Last night the roomies went down to the local T.G.I.Friday’s for some down home suburban excitement. I saw my future in the human beanbag sitting by the bar and realized that I had better keep my diet up. I WANT TO BE THIN. If only for a day, I want to live the world the way the Judd Jacobs and the Scott Fourniers do. Come off it Scott, you’re fucking thin. You have like 10% body fat or some shit. Go puke after lunch you bulimic whore.

Just joking people. Also Scott is, in fact, correct in his observation:

if only u could fit a no-fun-sombrero around a whole house…

I made a mockery of friendly comraderie last evening when, returning home from a dinner of steak and steamed vegetables, I decided not to travel down to San Jose to go to the show at Agenda. I apologize. How was the show? I definitely have to make more of an effort to get out. See, right now our house functions as sort of a carnival. You’ve got everything under one roof: drinking, gambling, video games, movies, a restaurant, sex. You have to understand that it gets hard to motivate oneself to leave. “Why should I go? I can have just as much fun here.” is the prevailing thought. I know that thought is misguided. I think it has something to do with the current weather, too. I mean, honestly, after all I said above, pile on the fact that it’s raining and cold outside all the time. Would you want to leave the House of Stuff To Do to go out into it? You’d probably be delighted to live in such a place.

Again, sorry to all I have disappointed. These are causes of the problem; they’re not meant to be excuses.

By the way, I have a question to all of my English major friends out there. It’s been bothering me for some time and I would like a critique. Have I been using semi-colons correctly in my writing? I’ve tried to pepper them throughout my posts in what I think are correct usages, but I’m not sure if it’s appropriate. KatieK? Wirkuswhazz? Big Show? BrianK? Anyone? Am I a writing super-genius, or a schmuck who presumes too much to think he knows how to use one of the most baffling punctuation marks in existence?

–whazz on


  1. Oh my. Hung over! The screen is moving and I can’t get it to stop. Wirkuswhazz and Bellgirl it was nice to see you last night. Bellgirl you need to call me today before 3:30, @ 446-3409. Ok back to bed.

  2. Huh. A cryptic post. You can’t fucking just leave me hangin like that, Marksie. After all, GMC convinced me not to bring a “Tom Marks Is A Skirt” sign to the No Way Out PPV. You owe me, man.

  3. madd is still sleeping. I think he’s going to be fired….when I call his boss about his nightly rituals. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH

    Eat more ribs

  4. That fucker was suckin on those ribs like a big ol’ nipple. I’ve never seen a man so ravenous for ribs in my life, INCLUDING my bachelor party. I forgot two important things about last night’s dinner:

    1. The Penis Game in a packed T.G.I.Fridays
    2. When GMC told the waitress to tell Scientist that he was fat.


  5. I do owe you. I would tell but I can’t remember to many things. I just need to get that nurses phone number from Bellgirl.

  6. Ok, here is the story of my stomach:

    I went in yesterday to have the camera put down my throat to see why my stomach hurts so much. They give me an IV and the nurse says “You’re going to be awake but you might have a little amnesia” That’s the last damn thing I remember. They gave me Demerol, I had a fabulous day of eating jello, watching movies and sleeping during busy season. Awesome.

    So all in all they discovered, after all the hell they put me through last year I DON’T have an ulcer. My stomach acid has been eating away at my esophagus and its been bleeding, that’s what hurts so damn much. They gave me medicine and I should be cured in 2 months. Erin’s response to this news? “You can drink again! Yes!” Gotta love her.

  7. madd just woke up and upon exiting his door looks at me and says the following:

    12:02 p.m. (Pacific)
    Madd: “Ohhhhh oh! I’m in trouble.”
    GMC: “So you playing poker today?”
    Madd: “Ohhhh oh! What’s my excuse going to be?”
    GMC: “You’re fat.”
    Madd: (on telephone) “Hey it’s Mike. I’m gonna be in a little after 12 today.”
    GMC: “You coming home for lunch today?”
    Madd: “I don’t know. I need to hurry.”

    12:14 p.m. (Pacific)
    (still in shower)

    12:26 p.m. (Pacific)
    (still in shower)

    12:39 p.m. (Pacific)
    (still in shower)

    12:43 (Pacific)
    (shower stops)

    GMC: “That was the longest shower ever.”
    Madd: “I’ve got a lot of area to cover.”
    GMC: “Bay 101 has their all you can eat rib special today. Want to go?”
    Madd: “What time?”
    GMC: “I’m just kidding. Want to play the penis game?”
    Madd: “No.”
    GMC: “Tell your friend to come over and play poker tonight.”
    Madd: “I lost $195 yesterday. I’ve got to break someone off.”
    (Madd exits front door at 12:54 p.m.)

  8. yooooooooooooooooo

    madd, are you lining people up for tonight? i’m assuming that the poker game is a go. tell me if i’m mistaken.

  9. Heather, I love you. Plan on a full night of alcohol on Tuesday, April 27th. Two months, Baby. Two months.

    I’m contacting one Jimmy Loughmiller to find out what he’s up to tonight. No Brian, but Brian did want to let you know that there’s a poker tournament at the place we went to for lunch. Rosy’s something in Morgan Hill.

  10. Yo! No Jim for poker night. I’ll probably buy in when I get home from work. Want me to pick up food/beer/vodka? I could get some non-carby things.

  11. yo err-in (rock chalk)

    i got a tax question for ya…..

    if i itemize the vehicle license fee as a deduction, how do i account for it since i am in the class of people who got a refund once arnold stepped in? do i use the original vlf and wait to see if they ask me about it next year? or, do i use the actual one which is what i paid minus the refund?

    hollar back!


  12. Ruckus –

    Account for the VLF in 2003 as what you paid, in 2004 you will have to account for the refund as income.

  13. 1. This is my first whazz in a looooooong time. Yikes, I just read 1000 posts

    2. Semicolons are simple. Use them to connect complete sentences. This is fine:

    “These are causes of the problem; they’re not meant to be excuses.”

    You can also use them when you use shit like besides, therefore or thus.

    Cal is gay; therefore, you have a shot.

  14. Mike is drunk: I will beat him in scrabble and have sex with him;;;;;;;;;;;;
    love, bellgirl
    ps- should I hook a close friend up with Marksie??? Yes, NO, the next poll?

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