What I Hate About Flying

Who here, when getting on an airplane, wants to punch those smug First Class passengers in the face? Here I am, beat down by life and wearily standing in the aisle in first class while some retarded and/or butter-laden person ahead of me is attempting to figure out why their 300 pound suitcase won’t fit in the overhead bin, and this First Class Jack Ass is looking at me like I’m encroaching on his god-given luxury space. Fuck you, Business-Man. I might just give in to the urge to drop my pants and shit in your gin and tonic.

Also, I hate the motherfucks who take advantage of the preboarding “for the elderly, the disabled, and those with small children”. The airline employees should jump out from behind the podium and scream “BOO!” really loud at everyone preboarding. If you start to cry or you have a heart attack, they should let you on. If you don’t do either of the above, they should throw you in terrorist jail.

Finally, I hate when you arrive at the gate and everyone jumps frantically into the aisle only to stand there for 10 minutes or more. You don’t have to be an asshole buddy. You’re only going to get off the plane 2 seconds ahead of me. I’d like to karate kick those fuckers through one of those tiny airplane windows.

–whazz on

53 thoughts on “What I Hate About Flying

  1. that post is pretty funny if you think of it coming from wirkus. that’s like, the last thing he’d ever post. post post post. post post post. post post! post? post.

  2. cal, i like what is going on in your head. you are royally fucked up. are you? yeah, you. what? who said that? why am i talking to myself? BOOM! AHHH! BOLD CAL!

    RARRRRRRRRRRG.

    oops. not him. just a carrot. false alarm.

    OR. WAS. IT?!?!?!

  3. Holy Shit!

    This morning when I opened the paper I thought I took a bad BTS beat when it turned out dude skipped work to become a citizen. I was pretty glum all day, and now, wow, new life. Thank you BTS inventor for giving me new life.

    Come on pods don’t let me down!

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