Blood Work Part II

I went to Quest Diagnostics yesterday to get the dumb blood work done for my physical. I get there and the receptionist is a complete fucking bitch. She tells me to sign in, ring a little bell, and go sit “until someone comes for you(me)”.

So next the Queen of the Harpies appears in her dumb white coat. She reads the sheet turns around and with utter scorn says “Whichever one of you is here for the test come with me; I can’t even read what your name is.” You whore. I’m not some cursive-writing mongoloid. It fucking said ‘Zachery Moneypenny’. Learn to read, bitch.

She takes me through a bunch of twists and turns and when we get back there barks out “You’ve been fasting for 12 hours right? Only water?” Well, I had forgotten about the whole fasting part, so I hadn’t been. But since this fucking bitchwad was yelling so much I just said, “Yep.”

She jabbed me in the arm with a needle and I pissed in a cup. Her parting words to me: “You can go.” I found my own way out of the labyrinth of fatties hunched over petri dishes and old hags like the one who “helped” me. The End.

41 thoughts on “Blood Work Part II

  1. hi bellgirl. hey anybody heard this album: Kanye West- the College Dropout? Pitchfork says it’s great but they are just wrong more often than not… moneypenny (you cursive-writing mongoloid!) have you heard this guy? if not (or in addition to)

    whazzers, what are you listening to these days? I am in need of new music and would like some recommendations. so… if you’re interested, there’s a canadian band called The Unicorns that i think is pretty good… anyone else? anyone…? beuler?

  2. I’m reserving judgement on Kanye West until I actually get his album (which I plan on doing), but I’m pretty sure it’s not the type of hip-hop you’d enjoy, cla. For a sample of his work listen to the two current Twista singles out now. He produced both of those and guests on one of them. Also, the “Through the Wire” is his first single. Basically he takes songs from the 70s and alters the male lead vocals so they sound like a woman is singing them and then speeds the whole thing up to 80rpms. I like some of what I hear and I don’t like lother stuff that he’s done.

    BUT, I hear through the reviews and grapevine that his lyrics are more than the average “bling’bling’Bentley” shit so I figrued I’d give it a try.

  3. 1. Has anyone else RSVP’d to Big Show’s wedding? I set aside a room today, so there are some rooms left. FYI.

    2. Zach, what happens if you don’t fast for 12 hours? Or maybe we should ask Bellgirl…

    3. Bellgirl: are you moving to Milw in December? I’m moving there in August. Milwaukee whazzers: where should I live (I’m thinking Brady/North Prospect area) and how much should I pay for a one bedroom?

  4. In August I will officially become a Milwaukee whazzer. I take back all of the bad stuff I said about Milwaukee, and you can punish my hypocrisy if you so choose. I probably deserve it.

  5. Speaking of RSVPs…those of you who haven’t received invitations have not given me your addresses…Kyle, Wirkus, I need yours especially. Amy is going to kill me soon if I don’t get these invitations out of our new place. Please keep the Big Show alive…contact me. Whazz on.

  6. thanks mpenny! does sound a little to bling bling Bentley for me. have you heard jay z’s last album? the black album i think? is it good? but unfortunately i don’t think jay z is the type of hip hop i’d really like either. alas, my type of hiphop is ten years out of date. pete rock, CL smooth… rakim… i hardly knew ye… i miss kangol hats and fat laces. i am old.

  7. 1. I have made room resos for wedding weekend. I need to call Big Show to work out some of the finer points of planning my plane tickets though.
    2. I sent my RSVP yesterday mornin. SHould be there in a California minute (I have no idea what that means).
    3. Bellgirl– what happens if I don’t fast before doing the blood/urine test? Calamity? Dogs and cats, living together?

  8. 1. Zach – if you need a p/u from the airport, or transport, let me know. I can help work something out if you need it.
    2. I put my RSVP to the wedding in the mail today, so unless the interns forget the mail you should get it tomorrow or Thursday. I also had to RSVP that I can’t come to the bridal shower. I have to help demanding poor people file their taxes.

  9. my new cd is awesome. at $9.99 it is also good value. how do those guys do it at best buy. wow.

    ok, about that through the wire single… sorry about that. that is the weakest song on my cd. that other shit is hot though. “imma play this vandros, you go’in take yo pants off”. come on. you GOT to give me that.

    cla, you WILL like my cd. it has the old hip hop vibe. i’m bringing the fun back. holla.

  10. Jen: I may take you up on that transport offer. I’ll know more when I make the plane resos. As you know, it will be me and me alone ince Tha Wife is the Bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding that same day up in Da North.

  11. also, wwhazz: are you staying at the hotel that weekend or just commuting back and forth to downtown meelywalkay?

  12. zach, about not fasting- not the biggest deal in the world but my guess is that they were going to draw a 12 hr fasting blood glucose and since you didn’t fast and told them you did they may think you have diabetes, cushing’s syndrome, or chronic renal failure, all of which you most likely do not have at 25. So it might be a good idea to fess up so they don’t freak out.
    Jen I will be in Milwaukee this summer and working there every other weekend during my last semester but I don’t think that we will be living there for good come Dec., all I know is that we’re planning on moving out of Wisco, where is Wwhazz’s job to figure out.
    when is paul’s wedding again?

  13. Virulent Strain Of Soy Flu Traced To Single Tofurkey

    SAN FRANCISCO—A virulent strain of soy flu has been traced to a single tofurkey at a Bay Area food-processing factory. “An investigation of Green Earth Foods has located the bird-shaped loaf of firm bean curd from which the infection originated,” said Dr. Julie L. Gerberding, director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. “To prevent further spreading of the disease, all tofurkeys in Northern California are being quarantined and destroyed.” Gerberding said it appears that the soy virus was not transmitted to the factory’s Spaghetti & Wheatballs Microwaveable Entree division.

  14. Zach, I’m thinking they were probably doing bloodwork for cholesterol/triglycerides? Your Triglys aren’t accurate if you’re not fasting. Might be glucose like Bellgirl said but since glucose regulation is kept in homeostasis you usually don’t really change that much whether you are fasting or not. Unless they think you may have diabetes, in which case they would make you drink weird orange syrupy koolaid and then draw your blood. It doesn’t seem like they did that. Spoken from the medtech/nerdy grad student.

    Bellgirl: what’s your profession? Just curious :)The medical types need to stick together.

    Jen: what’s up with the Milwaukee move? Email me and give me the dirt.

  15. that IS my worst nightmare… did someone make that up? also, at the momenet (that’s right momenet) MY motto is up there…

    ha ha haha ha oh lord i like it. bellgilrl that was some slick knowledge droppin. oh and when/where are you moving? that is major news no? californ-nee? you know, we have no real east coast representation on whazzmaster. maybe you two should go east. go to new york! well, it’s been a night and now i am off to bed. goodnight wazzers. hi rachel.


  16. Hey Jen, I think you’ll like Milwaukee a lot. Moving to the Brady St./Prospect area is a good idea. Don’t move near Marquette–it’s nasty and housing is really tight (not tite)–correct usage Thizzelle??. You’ll probably spend about $500 for a small basic one bedroom. If you want something nice, it’ll probably be around $600. The other thing you’ll have to consider is that parking is going to be between $50-80 per month. If you want help looking around, let me know. I think you saw the first apartment that we lived in here… it was a disgusting hellhole. We only had one day and didn’t know the neighborhood well enough to find something good. We’ve got all that figured out now…

  17. 1. Zach – let me know about details and I’ll pick you/you and tha wife (sorry, RC – is it funny or offensive?) up.

    2. OK. This is the official “pre-Announcement Announcement”: Fall 2004 I will be matriculating as a first year law student at Marquette University. I found a super cheap apartment on North 50th street: one bedroom for under $500. Is that ghetto? I’m going to take your advice, KatieK, and stick to Brady/N. Prospect.

    3. Damn, there be some smart lady whazzers in our group. Glucose, triglicerides; y’all sound so smart, but please: that shit is gross. I’m glad that Zach isn’t going to die.

    4. Rachel – I’ll email you later today.

  18. Hey Jen,
    50th St… it depends on the cross street. It’s probably not a horrible neighborhood… we have friends on 52nd. But it is bad around 30th & Locust, and most likely you’ll have to drive through the ghetto to get anyplace. Iknow that you can get a one bedroom on Prospect for about 500, and you might as well take something like that in a good neighboor hood where you’ll be able to walk to good salons, shopping, restaurants, etc…

  19. 1. I think the location is W. North Ave and N. 50th Street. You do your grad work at Marquette, right? Where do you and Brian live? Do you drive or bus it?

    2. Wirkuswhazz – where do you live? Any comments?

  20. 50th & North. It’s a little sketchy. It’s the kind of neighborhood that’s fine one block and bad the next. Lots of brick houses with those decorative iron safety doors. I’m at MU. I drive, though when we only had one car I bussed it which was about 15-20 min. I hate the bus. I know I shouldn’t. It’s a short ride & easy, but there are a handful of crazys that ride every day. Driving is nice & close. Parking at MU isn’t cheap, though. For a full time student, it’s about $250 per semester. My place is on the corner of Prospect and Kane. Wirkus is a couple blocks away on Oakland and Irving.

    Congrats, by the way, on the whole Law school thing.

  21. how come nobody asks if shaq is on roids…that mutha fucka’s put on more weight than bonds, sheffield, & giambi combined.

  22. I just lost the dumbest game of poker tourny play ever. For those who care:

    4 players left, I have the chip lead (barely) Blinds are 400 – 800. I’m in the big blind with A9 suited. The second place chip leader is to my left. I raise preflop, he calls, the other two fold. Flop is A 2 9 rainbow. I bet, he raises,I go all in. He calls.

    So I think to myself, (what a wonderful world)whoops sorry sidetracked, what the hell does he have. Also forgot to mention he is a crazy player. So I put him on a mid sized pocket pair.

    Turn is 7. River is 7. Oh yeah that’s right this fucker stayed with an all in bet with 2/7 off.


  23. yo genie of the lamp-

    why ain’t anyone ask u if u on diet pills…u lost more weight than madd put on in the last year….



  24. i guess all that fatt i lost went straight to your triceps & shoulders…u got some troulders bitch (for the retards, troulders are like madd’s cankles, but on the arms).

    game. blouses.

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