Holy Hell

Looks like Brock Lesnar has quit the WWF to go to NFL?! Not only is it weird, but now one of the top matches going into Wrestlemania XX is between two guys who will no longer be working with the company the day after. Brock v. Goldberg was supposed to be huge, but how are they gonna swing it now? This is gonna be one Wrestlemania that is actually a mystery as to what they’re goning to do.

Other Wrestlemania Predictions

1. Old School Taker is gonna suck balls. OOOH! An undead warrior from beyond the dead! And he’s coming out to a Limp Bizkit song! He’s an undead greasy biker!
2. Rock’n’Sock v. Evilution. dum. dum. dum. dum. really dumb.
3. Triple H v. Benoit v. Shawn Michaels. I will bet someone $10 that Benoit does not walk out of WM with the belt. It will not happen. I predict HHH to retain.
4. I boldly predict that the 2 (TWO!) 4-way tag team matches will suck so bad that I will spend all that time outside standing by the pool.
5. Guererro v. Angle is most likely gonna be the highlight of the show. I can’t wait to see that one.
6. Big Show v. Cena is probably going to suck as a match (hey, Big Show is involved) but I really want to see it based on that fact that Cena is awesome and I can’t wait for him to hold the belt.
7. Jericho v. Christian should be a pretty good match. Hopefully with interference from Trish Jericho will win and do a full face turn. Christian is best when he’s full heel.

This weekend should be pretty nice. I just hope I’m not too hungover on Monday morning.

–whazz on

43 thoughts on “Holy Hell

  1. If one more asshole sends me the gas prices/boycott Exxon & Mobil email I’m going to fucking lose my goddamn mind.

  2. please…someone send her the ‘boycott’ email….

    at least that way there may be something interesting to read on whazz today…

    where the fuck is everyone…shit, when i am the leading poster, something is fookt up!!!!!


  3. believe you me, if i had it i wouldn’t hesitate to send it. damn, that could have been my highlight in the middle of nowhere. what the fuck buffalo bill?

  4. holy shit, only 4 more days until wrestlemania, i’m so excited I can hardly stand it. I can’t wait until i’m sitting at BW3s with one hand on my beer and the other on my crotch, hardy har, har. oh and what the fuck Brock Lesnar in the NFL, he’s never going to make it, he’ll be back to WWF by September, he’s such a pussy little bitch!

  5. Hi, Zach or any other computer minded person–I need help!
    My parents just gave me their old laptop which is in pretty good shape. Here’s the thing… it has windows 95 on it and an old version of word. My desktop has windows 98 and a much newer version of word. Is it possible for me to share document files between the two? Last night I tried to install 98 on the old computer, but it didn’t work. Apparently I needed the “upgrade.” Is there any way for me to get that?? Finally, I tried to put my virus scan program onto the computer just in case and it said “not compatible with windows NT” what the hell? It’s not windows NT.

  6. My Suggestion: Get Windows XP Home and install it on both computers. You’re doing yourself more harm than good being on any Win9x machine. Belee dat, brutha.

  7. I would highly suggest that any bored whazzers check out the Princetonreview.com Law message boards. Fun topics like, WTF UCLA?, but also: Why are Republicans such fat porkers, or …and somewhere, Scott Baio is plowing a woman he does not love.

    There are lots of ignorant conservatives to start fights with, too.

  8. I tried to start a fight about wrastling but I guess no one wants to fight; instead i will go watch babies be born.

  9. Hmmm, Divalicious un-phonetically is “The Evil I See, I Owe Us.”

    I think Jen is about to go postal.

  10. Brewers fans check it out:

    It seemed clear to outfielder Jeffrey Hammonds that the “bull — pitch” that broke his right thumb Tuesday, knocking him out for four to six weeks, was deliberate. To make sure, he walked by the Brewers’ dugout on his way to get X-rays and asked his former manager, Ned Yost, “Was that on purpose?”

    According to several Milwaukee players, Yost told Hammonds if he wanted him drilled, it would have been the first pitch and not the 1-2 fastball from left-hander Chris Capuano in the first inning of a 7-5 Brewers victory.

    Two hours later, with a splint on his right thumb and yet another entry in his log of injuries, Hammonds was not appeased, saying, “I asked the question to them. I got my answer and I came to the conclusion that I should have gotten out of the way. I should have hit the first two strikes or I should have gotten out of the way of the 1-2 pitch.”

    Although Hammonds was making a strong effort to measure his words, he did promise, “I’ll see them again.”

    In 2001, the Brewers gave Hammonds the richest contract in club history, three years at $21.75 million, but he was beset by injuries. The Brewers released him last June, the Giants signed him to a minor-league deal in July, and he spent the last two months of the regular season in San Francisco. His single in Game 4 of the Division Series ended the Giants season, as J.T. Snow was thrown out at home.

    On Tuesday, Hammonds ducked as Capuano’s high, tight fastball came at his head. With his hands still in the air, Hammonds’ thumb got caught between the ball and his bat. X-rays revealed a fracture just above the knuckle. He looked like he thought about charging the mound, but didn’t.

    The Brewers were flabbergasted that Hammonds thought the pitch was intentional, especially since Capuano and catcher Chad Moeller were not even on the team last year.

    “We have absolutely zero reason to throw at Jeffrey Hammonds,” Yost told a Milwaukee writer. “If there are hard feelings, it’s in his mind. We look at him with the utmost respect. We wouldn’t hit Jeffrey Hammonds in spring training. Come on. It doesn’t make any sense.”

    Said pitcher Wayne Franklin: “I’m surprised a guy who’s been in the game as long as he has thinks we were throwing at him.”

    The injury ensures Hammonds will miss the start of the season, creating an opening for a reserve outfielder. Todd Linden made his case with a tape- measure home run after he replaced Hammonds in the lineup.

    When Manager Felipe Alou heard the estimate of four to six weeks, he shook his head and said, “Hand injuries are a pain in the neck for a hitter. Any little pain, any little discomfort, is going to throw a hitter off.”

  11. fuck you bellgirl. what do you know about brock? WHO ARE YOU to say that he can’t make it?



    i bet he gets 5,000 yards, just like TO over the last 3 years. he will be AWESOME.

    FUCK VINCE. he probably didn’t pay him enough or give him enough RESPECT! YEAH, I SAID IT. BROCK DEMANDS RESPECT. GIVE IT TO HIM.

  12. raj, your affections for Benoit are clearly homosexual.

    Rock Sock connection looks like the best match to me.

  13. More:

    Madd, do you ever have fun anymore? I haven’t seen a scott/madd adventure in months.

    I watched the midget stripper comedy showcase a little while ago. I still can’t believe you bitched out on vegas.

  14. back to the Brewers story:

    I really really love this part:

    ” Although Hammonds was making a strong effort to measure his words, he did promise, “I’ll see them again.” “

  15. What are you doing right now? (besides whazzin?)

    I’m sitting at my desk slowly savoring a Midnight Milky Way pondering the question: could this be better than vodka?

  16. 1. Indeed, bellgirl, I will be grabbing my crotch and drinking beer while watching wrestling. AT LEAST I CAN!
    2. The Short Form: Hammonds=little easily-hurt bitch, Yost can’t believe that no intelligence tests are given upon entering the league.
    3. wwhazz: you have to be willing to go outside the house to have adventures.
    4. Can’t wait until Drunken Bowling Friday. ~COSMIC!
    5. Just because I like Benoit, doesn’t mean you have to be so insulting and angry… you fuckin mo. At least I didn’t like X-Gay.
    6. What Am I Doing Right Now? Sitting in my fucking cubicle, typing out missives to you nattering chowderheads.
    7. Played golf this mornin, and I liked it. Does that make me gay? Huh wwhazz? You and your girlfriend suck. You suck at poker. Your dog sucks. Are we fighting yet?

    beep beep. see you next yeeeeeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrrrr!

  17. Hi Zach! Are you playing basketball tonight? Milton said something about it. I’m also hanging out in my cubicle, and I miss you.

  18. yo, the best thing that jenh has ever done since i’ve known of her was to recommend the chicaquiles (sp please). in other WWF news…what the fuck buffalo bill? i leave for a few days & krazy shite happens. at least i can drink away any potential problems during wrestlemania.

  19. rock and sock = gay. Don’t put a hardcore legend with a faggy “movie star.” McFoley should have written that out of his storyline. Iguess that makes him dumb

  20. Also just applied to be a sales rep for Miller. That means if I get the job lots of cheap beer.

  21. I can’t believe Brock Lesnar is really going to try the NFL. He didn’t even play football in college. What position is he going to play? Seriously, what the fuck? Being a huge physical freak does not necessarily translate into being a good NFL football player (Tony Mandarich, Steve Entman, Brian Bosworth–and those guys were actually awesome football players in college). Also, doesn’t he know they test for steroids in the NFL. He’s such a wild card no team will risk higher than a fourth round pick on him.

  22. 1. It’s chilaquiles: a mixed up mess of Mexican goodness. My favorites were at Sanborn’s (a Mexican Denny’s, but better, because they serve beer).
    2. Gavin Newsom for President SOMEDAY. Maybe first he can be a Cali senator…? He’s my hero.
    3. We all want more Madd Scientist antic stories. Can someone get him out of the house this weekend?
    4. I started a cooking class last Wednesday. We learned how to make beef au poivre (mash some peppercorns on a tenderloin and Voila!) and chocolate mousse. Cooking is so fun, it’s like having a restaurant in your house, except a little bit more work.
    5. I have an idea for the next poll: internet dating. What is the verdict? Just for weirdos? Alona has met lots of ladies on the internet; I tell her she’s got ho’s in different area codes.

  23. I had a very strange dream last night wherein Mike Wirkus and Sam Hammady came to visit me (at work) in California. Then we went out for lunch. But not beofre I threw my cothes in the dryer… under my desk at work. Weird.

  24. Present weight: 204.5
    Original weight: 213-215 (don’t have an exact number)

    Need to start doing more cardio. Erin says I don’t look any different so far (thanks for being honest, babe!).

  25. my antics are better than ever… i’m just too lazy to type them up. holla.

    last night i:

    1. saw julian
    2. met judo mike
    3. got kicked out of a bar and contemplated killing everyone
    4. ate a load of my burger place instead
    5. came home??? this is where it gets blurry
    6. went to the casino. as usual i gave GMC $100, and he lost it, but i won more than $100 back.
    7. lost GMC
    8. after 30 minutes of wandering around i get a “are the cops outside” call.
    9. classified.

  26. Yo Zachery,
    Tell the dream you had again. Oh hell I’ll tell it:
    In the dream a naked Benoit puts a skinny, naked Zach in a special version of the crossface crippler. It’s special because his penis enters zachs butthole.

  27. Skinny people shouldn’t mock fat people for trying to lose weight. Otherwise the world will be overrun with human butter beanbags.

  28. Speaking of dreams, I had a strange one the other night. It started out with me standing at the bellstand at the Concourse. All of a sudden about 8 or 10 guys start brawling right in the lobby. I run over and totally wreck house and launch all of them out the door. Danny walks out of the back office and he’s like “what the fuck”. I look at him and I say, “Sorry man, this is all I know.”

  29. More things that happen in my head that no one should ever know about:

    I think it is great when you can hit the sweat spot in the urinal. Where your stream arcs in and splashes all over inside the pisser, but none of it comes out. It is so satisfying. You are a urinating god. But I hate it when you miss the spot; it splashes out, and you get a mist on your shoes. That sucks. I hate those full length, wangus to floor urinals. Those are the ones that cause the problem.

  30. got a new toy. digital camara off ebay. my dream of being a pornographer starts today. models wanted.

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