Where Were You Cal?

Cla, Cal, xla: however you say it, I am disappointed in you. You’re one of the few people left that I know that believes in the purity of baseball leftover from the days when the Yankees didn’t own 3/4 of the league. I had an empty seat next to me last night the whole time.

Oh well, so last night Rock Chalk, SDS, and myself went to see the Milwaukee Brewers contest the Giants of San Francisco in a game of bases’n’balls. It’s the only time this year that the Brewers will be playing in the Bay Area so I had really wanted to go check them out. We tried to cajole Cal into attending with us and our extra ticket but he refused to answer his phone. Anyways, the seats were bomb-ass: eleven rows behind home plate slightly to the left. We finally fought through the throngs of Bonds Dick-Sucking Retards to our seats at the start of the bottom of the 1st inning. I sit down, swing my eyes to the field, and what do I see but Marquis “Fucking” Grissom jacking a 2 run homer to left. sigh. Grissom went on to hit another home run later in the game as well. OOOOOh, so now he’s fucking motivated? After he was paid all that money to fucking sit around and do jack shit in Milwaukee?! That fucking motherfucker.

Prior to last night’s game Bonds was sitting at 660 career home runs and needed just one more to move past Willie Mays into third on the all-time list. I didn’t care if the Brewers lost, I didn’t care if they gave up home runs to every other person on the Giants. I just wanted please, please, please for the Brewers not to give the 661st home run to that fucking steroid freak. Sure enough, in the seventh inning Ford served on up for that fucking asshole and he hit it into the water where all of the publicity-seeking asshats dove after it so they could sell it on eBay for $100,000 today.

We were sitting down in the good seats, where the rich people show up late and leave early. There was a guy and his kid sitting behind us and sure enough they scooted out of the park as soon as Barry “Juice” Bonds hit his precious little home fucking run. I must say that after sitting in front of that for awhile I really wanted more than anything else in the world for, 10 years or 10 months down the line, Barry Fucking Bonds to lose all of his records when someone comes to realize “Umm, hey? Bonds’ neck was about 10 times smaller when he played for the Pirates. He also didn’t hit the ball out of the park 70 times a year when he was that small. Hmmm…(requisite chin stroking)”

In all of the time that I have lived in California, I have never, ever, ever been on time for a Giants game. It is impossible. We left home at 4:15pm yesterday for a 6:05pm game. Of course we were stuck in traffic an hour in downtown. I hate that city. I hate the idea of cramming a ballpark into as tight a space as possible so that we can’t get in there, and I hate the fact that when the game starts there are less than 5,000 people in the stands.

Anyways, Brewers held in there and tried to rally a few times. Two separate times, in the sixth and in the eighth, Jenkins came up with 2 outs and two men on. In the sixth he struck out and in the eighth he flyed out. I wasn’t too happy with Jenkins at that point, and I hope he’s able to come through in the clutch more often this season. The Brewers as a team are improving and its good to see, as Wirkuswhazz said last night, “a team without an enormous hole in the lineup.”

I hope I can make it back for the Sausage Race. I need to start training.

–whazz on

36 thoughts on “Where Were You Cal?

  1. although i don’t, in any way, shape, or form, condone the use of steroids, and therefore have some serious misgivings as to the merit of barry “shrinking ball sac” bonds’ glory as a baseball player, i have to say (as a long-standing, loyal SF giants fan), “go giants!”

  2. oh come on zach, can’t you for one second admit that it was cool to be there for a piece of baseball history? Come on!!!!

  3. nah…she can’t be a midget…if she were, then everytime she hangs out at thugg mansion, casperson would be visibly struggling with the urge to bone down with one of his non-female roommates…solid evidence as to SDS’ non-midget status…

  4. I had a lot of fun at the game last night. We maybe should’ve played the quarter game. I want to go to the sausage race too. I’ll start training too.

  5. What are you guys talking about? Casperson, you better not be boning down with my husband.

  6. erin, lemme explain…one lazy afternoon, at the thugg mansion (i believe it was scott’s birthday, and you were stuck inside, working), we somehow got on the subject of midgets…GMC expressed his phobia/hatred/disgust of every kind of midget that walks the earth…upon hearing this, someone (madd, zach, 4nyay…i don’t remember who) asked, “if you had to choose between a midget and a dude, who would you rather fuck?”, to which casperson quickly replied (emphasis on the “quickly”, meaning he did not hesitate or ponder the question whatsoever), “a dude.”…thus opened the floodgates of gay-casperson jokes…

  7. ahhhhh manders is sticking up for me, THANKS! And technically I’d have to be two inches shorter to be a midget, I’m just a cute little package.

  8. 1. I wanted to be the one to fill the empty seat at the game, but got stuck at work training.

    2. I don’t deny the midget/dude comment. I will skullfuck you if you are a nonmidget dude and a midget happens to be around. (This quote was NOT taken out of context. Especially not my one “Captain Fuck Up Your Day”). So bring on the midget and Scotts skull, we’s a fuckin!!!!

  9. C’mon guys, I’d like some more opinions on the current poll. Head over there and let’s see if all the people can figure out when they’re supposed to stop doing shit. It’ll make our lives better, I promise.

  10. Brewers beat the Giants last night to avoid a sweep. Sweeeeet. Jenkins got his first homer of the season, and that pitcher looked pretty good.

  11. Zach – check out Paul O’Neil’s book on his time with the Administration. He says in so many words that he suspects the President never read a single memo he wrote.

  12. I told the subservient chicken to “get a job” and he stood on the couch.

    This chicken does not follow orders very well.

  13. Billy, our special needs paperboy, just told me that whenever I want to go out on a date with him to give him a call. Then, the best part was when I told him I thought I was blushing, and he was like: You should.

    When it rains, it pours.

  14. “PETA has been active in the sports world of late. In 2002, the Milwaukee Brewers denied PETA’s request to include a vegetarian soy sausage in the Brewers’ traditional game-day race of mascots, which includes a bratwurst, a hot dog, a Polish and Italian sausage.”

  15. Brian White: “What time is the poker game?”
    Jim Loughmiller: “What time is the poker game?”
    Brandon Zell: “What time is the poker game?”

    Erin: “I don’t know, Brian.” “I don’t know, Jim.” “I don’t know, Brandon.”

    Hey roomies, what time is the poker game? People are trying to plan.



    poker will be at 7pm. 2-4 limit holdem for a couple hours, then a no limit tourney for $10 or $20 2nd place gets money back, winner take the rest to cap things off. then i’m going DT.

  17. to qualify things now, i will not play with less than 6 players, so these people are necessary.

  18. Enrique Wilson? what are you thinking fornier? the guys batting .148! i think you just lost your streak my friend. we’ll see.

  19. No reponse about poker from Jim. Brandon is a maybe. Brian is doubtful. This means we may have 5, so with Scientist, you better get off your elitist ass if you won’t play with less than 6, and invite people.

  20. Zach, I’m trying to get a hold of you to tell you that we’re leaving. The house phone has been busy all day, and the AT&T man answers the phone when I call your cell phone and says, “CK2. 35. The call you are trying to make cannot be completed at this time. Please try your call again later.” So: we’re leaving now. I will keep trying your various phones.

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