Ha ha ha ha

Timmah, your Beat The Streak record is ridiculously shitty. I laugh at you thusly: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You better pick that shit up if you want to win Cal’s Mystery Prize.

34 thoughts on “Ha ha ha ha

  1. timmmmmmmmaaaaaahhhhhh

    timmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh

    u suk

    biiiiiiiiaaaaaaaatch

    they up datalated the rankings on mlb.com to reflect the greatness & shittieness of one’s accolades.

  2. fucking cock eatingn nob gobbler.

    my ultimate bet account is at $89. i put in $500, got a $100 bonus, and built it steadily up to $1100 in 3 days. in 4 more days i dropped $1000. how? oh… it’s silly. believe me.

    so with 200 left, i just sat at a 10 handed 5-10 game with everything i have.

    i post in seat 9, seat 8 posts too. the dealer raises. i have Ac7s. after 4 others call, my call would close out the betting. i’m getting 1 to 9 pot odds, and closing out the betting. fuck yes i call.

    the flop is 6c7cKc. small blind bets. one call. one raise. seat 8 calls 2 bets, i call 2 bets, dealer calls 2 bets and small blind calls.

    wow. big family pot.

    turn is the uneventful 9h.

    everyone puts 1 big bet in. pot is around $175 now.

    the river…. ahhh… the river. 3c. BOO. YAH.

    small blind comes out betting! HAHA, you don’t have the ace silly man… i do. barring some idiot holding 45c, i’m golden. WOW, seat 8 raised me! I RE-RAISE! dealer folds. YES YES YES, small blind called! he must have the Qc. seat 5 folds. HAHAHAHA, seat 8 CAPPED IT! WHAT A SILLY MONKEY! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE 45c! AAHAHAHAHA SMALL BLIND CALLED, WOW, $300+ GOING TO BE SENT TO ME!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

    oh.

    fuck.

    seat 8, where did you get that 45c? why is the pot going to you?!

    that was MY pot.

    you mother fucker.

    i left the table. one fucking hand, down $110. up one shitty story.

    i hate poker.

  3. What’s up whazzers?

    Cap’n F up your day, what is up? My BTS is up to five. Suck on that.

    Cal, what the hell is the prize?

    Madd, tonight I stand poised to make Mike Wirkus Poker history: My pokerroom account is almost back to even. Earlier in the week I got to -35 bucks and then had the bright idea to play 3-6 which dropped me to -135, but now I’m back, the account in back up to -40, which I’m happy with considering it was once at -470 buckeroos.

  4. yeah, i went from 200 to about 5000 in a week and have given about 1100 back since then (2+ weeks). poker is all swings and money management is THE #1 skill necessary to be profitable.

    a few rules i go by:

    in order to play a limit, you need 300 big bets of that limit in your poker bankroll. your poker bankroll is money you are willing to risk playing poker with. you can not take money out of this account if you plan on playing poker even remotely professionally… without that money, you can’t make more money.

    so for 3-6, unless you have 1800 in your bankroll, yes, it was a bad decision.

    i sit with 20 big bets, if it gets below 10 big bets, i reup it to have 20 big bets again (now i’m 30 big bets in). if i lose that, i leave the table. never lose more than 30 big bets at one table. if you do, it is a clear sign you are not playing correctly today, and this table is not profitable. wait until you can put your money into a better situation.

    i haven’t been playing too much, except yesterday. i won a $10 tourney (GMC played for me once it was down to 3 or so because i had to eat, and i have priorities). then i won another $10, then i won a $20… i felt like i was playing very well, so i sat at a $24 grand prix qualifier… it got down to 3 people, and we each had exactlly $5000. we passed chips around for about 25 minutes, still about the same… no one had less than 3700. someone went all in on me when i had TT, they had AA, and i was busted in 3rd… only the top *2* people got a ticket to the $110 weekly grand prix. fuck. exactlly, fuck it. i just bought into the $110. 150 signed up… long story short, i finished 35th in the exact same situation… i had 55, someone else had AA. oops. i was in 2nd most of the way do to quadrupaling up on the 5th or 6th hand when i flopped quads… but my QQ got busted by AA and took over half my stack late, so i had to make a move with my 55 just to get some blinds. i think i might play 1 qualifier every sunday, and buy into the $110 regardless… that limits my play and the stacks are more than favorable.

    see you at the tables P A L.

  5. zack, found a more simplified c0ckBlocker:

    function smutFilter($p_string) {
    global $s_text_censor;
    if (!$s_text_censor) return $p_string;
    $output = eregi_replace(‘(sh)i(t)’,’\\1!\\2′, $p_string);
    $output = eregi_replace(‘(bl)o(wjob)’,’\\10\\2′, $output);
    $output = eregi_replace(‘(b)o(ner)’,’\\10\\2′, $output);
    $output = eregi_replace(‘(c)u(nt)’, ‘\\1v\\2’, $output);
    $output = eregi_replace(‘(f)u(ck)’, ‘\\1v\\2’, $output);
    $output = eregi_replace(‘(pen)i(s)’, ‘\\1!\\2’, $output);
    $output = eregi_replace(‘(d)i(ck)’, ‘\\1!\\2’, $output);
    $output = eregi_replace(‘(p)o(rn)’, ‘\\10\\2’, $output);
    $output = eregi_replace(‘(p)i(ss)’, ‘\\1!\\2’, $output);
    $output = eregi_replace(‘(p)u(ssy)’, ‘\\1v\\2’, $output);
    $output = eregi_replace(‘(assh)o(le)’, ‘\\10\\2’, $output);
    $output = eregi_replace(‘(c)o(ck)’, ‘\\10\\2’, $output);
    return $output;
    }

  6. whoever wants to go to the 7:05pm new york/oakland game on thursday the 6th, post it by noon on tuesday. if you don’t, it will be assumed that you won’t go or you’ll get your tickets in some other manner. based on how many people go, travelling arrangements will then be made. i think the bleacher seats are $9 plus maybe $2 for convenience fee if bought online.

    as for WWF RAW…mike, u said you’d go this past weekend. i will not look for anyone else to go. the ticket cost is still $53. i will see u there holding a sign.

  7. cause I said they were…actually they help muscle volumnizing and protect your liver from things such as alcohol.

  8. lookit me it’s boom bold cal. hi all. Marathon 3 in 3:36:50. this one was in vancouver canada where they say “eh.” like: “nice weather eh?” also, i’m not sure why they spell it “eh” if i was in charge of canada i would spell it “ay” because that’s the way it sounds, but i’m not, and plus they have a parliamentary system so it’s not like any one person is left in charge.

    this time was nearly 20 minutes off my previous best. 8:17 pace per mile. i finished 654 out of 5000 after the race we smoked cuban cigars because canada is rational and has no embargo on cuba. also, i’m second in beat the streak. prize? unsure as of this writing. probably booze. BOOM! bold cal out.

  9. Woah! Big Show Paul just visited. I’m so excited for the wedding. Eroz are you there? Call me.

  10. some cool news, i’m evelyn ng’s webmaster now… maybe i’ll get her to stake me in the WSOP.

  11. poker last night: -100.

    $20 single: 4th.
    $20 single: 5th.
    $10 single: 6th.
    $5 single: 1st. bah.
    $20 multi w/ 175 players: 53rd.
    $20 multi w/ 405 players: 67th.
    $20 multi w/ 150 players: 63rd.

    every tourney i lost was on a shockingly bad beat, except the multi with 405 players (the guaranteed) where i had A8 vs 77 and the flop came 788. first prize on that one was $4k. oh well.

  12. Yeah, the quest for even took a turn for the werst and I too took a beating.

    10 multi: 8millionth. AK suited, flopped AK4, pocket 4s took me out. Iorny alert: dudes name was pocket fours.

    20 single: 4th. Too dum to talk about.

    2-4: waxed

    1-2: did the waxing, got a nine high str8 flush.

    All in all lost about 60 bucks.

    In other news: nothing. School is heating up in a very stoooooooopid way.

    whazz on

  13. me, scott, gmx, zach have tix for thurs at 7.05 PST

    $12.50/ticket payable to scott on receipt

    peace.

  14. pocket4s is a very good player… i think pokerroom is all he does, so don’t feel too bad.

  15. there are 3 $20 multi’s every night. play in the $10,000 guaranteed tonight. i’ll see you there.

  16. Hand #1506895-8405 at Cairo ($1/$2 Hold’em)
    Powered by UltimateBet
    Started at 04/May/04 18:51:42

    Fishloaf is at seat 0 with $54.
    GumbyIV is at seat 1 with $125.
    maddscientist is at seat 2 with $60.
    tabjr67 is at seat 3 with $12.
    POPULAR FRONT is at seat 4 with $64.25.
    the nomad is at seat 6 with $96.75.
    believe1 is at seat 7 with $31.
    YaoMing_SHA is at seat 8 with $72.25.
    vedder1321 is at seat 9 with $94.25 (sitting out).
    The button is at seat 4.

    the nomad posts the small blind of $.50.
    believe1 posts the big blind of $1.

    Fishloaf: — —
    GumbyIV: — —
    maddscientist: Ac Ad
    tabjr67: — —
    POPULAR FRONT: — —
    the nomad: — —
    believe1: — —
    YaoMing_SHA: — —

    Pre-flop:

    YaoMing_SHA folds. Fishloaf folds. GumbyIV calls.
    maddscientist calls. tabjr67 calls. POPULAR FRONT
    folds. the nomad calls. believe1 checks.

    Flop (board: Th 6h Ah):

    the nomad checks. believe1 checks. GumbyIV checks.
    maddscientist bets $1. tabjr67 calls. the nomad
    folds. believe1 folds. GumbyIV calls.

    Turn (board: Th 6h Ah As):

    GumbyIV checks. maddscientist checks. tabjr67
    checks.

    River (board: Th 6h Ah As 5h):

    GumbyIV bets $2. maddscientist raises to $4.
    tabjr67 folds. GumbyIV re-raises to $6.
    maddscientist re-raises to $8. GumbyIV calls.

    Showdown:

    maddscientist shows Ac Ad.
    maddscientist has Ac Ad Th Ah As: four aces.
    GumbyIV mucks cards.
    (GumbyIV has Qh Tc.)

    Hand #1506895-8405 Summary:

    $1 is raked from a pot of $24.
    maddscientist wins $23 with four aces.

    hahahahahahhaa

  17. wirkus, u pikt counsell?!? what were u thinkin, there’s a reason AZ got rid of him.

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