gigantic fucking barn. That’s it. Here: take a look
Yeah, that’s where WWF held one of their monthly PPVs. Awesome.
So the Cow Palace is unique in its fucking utter stupidity and barn-like-ness in that it only has one door; a door which they DID NOT OPEN UNTIL AFTER 4PM. So, they figured, all we have to do now is usher 15,000 to 20,000 people through security and then through that one door. IT’LL BE SO SIMPLE! Not quite, you fucking idiots. So we come over the bridge from the upper parking lot to the lot nearest the door and see a line. Now, I know this is hard to comprehend, but our brains were not working through the fact that there looked to be a line of several hundred people or so. We shrugged and laughed and talked about who was going to win the main event and started towards the back of the line. We got to a point where the line turned left, went for a 100 yards or so, and then turned right again. When we turned right we stopped in our tracks. The line was so big that it was not even all within our field of view in a gigantic arena parking lot. It went from the door to the very edge of the parking lot, where the WWF parked all their trailers, AND THEN IT PULLED A GREAT AMERICA where it snaked back and forth 5 or 6 rows deep along the far edge of the lot.
So I’m swearing, and it’s about 4:15 at this point. At 5:00, when we heard all of the pyros going off and the show starting, we were about halfway to the front door. In normal Moneypenny fasion, I was ranting and raving. The only thing that relieved the tension was when Scott renamed the whole shebang to WWE No Way In 2004. When we finally approached the front door, they had these tables set up where they were putting confiscated items from people. The reason the line was so long was that there was one door with one security checkpoint. The sum total of what those fuckers made us miss the start of the show for was 50 umbrellas and 10 or so bags of fucking Cheetos. GOOD JOB Cow Palace Security! Good thing no one made it into the arena with a fucking cherry bomb, or something to snack on while they waited in line for your 3rd grade education to kick in and decide that the 10 year old kid with a John Cena sign isn’t a terrorist. We were inside the Cow Palace at 5:30pm, and had missed the first two matches. Then we played “Just Try To Find An Usher Who Didn’t Arrive On A Small, Yellow Bus” to get to our seats. OOPS! Section PP is not on any of the signs. Do you want to know how they expected us to find it? Why, it was written 4 inches high in chalk on the ground in front of the stairs! WHEEEEEEEE!
There were some people in our seats when we got there who couldn’t figure out which end of the row the numbers started on. They were slightly angry that they had to move in the middle of the Excitement that was the APA tag team match. Ooooooooh, Blond Bradshaw hurt his widdle showlder! Awwwww! Fuck you Bradshaw, you look gay with blond hair.
From here on it was pretty not bad at the ol’ Cow Palace. Decent show. Very decent. And Eddie Guerrero won the WWE Championship from Brock Lesnar, which is sweet.
Ride home=uneventful and i slept like a baby.