My Gawd!

A few months back a fire killed a dude that used to work at the Concourse Hotel. The fire also left two current employees homeless. All three were Tibetan and the Madison Tibetan Association picked up the entire funeral and housing expenses, taxing their already limited budget.

Enter Ewaz.

Er– actually Kristi Klemm. Kristi proposed that the Concourse send the proceeds from the yearly United Way auction to the MTA. The idea was green lighted and various items were collected: various restaurants and hotels (including the Hojo) donated gift certificates; various employees that can bake or make things donated that (Ed Nez donated one of his banks).

Now: Enter Ewaz.

Ewaz was a saint collecting gift certificates from Cafe Montamarte, Michelangelo’s and other former places that once employed him. And to top it off he donated one day of his time. Misquoting the placard on the auction board “Dining, dancing manual labor or accompaniment to a sporting event all fall within the parameters of this agreement.”

So, yeah. I already moved in and bid 50$. What shall I do with my Ewaz when I win him? Hard to say. If I say Ewaz, make me a fruit salad. Dude will make me a mother fucking fruit salad. If I say, Ewaz crash in to that bush? Dude better get crashing. If I say, Ewaz, dance! He best start.

Whazz on.

83 thoughts on “My Gawd!

  1. el capitan, do you accept all major credit cards? personal checks? or is it cash only?

    shit, am i gonna be charged for all these questions? i mean, the answers don’t really consist of facts that are readily available to everyone (only 4nyay knows the answer as of yet), but at the same time, they aren’t really opinion questions either…

  2. You didn’t teach me anything, my question was posed to zach, not you, therefore I owe you nothing.

  3. And 4nyay, as the fashion police I’m charging you $2 for everytime you have worn that red velour shirt and thought it was a good idea. That shit ain’t right.

    I think that brings your total fine up to about $2K. I accept personal checks.

  4. what about the blue velour shirt? that one’s just as bad, so i think he should be charged for it, too…total fine? $3K should be about right…

  5. wow, there seems to be some backlash from my new policy and some fake el capitans.

    jenh, rc, salamanders…u just can’t charge a fee however & whenever you want. due to the confusion i will now announce it before the fact & if you want the answer, i will give it to (you may start a tab if you want, but you must first establish a line of credit, cash payments are only accepted since i don’t have a credit card machine & i don’t trust your personal checks). once you guys start to understand the nature, i will not have to remind you of the fee each time. this will be similar to how banks & other establishments fuck you over come bill time.

    rc…i had the ‘n.’ it looked funny, i deleted it hoping nobody would catch it. u caught me, i was being as lazie as an amurrican.

    jenh & salamanders…the red & blue VELVET are here to stay baby! as jericho would say, i’m the king of bling bling babay!

    jenh…if you don’t want me to wear it, you can take it off me later that nite (winking & head nod motion referencing a sexual encounter of another kind).

    sds…fine, re-pose your question to zach to save face.

  6. Amanda, does your dance company have beginner adult jazz classes? Q wants to take one (and she wants me to come with her, so I’m REALLY talking beginner here). Also, do you have to sign up, or can you just walk in? How much do they cost?

  7. don’t worry jenh, you weren’t the first to fall for the red velvet & in all likelyhood you won’t be the last. to quote the 80’s…’i’m a chick magnet (slap)…cold-blooded.’

  8. i did give her 2 dollars that nite, but that wasn’t becuz i wore the red velvet…yadidimean.

  9. i don’t you capitals you moron.

    2 fucking rules.

    1) a lot of a’s.
    2) don’t use capitals.

    is that too fucking hard? jesus.

  10. “I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable”

    Wait, who said that?

    –George Costanza

    That will be two dollars please.

  11. Oh, I’m sorry, you’ve run out of time.

    The correct answer for two dollars is: The Velveteen Rabbit.

  12. And now it is time for our final question:

    For three dollars, please name the most un-bling un-blung, zing-worthy fabric that cloaks only the dorkiest of el capitans.

    And a special hint: It tends to come in blue or red…

  13. 1. Frenchy: If your definition of hooking up includes sleeping in a bed with Arlo and Angela during an entire night completely devoid of any sexual contact of any kind, then yes, I did fall victim to the red velvet shirt. Mon pauvre, est-ce que tu as des problemes aussi grandes avec les femmes pour imaginer ce que n’avait jamais passe? Je te fait un gros bisous…

    2. It’s cold and rainy here, April IS the cruellest month, and I’m sick as hell with an obnoxious cold.

  14. jen: i agree that there wasn’t much to us hooking up, but mike brought it up, and i thought it was funny so i went w/ it. beaucoup d’etreintes et baisers jen le bonbon. si j’etais la, je vous tiendrais et vous maintiendrais chaud dans le temps froid.

  15. After yesterday’s Bo Jackson-like dual sport participation award, I’m down to 195.5, which is a new low for me in the modern era. It’s probably just temporary, but I’d be happy to stabilize around 196-197 for now.

Comments are closed.