Last year I took 1000$ to Vegas. I left with 700$. I’ll take it considering I spent a hell of a lot more than 300$. This year I took 1500$.
Now in a little baby voice “All gone!”
990$ went to gambling. 510$ went to hotels, strippers, food, cabs, etcfuckingetera.
Here’s a little story that pretty much sums up the trip. On Monday I woke up with 200$ in my pocket. I played poker, 2-4 limit, at the Flamingo for 5 hours. I lost 20$. Next I played blackjack, won 80$, took it to the craps table and lost 100$ in about seven seconds. Then I built it back up to 260$ playing blackjack which put me at down 800$ for the trip. Before catching my cab to the AP, I plopped 200$ on the craps table thinking that it would be impossible to go through an entire five-day Vegas trip without hitting my point.
Wrong it was possible. BAM! Down 1000$.
The sad thing is I actually made about 800$ playing blackjack only to lose it all and then some playing craps.
In other gaming news, I’d like to thank O’Neil for discovering 1 cent Caveman Keno, and congratulate Moneypenny for capturing the WSOCK bracelet at the Casino Royal’s 1$ challenge. His daring use of the Tetris and more importantly “the tri-pod formation” propelled him to victory where as I stubbornly refused to abandon “the structure.”
I’d also like to thank the Imperial Palace’s televised gambling tutorial for teaching me to play Let It Ride aka the dumbest game on earth and further confusing my understanding of Pai Gow Poker.
The most important lesson I learned from this trip is that 5 days in Las Vegas is too much. I arrived on Thursday night and first went to sleep at 4:30 PM on Friday. After that I averaged about 4 hours of sleep per 24, had several double-digit hours of drunkenness, and one 19-hour period where I done forgot to eat. I still can’t close my eyes without being tormented with visions of turning cards, rolling dice and the sound of slot machines. I’m broke, my brain is pudding and I’ve exposed the Bristol Stool Scale as a farcical attempt to classify the vast rainbow that the human anus is capable of producing. My big toe is swollen to 3x it’s normal size. I have no idea why. O’Neil said it might be a Binion.
Blah. I’m tagging you in, Raj, for the schlong form…